A/N: OK so may be most of you might be thinking of Naruto as whiny or moping around a bit too much but well to me this is the most natural reaction to a heart break. You are still welcome to share your views with me and as a readers your views are important to me too. The pace might be a bit slow but it is so you could feel the depth of Naruto's I think that my chapters might be becoming a bit boring but it's necessary to explain the feeling Naruto have and how he is going to cope with them It might be annoying but it's necessary. So try to enjoy.

The Chapter Is Un-Beta'd.

"Life goes on... With or Without you"

Chapter 10: With or Without you

Naruto placed the herbal tea Itachi drank in front of him with his own coffee cup in his own hands. Itachi wasn't saying any thing. He was quite and Naruto felt suffocated in this quietness. He hadn't meant to shout out at Itachi at all. It was just that his emotions got the best of him. He had always admired Itachi. He had admired how strong that man was, how unyielding and ruthless he was when it came to Sasuke. May be it was because Naruto was an only child but for him Itachi was the perfect picture of an older brother. He was a bit too much protective of Sasuke and it always gave Naruto a feeling that there was some reason behind that attitude but Itachi never crossed his limits. He watched like a hawk but stayed on the side line. Naruto sole a glance at Itachi who was sipping his tea with so much grace and elegance that Naruto couldn't help but stare. They were so much alike, both Itachi and Sasuke. They did had slightly different personalities but the more time Naruto spent in Sasuke and Itachi's presence, he was reminded again and again that how much those two were similar.

Naruto sighed and sipped the warm creamy liquid before gathering his courage and speaking. He didn't wanted to be on bad terms with Itachi. The man had done nothing wrong. He just took his brother's side and well Itachi didn't knew their 'circumstances'. There was no need for Naruto to let the steam off on wrong person.

"Itachi I'm sorry for my outburst earlier. I shouldn't have acted that way." Naruto tried to act as composed he could. He didn't wanted to whine in front of Itachi of all people for his broken heart.

"You have nothing to apologize for Naruto. I know how much emotionally cold my brother could be." Itachi voice was smooth and calm. Naruto exhaled a deep breath with relief.

"Thanks for understanding me Itachi and..." Naruto bit the inside of his cheek before speaking the other part of his sentence,"Even though I don't think Sasuke would contact me again but if he did. I'll inform you." Naruto wanted to punch himself for feeling so pathetic. How could merely mentioning and calling Sasuke's name could cause him this heart ache. This was madness.

"That would be great Naruto. I would really appreciate it." Itachi's smile was soft and gentle yet Naruto could see how tired the man looked. Itachi was seriously worried and Naruto's own heart had started to thump loudly in his chest. What if Itachi was right and something did happened to Sasuke? What then? Why the fuck Sasuke have to be a jerk to even to his own brother too? Couldn't he at least tell Itachi like he always did! Now that Naruto looked more calmly Itachi's complexion was a lot more pale and he had black circles under his eyes too.

"Itachi he might be busy if he was unable to inform don't worry he is a tough guy. He will be fine." The words were so difficult to let out. Talking about Sasuke was suffocating but he had to be strong. He couldn't break down right now when Itachi looked worried sick. And looking him like this was making Naruto sick to his stomach too. He really hoped Sasuke was OK. Yet the uneasiness in his heart wasn't lessening even a bit.

"I hope so." Itachi gave a small composed smile even though he still looked tired and worried. Naruto gave a small barely visible smile too. They drank the tea and coffee in perfect silence from then on. Itachi never spoke while sipping his tea. He looked completely lost in his own thoughts. Naruto also didn't speak. The silence was perfect for him. Sipping the tea while sitting in the company of his ex's brother, ahh the irony. After they finished their drinks Itachi got up to leave.

"I'll be leaving now. It was nice meeting you again Naruto." Itachi smiled gently in that elder brotherly way, that always made Naruto felt envious.

"Why don't you stay for a while. How about I fix something for us? You don't really eat what they serve in flight." Naruto felt ashamed now. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even gave Itachi some sandwiches with the tea. God, he was a horrible host.

"I would love to but I have to meet up with my cousin and then fly back to Florida tonight" Itachi was fixing his coat and Naruto bit his lips again on the similarity of the way both brothers moved so elegantly.

