MAXI

Seth came to my window that night. It was still raining hard, and at eleven o'clock at night, he was outside my window, screaming up at me. I put headphones on and went to bed.

The next days at school, I made a point of avoiding him. In the morning, I got to my locker early and went to class. Before art, I stayed in the bathroom as long as I could so I was just barely on time, and took a seat away from Seth. At lunch, I did the same thing. The first day or two, I caught him staring, looking sad and confused. Then he stopped, and part of me hoped he stopped caring, too.

A bigger part of me knew that was the last thing I wanted.

The fourth morning, there was a piece of paper sticking out of the vent in my locker. I took it, knowing who it was from.

I knew I should crumple the paper up, throw it away. Stick it in The Box and forget about it... Forget about him altogether.

I opened it. It was a short note, written in messy, cramped scrawl.

Maxi -

I'm going to be blunt: I miss you. Please stop avoiding me. For the sake of fairness, can we please just talk? I'm begging you here.

Yours, Seth.

Seth. Oh, sweet Jesus. My chest ached, not an unfamiliar feeling. How had I let this happen? I knew avoiding him wasn't helping – if anything, it was hurting him, which was exactly what I was trying to avoid. So… I'd have to give him the full explanation.

The entire morning, I was nervous for art class. I could hardly concentrate on anything. When it was time for art, I tried to decide whether I wanted to skip class or get there as fast as possible. I settled for walking. Normalcy.

I ended up getting to class a little early; I was one of the first ones there, and Seth wasn't among them. I sighed and took a seat, opening my sketchbook and trying to throw myself into doodling.

"Is this seat taken?" a deep, familiar voice asked.

I looked up. Much to my annoyance, my heart sped up and my stomach did an uncomfortable flip-flop. Seth was looking down at me, but he looked strange. His features were taught, his eyes tired. I shook my head, and he sat down, hands folded on the tabletop.

"Are you sick?" I asked him.

He shook his head and gave me a weak smile. "No. I'm just… I haven't been sleeping very well."

"I'm sorry."

He looked at me. "Can I be honest with you, Maxi?"

"Can you wait?" He looked a little surprised. "I've got… something I should tell you, too."

He watched me, his face more serious than I'd ever seen it. "Yeah. Yeah, of course."

"Beach, after school?"

His eyes scanned the room. "Sure. That works."

At lunch, Seth sat with me. We – mostly me – tried to keep conversation going, but it was weird. I could see Seth trying to pull himself out of his dark mood, but he seemed distracted, on edge. Eventually, we gave up, and I studied Seth as he ate his lunch quietly. It was so strange, seeing this sudden change in him. The smile that was always on his face was gone, his happy-go-lucky attitude replaced by this tired sadness.

It was like the sun had been extinguished. And it was my fault the world was going cold.

After school, Seth was waiting for me in his car. I threw my backpack in the backseat and we drove in silence. Normally, he was always asking questions, eager to listen and share. Now, he stared at road, face impassive.

I wondered if he hated me. I wouldn't be surprised. In his eyes, I had rejected him. But why did that thought hurt me so much?

We pulled up to the beach and got out. We had barely walked down the beach when Seth sat down. I sat across from him, and he looked at me for a few moments.

"Thanks," he said, "for coming here with me."

"Are you okay, Seth?" I asked without thinking.

He frowned and ran his fingers through his hair. "Honestly?"

Oh, boy. Here we go. "Yeah. Honestly."

"No," he said. "I'm kind of not. I… I don't know what to do anymore, Maxi. I'm out of ideas. You keep pushing me away."

"So give up."

"You make it sound so easy," he muttered. "I can't. I love you, Max. When you love someone, you don't just give up on them, right?"

I shook my head. "You should. Really."

"Why?" He slid forward and wrapped his hand around mine. When he looked at me, all the impassiveness was gone. I could see his concern, and confusion, and sadness, and everything else all mixed up. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head. "It's so hard, Seth. I can't…"

"Maxi, do you trust me?" he asked.

"...What?"

"I know we haven't known each other long, but do you trust me? I want to be here for you. I want to help, but I can't unless you let me." I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. He squeezed my hand. "Come on, Max. You can tell me anything. Just let me in. I'm here."

SETH

I knew there was something more going on. I was almost sure it had nothing to do with me – there was something else. The torment on her face broke my heart; I couldn't think of anything except her. The need to protect her from whatever was hurting her was almost overwhelming. I realized then… I would do anything for Maxi. Be anything. Need a friend? I'm there. Want another brother? Hey, that can be me, too. She had brought me such a feeling of completeness, just by existing. I would do anything for her. I just needed to stop thinking so much. This realization almost made me laugh out loud -- almost.

She exhaled loudly and looked at the sand, and I focusd my attention on the present situation. "Remember when we wanted to go to the beach?" she asked. "And I said I was busy, but it wasn't work?"

I nodded, but she still wasn't looking at me. "Yeah, I remember."

"Well, I… I was going to therapy. Group therapy."

Well, that sure took me by surprise. "That's okay, Max," I said consolingly. "Lots of people go to therapy. That's --,"

She shook her head. "It's different," she whispered. "I… I killed my boyfriend, Seth."