When Daryl left that morning everyone expected him to come back with supper and baby formula, but that wasn't all he found. This discovery is going to test his mind, his strength and his beliefs. With all his attention focused elsewhere, what will happen to his budding relationship with Carol and his rapidly developing friendships with the rest of the group?
Tigerlily xoxo: Don't worry, I'm not always going to be mean to poor Daryl, I love him really.
Daryl had barely moved from his cell in over two days. The group had seen him shuffle around the cell block for no more than a few minutes on both days, he was only looking for a little food and to head to the bathroom. As soon as he found what he wanted, Daryl would slump back to bed.
From mere glance everyone could see how heavy Daryl's eyes were, his limbs were unnaturally sluggish and his entire demeanour seemed deflated. Hershel said something about the after effects of the sedatives and lots of rest. The medication would make him weary and exhausted, that they couldn't expect more than he was willing and able to give. Daryl didn't say anything to anyone as he dragged himself around, he hardly even grunted when Rick asked how he was feeling.
When he actually reached the group's makeshift kitchen, Daryl just stared at their food pile, hoping something would magically prepare itself in front of him. He didn't have the energy or the willpower to cook, not to mention it being completely unsafe because of his condition, so Carol quickly prepared the man a meal and stood back letting him eat in peace.
Nobody tried to make Daryl talk or do anything, they just let him silently wander around. The group made sure someone followed the man at all times, after all he still had quite a serious concussion. Usually he would have verbally lashed out after discovering someone was following him but instead the man really didn't care, hell, he almost couldn't care.
For all intensive purposes the children were kept away from Daryl while he was awake, not through a malicious torture but because Daryl wasn't really in any condition to address their needs. The sedation still needed time to wear off before he would be in a fit state for the children, the man would not cope with taking care of two children like that. The children would wear him out and probably do some kind of damage to his mental and emotional state.
Daryl didn't even look Carol in the eye when he dragged himself past her in the cell block, his body was barely functioning and his mind functioned even less than that.
On the third day, Carol took Archer and Imogen outside while Beth carried Judith in her arms, tagging along behind the little group was Carl so he could protect them should any rogue walkers appear.
It was just as Carol was admiring the bright sunshine when she sensed a presence behind them, it was not a walker, walkers were far too loud to sneak up on them like that. There was only one person in their group that could move so silently, to move and almost not move at the same time.
"Daddy!" The twins sprang up from their spot in the grass, carelessly discarding the crayons they held and ran towards the man in question. Daryl instantly dropped to his knees and braced for the inevitable impact, the little ones charged at their father and dived in his arms, giggling and laughing with excitement. Archer and Imogen pointedly looked towards Carol to make sure she was watching them. "Daddy wake!" Carol smiled at the little one's joy, their father had been asleep for nearly three days, she could not blame them for being so excited. She was just as happy to see him up and about properly, they still had lots to talk about.
Before Daryl managed to knock himself unconscious, they had very briefly discussed engaging in some kind of relationship. Carol was pretty sure if this was going to happen, Daryl was going to set a handful of ground rules at least until he was more comfortable. Those rules were going to be very restricting and probably along the lines of no affection in front of the group, no I love you's or I want to be with you forever's and there was bound to be a rule regarding the twins too. Maybe not allowing the twins to see them together.
Carol watched the Dixon family as the father nervously glanced at Beth and Carl, he obviously had something to say but their presence was making him unnaturally edgy. So without thinking, Carol turned to the teenagers and smiled. "Why don't you two go find something to do?" She said gently plucking Judith from Beth's arms. "You deserve a break from all this babysitting."
The two teenagers looked at each other like they knew exactly what was going on, Carol and Daryl wanted some time to be together, whether it was as a couple or just friends it didn't really matter. The young pair just wanted to get out of the way, the last thing they wanted was to make Daryl anymore unhappy than he'd recently been, so without a word and just a meek smile in Daryl's direction the two teens skittered off.
Without a word in Carol's direction, Daryl took his babies hands and guided them back to where they'd been colouring with a tiny handful of crayons. Glenn had managed to grab them during a supply run for more baby formula, they had been trying to stock up on as many items for the children as they could, Rick had insisted on it so they could minimise the amount of runs the group went on but still maximise their profits.
Daryl was just glad they had something to distract the children when he was busy.
Imogen grabbed two coloured crayons and thrust one in her father's hand as they sank into the grass. Daryl lay between his children in the grass and watched as they resumed their activities, the whole time Archer and Imogen were animatedly chatting at him, completely unaware Daryl was barely paying attention.