"Have a safe flight and say hi to Mei from me." Naruto smiled while opening the door and looked at Itachi who nodded and then puffed out a deep breath. Naruto thought that Itachi was going to leave when he turned and looked straight into Naruto's eyes seriously.

"You know Naruto since the first time I met you. I was relieved in years. Because I knew now my brother was in safe hands, that now he wouldn't get hurt any more." Naruto was taken aback by the raw emotions he saw in Itachi's eyes,"Naruto it's not my place to tell you anything when Sasuke haven't said anything about it but Naruto my brother, he had went through some really bad stuff. Things which still haunt him and his life. I wouldn't say to forgive him or to get back because no matter what he really have hurt you. But please at least listen to even if not as lovers or partners I would really want you to be in my brother's life. He needs you Naruto. And I know how much. I really wished for you to be together always but wishes don't always come true." The way Itachi said it made Naruto feel like an absolute asshole. He didn't know why but the words hit him so hard. Itachi really loved Sasuke. He didn't knew what that bad stuff was which haunted Sasuke but may be that was the reason Itachi was so protective of Sasuke. Sasuke was so damn lucky to have people love him with all of their hearts. But Itachi was right, wishes really don't always come true. Naruto felt his heart throbbing again.

"May be some day Itachi." Naruto clutched the cold handle tightly in his hand. Yeah may be some day he would be able to see Sasuke as a friend but now wasn't the time. Something had broken between them and Naruto felt as if they were really over this time. There wasn't anything left anymore.

Itachi sighed but gave a small nod, understanding fully the gravity of his brother's foolishness. After Itachi left Naruto came back inside feeling strangely empty and hollow in his heart. The apartment looked so dead that it filled Naruto's own heart with dread and suffocatingly heavy feelings. Naruto took a deep shuddering breath and then took the cups to wash them. He opened the fridge to make something but then again he wasn't feeling particularly hungry so he closed it without getting anything out. He sat down on the seat in the dinning room and looked around. Both of his hands were placed on the cold surface of table, clenched into the fists. Some how he could feel the unpleasant memories of that day barging into his mind again and Naruto wanted to just smash his head to get rid of them for once and all. Why the hell he couldn't just forget everything? Why the hell he have to think about everything so much? May be sitting in kitchen wasn't a good idea after all. Naruto got up slowly and made his way inside the bedroom. The bed looked messy and things looked a bit too out of place. Naruto furrowed his eye brows. How the hell everything got so dirty? Naruto bit his lips and started to clean up. It was far better than thinking himself to death.

So he cleaned! He cleaned Sasuke room, changing the sheets, vacuuming the carpet, then cleaning the whole bathroom, shower, sink, toilet. Then he got out and entered the usual guest room which was actually Naruto's room. The room in which Naruto slept only in the very beginning. Naruto changed the sheets there and then vacuumed there too, cleaning the bathroom and then going out in the living room area to clean it too. After he was done cleaning the floors, Naruto took a cleaning cloth then. Bitting his lips Naruto started to clean the paintings, flat screen and show pieces, He cleaned the closet and then rearranged all of this clothes. He took all of his clothes out of the closet and placed only Sasuke's clothes inside. It felt strangely painful, almost as if he was leaving Sasuke's life for good. But may be it was better to do this, may be this was a start. His hands were trembling when he finally closed the closet. He was siting there on floor for the longest time, somehow the tears were started to form in his eyes. Naruto took a deep breath and then swallowing thickly got up to place his clothes in his original room's closet. He took his brush too and then left the room, closing the door behind him. He slowly made his way inside his 'room'. It didn't took too much of his time in placing his clothes and putting the toiletries into the bathroom. But he didn't stopped there. He gathered all dirty clothes from when he had changed sheets and took them inside Sasuke's room. He stepped inside almost hesitantly but then swallowed his spit and came inside. It took him almost two hours but after that he was done with laundry Naruto slowly made his way outside of Sasuke's room but not before taking his phone and charger with him.

