Choices in front of her? What choices in front of her? Where she was going to live? How she was going to live? What kind of choices could the woman possibly have that being pregnant would make a huge difference in them? She would still have to live somewhere, hidden from humanity. She would still have to figure out a way to care for an infant. Even with money, and with humans to do the shopping for her, she would be hard pressed for someone not to notice a 12 year old always shopping alone and buying diapers and baby wipes. There could be no huge difference, only small ones.
Perhaps the huge difference had to do with her host, their Master she had called him. Phoenix did not like the sound of a Master of anyone, certainly not one that would be so blatant as to call himself that. Perhaps he didn't. Perhaps Eliza referred to him as that because she could think of no other way to do so. Did the Grey Cats refer to Chategris as their master? She wasn't sure, she realized she never heard anyone refer to him as anything other than Chategris or him. But the word 'their' denoted more than one, so this was a group of mutants. Would they not readily accept another member of their household? Even Chategris, who probably saw no use for infants whatsoever, would accept one with open arms as an additional member of his group. Or, perhaps he'd send it to her first, and then accept it after it was grown a little. But she decided to stay with him…she shrugged the thought off. There would be no infants or staying with Chategris in her future, so there was no need to contemplate it.
Phoenix kept her eyes on the dishes she was rinsing in the cold water coming from the faucet, as they'd never been able to get to hot water heater to work. She placed each wet dish on the dish rack, and shook her head at Eliza's apology. "There is no need to be sorry," she said. "That is why you are here in the first place." She glanced up to see Eliza's face, which was still looking at what she washing, her face filled with a type of scared desperation. She saw, with the ferret's sleeves rolled up, the bandages on her elbows. A fear gripped her, what had Eliza done that she needed bandages on one of the most easily accessible veins on her body? She didn't seem like the kind of person who would intentionally hurt herself, but then, one could never know. Desperation made people do things they would never normally do. "It looks as if someone else was trying to find something out," she said, motioning to Eliza's arms with her head. Please let that be right, and it not be a suicide attempt.
She saw Phoenix motion towards the now visible bandages and felt embarrassed that she could have been so careless. Still, Eliza supposed that there was no way around an explanation, the healer would have seen them at some point or other that day.
"It was an accident." She shrugged her shoulders trying to downplay the incident. "Do you remember the teenager I told you about last week? The girl Gwyn was having a sleepover with?" The ferret saw Phoenix nod her head as she handed her another dish. "Well, her father was mutated as well, but unfortunately he did not retain his ability to reason. He became more animal than human. He's roaming the city, unable to understand that they are just trying to help."
Eliza had to pause, swallowing the lump trying to take up residence in her throat. No matter the lot she had drawn, she knew she was better off than what had happened to Kirby O'Neil. "Anyway, one of the boys I live with, Donnie, is trying to cure him. He thinks that we were both altered by the same batch of mutagen and so I am the best subject to analyze and test on." She passed her friend the last of cleaned dishes and reached for hand towel to dry the fur on her forearms.
After drying she put the towel down she pushed the sleeve on her left arm up higher and quickly unraveled the bandages. "He usually takes samples from this side." She showed the healer her inner arm, a shaved strip making the track marks evident. Some of the pinprick punctures were old and barely visible, others still fresh with light bruising. "Yesterday he couldn't hit the vein. Guess it collapsed from too many draws." She took in a large breath, more like sigh, and moved to repeat the process on her right arm.
This time she moved with greater care, the bandages taking on a pinkish tint the further she went. "Unfortunately, he didn't fair to well on this side either." The last layer fell away to reveal an arm that was deep purple and blue, the bruise extending past the shaved part of her arm, its true size hidden by her fur. A sterile pad was stuck in the crook of her elbow, rusted reddish brown with dried blood. "He hit an artery by accident. It took a while for the bleeding to stop and I may have fainted."
She looked at Phoenix guiltily, like a child caught playing in puddles while wearing their Sunday best. "I remembered what you said about being anemic, so I was taking iron pills. He wanted samples the day we meet but I was able to stall him till yesterday. I didn't think a couple of vials would make a difference. Of course I wasn't expecting this." She relaxed her arms an let them fall to her sides. "Still, his work is important, so being an occasional pin cushion is worth it if Donnie can succeed in making a retro-mutagen. Don't you think?"
Phoenix blinked at Eliza, and knew she was taking much too long to answer her question. She had to repeat everything Eliza said in her head to make sure she heard her correctly. At first, her attention was drawn to a mutant who was more animal than human, being unable to understand someone wanting to help him. A great gush of pity went out to this man whom she didn't even know, she didn't even know what he'd been mutated into, who could no longer reason. She'd never met a mutant that couldn't, but then, why would she? It would not be they who came to her for help, now would it?