The man felt awkward and uncomfortable knowing Carol was watching at him, not because he was absently colouring in one of the scruffy books the children were using, he didn't really care if anybody saw that. It was because she knew exactly how vulnerable he was at that moment, Daryl was more concerned with all the sympathy and pity she was bound to show him.
Pity made Daryl's skin crawl, he didn't want to think about everything that had happened in the past few weeks. Woodbury. Merle. Imogen's sickness. Several nervous breakdowns. Daryl couldn't remember a time when he'd ever experienced such intense emotions, even when his mother died. Sure it had been upsetting but he was just a child, children bounce back, in his case quite literally. Daryl never had time to mourn for his mother thanks to his father.
Daryl blocked out any thought of Merle when he brought the twins into the prison, he was just trying to protect himself from the agony but Daryl should have known he would never escape the onslaught, it was always going to catch up with him whether he liked it or not. If he had prepared himself for that, maybe the breakdown wouldn't have been so severe. Maybe he wouldn't have even broke down at all.
Breakdowns like those were a once a year occurrence in the old world. Daryl would wake up one day feeling intensely overwhelmed and just run or drive as far as his body would let him, away from civilisation, up alone in the mountains where he could take down a handful of animals in blind rage or just sit and sob until night fall. Sometimes he would do both.
Merle was missing most of the time, so Daryl didn't have to worry about his older brother finding him. If Merle had ever found Daryl sobbing and crying then he would have been beaten and tormented into oblivion, Merle would have done some unforgivable things if he found Daryl crying.
But in this new apocalyptic world, there was no heading for a private sanctuary. Being completely and truly alone was no longer going to be possible, ever. There was always going to be someone hanging around and bothering him, preventing him from being able to just let go in private.
Beyond that, everything was so excessively full-on. The stress of this new day-to-day life combined with the emotional stress of having to murder your own brother made sanity pretty difficult to find. Being a full-time father, hunter and protector left very little time for Daryl to relax. Not that Daryl ever relaxed before, even Carol wasn't able to bring the man's stress levels down properly.
The group always tried to make dealing with his issues easier but they never could get it right, not without either pushing Daryl too far or not pushing far enough and as much as he didn't want to include Carol in that group. Daryl had to. She had the best intentions no doubt but she was just like the others in this case. Carol often pushed the redneck to get answers and inadvertently she would sometimes drive him away. Daryl was scared of being opened emotionally then abandoned, the pain would be unbearable.
Not that he'd ever admit he was scared. Daryl wasn't allowed to be afraid of anyone or anything.
"Rick wants to talk to the Governor, get the answers we need... then he's gone." Carol said very gently after a while of silence. Daryl froze rigid as he stared down at the colouring book. Carol didn't want to hurt him but Daryl had to know. "He wants to know if you'll join them, try to work out what he wants from us." A small pause as Carol watched Daryl shift. "...From you."
The tense quiet that immediately followed Carol's speech made her a little nervous and uncomfortable. In his mind Daryl was reeling from the prospect of being anywhere near the Governor again but on the outside, he was giving nothing away. His recent emotional expenditure made Daryl promise himself not to let go again, not like that and not so obviously either.
Daryl slowly looked up from the floor, when he met Carol's eyes, the man finally let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. The woman smiled very gently, keeping their eyes connected as their minds silently spoke volumes.
The man let his half a crayon fall to the floor as his heart rate picked up a little, Carol had a strange power over him. Just looking at Carol made his heart do somersaults and tricks but not always in a good way, sometimes she really scared him.
Daryl had never felt anything like his feelings for Carol before. At first her care and attention made him uncomfortable, but after she melted through the ice around his heart, the attention started to make him feel better. He wanted her to keep showing him love and dedication, but with this feeling came a great amount of confusion and fear.
There was nobody to explain why Daryl's heart jumped when Carol smiled, there was no one who could help Daryl understand these emotions that were almost too grown up for him.
"I-I... ain't goin' near 'im, got a mess of other things to do." Daryl said calmly breaking the connection to glance between his children. Carol couldn't really blame Daryl for his immediate response, even though he seemed collected on the surface, inside the man would have been a mix of emotions and feelings.
Fear. Revenge. Anger.
The Governor was an evil man whose actions were bound to have an effect on Daryl, no doubt for the rest of his life. The Governor scared everyone, but he was targeting Daryl for a reason. "Got an important date with the local wildlife to keep up?" Carol asked jokingly trying to make the mood lighter and easier as she diverted her gaze down to little Judith, stroking her cheek with a little grin.
The way Daryl scoffed made Carol's smile bloom like a flower in the sun. "Don't push it, woman." He replied carefully trying to be serious but gentle too, it was times like these Carol would make a dirty joke so Daryl braced for impact for the second time in just a few minutes.
