A/N: Chapter NINE! How exciting. I'm starting to see a downhill trend with
this story, though...This one's just plain insane.
Anyway, today's warnings are: Much Profanity, 1x2 & 3x4 (YAY!), Mild Relena
Bashing, Freaky Religious Figures, A Tad Bit Of Sappiness, and some Freaky
Other Stuff That I Can't Warn You About Or It's Not As Good. So, enjoy!
(And to Duo-23, you'll see. Muwahahaha!)
Also, I'd really appreciate it if you guys would tell me how long you want this thing, and suggest random freakiness, as I'm somewhat worried about it's rapidly decay. Sorry if you want 20 chapters or something, though. So far it's looking like 11... and if you really want to suggest something, you could just tell me which ending you want. (There's always two, you know. Good one, bad one? Yup.)(Baby Writer's Block)
Disclaimer: You already know I don't own it. I'm not putting it in anymore; nine of these is my limit for creativity. (And all the Blues Brothers references this chapter are from the Blues Brothers, surprise surprise.)
Dawn to Dusk
Chapter 9
SWAT Teams and Sweet Nothings
"So what you're saying is that a mortal shot you for trying to kiss their boyfriend," God asked blandly as the devil's hip was stitched. "Sounds like a normal reaction to me. I'd have shot you too."
"Gee, thanks," the devil said bitterly. "OW! Damn it!" With that, yet another doctor disappeared in a poof of black smoke, only for a different one to appear in the previous one's place, shaking in fear. "You know, it never fails to surprise me how many doctors sell their souls to get through medical school." God shrugged.
"It's their choice," he said amiably at the still-female devil.
"Why the hell did you have to give 'em free will, anyway? Waste of time, overall. It just makes our lives more difficult."
"And therefore more interesting. Now stop griping, get stitched, and get back to work, Lucy," God said, and with a quick wave goodbye, disappeared with a silver flash.
"Stupid bored God..." With that, the doctor finished the stitches and the devil disappeared in a flurry of flames to wreak havoc upon the life of one Duo Maxwell.
(Meanwhile...)
"...Police are still investigating the murder of two gang members in the Pussy Willow Strip Club," the TV reporter said engagingly as Trowa and Quatre looked on apprehensively. "Calling the acts almost ritualistic, as both victims had their left feet slit and were castrated-"
"That's Duo alright," Trowa muttered into Quatre's blonde hair.
"-before being dismembered and made into what authorities are calling a 'human bonfire'. Police are looking for any leads they can, and if you have any information you should call 1-800-"
Trowa turned the TV off. "That's Duo AND Heero," he said, and Quatre chuckled.
"So was that all the sirens last night," Quatre asked, and Trowa shrugged.
"I never heard any sirens," he muttered, and then blushed. Well, they had been rather busy last night... Then, almost as if Luck herself had heard him, sirens erupted in the afternoon air. "What the hell...?"
The large window to their right crashed into tiny shards as a SWAT team tore into the room, yelling "Hut hut! Hut hut hut!" as they swarmed around the two. Both the boys remained un-phased at gunpoint, having been through this many, many, many times. They just looked at each other, shrugged, and cuddled up on the couch comfortably.
"Hey, you kids! What the hell are you doing," one of the SWAT team members yelled, worried about their mental health. Quatre cleared his throat.
"Waiting for you to finish your search for whatever it is you're looking for," he said with a smile, settling into Trowa's arms. "We just figure, there's a couch right here, so why go running to our bedroom?" Trowa nodded seriously (as always), and the same officer shook his head.
"Kids these days...Well, get up. Would you two mind telling us where Heero Yuy is," he said politely, and Quatre looked up at him innocently.
"Who? I don't think there's anyone here by that name," he said angelically, and the officer groaned. "There may be a Heron Hooray."
"Who the hell would name their kid Heron Hooray," another guy on the SWAT team yelled out.
"Shut up, Mark! My sister's named Heron," yet another man yelled. "And my son's named Hooray!"
"Make me, you jerk," Mark yelled, and an all-out brawl began between the two, and just for the hell of it the rest of the SWAT team jumped in. Figuring now was as good a time as any to go warn Heero, the two teenagers got up and left.