His heart felt way to heavy when he flopped down on the couch. He stared down at his hands absentmindedly thinking about how he should take a shower and then make something to eat. Even though he wasn't even a bit of hungry yet now he was slowly feeling a bit of weakness and fatigue. May be it was better if he ate something even if it meant to force it down his throat. May be he should give a call to his friends too and he should talk to Konan too sometime. Naruto took a deep breath and focused on the clock on the wall. It was first time the Naruto understood how eerie the sound of clock was. It made you feel how alone you were. The sound was hammering in his head and his head started to throb. His muscles ached and his brains felt like it was being ground and being thrown around in his skull. For a second Naruto was seeing stars but then he took deep breaths and opened his eyes. It was better if he took the bath now or the fucking clock was going to drive him insane.

Naruto had almost stepped inside Sasuke's room when it occurred to him that this was no longer his room. Turning away from there and then coming inside his 'own' bathroom might be the longest distance of his life. The water was quite cold but Naruto felt numb. It was slowly becoming a constant in his life now a days because all he could feel was numbness. The water was sliding down his body and Naruto was aware that he should probably get out from under the cold spray of water yet it gave him a sick pleasure of self harming too. He wanted to hurt himself and he wanted to do it in a way that the physical pain would become so excruciating that he wouldn't be able to feel anything else. What could be more painful than losing your heart though? Naruto wondered.

The fact was painful because deep down in his heart he didn't wanted to be casted aside like this. The anger, the pain and the betrayal was a bit too much. The feelings were driving him insane. He wanted to kill himself on the fact that he still wanted to see Sasuke. He was worried sick about Sasuke. Love is such a strange thing. You want to have someone and then when you can't you still want them to be happy, you still want to know that how are they? If they are doing good or not. And he loved Sasuke for too long... Yeah a bit too long that the love slowly converted into madness. For years it was all Sasuke. It was only Sasuke so now that the love has left him, now that Sasuke was no longer in his world. He felt lost. He felt so fucking lost that he didn't knew what to do with himself.

The feeling which once felt so pleasing now left him shivering with fear. He was losing himself. He knew it! It was madness, insanity or may be an obsession but it left him gasping for more. He wanted Sasuke so much even right at this instance that it was scaring himself. How could you want someone so much? Was it even possible for a human to love another this much or did he had some loose screws. Naruto had slid down on the floor, his skin was slowly turning a light shade of blue and his body was almost going into shock, shivering so much. Yet inside there was nothing. When the shivering got a bit too much Naruto slowly got up. His legs were way too shaky and wobbly and it irritated Naruto. He didn't had time for these petty issues. His life was ending yet his body wasn't understanding even a bit, being so selfish and demanding.

Getting out of shower and getting dressed into real struggle as his body was getting almost paralyzed. His every muscle felt as if it has turned into stones. He moved stiffly getting a pair of thick black sweat pants and sweat shirt. He was just done with drying his hairs when his phone started to ring. Naruto's heart thumped loudly and he quickly took his phone from the night stand but all of his excitement died the moment he saw the name flashing on the screen was Sasuke's but 'Konan's'. Naruto bit his lips and took a deep breath before sliding his finger on the screen. He didn't wanted to talk to any one but he owed that much to Konan at least.

"Hello." When he spoke his voice was hoarse and thick. Naruto racked his fingers through his hairs and sighed.

"Uh hey Naruto. How are you?"Konan's voice wasn't cheery like always. It even seemed a bit off. But Naruto was too out of himself to notice this.

"I'm..good. What about you?" He thought about saying that he was still 'alive' but may be that wouldn't be a nice answer.

"I'm... may be not so good." Konan chuckled a bit nervously. Her voice sounded like it was cracking. It was when Naruto noticed it.

"Konan are you OK? What happened?" Naruto bit his lips, his eyes narrowing.

"I uh. I just... Can I come over?" Konan's voice was shaky and Naruto bit his lips. He wanted to be left alone but Konan wasn't sounding good and Naruto couldn't act like he didn't care.

"Yes of course you can but where are you?" Naruto said gently trying to compose his voice.

"I uhh.." But the next moment the call was ended. Naruto took a deep breath and looked at his cell's screen. Bitting his lips Naruto was going to call again when he heard the door bell ring. Naruto pressed the call button again to call Konan while going out side grumbling to get the door. Why the hell people just couldn't leave him alone? Konan wasn't picking up his call either and it made Naruto worried that what had happened to her to sound like this. The moment he opened the door he was in a bit of shock to see Konan her self standing there. She was wearing a long sleeve sweater with simple jeans, her hairs messily tied in a pony and her face pale. She looked she would collapse any moment. Naruto's grip tightened on the phone in his hand. How the hell did Konan knew about his address? But never mind that wasn't important right now.