Her attention was ripped from that feeling, deep but fleeting, by "…one of the boys I live with is trying to cure him…" She repeated the phrase in her head over and over, quite sure that she had misheard and something wasn't clicking with her brain. A cure? How can there be a cure for a mutation?
As Eliza unwrapped her arms, she felt her face contort to something that must have been unpleasant, because the feeling that bubbled up was horror. Her arm looked like Aries had stomped on it. The people she was living with had the apparatus to take blood? To anaylize it? To try to create a cure for mutation?
"…making a retromutagen. Don't you agree?" she heard Eliza say, but it was if her voice was coming from the television in the background, as if the question wasn't being asked of her.
She reached out and took Eliza's arm, bringing it up to her to examine it without her permission. Where the fur had been shaved, the purple of her skin was hot from bruising. Resting Eliza's elbow in her hand, she ran her finger over the crook of her elbow, removing the stuck sterile pad with the motion, the light that felt like ants lazily working its way from her hands to her thumb to the skin of the ferret. The pricks on her arm began to close over with skin, the little red dots disappearing completely, purple of the bruise slowly began to turn black, and then fade to green, then yellow, and then only a slight tinge of beige was left when the ants no longer gathered in her palms. She let go of Eliza's arm, and looked up to her face, not sure at all what she must have looked like, because she could think of absolutely nothing to say.
"A retromutagen?" she managed to strangle out, as if she was being choked and her larynx wouldn't work right. It was all that she could get to come out of her mouth, but she wasn't sure how it got from her brain to her tongue.
When the ferret exposed her arms she had expected some sort of reaction. However the look of horror bordering on disgust the healer was giving her was a bit more extreme than she had anticipated. After all, she had to imagine that the woman had seen much worse in her adopted line of work.
As the silence between them grew heavier Eliza began to fidget, shifting from one foot to the other. Perhaps it had been a mistake to tell her about the role Eliza played in Donatello's efforts. Before she could follow that train of thought any farther Phoenix took her abused arm and began to examine it without saying a word.
As the healer's soft touch danced across the bruised flesh Eliza began to feel a warm tingling sensation and it took all her willpower not to jerk away. Then before her eyes the medicine woman's fingertips began to glow and the wounded skin began to change color. Eliza looked on in awe as the skin healed and the pain decreased till all but slightest hint of any injury was completely gone. When the healer released her arm she couldn't help but brush her fingertips across the area. She was amazed that her prodding did not induce pain, only the slight throbbing of her pulse, as it should be, was present.
She was pulled from her examination by Phoenix's strangled question, and looking into her eyes there was confusion, but also a hint of outrage and fear. Eliza now felt that she had traversed into territory that she shouldn't have. Regardless, she felt compelled to expound on the issue since the healer had obviously asked for clarification. "Y-yes. Donnie thinks that he can find a way to reverse the mutation, to make us human again." She tried to smile but the look on her friends' face made her shrink instead. Suddenly she felt overwhelmed by the need to justify the effort, Donnie and herself.
"I know that it's taking a lot longer than he thought it would but… but the kid is a bonafide genius. I'm sure that Donnie will find a cure." She began to wring her hands and avoided looking into the healer's eyes. "He promised April. He would do anything to keep a promise to her. He won't rest until she has her father back. Once he has perfected the formula and saved Kirby, th…then it will be my turn."
She snuck a glance at Phoenix, trying to judge her reaction but couldn't determine how she was feeling. Flustered she strode out of the kitchen and seated herself at the table, folded her arms and stared at the peeling formica. "I want my body back. I want Gwyn to be safe, away from this crazy city. I want the two of us to go home and live the lives we were meant to live." She didn't look up but sensed her friend's approach. "So I will do everything I can to help him. But," she swallowed the lump trying to form in her throat. "if I am pregnant, then I have an obligation to keep the baby safe. Even if means staying a mutant."
Phoenix chewed on her lip as Eliza stormed out of the kitchen. The woman had quite an air about her as she did so, frightened but present. As she had stuttered her explanation of what was happening in her life, Phoenix felt that her emotions were being batted about her heart. Reverse the mutation? What kind of sick person would tell a mutant that they could reverse the mutation process? So the kid was a bona fide genius. Surely other bona fide geniuses had tried to reverse the process. If this mutant…kid…had access to this kind of equipment, then surely there were other mutants out there, or human's related to mutants, who also had access. Adults, with a better education, with more experience. She had been angry, angry for Eliza at being lied to, angry at the people whom with she was staying, they did not seem to be much help at all in her plight, angry at Eliza for falling for such a ploy.