Soon, Quatre knocked on the door, only to be graced with the tell-tale, "Damn it! Leave us the hell alone!" of Duo, followed shortly by a very loud "OOOWWWW! Damn it Heero, watch what you're doing!"
"Maybe we should come back later," Trowa suggested, but Quatre boldly entered the room to see female Duo glaring death at Heero who was stitching up the still bleeding cut on Duo's left foot.
"We just came by to tell you there's a SWAT team looking for Heero," Quatre said cheerily. "What happened to your foot this time?"
"The devil," both stated flatly, only to look away from each other. Quatre just shook his head, absentmindedly wondering what ever happened to Wufei.
"We'll be fine if they co-AUGHHH! Goddamit, Heero! Warn me first," Duo yelled, throwing a pillow at the source of his pain. "We'll be fine if they come, if I don't kill him before they get to." The pillow flew back at Duo, just as a familiar "Hut hut! Hut hut hut!" yell came quietly down the hall from quite a distance.
"This is the room," Mark whispered, and the rest of the SWAT team nodded anxiously. "On my count. One...Two...THREE!" The door fell to the floor, and the team swarmed in only to see a sobbing girl with brown hair and a re-stitched gash in her foot lying in an all-black bed.
"HEEE LEEEFT MEEEE," the girl yelled through sudden breaks in the sobbing, and she grabbed a pillow from nowhere, throwing it at the nearest policeman, who stumbled back as he tried to catch it. "WAAAAAAHHHHH!" The team looked at each other sheepishly.
"...We could always come back later," one of the officers said, and the rest of the team nodded vigorously.
"Move out," Mark yelled frantically, and the SWAT team went downstairs for a quick snack in the lunchroom before storming they Yuy boy's room again, hoping the girl would be gone in an hour or so.
"Heh. Isn't it convenient to have me around sometimes," Duo said after they'd left, and Heero came back in through the window. "I told you they'd run away from my Relena impression!"
"It almost scares me how good that was," Heero said, shaking his head as he helped Duo get bandages on the obnoxious left foot. "Almost." He frowned. "I don't think you'll be able to put on a shoe, unless you have some sort of slipper." Duo shook his head.
"I've never had slippers. There's either bare feet, socks, or shoes," he said proudly. "Or boots or sandals. But, those are shoes, so they go into the third category. Well, I think sandals are shoes. Maybe they should be their own category-"
"You're babbling," Heero interrupted in a dull monotone, and Duo swallowed nervously. His blue eyes stared into Duo's. "What's wrong?"
"I...I don't want you to get hurt," Duo murmured, wishing he was back to being Duo, instead of this annoying new body. What had he been thinking that night? There was no "gender issue", no reason he couldn't tell Heero how he felt. He'd just been a scared little coward. Awww, crap, he was going to cry again. Duo took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. "I didn't want to get you guys involved in this shit. I just wanted it to be over, but no, the devil just has to get something out of it."
"What if I want to be involved," Heero's voice came clearly through Duo's clenched eyes. "...I...care about you..." Duo could feel Heero's hand hovering above his braid, and opened his eyes slowly, almost afraid of what he'd see. A cloudless yet stormy sea stared out at him through Heero's eyes.
"Heero...I...I..." Duo tried. He tried so hard to tell him how his every waking moment was haunted by those eyes, how he dreaded the thought of any hurt coming to his Hee-chan. But, there was something holding him back. "Damn it, Heero! You better know by now!" Shit, he was starting to cry again, the door was still bashed in, and he was still a girl. Why'd it have to be now that these things come up?
"Half an hour to sunset," he said, reading the violet-eyed 'girl's mind. And just then, someone cleared their throat very, very loudly in the destroyed doorframe.
"Ahem. And I assume you're Dea Maxwell," yet another uppity broad in a twill suit said, and Duo cursed fluently under his breath while Heero death-glared her. "Indeed. Miss Maxwell, you need to come with me right. now." The last two words were so sharp, it felt like ice had invaded the previously very, very hot mind of Duo Maxwell.
"And you must be the Bad Timing Fairy," Duo grumbled as Heero pulled away. The woman raised her eyebrows, like that was the ultimate comeback. "What do you want to say before we throw you out to put our door back up?"