"H-Hey" Konan rubbed her arm awkwardly licking her dry lips and tried to smile but the pain was so evident that Naruto couldn't say anything for a moment, "I-I uh was close by and thought about dropping off here." She was stealing glances here and there, still nervously rubbing her arms and it hit Naruto just then. Ah they were going through the same thing. The realization was enough to suck out the air from his lungs. He was the worst. How could he wallow in his misery and ignore the pain he had inflicted on someone. How ridiculously selfish of him.

"That's so nice of you Konan. Why don't you come inside." Naruto gave a small smile to her and stepped aside. Konan flashed him a small troubled smile and came inside the apartment. She silently followed him inside. Once they were standing in the living room, Naruto turned to look at Konan. Now in more light he could see her red rimmed puffy eyes and also how there were obvious dark circles. Naruto closed his eyes for a moment to compose himself and then opened them again to look at Konan who looked like a teenage girl, fidgeting and trying to control her self. Yet the raw emotions on her face were too evident to Naruto's eyes. She looked like life has been sucked out of her. She was fiddling with her fingers looking on the side and Naruto could see the liquid gathering in her eyes again.

"How about I make some coffee for you or better how about I make some hot chocolate for you?You'll feel... Konan!" Naruto had started to speak swallowing thickly when Konan suddenly hugged him. He small body was shaking so badly that Naruto couldn't help but hug her back rather protectively. Konan's body shook badly and she broke into sobs, clutching the front of his sweet shirt into her fists. Naruto felt like his own composure was going to break but he have to be strong or who was going to take care of Konan right now.

"Ssshh.. Konan.. Hey. Please calm down." But listening to him speak Konan only started to cry harder, her tears were rolling down wetting Naruto's sweat shirt. her cries made Naruto remember about his own aching heart. Konan's painful stifling sobs and crying was making Naruto feel even worse. He was going to say something to make Konan relax when she pulled back and looked at him with that heartbreaking look in her swollen eyes. Her hands clutching his shirt were trembling badly.

"Why can't you be mine Naruto? Why? I have loved you so long from distance. I have been looking and looking and looking. I am so tired. I feel so damn tired of this. What have I done to deserve this! Why can't you love me! Why! Oh God.. What do I do? What should I do?" She was sliding down on the floor and Naruto was shocked. He felt like icy cold water had been dumped on him. He slid down to close to Konan and looked at her. She was breaking down.

"Konan. I don't deserve your love. I'm not worth it." Naruto knew that his own voice was coming out a bit too shaky but he couldn't control it.

"I want you.. I just want.. I don't know anything else.." She was crying with her arms on her both sides and her head down and Naruto bit his lips before tugging her into his arms.

"Don't do this Konan. Please don't." He was rubbing her back while she sobbed, her body trembling and shaking. Naruto didn't knew when his eyes became teary too and when did his cheeks started to get wet not he did knew how long they were sitting there. When Konan slowly looked up at him with her tear stained pale face, her lips chapped and trembling and her eyes so empty that it pierced Naruto's heart.

"Naruto.. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.." her whole being was trembling and Naruto felt her pain so close to his heart. Their pain was mutual just the position was different. In that moment Naruto wanted to say yes so he could at least end this girl's suffering. He was the one who should be apologizing. Konan had just loved him just he loved Sasuke. Both of them did nothing wrong just loved the wrong person.

"You have nothing to apologize for! I'm the one who should be apologizing for causing so much pain to you. Konan.. Oh God.. You can't believe how sorry I am. Please don't cry Konan.." Naruto gently scooped Konan into his arms and hugged her trembling body. This was all he could offer her. He wished that he could forget Sasuke and end Konan's pain but he knew that it was impossible. May be in some years he might get past this point and move on but for now he was stuck.. He was stuck in a limbo with no hope and wish to live any more. How could he say yes to Konan when all he wanted to do was to kill himself or just fuck his pride and beg Sasuke to come back into his life. How could a dying person give another the hope of life. He had nothing to give to Konan because he was left with nothing.

Shisui made his way to the cafe near his office and when he saw Itachi sitting closer to the window, lost in his thought he quickly made his way closer to the man.