But it wasn't embarrassment from an excessively flirtatious joke that rushed to Daryl, or the children running at him, it was the piercing sounds of Judith crying. At the sound of Daryl's voice, the tiny baby had burst into tears just to get his attention. Judith had become very attached to Daryl after he gave her a bottle the day she was born so whenever she heard his voice but could not see him, the little girl would cry out desperate for a little of Daryl's attention.
Daryl huffed as he placed the crayon Imogen gave him back into the little red box, he would never actually admit it but colouring was very therapeutic. Without hesitating the man walked around his children and sat beside Carol, neither of them saying a word as he slid one arm under the baby, lifting her effortlessly from Carol's lap to his, where little Judith immediately stopped crying and grinned.
If there was one thing Daryl hated more than his father and the Governor and the walkers was the sound of children crying. The sound of the twins crying drove a sharp knife straight through Daryl's heart, if they fussed for attention, Daryl could cope. But if the twins cried out because they were scared or in pain, that would almost physically destroy Daryl's soul.
Every time a child cried, it reminded Daryl of his childhood.
The interaction between the redneck and Rick's tiny baby made Carol smile, Daryl's ability with children still amazed her. For someone who was so closed off and emotionally detached, his openness with the baby and his own children was beautiful. As soon as Judith arrived Daryl was loving and gentle, she seemed to have soften his sharp edges and just in time for the twins to come back.
"You know...being a dad suits you." Carol said gently watching the man use his free hand to brush little Judy's nose, the little girl was smiling with happiness as she looked up at the scruffy man above her.
Judith reached out for his calloused hand as it passed over her skin making Daryl smirk, Carol's words took a few seconds to settle in.
Daryl glanced over at Carol and smiled awkwardly at the woman beside him. Nobody had ever told him fatherhood was well suited, Merle was the only person who ever commented on him being a father. Merle had said a lot of incredibly awful things about having children, they were never actually aimed at the children but those comments were still horrifically painful. "Think so?"
It was a quiet whisper, he was so unsure of himself. Probably a little nervous Carol would take that statement back and tell Daryl he was awful, she would tell him he didn't deserve such lovely children. That was what Merle and the twin's mother said, whether they were high or not it didn't matter.
They would stumble in the front door and laugh in his face as he sat on the floor with the little ones, they would tell Daryl he was worthless. The most painful remarks were the ones that said he was a shit father, no matter what Daryl did with those children, the drug addled fools would still hurl abuse and hurt him.
The twin's mother would crawl out of Merle's bed the next morning and hiss horrific abuse. He was a waste of space, the twins deserved better than him and they were never going to love him.
Without thinking Carol reached up and tugged at the collar of Daryl's shirt, readjusting the scruffy material as he sat with the youngest member of the Atlanta group. Daryl subconsciously held his breath when Carol's hand approached his neck, the man was expecting her to strike him even though he knew the woman would never lay a hand on him. His fear was still lingering.
Carol on the other hand was thinking about the warmth Daryl's skin radiated, without actually touching him, she could feel his natural body heat. The heat that made her want to curl up beside him again, keep her warm during the cold winter nights.
They had done it before. While they were sleeping out in the prison yard on the first night, they both pretended not to notice how close together they were that night, Carol tried not to make a fuss when he moved so he was just an inch away. That new found closeness provided Carol with all the warmth she needed and supported Daryl through his period of loneliness.
"You are a wonderful father." Carol said in a gentle voice, the entire time she let her fingers graze the back of his recently cleaned neck. He must have showered before coming out. Without thinking Daryl absently rolled his shoulders and leaned into Carol's touch.
Daryl sighed and watched little Judith grip at his finger, her tiny hand barely wrapped around him. It reminded Daryl of his first time with the children, the twin's mother held Imogen in her arms as Daryl clutched Archer, letting the tiny baby cling to him.
It was a moment Daryl would never forget, the birth of his perfect little children. Twins were hard work but completely worth it, he adored his children.
Just the thought that one day his tiny babies would grow up in to a man and his little girl would become a beautiful woman, left him reeling. "I gotta know what happen'd t' their Momma." Daryl whispered almost as if he didn't want to admit it. She hated him but he had to know so he could explain to the children when they were older.
At the sound of their mother, both the twins looked up and met Daryl's eyes, it was like they knew what it meant. He would have to talk to the Governor. Archer blinked before turning back to the colouring book but Imogen stood, making her way towards her father.
Carol smiled and shifted her hand to his waist earning herself a sideways glance but no complaint, that gave the little girl plenty of room to wrap her arms around Daryl's neck. "Baby daddy, baby." Imogen said weaving her fingers through Daryl's hair. Carol had noticed the way both his children liked to hold fistfuls of his hair, almost like he was their very own security blanket, now his hair was longer it was easier to clutch.