"Speaking of which, why is your door lying in ruins on the floor," the woman asked.
"SWAT team. We gotta put it back up so they can do it again in a couple of hours, too," Duo said grumpily as Heero went straight for that damn laptop of his. "Now, what do you want?"
"Ahem. I am your counselor. We spoke on the phone," she said, doing that annoying glasses readjustment thing that supposedly made you look smarter. In Duo's opinion, it reminded him of a tense squirrel bobbing up and down on a tree. "I can see your foot truly is injured."
"Maxwell doesn't lie," Heero said absentmindedly and in a gruff enough way to ruffle the woman's feathers. Duo couldn't help but be proud of him; even pissed off, he remembered to forgo Duo. What a perfect Hee- chan. Oh yes, he'd be getting some as soon as the bruises were good enough for some hard-core rubbing. He couldn't help but smile at the prospect.
"Now, back to the point. Dea, we need to talk about your survey. Now," she said. "If your roommate would leave for a while, we can speak."
"Heero stays if he wants to," Duo said, still remembering the devil was probably out for Heero's blood right now. "Actually, Heero just plain stays. Period." The woman bit her lower lip in frustration, but nodded curtly. With yet another annoying "Ahem", the woman sat on the edge of Heero's bed, clearly somewhat afraid of what was under the well-tidied sheets.
"Dea, I'm worried. You point to having a dangerous cycle going on, in your survey," she said, going into a completely different persona that reminded him of Lady Une. "I can't help but be afraid for you. I mean, according to this (she held the packet aloft like a preacher with his bible), you've done...EVERYTHING, from poor decisions to illegal activities, and even just a...AWFUL childhood. I just have to ask...are you suicidal?" Duo's eyes shot up to Heero's, both ridiculously amused.
"Nope," he said cheerfully. "But, I did know this one guy who would jump out of windows and blow himself up all the time. He was insanely good, though. Never seen a better guy at anything in my life." The counselor gasped.
"What happened to him, Dea," she asked urgently, and Duo shrugged.
"I shot him twice, and he's been my best friend ever since," he said cheerfully. "Well, he's a bit more than that, but that's just between you and me." Their eyes met again. "And Heero now, I guess." The woman nodded curtly.
"Now, this is a very important question," she said seriously, and Duo chuckled as she prepared herself to ask it. "Have you ever been...assaulted?"
"Yup. Every meaning of the term," Duo said cheerfully. "Don't worry about it. I may fall off the rope occasionally, but my safety net's perfect."
"And what's your safety net, Dea? What catches you," she asked earnestly, like a melodramatic leading lady. WAAAY too much like Relena with his Hee-chan.
"The sweet nothings I want to say," he said poetically, looking far off into the distance in the counselor's limited view; but, in Duo's perspective he was looking straight at the mirror on the fallen door that cast a broken reflection of Heero just staring at the laptop's screen, looking for all the world like a tired, broken, and beautiful angel in spandex shorts. Damn, Duo loved those shorts. "The things I know I'll say...someday."
"To who?"
"The angel of war. My suicidal baby," Duo almost sang, then laughed quietly as he looked down at his bandaged foot. "Funny, isn't it, how hope always comes back to bite you in the ass. Now, anything else important?"
"Miss Maxwell, I wish I had a tape recorder," she said calmly. "Then, you would see how truly mentally disturbed you are. It appears you're delusional, hopeless, and for all I know high! You're morbid, but...HAPPY! There is something extremely messed up in you, and I want to help you fix it."
"We're all fucked up on this floor," Duo shrugged. "Go try across the hall; there's a kid named Chang Wufei. Or, at least he should be in there. Now, get out." The woman glared at Duo, who just glared right back.
"Why, I ought to-" the woman began, and froze mid finger wave. Heero growled.
"DAMN IT! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE," Duo yelled just as the devil dropped into his (still female) lap, glaring at Heero Yuy as she wrapped an arm around Duo's neck. With a suggestive smile, she snapped her fingers, and Duo was male again after the normal screaming and pain shindig.
