AN: I've recently discovered the joys of adding cinnamon liqueur to hot chocolate to make the perfect nightcap, now if only I had a few scantily clad manservants to bring it to me my life would be perfect.
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Bilbo was a very happy Hobbit. Everyone who saw him in the Shire could only say 'That Bilbo Baggins is one happy Hobbit' as Bilbo passed them. The reason? He finally had a way out of his endless-seeming repeating cycle and could finally die.
Now, you may think this sounds morbid, but if you were to ask the middle-aged looking Hobbit he would tell you that it truly isn't so. He would also tell you that, being a Hobbit, he was never meant to live too far past a single century and is now several passed that and feels he's lived plenty long enough, thank you very much, and mind your own business in the future.
So it is a happy Bilbo Baggins that packs the few things he wishes to take with him, makes a very public showing of gifting his young cousin Drago Baggins Bag End and all that remains inside- while memorizing the sour looks the Sackville-Baggins' sport at that announcement- and makes his way out of the Shire and towards Bree before sending a rather detailed letter to a certain Gray Wizard and heading towards a very familiar path through the Misty Mountains one last time.
Golum seemed to put up more of a fight than usual for the Ring, Bilbo noted, but brushed it off as his having become complacent with the knowledge that this would be the last time he'd have to deal with either the foul creature or the evil trinket of doom. Placing the evil piece of gold in his pocket, Bilbo proceeded to ignore it and its whispers of disgruntlement. If Bilbo had given it any thought he might have been more upset that the small bit of jewellery seemed to remember him and what his plans for it were.
Sooner than expected, Bilbo was making his way into the Lonely Mountain once again and facing a heavily drugged Dragon, only this time it was for more than talking.
"A... (cough) purifying... ritual... (weeze) How..." Smaug managed to gasp out as he tried to keep an eye on the small creature killing him slowly with poison, such an inglorious way to die, though Smaug had to admit the little thing knew what it was doing as he couldn't seem to fight off the effects. It was almost as if the small thing had practice in how much poison to give a Dragon to keep it down.
"Lots of time and a great deal of patients." Bilbo muttered as he set up the purifying ritual, the hardest part being having to create an unbroken ring around the Dragon in salt and dried herbs. It took a LOT of salt and herbs to ring Smaug entirely.
"How... (gasp) many... (weeze)(cough)" Bilbo didn't even look up from his careful pouring to the immobile Dragon using the last of its energy to question it's fate.
"How many times have I killed you? This will be my... eleventh time, though my last as well. Hopefully." Bilbo muttered the last as he finished the circle and could now start the ritual.
"Why... (cough) continue... (weeze)? You... could... (gasp) have... (weeze) lived... peace(cough)fully." Bilbo's shoulders slumped for a moment before squaring again.
"Because it's all I know anymore." With that Bilbo waved his hand and lit the candles he'd placed earlier before beginning to chant.
Bilbo could feel Smaug's Magic trying to fight the purification, but being already so weakened by the poison the Dragon didn't stand a chance in the face of the Hobbit's determination.
And then Bilbo felt it, the Curse, it was trying to bind to him once more as it was obvious the weakened Dragon wouldn't survive this. Bilbo redoubled his efforts and poured more Magic into the ritual.
Bilbo could feel the Curse finally breaking up under the pressure of the ritual, but then he felt a burning coming from his pocket as the Ring flared its power. Distracted for but a moment, Bilbo missed it as the ritual ended and Smaug lay still in the middle of a burnt and smouldering ring.
A revealing spell showed no more Magic connecting him to Smaug- The ritual had worked!- so Bilbo brushed off the Ring's interference as a petty attempt to mess with him, same as when it called bandits and thieves to attack him while on the road, and forgot about it.
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Thranduil was more than willing to house Bilbo, who was nice enough to bring him a large chest full of white gems, while the Hobbit waited for Gandalf to arrive with the Dwarves he'd been asked to pick up, and so Bilbo got to get reacquainted with his old home. That is why when the Wizard and Company were finally escorted to the formal dinning Hall some weeks later it was to see a scene of much laughter as a Hobbit told stories of things that happened and yet had not yet, and never would, come to pass.
