A/N: This chapter turned out nice and tidy - which is good, because I trudged through some persistent writer's block to get it out! Reviewer parimalik totally helped me hone the framework for it. Now that is why I love requests and feedback! I love you guys. Huge thanks to M1ssUnd3rst4nd1ng and Otter for truly inspiringly positive reviews! And 1917farmgirl always keeps me going. Thank you, all. Now, on to some PTSD and knights trying to help!
"Oh!"
Merlin hardly cried out in surprise before the platter in his hands was knocked free and it crashed to the floor along with Arthur's lunch. Merlin shrank in on himself a little at the ringing sound and stared helplessly at the mess that set back his work by a half hour. His skin crawled as he couldn't shake free the sudden overwhelming fear of punishment.
Gwaine frowned when he saw what he'd done. He'd been in the middle of what he deemed a hilarious joke, walking alongside a silent Percival and a nonplussed Leon. He hadn't been paying attention as he'd left the stairwell and promptly run into Merlin. Now he watched the servant recoil and get lost in his worry.
"You okay, mate?"
Merlin blinked and looked up. He exhaled sharply and nodded. Gwaine watched him clench a fist at his side as he tried to regain control.
"Yeah." His voice was tight with annoyance. Knowing how selfless Merlin was, he knew that the servant wasn't angry at the knight's - he was mad at himself for his reaction to dropping the tray. Gwaine looked down at the mess as Merlin stopped to clean it up, replaying the servant's flinch in his mind. It was the sound that had made him react like that.
By the time Merlin was upright once more, he was wearing a self-deprecating smile. "Clumsy."
For some reason, hearing him say it so casually made Gwaine feel a bit flustered. Clumsy? Merlin may have been clumsy, once, but that was certainly no longer the case. Gwaine remembered how hard Merlin had pushed himself to move deliberately, even gracefully, after countless beatings and punishments for every little slip up. And now Merlin was taking on the harsh words that had been thrown at him, for the sake of humility? The man was still suffering the effects of that year, and he thought he was weak? No, that just wasn't fair.
Why, Gwaine just had to fix this somehow.
"Oí, you're coming with us." He took the platter from Merlin's hands and handed it to Leon, who looked like he couldn't be bothered trying to decipher that idiot's plan, and Gwaine took Merlin's arm, pulling him toward the armory down the corridor. Merlin went along with it, glancing back at the others who followed with just as much curiosity written across their features.
When they'd made it to the armory, Gwaine proceeded to pick up every sword and shield within reach, as well as grabbing all of the armor left out from recent sparring sessions. Merlin watched curiously. Soon, the rogue knight had a pile of metal gear stacked in his arms precariously.
"Aren't you wondering what I'm doing?"
Merlin blinked and was about to confirm that he was indeed curious, but he instead tensed and his expression went blank when Gwaine let a plate of armor clatter to the floor.
"That's why - what, don't look at me like that, Percy - why we're here. You want to stop flinching when you hear that sound. I think you just need some practice."
The servant hesitated, then smiled. "Okay."
Gwaine grinned. "Right! So... hold on, this is downright uncomfortable, let me just-" He shifted his grip on the pile and gave a bit of a hop to rearrange the lot. Two dull swords clanged to the floor noisily and Merlin watched them clatter with annoyance. He'd still jumped even though he'd known it would happen.
"Careful," Leon scolded, glancing at the door.
"Oh, hush," Gwaine parried. "Here, Merlin, why don't you come take just the armor off my hands, huh? Just realized you'll have to repair it if it gets dented." Merlin grunted in agreement, almost grumbling aloud that any of this gear getting dented would result in more work for him, but the armor really would take much longer, so he moved forward. As he was carefully about to lift the pieces of armor from the pile, Gwaine stepped back quickly, causing those pieces to clamor to the ground. Merlin yelped and his eyes widened. Now his heart was racing not only from the sound, but also the instinct that he'd messed something up and it would result in more work, work he wouldn't be able to finish in time, and-
Gwaine was watching him. Merlin took a deep breath. "I'm okay."
The knight nodded. While maintaining eye contact, he dropped a shield. The servant wasn't sure whether it was the fact that the thing wasn't too loud since it was made of wood or if maybe he was getting used to this, but he didn't flinch. He dug his nails into his palms and felt uneasy, but he didn't move away. He nodded and Gwaine dropped a helmet. No flinch.
"Okay, now you try," The rogue knight encouraged, hiking up the stack of gear in gesture for Merlin to pick something up. Merlin chose a practice sword (which seemed to have been jabbing his friend in the side). After a moment, he let it fall from his hands. It felt strange.
"Throw the next one, no need to be such a maiden about it!"
Merlin chuckled, knowing Leon must be rolling his eyes at the knight's childish enjoyment of disrespecting royal property. The servant selected a gauntlet. Reeling his arm back, he laughed at the mock cheering from Gwaine and Percival and the shushing of Leon just before he chucked the piece of armor at the wall. He huffed, expelling a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. Perceval clapped heartily and Gwaine hollered his support in a series of whoops. "Come on, throw it like you mean it!"
Merlin took hold of the largest thing left, a metal shield adorning the Pendragon crest. He almost hesitated.
"Go on, throw it! The princess won't mind."
The warlock nodded, looking up to match the knight's mischievous grin. He took a few steps back, then mocked, "I throw like a girl, do I?" before tossing the shield at the rouge knight. Gwaine cried, "Woah!" and stumbled back comically as the rest of the gear tumbled from his arms to the ground. The ensuing cacophony was hardly the center of attention as the knight half-heartedly chased Merlin around the mess, tripping over everything as the servant dodged each lunge.
The door to the armory opened and the king stepped inside. He did not look impressed at the hectic scene before him.
"It wasn't my idea," Leon said, standing by the door but looking like he was barely reigning in his amusement.
"What are all of the royal armor and weapons meant to be doing on the floor?"
"We were, errr... practicing. For battle." Gwaine supplied.
Arthur rolled his eyes and turned to leave. "Right. Well then, I expect that you all proceed to practice polishing it all."
Gwaine and Merlin matched put-out looks and replied in unison. "Prat."
Arthur cocked a brow and turned to leave. "I look forward to being served my dinner by the both of you within the hour."
Gwaine gave an indignant grunt as the king left. When he was gone, Merlin and the knights laughed.
"Really, though, mate," Gwaine said, finding a rare moment of gravity. "If you ever need help, we're here for you. We, I-" He paused. "I'll never hurt you. Not again." It was hard for the man to talk about it directly, the servant could see that. "We want you to feel safe. And we don't want you to get cross with yourself just because you still get startled sometimes. You're not weak."
Merlin watched the knight's face, wanting to believe him. Gwaine was a good man. Leon and Percival were, too. He was lucky to have such patient and dedicated friends. Even though he'd already known that they didn't think he was weak, he had needed to hear it, to see it clearly and put to rest the doubts that clouded his mind. Their clear need for him to know they'd never hurt him made Merlin feel infinitely more safe. The warlock clasped the knight's shoulder in camaraderie. "Thank you."