"You look good in lipstick," the devil said, and right as she was about to kiss him, Heero shot her, this time straight in the neck, the bullet imbedding itself in the wall. To any mortal, it would have been fatal. She turned towards Heero, pistol still smoking, with a sour look on her face.
"You may have gotten me once, but that's ALL you get," she snarled, and with a quick wave of her hand, Heero was tied to the wooden chair he'd swung around in with invisible rope, glaring his worst at the deity, who smirked back. "Now, sit there like a good little boy while mommy plays."
"Omae o ko-frofru," Heero yelled, cut off by an invisible gag mid-threat, the devil's black eyes never leaving Duo's purple.
"Now, I remember we were having a very important conversation before SOMEONE shot me," the devil said suggestively, bringing her lips closer to Duo's.
"I swear, if you touch me, I'll kill myself," Duo said very, very clearly, and the devil's head immediately stopped its descent (hey, it's a supermodel devil and a fifteen-year-old. There's obviously a bit of a height difference.) "And you know, as well as any thing that's seen me, that I. Don't. Lie." The devil bit the inside of her cheek, and climbed off him.
"I take it that's a no to the bargain," she said simply, hiding the hurt behind her job.
"Fuck yes," Duo spat, and without thinking grabbed his own .45 and shot her through the heart. The devil grabbed her chest and disappeared, and the bullet kept going to Duo's horror, stopping in the counselor's hand. Time began again.
"su-AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH," the counselor screamed as her hand was shot and blood splattered all over the room. "AAAAAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!" Heero grabbed a pillowcase and wrapped the woman's hand up as Duo hid the guns (Heero had thrown Duo his the moment he was released) beneath the mattress. The woman was gasping and screaming, making it sound almost like panicked laughter. Quatre and Trowa ran in, recoiling just a bit from the sight.
"We have to get her to the hospital," Duo yelled over her screams, and Trowa nodded, grabbing the woman in shock and running out the door with Quatre in tow checking her pulse, just as Duo ran into the bathroom and retched, and retched, and retched.
The devil rematerialized in a purely black room with no windows, no doors, and no way in or out. Without another thought, she grabbed the nearest thing and hurled it against the wall. This time, it was a priceless pot from the lost (well, more like misplaced) Atlantis, the quartz shattering. For half an hour, she terrorized the invaluable museum, finally stopping to switch form to stop all the bleeding. That was her favorite female form, too...With another roar, a 170-carat diamond shattered on the wall. Now, the devil was a supermodel-looking redhead, black eyes smoldering.
"And then there were three," that same voice came to her.
"Go away, G! I am NOT in the mood," she roared, and God materialized quietly in the corner.
"You really like him, don't you," he asked, curious.
"You keep asking, it's the next bubonic plague," the devil snarled, and God shrugged.
"Give it a rest, Lucy. I got the same way once. It happens to the best of us," God comforted, and the devil sighed. With a flick of her wrist, every artifact was back to perfection, right where it had been upon entry.
"Damn it, G," the devil sighed. "I'm not ready to go find myself a host for the anti-Christ. I mean, I like my job right now. I just don't like...THIS!" With a wave of her hand, the floating picture of Duo and Heero hugging in the bathroom wavered, then fell to the floor as smoke. "Jesus was cool and all, but...I just don't think I'm ready to have a kid. I mean, it'd only a few thousand years between them. It's like I'm following your example or something!"
"I get it. Now, I just want you to get truly, deeply serious about the game. You're not trying your hardest," God said calmly, and the devil nodded. "Good. Now, I'm going back to the Jumbotron to watch Quatre panic." With that, God disappeared, no frills. Just "pop!" and gone. The devil smirked.
"Serious, indeed," she muttered, a truly sadistic smile appearing on her lips. "Five down, two to go. Get ready for true hell, kid." With that, she jumped into a swirling ball of dark laughter and went to go make good on her promise.
-------
A/N: Kind of cliffhangery. Sorry 'bout that. Anyway, Ch. 10 will be up much quicker than this one was; I kinda tried to split this in half...see, this is about1/5 of 10 so the next one will be a tad bit shorter.