"Hey there. I'm sorry for being late. The meeting stretched a bit too much because the client was being too nosy." Shisui flashed Itachi a quick apologetic smile before taking the seat in front of him.

"It's OK Shisui. Not like I had anything else to do." Itachi politely said while sipping the coffee.

"Did you ordered anything for you? I know you don't eat in the flight." Shisui said looking at Itachi with soft expressions. He could see the tiredness concealed behind the calmness and how worried Itachi looked.

"Yeah I just finished my soup and a sandwich and I'm full." Shisui was confused on why would Itachi smirk but he let it slide.

"Uh.. Right. So how about we discuss for what you came here?" Shisui took a deep breath and looked at Itachi who was looking at him with his calm yet intelligent eyes.

"I would really appreciate that." Itachi nodded placing the half empty cup on the table, his face becoming more serious. When the waiter came to ask, Shisui ordered a tuna sandwich and coffee. Until the waiter came back with his orders they talked about mundane thing like how was Mei and how was Itachi doing back in Florida. After the order was served and waiter left Shisui spoke up.

"My spy in . told me that Sasuke was sent with a guy named Alex on a one week long trip and Alex is still not back at office even though it was reported that the problem was solved in the first meeting. I investigated a bit and Itachi Alex is in New York. The guy is on a vacation which is strange because in this season work load is doubled and yet they issued one employ two week long vacation and the other is on one week long then he had sent me a copy of Sasuke's application for vacation but nothing can be said about it because it's just a print but here read it. I mean any body who knows Sasuke would immediately know that Sasuke could never write this kind of application." Shisui said it and then sighed.

"Yeah more or less you have told me this but this isn't that helping at all. I feel that something is wrong too but we need solid ground to act." Itachi sipped his coffee looking dead serious.

"Yeah that might not make sense but what I'm going to tell you might be the key behind all of this." Shisui said with his eyes sharp and Itachi's eyes snapped up and looked into Shisui's black intelligent eyes," Akatsuki gave Sasuke's boy friend the marriage proposal of his daughter Konan and Itachi that girl is suspicious. I don't the full details but my spy told me that the girl is too smart or more like she is cunning and ruthless. And guess what Itachi Konan was the one who appointed Naruto. It might be a case of infatuation or sudden crush or something like that but I have a feeling that this is not so simple. Itachi I know Konan and that girl plays real dirty." The way Shisui's tone turned bitter and cold was enough to make Itachi wary of this Konan character.

"So if she really is that kind of girl and if she wanted to have Naruto. She would have to first eliminate Sasuke." Itachi's eyes narrowed dangerously and his face hardened.

"Yeah. And when she sets her mind on something she does everything she can. She can use her body, she uses her power and does everything she can to have what she wants. She is not directly a part of . But she is way too influential because of her father being the Boss." Shisui bit his lips. Worry was seeping into his own system too.

"We have to find Sasuke and do it quick Shisui. I don't want to have any risks. I'll go back and finish pending stuff and then I'm going straight to Munich." Itachi looked calm but determination was evident in his stealthy gaze.

"I'll do a thorough background check on Konan and try to find any loose thread." Shisui said nodding and Itachi gave a small barely visible smile.

"That would be a big help." Itachi's voice was gentle and soothing as always.

"But Itachi what about that lover boy?" Shisui was finishing his soup and looked at Itachi quizzically.

"Naruto is in no condition to have a decent and rational conversation right now. Before Sasuke left my idiot brother kind of dumped Naruto and now things are not so good between them Naruto doesn't even want to talk about him." Itachi looked away outside where sky was darkening. His heart clenched in his chest with worry for Sasuke.

"Sasuke has a huge problem in his hands when he gets back if Konan gets lover boy before him." Shisui made and face and Itachi sighed. He was worried about Naruto too if Konan really was this dangerous but for now his first priority was Sasuke. He really hoped, where ever Sasuke was, he was alive and OK.

'March 20,2009'

"Oh God please.. don't... It hurts please.. No.." Sasukeshouted, his voice becoming hoarse with every second, staying conscious was becoming more and more difficult for him.

"Why are crying? Isn't this what you wanted? You fucking whore!" Orochimaru slapped his face so hard that Sasuke's lip broke and he could see stars. His thrusts were rough and way too fast, without a rhythm.