But the anger and disgust evaporated when Eliza said, "I want my body back." Compassion and guilt flooded in the space they had left in her heart. While Phoenix saw the miracle of Eliza's body for what it was, a strong, vibrant, healthy creation, a perfect blend of ferret and human, especially compared to many mutants out there, that did not mean it was the desired outcome of any experience. It was not a human body. She could not walk in the light of day, she could not live in an apartment, she could not take her Gwyn away from this crazy city. She was stuck here, for the remainder of her life, to live in the shadows and be a monster that haunted the nightmares of children.
Phoenix had wondered many times about the beginning of ones mutation, how hard it must be on them, both physically and emotionally. She had not experienced it, she had only become homeless, she had not been exiled to live a life in the night where she could not be seen by the rest of humanity. She could go about wherever she pleased, whenever she pleased throughout the entire city, or beyond. And there had never been the promise given to her of making things aright. This was the life she had, there was no changing it. But Eliza was being fed a plate of sweet tasting fabrications. That this was fixable, that she would be able to go back to the way things were.
She walked over to the table, shame welling up with each step as Eliza continued to talk. When the ferret did not look up, the Phoenix sank down in the chair next to her, putting her hands on her knees and facing the ferret. She wanted to say, "You are not obligated to do anything," but that would feeding into the lie that her hosts were perpetuating with her, so she said the next thing that came to mind, the same thing she'd told herself and her children, and so many of her patients so many times. "Perhaps," she said gently, shrugging, "this is the life you were meant to live."
When Phoenix sat next to her and posed the thought that this existence, shamed, shunned and disfigured, was what her life had been building towards, it was all she could do to reign in her anger. As it was, she felt her lip lift to expose her prominent canines and a slight growl escaped before she schooled her features to a blank calm. She knew who she was, or at least who she used to be. She had a place within society and fulfilled her role with competence and enthusiasm. It was this world that she didn't belong in. A place full of fighting, mutants, catastrophes and aliens, where she was alone and isolated.
As she attempted to calm her temper she closed her eyes and tried to think clearly. Phoenix had been living this life for a long time, decades compared to Eliza's scant months. Of course she would have a different perspective on life as a mutant. She obviously loved her children, all unique from each other, and wouldn't be put off by the differences. Just as she had readily accepted and comforted Eliza on the night they meet. Phoenix was secure in her role in this world. She had a purpose. She had family. Eliza was adrift, her presence was tolerated but not necessarily needed, and though she had Gwynevere, she was separated from all the people in her life that she had come to think of as family.
Now she was faced with the prospect of having a new family. In a way it was fulfilling the goal she had when embarking on this trip. To become whole again, to find someone who could love her and Gwyn equally and chase away the silence that permeated their home. She thought that Lee had been the one who would fill that role. Her heart twitched with pain at the thought of him. She had only been looking for an acceptable suitor, she hadn't meant to fall for him so hard. Now that night of stolen passion was proving to have some very long lasting consequences. She would have happily borne his child, but not like this, she hadn't chosen this. 'Decisions determine destiny' The quote came to mind and cut away all her excuses, she had made her choice that night, she would just have to live with the consequences.
The ferret-woman took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. She didn't like to wallow in self pity, but the challenges she had faced so far in life had in no way prepared her for this. But it was not as if she was without examples to look towards. Splinter had had his life changed just as dramatically, yet he took up the mantle of father-hood to raise the boys. She looked over at the small healer, waiting patiently for her response. The Phoenix was a woman, of unique abilities, who had chosen to raise mutant children despite being human enough to walk the streets during the day. She would not be alone if she had to parent a mutant child, it was a small pool from which to seek guidance, but at least it was better than nothing.
Eliza nodded her head twice, unable to find the right words to express all that she was feeling. With a cleansing breath she gathered her wits back around her. Wrapping herself in a cloak of logic and determination she set her emotions and fears aside till they could be either be confirmed or denied. She sat up and squared her shoulders, turning slightly face the Phoenix, her hands falling to her lap to become a mirror of the smaller woman's posture.
"You may be right." She said with more strength than she truly felt. "But there is no use in making that decision till we know all the facts." She took a small breath and released it in a huff through her nose, her body relaxing slightly with the act. "I'm ready to find out." Eliza tilted her head and smiled softly. "After all, destiny waits for no man, or ferret."