I Screamed For You
***
Was this over
Before
Before it ever began
Your lips
Your lies
Like the devils in your hands
***
Chapter 8 ½: I Fell In Love With Your Mistakes
BPOV
I sat in my room. Edward was across the room from me. He knew there was something wrong with me. But I didn't really wanna talk about it, he couldn't know. Alice knew, I felt guilty but in a sense I wouldn't have changed one single thing about it.
"did he hurt you Bella?"
Far from it…
"No. he didn't." I muttered. I felt distant from Edward. For some reason I didn't wanna be anywhere near him. And he just didn't get it. What happened with Jacob played through and through my head.
The wedding played over and over in my head too. I was staying here one last night then me and Edward were going to our 'honeymoon' as if I needed it.
"Please Bella tell me. I have to know. if he hurt you, God help him"
"He didn't hurt me Edward." I said it a little more snappy then I should have I could see the hurt in his eyes.
"Do you just wanna be alone Bella?"
"I guess. I kinda do" I mumbled
"Okay. You know you can call me if you need me, love" he flitted to my side and kissed me lightly on the forehead before dissapearing out the window
I sighed again. And my cellphone rang. I wished I could growl at that moment. I just wanted to be alone didn't anyone get that? I picked it up
"Hello?" I said sharply
"Bella. Sorry for waking you" it was Billy
"Billy? Whats wrong?"
"Its Jacob Actually .you should get down here as soon as possible."
"Is he okay?! Is he hurt?!" I said I jumped out of bed in a hurry
"You should just get down here. And don't worry Bells. Just get down here"
The line went dead. I snapped it shut and grabbed my car keys running out the front door, I jumped into the truck and missed the keyhole a few times in my haste
"Calm down"
"AH!"
I jumped at the sudden voice in the cab of the truck, I turned and Jacob was sitting in the truck
"How the hell-"
"Like I said. Calm down"
"That's the worst thing you can say to someone who is panicking! And how are you here? Arent you there?!"
"I left."
"Well then WHY am I rushing over there. I thought you were hurt- or, or… or killed, or victoria—"
He cut me off again
"Bella. You NEED to calm down" He smiled like this was humorous to him.
"Why are you SMILING?"
"Because. You should see your face"
"Why are you here?"
"Like I said. If you werent panicking, you would have heard me tell you I left."
"Okay. I get that. Then what was wrong with you?"
He looked away from me ashamed.
"Jacob?" I mumbled. the words seemed the echo in the small area of the cab
"Bella… I just…"he sighed. I thought about yesterday again. And the wedding came to my mind again. I don't even know why I still went through with it.
"Jake?"
He sighed and his breath caught in his throat.
"I don't know. okay. I just…I was depressed… and… i did what I always do… and it just… I don't remember anything except waking up with a leech in the room telling me to breathe evenly. And just… everything spun out of control like I was on some sort of crazy ride. And I remember… cold… for the first time in a long time. I was cold, and I could hear Carlisle telling me to breathe and I couldn't. I kept choking… the same way I always do. And I just… I… I don't know. and then when I felt a bit better I came to you. I don't know why I'm here. But I'm just… so drawn to you Bella. I cant… I just I cant live without you… I will die. I'm not being dramatic. I cant… I just…" he seemed to be choking on something like he had when I saw him last
"What did you do?"
"I tried to kill myself…"
"How?"
"Does it matter? I tried. and I failed."
"Carlisle saved you?"
"You could say that."
"Do they know you are gone?"
"No. Billy doesn't. I'm sure Carlisle heard me leave. I had to run. I needed to get out of there. I was suffocating on the air in there. And I just, I cant explain the pain Bella…"
I sighed as I looked into his dark pained eyes. He looked like he was in a lot of pain. I didn't know what to do. I put my hand out and touched his face lightly he cradled his face into my hand
"You have no idea how much earlier meant to me Bella. You will never ever understand. And then you chose him. After what we shared… it… I almost wish I could have been srong enough to say no to you… so atleast then I wouldn't always know what we shared was just a lie… its like… your love is just a lie to me…"
I felt tears stinging my eyes I dropped my hand to my lap
"No… don't stop… please…" he muttered his voice was strained. He was choking again.
"its not a lie. I love you Jake. More than anything in the world"
"Than why are you with HIM? Your gonna give up your life to him and you don't even love him?"
"I do love him. Just maybe not like I love you…"
He scoffed and ran his fingers through his hair
"you know your giving me up when you turn into his kind?"
I hadnt thought throughly about this apparentlyin the back of my head in a way I still imagined myself being with Jacob whenever I wanted and however I chose to be with him. But I was giving that up…
"it just clicked didn't it?" he muttered sourly
I nodded.
He scoffed again and shook his head I put the keys in the ignition and started it
"Come on I'm gonna take you home…" she said quietly
"That's it?"
"Yeah… that's all I can do Jacob."
A snarl ripped through his chest violently
"This isnt how it is supposed to be! You are giving me up! And you never think about how this feels for me!" I had never heard Jacob yell at me I put my head down and started backing out. I coudlnt think. But I just drove and drove in silence. Jacob got out of the car as soon as we were there and stalked off towards his house
"Jake."
"Bye bells. Have a great time being one of them…" Carlisles mercedes was in the driveway he appeared in the doorway and looked at me and then Jake and shook his head.