Thanks for reading! Please review! And this entry's special reviewery peoples are...(appearing in appearance...):
Pretty Pilot! Duo-23! Regina (It's coming up...LOTS in 10)! Emmy-chan!
Thanks for reviewing!
(Anyone else notice I end up putting these things on waaaay late at night? Makes me wonder...)
Also, I'd really appreciate it if you guys would tell me how long you want this thing, and suggest random freakiness, as I'm somewhat worried about it's rapidly decay. Sorry if you want 20 chapters or something, though. So far it's looking like 11... and if you really want to suggest something, you could just tell me which ending you want. (There's always two, you know. Good one, bad one? Yup.)(Baby Writer's Block)
Disclaimer: You already know I don't own it. I'm not putting it in anymore; nine of these is my limit for creativity. (And all the Blues Brothers references this chapter are from the Blues Brothers, surprise surprise.)
Dawn to Dusk
Chapter 9
SWAT Teams and Sweet Nothings
"So what you're saying is that a mortal shot you for trying to kiss their boyfriend," God asked blandly as the devil's hip was stitched. "Sounds like a normal reaction to me. I'd have shot you too."
"Gee, thanks," the devil said bitterly. "OW! Damn it!" With that, yet another doctor disappeared in a poof of black smoke, only for a different one to appear in the previous one's place, shaking in fear. "You know, it never fails to surprise me how many doctors sell their souls to get through medical school." God shrugged.
"It's their choice," he said amiably at the still-female devil.
"Why the hell did you have to give 'em free will, anyway? Waste of time, overall. It just makes our lives more difficult."
"And therefore more interesting. Now stop griping, get stitched, and get back to work, Lucy," God said, and with a quick wave goodbye, disappeared with a silver flash.
"Stupid bored God..." With that, the doctor finished the stitches and the devil disappeared in a flurry of flames to wreak havoc upon the life of one Duo Maxwell.
(Meanwhile...)
"...Police are still investigating the murder of two gang members in the Pussy Willow Strip Club," the TV reporter said engagingly as Trowa and Quatre looked on apprehensively. "Calling the acts almost ritualistic, as both victims had their left feet slit and were castrated-"
"That's Duo alright," Trowa muttered into Quatre's blonde hair.
"-before being dismembered and made into what authorities are calling a 'human bonfire'. Police are looking for any leads they can, and if you have any information you should call 1-800-"
Trowa turned the TV off. "That's Duo AND Heero," he said, and Quatre chuckled.
"So was that all the sirens last night," Quatre asked, and Trowa shrugged.
"I never heard any sirens," he muttered, and then blushed. Well, they had been rather busy last night... Then, almost as if Luck herself had heard him, sirens erupted in the afternoon air. "What the hell...?"
The large window to their right crashed into tiny shards as a SWAT team tore into the room, yelling "Hut hut! Hut hut hut!" as they swarmed around the two. Both the boys remained un-phased at gunpoint, having been through this many, many, many times. They just looked at each other, shrugged, and cuddled up on the couch comfortably.
"Hey, you kids! What the hell are you doing," one of the SWAT team members yelled, worried about their mental health. Quatre cleared his throat.
"Waiting for you to finish your search for whatever it is you're looking for," he said with a smile, settling into Trowa's arms. "We just figure, there's a couch right here, so why go running to our bedroom?" Trowa nodded seriously (as always), and the same officer shook his head.
"Kids these days...Well, get up. Would you two mind telling us where Heero Yuy is," he said politely, and Quatre looked up at him innocently.
"Who? I don't think there's anyone here by that name," he said angelically, and the officer groaned. "There may be a Heron Hooray."
"Who the hell would name their kid Heron Hooray," another guy on the SWAT team yelled out.
"Shut up, Mark! My sister's named Heron," yet another man yelled. "And my son's named Hooray!"
"Make me, you jerk," Mark yelled, and an all-out brawl began between the two, and just for the hell of it the rest of the SWAT team jumped in. Figuring now was as good a time as any to go warn Heero, the two teenagers got up and left.
Soon, Quatre knocked on the door, only to be graced with the tell-tale, "Damn it! Leave us the hell alone!" of Duo, followed shortly by a very loud "OOOWWWW! Damn it Heero, watch what you're doing!"