Grabbing at Daryl prevented him from getting away but also made the twins feel comfortable and safe. It was like Daryl's need to hold his crossbow almost constantly, the Dixon's all needed to hold something in order to feel secure. "Yeah, it's a baby, Peach." He said looking up into the tiny blonde girl's eyes, what did he do to deserve such a beautiful little girl and a handsome little boy? "Judith." Daryl said in the softest voice Carol had ever heard him use.
It was a voice filled with love and dedication as well as complete adoration, the man smirked a little when his daughter repeated the baby's name. Imogen beamed with happiness and repeated Judith's name after seeing the way Daryl smiled at her.
Judith gurgled with joy and reached a hand out to Imogen, clutching Daryl's finger with one hand while trying to grab at the female twin. That little action made Imogen giggle with happiness and Judith smiled in return.
The care free moment with his daughter and Rick's daughter had Daryl distracted for a little while, keeping his mind away from the heavy topic of the Governor and the twin's mother. Daryl had struggled long enough with his mental issues and if anyone deserved a distraction most, it was definitely him.
To Carol it was pretty obvious what happened to the children's mother, there were three possible outcomes. The woman had either become a walker after catching the virus, she could have become walker bait or she was still alive. Hiding out somewhere with another group.
Daryl was obviously torn about the woman. He didn't particularly like her but she was still the mother of his children, she had brought them into the world so it was only fair she got to see them grow up.
Carol couldn't imagine the pain Archer and Imogen's mother must have been going through if she was still alive. Carol had lost her daughter and it was living hell, but the twins mother, she had lost both her children pretty early on. She had no idea if her babies were even alive, it must have been horrific thinking she might bump into the pair as walkers, there was no closure.
As Imogen giggled and gripped Daryl's neck, Carol couldn't help but notice the way Archer looked up at his sister and father. Carol expected Archer to feel jealousy, because his twin sister seemed to have a stronger bond with his father and he didn't. The little boy smiled and met Daryl's eyes, in that moment Carol could see the very different and very unique bond Archer had with his father.
Imogen liked to be in contact with Daryl, Imogen liked to physically hold Daryl, she liked to thread her fingers through his hair and just feel him. But Archer was different. More independent.
He didn't need to hold Daryl constantly so long as he could see his father, Archer didn't need to be cuddled all the time. He sought out comfort when he wanted it, Archer would reach for Daryl when he felt afraid but overall he was quite happy to be left alone.
The male side of the twins was very much like his father, independent. Perfect.
The varying difference between the co-dependent twins had Carol really intrigued. She wanted to see exactly how similar they were but at the same time, she wanted to know how different the children were.
"I gotta face 'im." Daryl said quietly his attention still focused on Imogen and Judith. "Ain't gonna hide." The words came out a little quieter than Carol was used to, Daryl's voice was no more than a meek whisper.
Despite trying to be courageous and typically Daryl, he wasn't convincing anyone with his shaky voice and avoiding eyes. Carol let her fingers trail up and down his side and noticed the way Daryl tensed but didn't flinch, he was still slightly nervous when it came to physical touch but the man was trying to defeat his demons.
Touch was still incredibly foreign and made Daryl twitchy, Carol half expected him to push her hand away as she caressed his side. But Carol was more surprised when she felt his fingers brush hers, Daryl wasn't holding her hand and he wouldn't look at her but it was something.
It was a mark of bravery.
He wanted to show her he cared but he was still a little nervous. The sensation sent Carol's heart racing just like every time, not only because Daryl touched her but because she was able to incite courage in somebody.
Carol couldn't revel in the touch of his hands because Daryl had already been distracted, his fingers moved to the inside of his elbow, tracing the deep pink marks. He had lost sight of the baby and his children, Daryl was solely focusing on the evidence of his horrific treatment.
The man's rough fingers grazed the pink marks but snapped away instantly when Carol reached out to brush the man away. Carol didn't want Daryl to think about that now, especially not after getting himself emotionally and mentally back on track. "Nobody blames you for being scared."
Daryl snorted in disgust like the normal Daryl would. He was never usually afraid of anyone or anything but just the thought of the Governor sent painful shivers down his spine and made him feel sick to his stomach, there was only one other man who ever had such a phenomenal effect on his mentality. Daddy.
"When we gonna do this?"
The question made Carol look up from Judith and meet Daryl's steely eyes directly. "We don't have to do it now." She said gently, Carol wasn't sure Daryl would handle that kind of meeting yet. He had just got back on the mental track. "We can wait until you're ready."
Something unusual flashed through Daryl's eyes. "I wanna do this. Today."