"So then he said 'I double-dare you!', so what could I do then? You can't back down from a double-dare, it'd be an insult to the Family Honor!"
"But you didn't do such a thing, did you?" Legolas asked, as enraptured as many others were by the tale. Though Thranduil looked a cross between interested and mortified.
"I did, and it was right embarrassing too I tell you! Dressing up as a harlet from the East and doing a strip tease in the middle of the Throne room... it didn't matter that he was the only one to see me, it was still embarrassing! And that is why I swore to never play Truth or Dare with the Elvin King ever again!" Uproarious laughter filled the Hall until the Dwarves and Wizard were noticed. And if a slightly red looking Thranduil greeted them with more enthusiasm than he otherwise would have none chose to comment.
"Oh, and in my fourth life when I was living with the Dwarves and taught THEM the game... Well! I bet none of you can even guess what oddities they chose to Dare each other to do." Bilbo threw a wicked grin at the confused Company. Gandalf had informed them of the Hobbit who had traveled through Time, but until now none had truly believed it.
"Now gather around everyone and I'll tell you the story of 'The King's Stolen Chamberpot', or 'The Day Prince Fili Swore Off Honeymede'! And I tell you all now, no one was happy until that chamberpot was found and returned; even if it had already been melted down into Courting Beads and presented to the Prince's Intended!" Not even the Company could help but laugh at that, even if they didn't understand what the story was about, and the night wore on with many more tales from the Hobbit before everyone retired.
The next day Bilbo set off with the Company to Erebor and filled Gandalf in on all the details he'd left out of his letter, not even getting upset when the Wizard looked indulgently down on him and murmmered quietly about surprising Hobbits. Bilbo was feeling just too good with life and the freedom he now had to find anything irritating.
"So, what are your plans now that you no longer have a Dragon to worry about or another lifetime to contend with?" Gandalf asked as they watched the Dwarves beginning to clear the Gates of their home now that they could.
"I still have the Ring to destroy, but after that... travel? As a Fauntling I always dreamed of traveling and having adventures, and I guess I now have time to do so." Bilbo considered his options a moment before turning a mischievous smirk on the Gray Wizard. "And once I'm bored of traveling I think I could be convinced to settle down and transcribe a few, dozen, texts I memorized from my time with the Dray up North." Gandalf began to choke on his smoke then just as Bilbo had hoped for. It was always good to get one over on the old codger.
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Many years had passed since Bilbo had finally freed himself from Smaug's Curse and the Hobbit was quite content with the life he'd led this time around. He'd traveled to the distant East, explored the lands to the South, rubbed Saruman's face in the fact he'd gotten around the Dray's policy of not letting their knowledge out of their City and even managed to get Lord Elrond and Lady Galadriel involved in a game of the now infamous game of Truth or Dare.
Once was enough and it was vowed by all within the Last Homley Home to never speak of it again. Gandalf was thankfully spared the sight but was always after confused as to why many of the Elves flinched whenever kumquats and garter belts were mentioned.
Now it was Bilbo's time to once again embrace that everlasting sleep and to awaken within Yavana's Garden for his eternal rest. Closing his eyes Bilbo let himself, in his three hundred year old body, finally rest...
Opening his eyes again Bilbo's first thought was 'Yavana's Garden looks a great deal like my old Smial'. After that was just a lot of cursing and the sounds of items breaking, it scared the neighbors.
It took several hours for the Hobbit to calm down and leave his completely destroyed room for some calming tea, though in the kitchen he got another shock as he looked at his calendar.
"Five years... shouldn't it be five and a half now? Five years was last time..."
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Half a World away, just as Bilbo began destroying his bedroom, a massive head lifted itself above a pile a golden treasure, opened eyes several years too soon and thought to itself 'That was an odd dream. As if a creature so puny could ever truly get the better of ME.' before laying down once more; though it never truly sank back into its previous deep sleep. That dream had been very vivid, after all.