"Please.. It hurts.. It hurts so bad. Please stop" Sasuke tried to weakly get away from his abuser yet he couldn't. Orochimaru glared at him, his eyes red and his breath stinking of booze.

"Doesn't it feel good the more it hurts you bitch! Shut up and take it!" Orochimaru was slapping his hips against Sasuke in powerful animalistic thrusts making Sasuke's body tremble and shake with pain and dread.

"Please forgive me.. please stop please.. It hurts." Sasuke knew that his insides were being ripped and he arched his body and stifled his cry when Orochimaru pinched his nipples with too much force.

"Weren't you smiling at Jiraya with this pretty face of yours today! You slut! All you care about is getting a dick inside your hole! Or may be you are his slut too!" Orochimaru shouted out and grabbed Sasuke's hairs, tugging them painfully making Sasuke tremble and cry even more.

"No. It's not like that. I just took full marks in history.. again.. H-he.. was just.. praising.. mmpph" Sasuke couldn't complete his sentence because of Orochimaru's palm blocking anything else he could say. He felt as if his lips were being crushed under the force.

"Ssshhh.. Did I asked anything? What do you think you are huh? You fag! You fucking bitch. It's me who wants you! It's me who fills you up! If that old guy saw you like this would he still talk to you? What do you say I snap some pictures of you and send him? I wonder if he would jerk off to that picture of yours?" Orochimaru stopped thrusting and grabbed Sasuke's face in his hand and stared into his eyes.

"No.. Please No.. Anything but not that!" Sasuke's eyes widened and he paled. His body was shaking and he looked like he was going to faint with the horror of being exposed.

"Anything you say?" Orochimaru stared into his eyes with his acidious gaze and Sasuke was left cold and shivering. Orochimaru took lighter out of his coats pocket and lit it. Sasuke's face was tear stained and his eyes wide with fear.

"No. No. Orochimaru please.. Don't.. Snap out of it... Please.." Sasuke's voice was shaking with fear and his eyes were pleading.

"Come on a little burn is nothing. Don't be such a pussy even though there is not much difference. Don't you both love cock?" Orochimaru's words were dipped in acid and Sasuke wanted to rip off his ears so he wouldn't be able to hear them yet all he could do was to listen to that bitter voice.

"Please no... Y-you have got it all wrong.. I-I have only you. Please Don't do this. Oh God please.." He cried out, pleading looking at the flame with horror and dread. Yet he couldn't get away. His hands were tied and he was pressed down hard on the floor.

"You should have thought about this when you thought about cheating. Haven't I fucked you enough? Or is that no longer enough? If that's so then I have to leave a permanent mark so no one would even look at this slutty body of yours!" Orochimaru spat and grinned insanely. Sasuke was trembling and repeating 'no' again and again.

"Please don't Orochimaru...Please snap out of it.." Sasuke tried to reason but his body went still when without saying anything Orochimaru closed the flame closer to his nipples. Tears were flowing like a stream on Sasuke's face and his body was shaking slightly but when the flame finally touched them. Sasuke could help but flinch and cry with badly shaking. Same was done to his other nipple. Exposing the soft nub to flame just a bit to leave the burning feeling but not long enough to burn the skin. The torture was so much that Sasuke passed out. After he was passed out Orochimarut sneered at him and then he started t fuck Sasuke's limp body until he was satisfied. Sasuke dirtied, limp body was left on the floor of living room.

Sasuke saw this whole scene from afar just like before. He was crying and hugging his own body. The pain and the suffering he was feeling was suffocating him. He felt as if he couldn't breath. He had been dreading this moment the whole day. The moment when he had the history test back and saw the A-grade there and when he followed Jiraya out of class. He had tried, tried so damn hard to stop himself from following Jiraya out of the class. He tried again when his younger self was going back home. But in the end he was nothing but a person seeing the show. It was a painful and horrific.. The dread of what was coming next had been haunting him whole day. He knew what would be happening next. He knew and he had been trying to stop this from happening. But it was no use.. He couldn't stop it in the end... In the end he was as hopeless just as again when he passed out he felt his lips chanting an unfamiliar name. His lips were forming the name yet the sound din't come out. He wanted to at least remember the name but his senses started to get blurry and soon he passed out too.

TBC...