"Maybe we should come back later," Trowa suggested, but Quatre boldly entered the room to see female Duo glaring death at Heero who was stitching up the still bleeding cut on Duo's left foot.
"We just came by to tell you there's a SWAT team looking for Heero," Quatre said cheerily. "What happened to your foot this time?"
"The devil," both stated flatly, only to look away from each other. Quatre just shook his head, absentmindedly wondering what ever happened to Wufei.
"We'll be fine if they co-AUGHHH! Goddamit, Heero! Warn me first," Duo yelled, throwing a pillow at the source of his pain. "We'll be fine if they come, if I don't kill him before they get to." The pillow flew back at Duo, just as a familiar "Hut hut! Hut hut hut!" yell came quietly down the hall from quite a distance.
"This is the room," Mark whispered, and the rest of the SWAT team nodded anxiously. "On my count. One...Two...THREE!" The door fell to the floor, and the team swarmed in only to see a sobbing girl with brown hair and a re-stitched gash in her foot lying in an all-black bed.
"HEEE LEEEFT MEEEE," the girl yelled through sudden breaks in the sobbing, and she grabbed a pillow from nowhere, throwing it at the nearest policeman, who stumbled back as he tried to catch it. "WAAAAAAHHHHH!" The team looked at each other sheepishly.
"...We could always come back later," one of the officers said, and the rest of the team nodded vigorously.
"Move out," Mark yelled frantically, and the SWAT team went downstairs for a quick snack in the lunchroom before storming they Yuy boy's room again, hoping the girl would be gone in an hour or so.
"Heh. Isn't it convenient to have me around sometimes," Duo said after they'd left, and Heero came back in through the window. "I told you they'd run away from my Relena impression!"
"It almost scares me how good that was," Heero said, shaking his head as he helped Duo get bandages on the obnoxious left foot. "Almost." He frowned. "I don't think you'll be able to put on a shoe, unless you have some sort of slipper." Duo shook his head.
"I've never had slippers. There's either bare feet, socks, or shoes," he said proudly. "Or boots or sandals. But, those are shoes, so they go into the third category. Well, I think sandals are shoes. Maybe they should be their own category-"
"You're babbling," Heero interrupted in a dull monotone, and Duo swallowed nervously. His blue eyes stared into Duo's. "What's wrong?"
"I...I don't want you to get hurt," Duo murmured, wishing he was back to being Duo, instead of this annoying new body. What had he been thinking that night? There was no "gender issue", no reason he couldn't tell Heero how he felt. He'd just been a scared little coward. Awww, crap, he was going to cry again. Duo took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. "I didn't want to get you guys involved in this shit. I just wanted it to be over, but no, the devil just has to get something out of it."
"What if I want to be involved," Heero's voice came clearly through Duo's clenched eyes. "...I...care about you..." Duo could feel Heero's hand hovering above his braid, and opened his eyes slowly, almost afraid of what he'd see. A cloudless yet stormy sea stared out at him through Heero's eyes.
"Heero...I...I..." Duo tried. He tried so hard to tell him how his every waking moment was haunted by those eyes, how he dreaded the thought of any hurt coming to his Hee-chan. But, there was something holding him back. "Damn it, Heero! You better know by now!" Shit, he was starting to cry again, the door was still bashed in, and he was still a girl. Why'd it have to be now that these things come up?
"Half an hour to sunset," he said, reading the violet-eyed 'girl's mind. And just then, someone cleared their throat very, very loudly in the destroyed doorframe.
"Ahem. And I assume you're Dea Maxwell," yet another uppity broad in a twill suit said, and Duo cursed fluently under his breath while Heero death-glared her. "Indeed. Miss Maxwell, you need to come with me right. now." The last two words were so sharp, it felt like ice had invaded the previously very, very hot mind of Duo Maxwell.
"And you must be the Bad Timing Fairy," Duo grumbled as Heero pulled away. The woman raised her eyebrows, like that was the ultimate comeback. "What do you want to say before we throw you out to put our door back up?"
"Speaking of which, why is your door lying in ruins on the floor," the woman asked.
