Outlander Returning Home
Chapter 10: On the Road
Claire
Dougal was still a hard man to decipher even with remembering I had spent so much time with him before. He seemed like a man who was always on the edge just waiting for something to happen so that he could have a fight. He was hard-wired to spend his days' fighting, that was certain. I suppose that was why he fought so hard for the rising to happen.
After cleaning up the campsite and waiting for the rest of the men, Roger and I fell into riding beside Ned. He told me once again how he left his practice in Edinburgh because he was looking for an adventure. I could see getting bored if you did the same thing day after day for the same people. I was amazed still just how simple for a life a person could have in this time. All someone really needed was a horse and some supplies. I knew from experience when Murtagh and I were looking for Jamie after he was taken by the Redcoats. That was pretty much all we had.
"Did you seek Colum MacKenzie out or did he find you?" I inquired even though I already knew it was his father not him.
"No, it was his father, Jacob MacKenzie. I hate to admit it but I am older than I appear," he said chuckling as I gave him a smile.
"What was their father like?" I felt Roger beginning to grow bored. I knew this wasn't the most ideal situation for him, but I needed to make sure he was safe.
"Jacob was a very wicked, auld, red-heided rascal. His grandson is verra like him," he replied looking down the line of men where I saw Mr. MacTavish riding beside Murtagh. I hated to admit that his red hair flowing about him was like a wild blazing sun. "When I first met him it was on the wrong end of a pistol. He was the laird and things back then were much less civilized than what they are now," he continued. I looked up to see we were slowing down a little and saw Dougal talking with one of the men. Ned went on to explain how Colum let him stay on when he took over because he was familiar with the needs of the clan.
It was odd to hear Ned speak so freely about the traditions and workings of clan matters, but also liberating to know how he felt. This life he had chosen made sense to him. His self-worth lay in what he was doing. It reminded me of the reason I came back to this time. I felt like it was what I needed to do. I had a new respect for Ned. We continued to talk and the men began to sing songs not only in English, but also in Gàidhlig. At times Roger would look up at me.
I had hoped that being here on the road with these men would help me shine a light on the bigger picture. I wanted them to see me as an equal not someone they had to dislike. I knew from my prior experience that several of the men had grown to tolerate me. I wanted to be seen in that same light if not better. I would be kind and try harder to listen, though I knew the latter could be a losing battle. Unfortunately I was very headstrong.
I watched the men as we rode into the first village to collect the rent. Dougal was quick to get down and make it known who he was. Roger ran off as quickly as Murtagh had helped him down. I went to get him, but Dougal ushered me into a small cottage to look after anyone who needed medical help. I gathered from their talk that this would be expected of me at every stop. I wasn't sure how many injured people I looked after, but when I stepped out of the small room I could see the filtering of the light. Everyone was still busy with the rent collecting.
"Mistress," Willie called out while I looked around the group for Roger.
"Willie, do you know where Roger is?" He pointed down the hill to where I saw Jamie showing him how to tie a knot. I let out a shaky breath I hadn't realized I had held in. It bothered me a little that something as simple as a child could bring both so much joy and burden in one's heart.
I walked closer to them. "Hello."
"Mistress," Jamie replied as I knelt down to look Roger over. I knew Jamie wouldn't hurt him, but I worried about him nonetheless.
"What have you two been doing?" I questioned. Roger began chatting away about chasing pigs and chickens while the mean man yelled at them. I looked to Jamie who had a grin on his face, laughing as Roger told of them being swatted away.
"Right, I'm not sure which one of you is more trouble," I joked as we walked back up the hill to where Dougal seemed to be. He looked from me to Jamie before shaking his head and grunting while we continued to make our way over to our party. I became fully aware that as we went from place to place I would look over the sick while the men took care of business. Things seemed to change when we stopped at a village and there wasn't anyone to look after. I decided to explore while the men did their thing.
I found that the women were all working on waulking wool. I almost forgot about this moment. I had actually enjoyed working with the ladies and they really seemed to warm up to me. Like before, Angus found me tipsy and manhandled me back to where the men were. I forced my way through and grabbed the goat that the woman needed only to be stopped by Angus once again.
"Let me go," I seethed, looking up to see Dougal making his way closer to me.
"Mistress." Ned was trying his best to calm the situation.
"There is a family that needs this goat," I retorted, yanking my hand out of Rupert's grip just before Dougal snapped the rope out of mine.
"This goat is ours now. It was used as payment," he sneered at me as I saw a young man coming out of the blacksmith's hut.
"Madam, is everything all right?" he inquired in an English accent. "May I be of service to you?" he offered. Roger came running toward me with Jamie hot on his tail. I pulled him to me as Dougal and Rupert stepped in front of me.
"The lady is the guest of the Clan MacKenzie," Dougal asserted, handing the roped goat off to Rupert.
"Do you treat all your guests in such a manner as you are treating her," he asked. I looked at Jamie who seemed to be trying to figure out what was going on. Rupert jeered at him after telling him to bugger off. I watched the man walk away, then felt Dougal wrench my arm when he led me to the wagons.
"We're leaving, pack it up," Dougal yelled, shoving me toward the wagon. "Don't you try that again," he snarled in my face.
"Dougal, she didna know any better," Jamie said, trying to play the peacemaker. Then he moved toward us taking Roger from me. "She was only trying to help that family. I'm sure she meant no harm from it," he continued. His uncle looked from me to him.
"She needs to mind her own concerns and stay out of clan business," he retorted, walking away leaving me on the verge of breaking down.
"I was only trying to help," I murmured, his hand on my shoulder.
"Sassenach, ye need to try to keep to yerself. Dougal is right though, this is clan business," he remarked, causing me to dislike him a little. I went to my horse and opened up one of my satchels to find my coins. I took two coins out and walked back to Jamie.
"Is this enough to buy a goat?" I questioned; he nodded.
"Ye'd only need one coin," he commented as I walked over to Dougal and Ned.
"I want to buy that goat." I could see the fire in Dougal's eyes when he looked up at me.
"Woman, I said mind yer own..." he began. Highly annoyed, I slapped the two coins on the table. Ned took them just as I snatched the rope out of Rupert's hand and walked the goat back to the woman who thanked me. Jamie just looked at me like I was a puzzle.
"Claire," Murtagh chided.
"I know, I know! But I couldn't help myself," I replied. He shook his head and muttered something under his breath. I knew I'd just irked Dougal even more. Ned made sure I was kept busy the next few stops to keep me out of Dougal's line of fire.
This last stop was at a village with a small tavern. I had finished looking after the sick and had kept watch on the men. I had followed them into the tavern and Murtagh pulled Jamie with him. I knew it was no place for Roger so I'd asked Willie to stay with him. Dougal began his plea for support and money for the rising, speaking only in Gàidhlig. It broke my heart knowing what he was going to do next. Jamie stiffened as his uncle ripped the shirt off of his back, exposing his scarred skin.
The people around him just looked on muttering in Gàidhlig. I could see Dougal had a smirk on his face as others dropped some coins on the table in front of him. Jamie was trembling slightly but I wasn't sure if it was in anger or from the people around him. Jamie got up abruptly and stalked out of the tavern with Murtagh fast on his heels.
"Did that make you happy?" I snapped, getting up from my hiding place and moving over to Dougal as he handed the money to Ned.
"What are ye yammerin' about?" he growled as though I was bothering him.
"Using Mr. MacTavish like that," I retorted, watching him take a long drink from his cup.
"Again this is clan business," he tersely replied. I shook my head.
"I know the difference between this and actual clan business. You're not collecting money for the clan, but to help restore the Stuarts to the throne. I'm not stupid!" I said angrily, seeing his eyes widen in anger.
"I thought you didn't speak Gàidhlig." He sneered at me as though I was lying to him.
"I don't, but it doesn't take much to understand 'Bragh Stuart,'" I replied. He just chuckled.
"Nae, it doesna. Make yerself useful and mend this." He picked the tattered shirt off the ground, thrusting it at me.
"I'm not your maid, mend it yourself!" I retorted, shoving it back at him before seeing a hand move between the two of us. Jamie had come back into the tavern. He took his shirt and walked back out the way he came in.
"Not good," I murmured as I walked by Murtagh who was shaking his head. Jamie sat down beside Willie as Willie stood up. I moved over by him and sat down.
"I'll mend it," I replied softly, reaching for the shirt.
"I can mend it myself," he snapped. Glancing from the fire to him, I took the shirt out of his hands. "I dinna need yer pity, Sassenach," he insisted, reaching for his shirt.
"It's not pity. I want to do it for you. You have been so kind to me and my son. Let me take care of it, please?" I moved closer to the fire to work.
Over the next few days I tried to stay out of Dougal's way just to keep him from getting angry with me or thinking he could take his anger out on Jamie or Roger. I had been pushing him and now it worried me. He gave me looks that really made my skin crawl, but I wasn't a timid, mild-mannered lady. I was finding it hard to enjoy the beauty of the land when I struggled with knowing what was going to be happening soon.
Ned and I were talking when I looked up to see a steady stream of smoke rising somewhere in front of us. I could see Dougal moving toward the smoke as we continued on our way. I looked to my side where Jamie had been riding to see Murtagh instead. "Where's Roger?" I asked somewhat anxiously as he looked up from his horse.
"The lad was wi' Jamie," he muttered; I knew what he meant. "They'll join us up the way." He caught my eye as I saw Dougal coming back toward us. It was a slow journey to where we were going to camp, but sure enough Jamie and Roger had already started a fire and had a few things set up. Roger called to me when I got down from my horse.
"Hey my little man, were you good for Jamie?" He nodded and told me how Jamie had allowed him to gather wood and showed him how to start a fire. "Thank you for looking after him. I know this is more than you signed on for, but I do appreciate it." I folded my blanket and sat down, leaning tiredly against a tree.
"I enjoy his company," Jamie replied, standing up and moving over to the horses. I felt Roger lean into me as he settled down. I must have dozed off because when I opened my eyes Roger was gone and the men were eating. I glanced up to see Angus in front of me.
"No, thank you. I'm not hungry." I didn't realizing what I was saying.
"What's the matter with you?" Willie asked, not understanding. I saw Jamie staring at me.
"I've no stomach for stolen food," I replied as I began to stand up knowing what was going to happen next, but at the moment didn't care. "And I don't sit with thieves either," I replied moving to the side. But Angus pulled me back, thrusting his knife at me as he dropped the plate of chicken. I could see Roger staring at me wide-eyed, from Murtagh's side. