Leonard observed Penny patiently, as she sat on the sofa in their apartment silently processing what he had just told her. Anxiously, he began rubbing the blue arm sling that was tied around his right arm. He still couldn't believe that, with the exception of his arm, he had practically walked away from being hit by a car unscathed. Yet another sign that suggests that this is the dream. Of course, if it was a dream, it was the most detailed as the pain he had felt was excruciating. Plus, he had been in hospital for several days. So maybe he had just got lucky.
"So, let me just...see if I understand what you are saying." Penny finally said, turning to stare at him as he sat on the opposite end of the sofa. "You dream of a world where you're convinced that reality is a dream."
"No, I don't think that world is reality and that this is a dream." Leonard replied. "I said I don't know which is the dream and which is reality."
"Oh, and that's supposed to be better?" Penny asked sarcastically.
"Well...yeah." Leonard answered awkwardly, earning a small glare from Penny. "I mean, if you had to choose between me thinking this was a dream and me not knowing what was a dream, wouldn't you prefer-"
"Just shut up!" Penny shouted, and Leonard saw something that hurt more than being hit by a car. He saw the fear in her eyes.
"Penny, you don't have to be upset." Leonard began, but Penny quickly stopped him from speaking again.
"Upset!" Penny nearly screamed at him, standing up. "Can you even begin to understand what you have just told me? How I feel knowing that my boyfriend is crazy!"
"I'm not crazy." Leonard protested, trying to ignore that he sounded like Sheldon when he said that.
"You just told me that you can't tell your dreams from reality!" Penny argued with him. "How is that not crazy!?"
"Look, if I was crazy something bad would have happened a long time ago." Leonard said, hoping he could calm her down as he walked towards her, arms outstretched. "Like I said, I've had this condition for years."
"Can you stop being so calm about this!?" Penny shouted, with Leonard getting a deep feeling of fear as he began to think he made a big mistake. "What if I told you something as crazy as this? What if I told you I lived the same day over and over again, like in that film Groundhog Day? How would you react?"
Leonard paused for a moment, thinking seriously about the question before speaking. "I would honestly be a little skeptical, but I would have to be open to the possibility considering my own situation. It would be very hypocritical of me if I didn't."
"I was being rhetorical!" she shouted again. Leonard looked at their door, hoping that no one was listening to this, before turning back to look at his wife as she began to speak again. "Leonard, be honest with me. Are you really telling me the truth right now?"
Leonard knew that if there was any point where he could lie and say he was joking, say that it was a bad joke he had been told earlier today, it was now. And he wanted to lie so much, and pray everything could go back to normal. But he couldn't. He knew he couldn't lie anymore, knew that he needed to tell someone the truth about himself. He couldn't bear to keep it a secret any longer.
"Yes. Yes I'm telling the truth." Leonard told her. "Every time I go to sleep, I wake up in an alternate world where things are different. Howard killed his mother, Raj has just recently moved to the apartment across the hall, Sheldon is very different, Bernadette has a son, Amy is a vet and I'm friends with two people who don't know me here."
"Why are you telling me this Leonard?" Penny asked him. "Why are you telling me something that you have me by secret from me for years, when you could have kept it a secret forever? Why tell anyone?"
"Because...I don't really know, okay?" Leonard finally admitted. "I don't have an actual reason, beyond the feeling that I need to tell someone. But I have had the kind of feeling all my life, and I know I can handle it for the rest of my life. And plus, I've told my therapists and-"
"Wait, what?" Penny asked, staring at him with a mixture of emotions. Leonard's mistake quickly dawned on him and he instantly began trying to fix it.
"Oh God. Look, it's not as bad as it sounds, I swear."
"So you're happy with telling total strangers, but not me?" Penny asked him.
"It's not like that. They kept bugging me about it, and I figured I would get into more trouble with the university by not saying something. After all, they thought that episode in the cafeteria was stress related."
"But you can tell this to strangers!?"
"Technically speaking, I've only told one other person in this world. I have a therapist here, and a different therapist in the analog." Leonard told her, hoping that would make things better. It didn't.
"Analog? What's the analog?"
"It's...the name for the other world. In that world, I wear one of those old watches with the hands. This world is the digital. That's why I always wear this watch." Leonard explained, holding up the arm with the watch around his wrist. Penny put her hands to her face for a moment, before lowering them.
"Okay, okay, let's just..." Penny began, but she eventually just let out a sigh of stress before taking some steps towards Leonard. "Now, it's going to be okay."
"Okay?" Leonard asked in confusion.
"We're going to get help." she continued, causing Leonard to roll his eyes quickly.
"Penny, listen to me." Leonard told her gently, hesitantly taking her hands into his own. "I'm not telling you this because I want help. I'm telling you because, well, I just want you to know the truth."
Penny stared at him, not saying anything, though he could see the disbelief in her eyes. Then slowly she pulled her hands away from him and began walking away. She grabbed her coat, opened the door and walked out. And Leonard just stood there.
"So, are you calm now? Have you acknowledged the fact that you are not dead? And that you are not going to die?"
Leonard hesitated before speaking, regretting ever telling Long about his condition. He had only told him and Roberts the truth simply because they would tell the university of they thought he was hiding something, and he didn't need the trouble. But after recent events, he was beginning to think that telling Long will only cause him more trouble than he could have if Leonard hadn't told him.
"No, thing's are fine now." Leonard finally answered, now wary of telling him too much.
"Things are not fine." Leonard told Roberts.
"Why, what's wrong?" she asked him, appearing to be genuinely concerned.
"Well, I've finally told Penny the truth." Leonard answered. "You know, about my little condition."
"Really?" Roberts asked, obviously surprised. "Well, I wasn't expecting that. How did she take it?"
Leonard thought about it. "Well, considering how bad I thought it would go, pretty well actually."
"So still bad."
"Yeah."
"Have your dreams continued?"
"Yes."
"And how bad was the accident." he asked, saying the last word with a tone that told Leonard how skeptical he was.
"Just a broken arm that will heal soon, though it won't be perfect again."
"And somehow, you still doubt which is a dream." Long muttered, not bothering to hide what he said.
"So what happened?" Roberts asked him.
"Well, she's still staying with Bernadette and Howard. Bernadette came round and asked me what I did with all of her fury, which was more scary than when you play a game with her." Leonard answered. "I just don't know how to fix this."
"Well, she's understandably scared. I mean, you do know people don't consider doubting your reality a normal thing, right?"
"Yes, I know that. And I knew she wasn't going to be alright and just accept it." Leonard replied, absent mindedly fiddling with his watch as he did.
"Do you mind if I ask you why you don't look for Penny in your dreams?" Roberts asked him.
"Haven't we already had this conversation?"
"If you consider doing everything you can to not have this conversation to be having this conversation, then yes." Roberts told him. "I, however, do not consider that to be the case."
"How has the visit from your sister been?"
"Good. Apparently, she's dating someone and they will be coming over on Friday." Leonard informed him.
"Do you have any bad feelings about that?"
"What, Rosie bringing her boyfriend over to visit? No, not at all. She told me a long time ago that I'm the first member of our family she will ever introduce any boyfriends to. That way they're not scared away by the crazy too soon. Introducing a boyfriend to our family would be like teaching someone to fly a plane without any basic training."
"So why don't you try to find her? I mean, I know that in your dreams she has become a different kind of actress, but surely it wouldn't be too difficult to track her down?"
"I..." Leonard tried to speak, before trailing off. For a second, he considered lying, but he knew he couldn't do that to Roberts, who has been much more supportive than Long. "Look, can I tell you something?"
"Of course." she answered. Leonard hesitated for a moment, unsure if he should tell her, before speaking.
"I'm afraid." Leonard admitted.
"Afraid?"
"Because I get to see how two variations of how life could turn out, I see people end up with someone in one world, but with someone else in the other. And chances are, they love each person the same amount in each world. I mean, take Sheldon for instance. Here, you can practically just look at him and Amy and know they are meant to be together. But in the other place, when he's with Katie I can see how much they love each other. And that makes me a little...skeptical, I guess, about relationships."
"So, you have doubts about your relationship with Penny?" Roberts asked him.
"No! Well, I...I don't know." Leonard replied. "It's just, what if I find Penny in the other place, and we're not compatible? What if she doesn't like me? For crying out loud, when me and Penny first got married I practically stated that I liked to believe that me and her were fated to be together. But if we're not meant to be together there, can I honestly say we're meant to be together here?"
"Hey Leonard." Bernadette said to Leonard as he got up the stairs, having decided to walk up the stairs more often to get some exercise in this world despite having and elevator. Behind her were Gilda and Katie, with the latter having closed the door.
"Hey. What are you three up to?" Leonard asked them, smiling despite his problems in the digital. Lately, the analog has become a way for him to have a break from his problems, something Roberts would disapprove of if she doesn't know already. It's just that by comparison, everything is more simple in this world than in the other. And if he continued to compare them, he could say that in this world his life was less dramatic that world, everything is so much harder with breakups, Howard going to space and working for the government. Here, there was nothing to cause problems or anything that made his life that special. Possibly another thing that suggests that this world is real.
"We're going on a girl's night out." Katie answered. "Rosie is going to meet up with us at a bar."
"Good. Remember to keep my sister out of trouble." Leonard told them jokingly.
"Oh, hi Leonard." Raj said as he suddenly walked out the elevator once the doors opened. "Are you-"
Raj made a small squeal that greatly resembled the sound a pig made when he saw the three women talking to Leonard. Katie smiled a little when she saw him, while Bernadette frowned in confusion and Gilda shook her head in amusement and some pity.
"This is Raj. He can't talk to women he can have sex with." Leonard informed Bernadette.
"Seriously?" Bernadette asked, very surprised by the information.
"I know. It's hilarious!" Katie said to Bernadette, but the latter simply shook her head.
"Don't be mean." she said to Katie, before stepping towards Raj and sticking her hand out. "Hello Raj. My name's Bernadette."
Raj slowly and hesitantly, but successfully, shook Bernadette's hand and gave her an awkward smile. Bernadette smiled back before they both let go of each other's hand, and Bernadette looked back at Katie and Gilda.
"Should we get going?"
"Yeah, alright." Katie replied.
"See you guys later." Gilda said to Leonard and Raj as she followed Bernadette and Katie into the elevator, the doors closing behind her.
"She was nice." Raj said to Leonard.
"Yeah. She is nice." Leonard replied, a small smile on his face as he realized that slowly parts of his life were in the digital were becoming part of his life here. He has been dreaming of this happening for years. Not real dreaming of course, as in being asleep. He hasn't had a proper dream, or a nightmare, since that car accident all those years ago.
"Well, I'm going to go and get something to eat. See you later Leonard." Raj told him,walking to his apartment.
"Yeah. See you later Raj." Leonard said back, opening the door to his apartment with his key as he did.
"Oh good, you're just the person I wanted to see." Sheldon said to Leonard from the kitchen as Leonard closed the door behind him.
"Why? Is something wrong?" Leonard asked Sheldon, who had begun walking up to Leonard while fiddling with something in his pocket.
"No. Nothing is wrong." Sheldon replied nervously, which only made Leonard nervous. Noticing this however, Sheldon quickly began to talk. "As you know, me and Katie have been together for a few years now."
"Yeah."
"And despite a few...bumps along the road, shall we say, we've never had any problems thanks to you."
"Pretty much." Leonard agreed, acknowledging the fact that if you compared Sheldon's relationship with Katie with Leonard's and Penny's, they would look like the most normal couple ever. Even if Katie did accidentally got married to Missy that one time.
"Well, that is why..." Sheldon continued, trailing off for a moment, before pulling out a box form his pocket and speaking again. "That is why I've decided to give her this."
Sheldon opened the box to reveal what was, unmistakably, a wedding ring. The same wedding ring that, in the other reality, Sheldon had planned to give to Amy. Leonard's brain ceased to function for a split second, as what Sheldon was telling him sank in.
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" Leonard shouted, a small part of him noting that he has never said that before now. Sheldon stared at Leonard in surprise.
"Weird. For a second, you reminded me of my mother. It was really disturbing. Promise me you won't ever say that again." Sheldon told Leonard. "But yes. I'm planning to propose. Let me tell you, convincing my mother to give me this family heirloom was difficult, but eventually she conceded when I got her to admit she approved of Katie."
"Wow." Leonard practically whispered, as he stared at the ring, before looking straight and Sheldon. "So, why are you telling me? Wouldn't you want to keep this a surprise?"
"Well, two reasons actually. One, I may need help in making everything romantic when I pop the question. As you know, romance has never been my best area. Never seen the point of it until Katie."
"Good point." Leonard replied.
"And secondly, you're my best friend." Sheldon told Leonard, causing the latter's eyes to widen even more in surprise, which was shocking considering how surprised he was by the ring.
"What's that got to do with it?"
"Well...I don't know. It just didn't feel right without telling you. I mean, me and Katie wouldn't even be together if it wasn't for you." Sheldon answered. "Granted, you wanted to have sex with her, but at the time I considered her no better than a brain damaged chimpanzee. And if you hadn't chosen to help her, who knows where I would be. Or who I would be, because I know I was very annoying before Katie."
Leonard was silent for a moment, shocked by what Sheldon had said. "Wait, so you're not annoying anymore?"
"If you had said something like that before Katie, you will be regretting it so much. But now, I can't imagine you ever not saying things like that." Sheldon told Leonard with a smile. "But, yeahs, you're my best friend and I just felt wrong to not have your help in this. I mean, you are good at knowing what the right choices to make are."
"Wait a minute." Leonard said as he realized something, which caused a grin to spread across his face. "You want my approval!"
"No I don't! That's ridiculous!"
"Oh my God, you actually wanted my say so if this is a good idea!" Leonard said with a laugh.
"Fine, fine, I get it. It's a bad idea." Sheldon grumbled, putting the box back in his hand and beginning to walk away.
"No. No it isn't." Leonard said, causing Sheldon to pause. "You and Katie are great together. You should be together and I will be glad to help make it happen. Just tell me what you need, and I'll help."
"Thanks Leonard." Sheldon said with a smile.
Leonard opened the door to his apartment, having been surprised by what happened with Sheldon in the analog all day. It made him act a little weird around the Sheldon here, though as usual he didn't notice how Leonard acted. However, all his thoughts about that vanished the second he saw Penny sitting on the sofa.
"Hi." she said to him simply.
"Hi." he said back as he shut the door behind him. Slowly, he sat down next to her, terrified by what she might say.
"So, umm, you still having those dreams?" she asked him, obviously finding it difficult to look at him.
"Yeah." Leonard replied. He didn't bother to explain that he didn't think they were dreams, as that would only scare her. She was silent for a moment before speaking again.
"And you are still sure you don't want to try and stop them?"
"Penny, listen." Leonard said, making her turn to look at him. "I love you, more than anything. When I was hit by that car, I went to that world and for the whole day, I was-"
"The whole day?" Penny interrupted.
"Oh, yeah. Even if I get knocked unconscious for a few minutes here, I can stay in that place for as long I want. Or at least until I fall asleep. If you are willing to, well, listen after this, I can explain." Leonard explained. Anyway, after the car accident I wasn't sure if I would wake up. Or if I would die. It was terrifying."
"Then, why did you go to sleep?" Penny asked him, with Leonard seeing the concern in his wife's eyes. He could tell that she noticed the emotional in his voice as he spoke.
"You." Leonard said simply, before explaining. "I was prepared to fight going to sleep, before I realized that I would be fighting to not see you again. And I could never do that."
"But, why won't you try and stop these dreams?" Penny asked him, obviously trying to hold back her emotions. Whether these were angry or sympathetic emotions, Leonard didn't know.
"If someone had come to me when this first started, and told me they could stop it,I would have agreed. I wouldn't have cared which world I would have to sacrifice. Both worlds were very similar." Leonard told her. "But now, things are different."
"What do you mean?"
"If I had to, I would choose you over that other world. But it would hurt to do so." Leonard explained, afraid that this conversation will end with her asking him to do the one thing he dreaded to do. "I have so much in that world, just like in this one. It would hurt so much to lose all the people I know there. But for you, I would try to do it."
"But, you have to understand." Leonard continued. "This condition, is part of who I am now. I would try to change it for you if I could, but I wouldn't like it. I just hope you can understand where I'm coming from with this."
"But, Leonard I don't believe that there is this other world." Penny told him.
"But you believe in psychics and voodoo." Leonard pointed out. "You believe there are things in the world that we can't see or explain with science."
"But how can you believe your dreams are real, but not in those things." Penny nearly shouted, obviously thinking she might have won the conversation.
"Because I went to a psychic once when I was fourteen or so. She did some voodoo. She noticed nothing different about me." Leonard told Penny. "About three weeks later she was arrested for scamming some rich kid out of his money and it was explained on the news that she does that for a living."
"But the things I believe in are believed in by hundreds of other people." Penny protested. "No one other than yourself believes that your dreams might be real."
"So, if I convinced a certain number of people that what I'm saying is real, would that make it true?"
"No." Penny argued.
"But you just said that hundreds of people believe in what you believe. That's your justification for your beliefs. Why can't it be the same for me?" Leonard argued back.
"You don't have any proof!"
"Oh come on. There's no concrete proof of ghosts beyond stories that have been exaggerated and changed over time. There is a lot of proof proving that evolution is correct, but Sheldon's mother doesn't believe it. Proof has never actually mattered to people. There's a reason scientists have to work as hard as we do to make our work become proof that our theory is right."
"Penny was silent for a few minutes. "What do you want me to do Leonard? Believe that you're not crazy? That it's all true? Because I can't do that."
"I'm not asking you to." Leonard told her, putting a hand on one of her hands. "I'm just asking you to ask yourself, before you consider asking me to stop whatever happens to me, if you can live with my condition. If you can learn to at least tolerate it. And if not that, if you are willing to accept the possibility of never seeing me again if you ask me to stop my condition. Because I doubt anyone will be able to stop it."
Penny didn't answer him. After a few moments, Leonard eventually came to the conclusion she wasn't going to say anything. However, as he began to stand up, Penny grabbed his hand before he had completely removed it and spoke.
"Okay."
"Okay?" Leonard wondered, feeling the hope for the first time in a long time.
"Just tell me one thing. What happened in the cafeteria?"
"Well, I do think it was stress related. At the time my work was really getting to me, the university was putting a little to much pressure on me in both worlds and I had been missing out on a lot of sleep. But people do get tired like that all the time."
"I know." Penny agreed, taking a deep breath before speaking again. "If something happens, something really bad, because of your...condition, I will get you help."
"But, does that mean..." Leonard began, trailing off.
"Yeah. I'm willing to try and live with it." Penny said as she gave him a smile. Leonard smiled back, not remembering a time when he has been happier than right now.
Remember to tell me what you think and if there are in spelling mistakes. I had some difficulty trying to make the conversations between Leonard and Penny seem realistic enough, as Penny would be freaked out, but I hope you liked it.