Summary: "I'd be honoured for you to join my family, Uncle Jim."
Notes: This chapter contains many points of view to capture the events as best they can. It's a long chapter and it's currently unbeta'd. I couldn't wait any longer to get it out. I'm currently quite a few chapters ahead on this fic, so I reckon I'll be able to update perhaps once a day/once every few days until it's done. Thank you to everyone who's read so far.
Joanna woke that morning with one thought on her mind. She had made the decision and that was that. Last night, hearing everyone talking about space, seeing Jim's longing as he looked at the stars, seeing the delicate dance between her father and Jim play out…
She was going to sign up.
She scanned in the paperwork onto her PADD. The only thing she needed was the parental consent. She crept from her room. Her father was in the shower. She had to be quick.
She found his wallet discarded on the kitchen counter and quickly grabbed his Starfleet Identity card. His signature was scrawled across the bottom of it. She scanned it, her heart in her mouth, before replacing it and creeping back to her room.
The sound of water shut off just as she stepped inside. A bit of doctoring later and it looked passably like her father had actually signed the thing. She checked over her application one more time before sending it off.
It felt like the right thing to have done, but she knew she was in for a world of trouble when her mother found out.
Ambassador Sarek's house was beautiful. Situated on a cliff at the top of the bay, it looked out over the city. One of the walls was made entirely out of glass, showing off the spectacular view. Joanna pressed her hand to the glass as she looked out over it.
The whole house had an almost alien feel to it. The layout was distinctly different from the standard earth layout, but in ways Joanna couldn't have described. The art was Vulcan, what had been saved and preserved at any rate. Spock and Nyota were completely at home there, but her father seemed rather on edge, as though every item from the Vulcan home world was a reminder of a failing of his own.
Joanna hadn't broached the subject of the destruction of Vulcan with her father, guessing that it was probably not a happy memory. She was even less likely to bring it up with Spock in the room, knowing that would be even more insensitive. Still, it felt odd, a small slice of Vulcan in the middle of San Francisco.
"You have a beautiful home here," her father said, sounding stiff. Joanna turned to see Spock incline his head at the compliment.
"My mother worked to ensure that this house was kept well. My father merely continued to run it in accordance to her wishes," he said and Joanna saw her father stiffen slightly. Joanna looked between them for a moment before Nyota smoothly cut in.
"Pasha says that he and Sulu will be here soon. Shall we go get the best spots by the pool before they try to steal the spots in the sun?" she asked, gesturing for them to follow her. Spock nodded and her father relaxed minutely, looking over to Joanna. She moved away from the window, picking up her bag as she did so.
"Spock's mother was human, right?" Joanna asked quietly, when the two of them fell back. Her father's mouth thinned into a line but he nodded once. Nyota led them through what was most likely a kitchen and out the back into the garden.
The garden was not what she had expected. Vulcan being a desert planet, she had expected something arid, a few shrubs perhaps, but instead the scent of roses and flowers assaulted her senses. It was lush and green. There was a veranda with a large table on it, cushioned chairs around it and trailing vines twining around the wood. In front of it stretched the pool, crystal clear and brightest blue, it's waters still. Beside it was a lawn with a few benches scattered about in alcoves where flowers and grasses seemed to almost claim them into the greenery.
Joanna put her bag down on the veranda, staring out at the garden in awe. Nyota stepped beside her, looking over it herself for a moment, before she started to strip off her clothes. She had a bikini beneath her clothes and Joanna turned away, slightly embarrassed.
She had known Nyota was toned and slim, but she felt self-conscious all of sudden. Her own body wasn't anything in comparison and she wondered if they'd be compared. Nyota was all sleek elegance and Joanna knew that her own frame was… homelier. She wondered if it would be okay to leave her things on.
Nyota dropped her clothes into a pile before reaching for a white shirt that was hanging over one of the chairs. She pulled it over her shoulders. It covered her pretty well, ending just below her crotch.
"I do not remember you acquiring my permission to borrow my clothes," Spock's dry comment came from the table, where he was now placing a tray with a pitcher of what looked to be lemonade and a series of glasses. Her father had taken a seat there, fidgeting slightly.
"What's mine is yours, what's yours is mine," Nyota replied, smiling over her shoulder. Spock's lips quirked upwards slightly.
"Perhaps the Captain's confusion has affected your own reasoning, Nyota, but I feel the need to remind you that by Terran standards, we are not yet married," he said. Nyota laughed and walked over to the table, sitting down and helping herself to lemonade.
"Perhaps, Spock. But if you ever feel the need to borrow my clothes-"
"That will not be necessary," Spock interrupted her. Joanna giggled and relaxed a little. She stripped down to her swimsuit, feeling less self-conscious now that both Nyota and Spock seemed a little more human. Her father remained steadfastly fully dressed however, even though Joanna knew that he must have brought his swimming things. Spock also remained in his Vulcan clothes, all of which looked way to warm for the weather they were experiencing.
"THE PARTY CAN BE STARTING NOW! PASHA AND HIKARU ARE HERE!"
Joanna whipped around, startled. There was a white blur that barrelled past her and then a loud, resounding splash from the pool. Moments later, a curly haired individual bobbed to the surface, laughing and swimming to the steps.
"Pasha, you're a child," an Asian man stepped from the house. It took a moment for Joanna to realise he had a bundle of the other man's clothes in his hands. She wondered if Pavel Chekov had just stripped off on his way through the Ambassador's house, leaving the person she assumed was Hikaru Sulu to clean up the mess.
"Nyet. I am just wery excited to be inwited to an American pool party. Did you know that-"
"If you finish that sentence with that pool parties were invented in Russia, I'm going to dump your clothes in that pool," Hikaru threatened, holding Pavel's clothes over the veranda, dangling over the pool. Pavel just laughed and climbed out of the pool. Joanna quickly scrambled to get a seat in between her father and Nyota, not quite knowing what to make of two of the 'geniuses' of the Enterprise.
"I am not saying it, and yet you are thinking it. This is good, Hikaru," he said. Hikaru seemed to contemplate throwing in the clothes at that point, but in the end he just draped them over a chair and sat down, smiling at them.
"Forgive Pasha's manners. Thanks for inviting us over. I brought some alcohol for later, stored it in the kitchen if that's alright, Nyota?" Hikaru said, smiling at his hosts. Nyota smiled and nodded. Her father was rubbing at his face, tiredly. Spock was just watching Pavel like a hawk, seemingly worried the other was about to do something else stupid.
"Kto eto?" Pavel said, sitting down and looking at Hikaru. The other looked around and then only just seemed to clock Joanna. He rolled his eyes.
"Eh? McCoy no musume darou ne? Joanna desu yo," Hikaru replied and Joanna just looked at her father, wondering if it was normal to not understand a word of conversation. Nyota put a hand on her shoulder.
"Sulu and Pasha have been learning each other's languages for the last five years. They sometimes forget that not everyone speaks Russian or Japanese," she said, giving them a pointed look. Sulu grinned and leaned back, putting his hands behind his head.
"Now you know how it feels when you and Spock croon at each other in Vulcan on the bridge," he said. Pasha sat down, goosebumps appearing on his flesh and the skin around his neck turning pink against what must have been rather cold water. He seemed to not care about the damp though.
"We do not 'croon'," Spock replied as he poured them each glasses of lemonade. Pasha cackled and reached for his own drink.
"So yeah, were we right? It's Joanna right?" Hikaru asked, gesturing to her. Joanna could see a thousand mannerisms in the man, some Japanese, some American and some that inexplicably reminded her of Jim in a way. She nodded once.
"Ni za chto! It is not being possible for Doctor McCoy to be haffing such a beautiful daughter," Pavel said and Joanna blushed. Her father folded his arms.
"Admittedly, she gets her looks from her mother but I don't like your tone, Chekov," her father said. Pavel just waved a hand in her father's direction.
"Should I be jealous, Pasha?" Hikaru asked. "You never said that when you met my mother."
"Your mother is being a wery beautiful woman, Hikaru. I am not insulting Doctor McCoy when I say that I am glad his daughter does not look like a man," he said, shrugging. Joanna laughed. They were not what she had expected at all. She had expected serious, military men, but the two were amusing and seemed fun to be around. She wondered how her father managed to keep his grumpiness up if he was around these two all the time.
"She does take after her mother quite a lot," her father admitted and Joanna shook her head.
"Mom says I look like dad," she said, shrugging. Her father's eyebrows rose, as though he hadn't expected that. Joanna shrugged and helped herself to a glass of lemonade.
Conversation passed around them. Hikaru told them about taking Pavel back to his parent's house in San Francisco yesterday and how their parents had assumed they were a couple. Joanna had been surprised to find that they weren't, just very, very good friends. Pavel told them a story about his mother's reaction to his return and how she'd got both him and Hikaru very drunk on Russian Standard vodka.
Her father remained mostly silent, listening and only interjecting occasionally when he had something dry or witty to say. Spock also remained mostly silent, his interruptions were usually just to ask for clarification if things were getting too human.
They had been chatting idly for half an hour when the door to the kitchen opened again and Jim stepped out. He looked better than he had the night before. He had a crate of beer in his hand and he grinned when he saw them, putting the beer on the table.
Pavel and Hikaru immediately abandoned their lemonade to help themselves, tearing open the cardboard, their greetings more along the line of 'Yay the Captain brought beer' rather than 'Jim we're so happy to see you'. Joanna saw her father shift in his chair and noticed that he wasn't looking at Jim when he said hello, reaching for a beer after the initial scramble had died down and popping it open.
"Afternoon. I thought you'd all be in the pool by now," he said, taking a seat next to her father and grabbing a can for himself. Nyota seemed to be debating whether or not to abandon the lemonade herself.
"Pasha's already had a brief dip," Hikaru said, gesturing to the damp footprints on the veranda. Jim nodded and gulped his beer.
"Well, I haven't been in a real pool in years so I hope you don't mind if I strip off and jump right in, Spock?" Jim asked, standing up. Joanna averted her eyes as Jim stripped off. Only after a few moments did she glance at her father to see that he was doing the same. She wondered if her father was doing it consciously or he wasn't interested.
A few minutes later, Pavel and Jim were in the pool, splashing each other and racing from one end to the other. Joanna thought it looked fun, but wasn't sure how to go about joining them. She hadn't got that kind of easy camaraderie that they had.
"I'm going to dip my feet in, I think. Want to join me, Joanna?" Nyota asked. Joanna's face lit up and she nodded, getting to her feet and following Nyota to the edge of the pool. At first they just sat at the side of the pool, talking about the garden, about Ambassador Sarek and the new plans for a Starfleet Academy in Europe. Joanna forgot her self-consciousness.
"Joanna! Joanna catch!"
Joanna looked up and saw Sulu standing on the veranda, a blown up beach ball in his hands. He threw it and though she reached up to catch it the wind still carried it into the pool. Jim dived for it, grabbing it and throwing it to Pasha. Moments later the ball came back towards her and Nyota.
Thus they started playing a game of catch with rules that became so complicated that Joanna was terrified to drop it just in case something terrible happened. She was pretty sure that dares were involved and she wasn't even sure if she was allowed to do some of the example dares that Jim suggested.
After half an hour of that, Joanna crawled out of the pool, her skin chilled, and made her way to the grass, laying out a towel. She lay out on the grass, slathering herself in sun cream before getting out her PADD. She could hear her father's conversation with Spock and Hikaru, something about politics. Fifteen minutes later, Nyota joined them and soon after that, teeth chattering, Jim and Pavel also. Joanna continued to read her PADD, although she could hear everything they were saying.
"I don't know how you can stand to drink beer after what Carol was telling me you drank the other night," Nyota said, her voice sounding amused. Joanna was glad that her PADD obscured her face so that they couldn't see she was listening in.
"It was a necessary thing," Jim replied and Joanna saw his shoulders shrug out of the corner of her eye.
"It was stupid, that's what it was. If Carol Marcus would even speak to me civilly, I'd be pestering her for every detail under the sun and using them to put you on bed rest for alcohol poisoning," her father grouched. There was a pause.
"Carol isn't talking to you?" Jim asked, his voice casual. There was a cough from Hikaru that might have been a disguised laugh.
"When you pick 'em, Jim, you pick 'em well. That woman really doesn't like me. When we were on the Enterprise she even had her physician switched over to M'benga so she didn't have to deal with me. I thought you knew," her father answered. Hikaru's 'coughing fit' seemed to get worse and Joanna heard a few slaps that was clearly someone trying to 'help' him with it.
"Weird. She never said anything bad about you to me," Jim replied and there was silence for a moment. The gardener appeared, an elderly man. Joanna watched as he turned on the hosepipe, stretching it along the garden.
"What brought on the drinking anyway?" Nyota pressed. Joanna wondered if it was really the time or the place for her to be asking such a question. Jim however just sighed.
"I got the list," he said. There was silence for a moment while everyone processed what he meant. Joanna didn't have a clue.
"You mean our assignments?" Hikaru finally asked. Jim must have nodded because there was no verbal response.
"Shit Jim. I meant to tell ya, honestly I did-" And that was her father. Joanna risked a glance to see that her father looked guilty, was looking at Jim with a kind of horror-filled glance. Jim shrugged.
"I'm not meant to tell you anything until it is all announced officially at the ball tonight, but I trust you to act surprised enough to fool the Admiralty," Jim said, his voice sounding hollow.
"Sulu and Chekov, you're going to be on the Potemkin together. Nyota, you're on the Enterprise with Scotty. Watch yourself, he has a crush on you. Spock, you and I are in no man's land still while they decide whether or not to give us back the Enterprise," Jim said. There was a sharp intake of breath.
"What do you mean, they're taking away the Enterprise?" her father asked, his voice sharp.
"Commodore rank means that I am given more than one ship to look after. I don't know if they'll let me keep a ship like the Enterprise if I'm going to be responsible for a whole host of others. It's more likely I'll get a desk role and a smaller ship for short term missions," Jim replied. There was silence for a moment.
"Congratulations, Commodore. Spock, is there any champagne in this desert dweller's mudhut? We should toast to Jim's promotion," her father said. Joanna winced because it just wasn't right. She could tell, could hear the dejected nature of Jim's voice. And yet her father was either ignoring it or didn't understand it.
"My father keeps some chilled for guests when it is required. He would not mind us depleting his supply in this case however," Spock replied. Her father got to his feet and went into the kitchen.
Joanna watched him go and then got to his feet. She approached the table feeling like she was intruding, but even so when she saw Jim's face she knew that she had to say something. She put her hand on his shoulder.
He looked up at her, seeming surprised to see her there. His eyes weren't the bright blue she remembered, not as vibrant, not as happy, they seemed darker, greyer and Joanna wondered if it was just the loss of his crew that was affecting him.
"My mom once invited a Lieutenant and his wife round for dinner. He was Earth-based, but had spent time in the black. Throughout dinner all he could talk about was space and afterwards I remember my mom saying that some people were just born to live and die out in space…" she trailed off, noting that understanding was dawning in Jim's eyes. "Dad doesn't get it. He'd rather live with his feet on the ground, but he's still genuinely happy that your career is doing well. I think he's trying to hide the fact he's upset though too."
She knew that the last sentence was meddling. She couldn't prove that sentence, couldn't give one part of her father's behaviour that pointed towards that conclusion, but somehow she just knew. Jim put his hand against hers.
"Yeah well, I'm all for running away from your problems if you can," Jim replied. He lowered his other hand under the table. "I'm just going to miss you guys."
"Keptin, we will wisit ewery shore leave!" Pavel promised, crunching a beer can in front of him. Jim nodded, smiling.
"Of course you will. Now, this conversation has got serious and I have other plans-" he drew his hand up from under the table and Joanna had no idea how he'd got a water pistol, never mind filled it. He'd managed to squirt Pavel and Nyota in the face before Joanna realised that she was going to need to run before he got her.
Unfortunately running was the stupid option. Jim's attention seemed to focus purely on her at that moment. She dashed down the garden, finally reaching the hose pipe that had been discarded earlier. She grabbed it, opening the nozzle. Jim ran straight into the jet of water, spluttering and laughing as he did so.
At that moment her father returned from the kitchen with a bottle of champagne.
"Oh c'mon kids, get over here so we can uncork this thing," he called. Jim shared a look with her and they both moved forward together, a plan forming. Her father seemed to gather what the plan pretty quickly.
"Don't you dare. Either of you. I came here under the assumption that I would not have to get wet and I-"
A jet of water from Jim's pistol hit him square in the chest. For a moment, Joanna wondered if he was going to explode in anger, but then her father coolly held out his hand.
"Joanna, water pipe. Now," he said. She dumbly handed it over. Jim was backing away.
"Now Bones… Don't do anything you're going to regret…" he said. Her father just smiled, a smile that clearly said 'you should have thought of that earlier' and started to advance.
Moments later Pavel and Hikaru were cheering on her father as he chased Jim around the garden, soaking the Captain with the cold water and getting pretty wet himself in the process. Half way through the fight, her father pulled off his shirt, letting it drop, sodden, to the floor.
"It is like watching a mating ritual for the subspecies McCoy," Pavel said lowly, obviously only meaning for Hikaru to hear him. Joanna glanced at them and Pavel saw her looking. He smiled a little uncertainly and kept his mouth shut after that.
"Jim! No! Don't you-"
Joanna's attention back on the water fight, she saw that Jim had picked up her father, slung him over his shoulder. It was a ridiculous sight. She watched as Jim tapped her father on the back of the legs in a reassuring manner, before launching him into the pool. Her father came up, spluttering, his flip flops rising to the surface a few seconds after him.
"You are fucking dead James Tiberius Kirk."
"Run Keptin! Rabotat!"
The champagne was eventually poured and they all sat on the veranda with varying degrees of sogginess. Once the bubbles in each glass had died down, Nyota handed one to each of them, even Spock to Joanna's bemusement.
"I actually have something to say, before we drink a toast," Nyota said and she looked a little embarrassed. Immediately everyone's attention was on her and Joanna saw her father's eyebrow creeping up to his hairline.
"Is this the announcement I think it is?" Jim asked, only to be shushed by Pavel. He grinned.
"We invited you here today to tell you that, yes, Spock and I got engaged this morning," she said. Jim let out a woop and started to laugh. Pavel held out his hand and Hikaru reached into his pocket, handing over credit chips. Her father just smiled indulgently.
"We're going to get bonded in a Vulcan ceremony within the month, but the Terran wedding will probably have to wait until we know more about our missions. I just wanted you guys to know," she said and her face was lit up with happiness. Spock beside her seemed to be turning a little greener, which Joanna guessed was a flush of happiness.
"I am aware that there is a Terran tradition of having a 'best man' at the wedding. I would be honoured if you would participate in this role, Captain, Doctor McCoy," Spock said. Jim was on his feet, moving around the table to clap Spock on the back.
"I'm going to throw you the most debauched bachelor party," Jim promised, pulling the Vulcan into a hug. Her father huffed.
"I'll prevent it from getting too much, Spock, don't worry," he promised. "Congratulations to you both though."
Jim snagged one of the champagne flutes, holding it high.
"To Spock and Uhura! May they have many green-tinted babies together!" he said. The toast was echoed around the table and Joanna couldn't help but notice how happy Nyota looked, her hand resting on Spock's knee.
Joanna fussed with her clothes. She'd commed her mother and got no response, so she was going to wear the goddamn dress. There had been no response from Starfleet to confirm that they'd received her application so she had to assume that she wouldn't hear anything unless she was accepted.
She slipped earrings into her ears, looking at herself in the mirror. She looked… older. Like she had tricked even her own eyes into seeing a woman. Her shoes made her taller, made her look slimmer, and her make-up hid some of the teenage imperfections.
She stepped out of her room to see her father was in the lounge, his dress uniform jacket hanging over the edge of one of the chairs. He was fiddling with his cufflinks as he paced. When Joanna stepped out he looked up and smiled at her.
"You look beautiful. I'm going to assume we're just hoping none of this gets back to your mother, right?" he asked. Joanna smiled and stepped forward, taking her father's hand and helping him get the cufflinks through the button holes.
"I won't tell if you don't," she said, before taking the other hand. He let out a low chuckle, waiting for her to finish before he dropped his hand.
"Spin for me then," he said. Joanna smiled and took a step back, twirling in the dress a few times before turning back to face him, beaming. He stepped forward, hugging her tightly.
"You look lovely, sweetheart. I feel very proud of you," he said, kissing her temple. Joanna could feel tears burning behind her eyes, guilt starting to bubble unpleasantly in her stomach when she cast her mind back to that morning.
"I'm proud to be your daughter," she replied softly. Her father made a noise that Joanna wasn't sure the meaning of. She pulled back, looking up into his eyes, eyes that she'd inherited, and was about to ask what was wrong when the doorbell went.
"That's gonna be either your date or mine," her father said, smiling and stepping around her. Joanna looked curiously at him. He hadn't mentioned going with anyone.
The door opened to reveal not only Jim, as expected, but also a striking blonde woman in a beautiful periwinkle blue dress. She greeted her father with a kiss to his cheek and then swept into the place. Jim clapped her father on the arm and stepped in also.
It was strange to see Jim in his uniform again. There were plenty of medals hanging from the breast of his jacket too. Joanna had known he was a captain, had read his exploits, had known so much, but to see it presented this way… She couldn't help but feel a bit of colour rise to her cheeks.
"Miss McCoy, you look wonderful," Jim said, grinning at her and taking her hand to kiss her knuckles. Joanna giggled helplessly.
"Watch it," her father said gruffly as he grabbed his jacket and started to button it up.
"You could learn a thing or two from him, Leonard," the woman said. "It's far better than the calls I get. 'Christine, you're my last resort. Please come with me or I'll be a sad and lonely old man at a ball'."
Jim offered Joanna his arm and Joanna took it, feeling strangely spaced out. He guessed that this was Christine Chapel. Her father had mentioned her a few times in passing and she knew that the two of them were friends, although she'd never really known if they were close or not.
"Hey, the two divorcees have gotta stick together. Shit, think I buttoned this up wrong," her father started to unbutton all the buttons on his jacket. Christine clucked her tongue and reached forward, doing up the buttons for him.
"Really Leonard. I worry about you. What are you going to do when you're here on Earth and the rest of us are up in the black, hm? I'm sure Joanna doesn't want to be buttoning your uniform for you every morning," Christine scolded light-heartedly. Joanna smiled. She liked Christine, though she was still unsure about her relation to her father. It seemed almost sisterly though, the way she straightened out his jacket. Beside her, Jim seemed relaxed as he watched the two of them.
"Yeah yeah. I'll manage I'm sure," her father replied. Joanna felt light-headed and airy. Jim's hand settled over hers on his arm.
"Well then… Shall we?"
The ball was underway already when they arrived and Joanna thought to herself that Jim had planned that. Their entrance prompted the people there to break out into applause and she found herself blushing, suddenly shy of all the attention.
People flocked forward, all clamouring for Jim's attention, but Jim politely declined most of the offers to join groups of people, instead steering them straight towards the table of drinks.
"I'm under strict orders not to get you drunk and to get you in by your curfew, so it's going to be orange juice for you," he said, his smile bright. Joanna nodded and accepted the drink when it was given to her. She was surprised to find it bubbly and tasting slightly sour.
"It's orange juice, alright?" Jim pressed, his eyebrows raised. Joanna smiled at him and nodded.
"Just orange juice," she agreed. A few people came over to congratulate Jim on his promotion. Jim accepted the congratulations without so much as a twitch to show that he wasn't pleased. Joanna finished the drink while he made small talk with people she didn't know.
"Fancy dancing?" Jim asked suddenly. She blinked.
"I… Well, damn it, it's my first ball. Yes, alright," she said, putting down her empty glass. Jim excused himself and took her onto the floor. She could see Hikaru and Pavel, as well as another man she didn't know, stood to one side drinking. When they saw her, Hikaru winked and grinned. Joanna felt her cheeks heat.
Jim swept her around the dance floor effortlessly. She didn't know how he could be so confident with so many people watching them. She tried to follow his lead as best she could. Jim seemed to cover her stumbles, spinning her under his arm. Eventually she was flushed, grinning stupidly.
"Mind if I cut in?"
Joanna blinked and saw her father there, smiling somewhat indulgently. Jim graciously backed away.
"Yeah sure, Bones. I'm going to get myself another drink anyway," he said. Her father watched Jim walk away and took her hand. He was less skilled than Jim but the pace was slower and Joanna rested her shoulder against her father's chest.
It felt like a weight had been lifted from her heart.
Jim saw Carol at the bar and debated going over. She had a baby on her hip and was talking to one of the instructors from Starfleet quietly. He decided that she might just decide to ignore him. He went to the bar and ordered some brandy, trying not to look left or right.
"Jim," she said and Jim had no choice but to look at her. She looked beautiful, she always did. Sometimes Jim had found it too cold though, icy and untouchable. Now however, something in her had softened. He wondered if he'd have noticed it more if he hadn't been so drunk earlier that week.
"Carol. You look lovely," he said, leaning in to kiss her cheek. She smelled different to what he remembered. Less of perfume, more of baby powder. He turned to the boy on her hip. He looked to be about eighteen months old.
"Who's this little fella?" he asked, reaching down to grab the little guy's hand to shake it. The toddler grabbed his finger and babbled at him.
"George," she replied hesitantly. Jim didn't look away from the little hand around his finger for a long moment. Then his gaze went up, over to the boy's face. Blond hair and blue eyes could have been a Marcus trait. But the look on Carol's face told him that it wasn't.
"I didn't mean for it to come out like this, Jim. Honestly," she said. Jim felt like the floor had come from underneath him. He stared at the little… creature.
"You're telling me that I'm a father?" he asked, emotions fighting for dominance within him. Awe, sadness, anger, surprise, horror. They warred within him and he forced to keep his expression neutral.
"Those years ago. I knew. I just knew that there was no way you were going to settle down with me. Then I worked it out about McCoy and… I was already pregnant," she said, sounding slightly hysterical. "I transferred to M'benga's care and when I started to show, transferred off the ship. I didn't want to hide it from you but you… you weren't in any position to be a father."
Jim felt anger at that statement and tried to hold it back. "You weren't the one who had the right to make that call," he said, remembering his brandy and sipping it.
"No? You still aren't ready, Jim. You're still drinking yourself into a stupor over..." she trailed off and Jim didn't need her to finish the point she was making.
"Well, that's over now. I've drawn a line under it," Jim said, feeling a weight settle in his stomach. He looked at the toddler. At… George. God, she'd even named him after his father. He reached out, his fingertips running over the boy's soft hair.
"Do you want to hold him?" she asked. Jim immediately drew his hand back. He had no idea what he wanted. She didn't wait for him to respond though, holding him out. Jim was left with an armful of child, his hands settling on the boy as best he could.
George babbled nonsense words at him, occasionally interspersed with real words of the things he was seeing around him. He became very attached to one of Jim's medals and started trying to put it into his mouth.
"I should have told you. I'm sorry you missed out on a lot. I… I wasn't ever going to tell you but seeing McCoy and his daughter… Knowing how much it weighed on him just not being there…" she threw her hands up, clearly not sure where she was going with her speech. Jim felt the reassuring warmth of… his son against his side.
"If you're going to be Commodore, then you're going to be around a lot more. If you ever want him… I'm not going to contest custody," Carol said, her hand reaching out to stroke George's cheek.
"What's his full name?" Jim asked, returning his gaze to George so that he didn't have to look at Carol, his emotions too unstable to risk it.
"George David Marcus. I didn't think you'd want to… to burden him with a name like Kirk," she said softly. Jim nodded stiffly. She was right. If given the choice, he would have preferred that his son didn't have his name. George began to cry and Carol swept forward, taking him into her arms.
"If there's time, tomorrow. I'll come round and…. And explain everything. Now isn't really the time. I didn't expect you to arrive until after I'd left and…" Carol hugged George to her. His crying was drawing people's attention and Jim felt raw.
"Just don't take my son where I can't see him," he said softly. He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the top of George's head. Carol's eyes filled with gratitude.
"You're a good man, James Kirk. It's a shame that things would never have worked out between us," she said softly. Jim nodded once, curtly, and watched as she walked away towards the exit, shushing George as she went.
Joanna stepped out onto the balcony. Her father had abandoned her to go to talk to someone from the Medical Department and she hadn't been able to find anyone else she knew. The stars were obscured, light pollution from the city preventing them from being seen. She still looked up at the sky, wondering how long it would be before she got there.
She was surprised to hear the door opening behind her and turned to see Jim. He looked… distraught. She couldn't think of another way to put it. He saw her and for a moment he froze, before he just sagged and closed the distance between them, leaning over the balcony.
For a moment they stood there in silence, Joanna not sure how to ask what was the matter when everything had been fine less than half an hour before and Jim lost in his own thoughts.
"What makes someone a good father?"
Joanna had no idea how to answer that question. She thought about her own, about Clay, about her friend's. It was too difficult to put into words.
"I don't know… I guess everyone just tries their best for their kids in the way that they can," she replied. "Dad wasn't there for me often, but he's thoughtful, you know? He remembers things I tell him, he doesn't treat a single moment with me like it doesn't matter. That makes time with him special." Jim made a small humming noise.
"And Clay… Clay taught me to ride, taught me how to shoot pretty good too. Pushed me into sciences when mother wanted me to focus on arts subjects. Made me aware that there were so many things that we didn't know yet and that I could be one of the people who could pursue that," Joanna shrugged. "Both of them were good fathers in a way, but they weren't the same."
Jim was silent still. He looked up at the sky for a long time. His eyes were clouded over and Joanna wondered if he was thinking of his own father. She guessed it must have been tough, sharing your father's death day with your own date of birth.
"Carol just told me we have a son. His name is George," Jim said finally. Joanna felt shock go through her. She turned to Jim, not knowing what to say. Jim turned to her, smiling grimly.
"Don't worry. I'm not expecting you to be able to fix this. I thought…. I don't know. I thought that it'd be easy, somehow, to just let go of everything and move on. And I mean, isn't a son a good enough reason to?" he asked. Joanna felt like she was only getting half of the conversation.
"Are you going to marry her?" she asked. Jim stared at her before he started to laugh.
"This isn't the nineteenth century. I'm pretty sure Carol isn't worried one bit about being a single-parent family," he said once his hollow laughter had died down. "But no. Me and Carol are over, if we ever really started that is. George is just a by-product of something that would have never worked. One that we're going to have to work out what to do with between us now I guess."
Joanna nodded but her own mind was racing. So Jim and Carol weren't together, but they clearly had been at some point. And they had a child, one that Jim was just discovering… But why was Jim talking about 'moving on'? Did he mean the Enterprise? Was he going to abandon space to look after a child he had found out about only a few minutes before?
"What are you going to do?" she asked and she felt too young for this conversation all of a sudden. Jim was twice her age. He didn't need her advice. She didn't have any advice that could help him anyway. But he was talking to her and she couldn't have turned away if she'd tried.
"I don't know," Jim said and his voice sounded broken. "I thought I had it all figured out. Forget everything, get back into space through any means possible and throw myself at every badass mission I could get my hands on until I eventually died up there. Now… I don't know. It's selfish to do that, don't you think?"
Joanna nodded. "You can't die. It'd destroy my father." She didn't know what made her say it. Jim's eyes flicked to her before skittering away again.
"He'd get over it, I'm sure," he said. Joanna shook her head, taking Jim's hand.
"No really. I don't think he would. I don't… I don't get it entirely. It's like you and dad have this… this thing," she wished she could find the words. Jim's hand was sweaty in hers. "But whatever it is… if you died he'd be devastated."
Jim was looking at her with wide blue eyes. He opened his mouth and for a second nothing came out. He licked his lips and tried again.
"Can I tell you something I haven't told anyone else?" he asked. Joanna nodded. Jim's expression seemed to open up, vulnerability and melancholy and… oh Jesus. So much love. So much love shining in his eyes that Joanna could barely breathe when she looked into them.
"I'm so in love with your dad that I don't know how to cope without him being by my side in space. I don't think I can," Jim admitted, his hands tightening on Joanna's own. She took a deep breath, staring up at Jim and not knowing what else to do, she leaned forward and kissed him, gently, on the lips.
"I'd be honoured for you to join my family, Uncle Jim."
Leonard frowned when he looked around the hall and couldn't see either Jim or Joanna. He'd seen Carol Marcus leave after talking with Jim briefly and Spock and Nyota were too busy eating up congratulations from people to be bothered by two of their party being missing. Nyota had a rather fancy rock on her finger tonight and she was more than happy to shove it into people's faces.
Chekov, Sulu and Scotty hadn't seen Jim or Joanna either and that left Bones a few places to check. He was starting to worry. Had Joanna been taken ill and Jim, unable to find him, had taken her home? Worse, had Jim done something unthinkable and taken his little girl somewhere 'more private'?
His comm buzzed in his pocket. He dug it out absently, flipping it open without checking the caller ID.
"Leonard, it's Jocelyn."
He could hear anger radiating at him through the phone and all he could think was 'what now?'. He held back the sarcastic comment however. His eyes were still scanning the room.
"What's up, Joss? Because I'm kind of busy right now," he said, feeling irritable.
"I want to know why the fuck you signed our daughter up to Starfleet," she said and Leonard stopped dead. He frowned.
"What are you talking about? I didn't sign Joanna up to anything," he replied, feeling genuinely confused. Jocelyn sighed on the other end of the line.
"I just got a comm from recruitment confirming that they'd received her application. It's got your goddamn signature on it!" she snapped. Leonard shook his head, trying to think of any time he'd signed anything for Joanna. He hadn't. Even if he had he would have read it first.
"I assure you, I didn't sign anything," he said, now feeling anger resurface in him. He hadn't signed it, Jocelyn hadn't known anything about it, so it was clear that it had been Joanna's own doing. She'd not even spoken to him about it, just applied, and used his signature to boot?
"I want to speak to Joanna," Jocelyn said firmly.
"You and me both. Look, Joss, I'm looking for her now. Believe me, she's in so much trouble. I'm going to roast her alive," he said. He saw the balcony door was ajar and had a lightbulb moment, knowing that there was one place where teenage girls would always gravitate during a ball.
"I'm coming over the San Francisco. I'll be at your apartment within two hours and I'm taking Joanna with me," Jocelyn said and her voice left no room for argument. Leonard swallowed the feelings of resentment, unfairness, and gritted his teeth. He'd fucked up. Joanna had done this on his watch. If that meant that Jocelyn cut this visit short, well, that was only fair.
"I'll see you there then. Don't worry, she'll have her stuff packed and waiting," he said. He slammed the comm shut, pocketing it and walking to the door. He pushed it open.
Joanna and Jim were out there. Joanna was holding Jim's hands between them and Jim's expression. Jesus, he was really bringing out the big guns wasn't he? Leonard watched, dumbfounded as Joanna leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss on Jim's lips.
"Joanna!" He wasn't aware that the angry voice was even his own until it echoed across the balcony. The two of them jumped apart guiltily and Leonard felt all the anger, the helplessness, the confusion of the last few weeks harden, shape into a scalpel ready to cut and tear.
"Come here right now," he said and his voice was cold. Jim had his hands up by his face almost as though Leonard were pointing a gun at him.
"It isn't what it looks like I fucking swear," Jim was saying. Joanna was wailing 'Dad!' but he wasn't having any of it.
"Your mother just phoned. Apparently your application to Starfleet was received," he said, turning to Joanna. She turned pale, hunching in on herself. "Get yourself out the front, right now. We're going home and then your mother is picking you up and taking you back to Georgia."
Joanna's face morphed into an expression of outrage and she opened her mouth to argue. Leonard held up a hand and looked at her. She didn't vocalise whatever teenage statement had been about to come from her mouth.
"Bones, please just listen-" Jim was saying, taking a step forward. Leonard let out a huff that might have been laughter.
"Don't call me 'Bones'. And don't come near my daughter ever again…. Commodore," he spat the last word, grabbing Joanna's wrist and dragging her off the balcony. He saw Nyota give him a curious look as he pulled Joanna out of the room. She only began to resist when they got to the taxi rank outside the building.
"Dad! Stop it! It wasn't what you thought!"
Leonard wasn't listening. He didn't care. He couldn't believe that Jim had done something like that. Couldn't make sense of the jealousy, the anger, the hurt. Not to mention his baby girl had abused his trust, signed up for something she knew that he would have prohibited.
"Get in the taxi and not another word or I swear to God, I will do something I regret," Leonard heard himself saying and he immediately wished he hadn't said it. He would never raise a hand to his little girl. It got the message across though. Joanna slid onto the backseat sullenly.
"Bo-McCoy!"
He heard Jim calling him. He could hear the sound of dress shoes on the steps outside. He didn't turn though, getting into the car and slamming the door.
Joanna was crying, her make-up smearing down her pretty face.
He ordered the taxi to take them home.