"SWAT team. We gotta put it back up so they can do it again in a couple of hours, too," Duo said grumpily as Heero went straight for that damn laptop of his. "Now, what do you want?"
"Ahem. I am your counselor. We spoke on the phone," she said, doing that annoying glasses readjustment thing that supposedly made you look smarter. In Duo's opinion, it reminded him of a tense squirrel bobbing up and down on a tree. "I can see your foot truly is injured."
"Maxwell doesn't lie," Heero said absentmindedly and in a gruff enough way to ruffle the woman's feathers. Duo couldn't help but be proud of him; even pissed off, he remembered to forgo Duo. What a perfect Hee- chan. Oh yes, he'd be getting some as soon as the bruises were good enough for some hard-core rubbing. He couldn't help but smile at the prospect.
"Now, back to the point. Dea, we need to talk about your survey. Now," she said. "If your roommate would leave for a while, we can speak."
"Heero stays if he wants to," Duo said, still remembering the devil was probably out for Heero's blood right now. "Actually, Heero just plain stays. Period." The woman bit her lower lip in frustration, but nodded curtly. With yet another annoying "Ahem", the woman sat on the edge of Heero's bed, clearly somewhat afraid of what was under the well-tidied sheets.
"Dea, I'm worried. You point to having a dangerous cycle going on, in your survey," she said, going into a completely different persona that reminded him of Lady Une. "I can't help but be afraid for you. I mean, according to this (she held the packet aloft like a preacher with his bible), you've done...EVERYTHING, from poor decisions to illegal activities, and even just a...AWFUL childhood. I just have to ask...are you suicidal?" Duo's eyes shot up to Heero's, both ridiculously amused.
"Nope," he said cheerfully. "But, I did know this one guy who would jump out of windows and blow himself up all the time. He was insanely good, though. Never seen a better guy at anything in my life." The counselor gasped.
"What happened to him, Dea," she asked urgently, and Duo shrugged.
"I shot him twice, and he's been my best friend ever since," he said cheerfully. "Well, he's a bit more than that, but that's just between you and me." Their eyes met again. "And Heero now, I guess." The woman nodded curtly.
"Now, this is a very important question," she said seriously, and Duo chuckled as she prepared herself to ask it. "Have you ever been...assaulted?"
"Yup. Every meaning of the term," Duo said cheerfully. "Don't worry about it. I may fall off the rope occasionally, but my safety net's perfect."
"And what's your safety net, Dea? What catches you," she asked earnestly, like a melodramatic leading lady. WAAAY too much like Relena with his Hee-chan.
"The sweet nothings I want to say," he said poetically, looking far off into the distance in the counselor's limited view; but, in Duo's perspective he was looking straight at the mirror on the fallen door that cast a broken reflection of Heero just staring at the laptop's screen, looking for all the world like a tired, broken, and beautiful angel in spandex shorts. Damn, Duo loved those shorts. "The things I know I'll say...someday."
"To who?"
"The angel of war. My suicidal baby," Duo almost sang, then laughed quietly as he looked down at his bandaged foot. "Funny, isn't it, how hope always comes back to bite you in the ass. Now, anything else important?"
"Miss Maxwell, I wish I had a tape recorder," she said calmly. "Then, you would see how truly mentally disturbed you are. It appears you're delusional, hopeless, and for all I know high! You're morbid, but...HAPPY! There is something extremely messed up in you, and I want to help you fix it."
"We're all fucked up on this floor," Duo shrugged. "Go try across the hall; there's a kid named Chang Wufei. Or, at least he should be in there. Now, get out." The woman glared at Duo, who just glared right back.
"Why, I ought to-" the woman began, and froze mid finger wave. Heero growled.
"DAMN IT! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE," Duo yelled just as the devil dropped into his (still female) lap, glaring at Heero Yuy as she wrapped an arm around Duo's neck. With a suggestive smile, she snapped her fingers, and Duo was male again after the normal screaming and pain shindig.
"You look good in lipstick," the devil said, and right as she was about to kiss him, Heero shot her, this time straight in the neck, the bullet imbedding itself in the wall. To any mortal, it would have been fatal. She turned towards Heero, pistol still smoking, with a sour look on her face.
"You may have gotten me once, but that's ALL you get," she snarled, and with a quick wave of her hand, Heero was tied to the wooden chair he'd swung around in with invisible rope, glaring his worst at the deity, who smirked back. "Now, sit there like a good little boy while mommy plays."
"Omae o ko-frofru," Heero yelled, cut off by an invisible gag mid-threat, the devil's black eyes never leaving Duo's purple.
"Now, I remember we were having a very important conversation before SOMEONE shot me," the devil said suggestively, bringing her lips closer to Duo's.
"I swear, if you touch me, I'll kill myself," Duo said very, very clearly, and the devil's head immediately stopped its descent (hey, it's a supermodel devil and a fifteen-year-old. There's obviously a bit of a height difference.) "And you know, as well as any thing that's seen me, that I. Don't. Lie." The devil bit the inside of her cheek, and climbed off him.
"I take it that's a no to the bargain," she said simply, hiding the hurt behind her job.
"Fuck yes," Duo spat, and without thinking grabbed his own .45 and shot her through the heart. The devil grabbed her chest and disappeared, and the bullet kept going to Duo's horror, stopping in the counselor's hand. Time began again.
"su-AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH," the counselor screamed as her hand was shot and blood splattered all over the room. "AAAAAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!" Heero grabbed a pillowcase and wrapped the woman's hand up as Duo hid the guns (Heero had thrown Duo his the moment he was released) beneath the mattress. The woman was gasping and screaming, making it sound almost like panicked laughter. Quatre and Trowa ran in, recoiling just a bit from the sight.
"We have to get her to the hospital," Duo yelled over her screams, and Trowa nodded, grabbing the woman in shock and running out the door with Quatre in tow checking her pulse, just as Duo ran into the bathroom and retched, and retched, and retched.
The devil rematerialized in a purely black room with no windows, no doors, and no way in or out. Without another thought, she grabbed the nearest thing and hurled it against the wall. This time, it was a priceless pot from the lost (well, more like misplaced) Atlantis, the quartz shattering. For half an hour, she terrorized the invaluable museum, finally stopping to switch form to stop all the bleeding. That was her favorite female form, too...With another roar, a 170-carat diamond shattered on the wall. Now, the devil was a supermodel-looking redhead, black eyes smoldering.
"And then there were three," that same voice came to her.
"Go away, G! I am NOT in the mood," she roared, and God materialized quietly in the corner.
"You really like him, don't you," he asked, curious.
"You keep asking, it's the next bubonic plague," the devil snarled, and God shrugged.
"Give it a rest, Lucy. I got the same way once. It happens to the best of us," God comforted, and the devil sighed. With a flick of her wrist, every artifact was back to perfection, right where it had been upon entry.
"Damn it, G," the devil sighed. "I'm not ready to go find myself a host for the anti-Christ. I mean, I like my job right now. I just don't like...THIS!" With a wave of her hand, the floating picture of Duo and Heero hugging in the bathroom wavered, then fell to the floor as smoke. "Jesus was cool and all, but...I just don't think I'm ready to have a kid. I mean, it'd only a few thousand years between them. It's like I'm following your example or something!"
"I get it. Now, I just want you to get truly, deeply serious about the game. You're not trying your hardest," God said calmly, and the devil nodded. "Good. Now, I'm going back to the Jumbotron to watch Quatre panic." With that, God disappeared, no frills. Just "pop!" and gone. The devil smirked.
"Serious, indeed," she muttered, a truly sadistic smile appearing on her lips. "Five down, two to go. Get ready for true hell, kid." With that, she jumped into a swirling ball of dark laughter and went to go make good on her promise.
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A/N: Kind of cliffhangery. Sorry 'bout that. Anyway, Ch. 10 will be up much quicker than this one was; I kinda tried to split this in half...see, this is about1/5 of 10 so the next one will be a tad bit shorter.
Thanks for reading! Please review! And this entry's special reviewery peoples are...(appearing in appearance...):
Pretty Pilot! Duo-23! Regina (It's coming up...LOTS in 10)! Emmy-chan!
Thanks for reviewing!
(Anyone else notice I end up putting these things on waaaay late at night? Makes me wonder...)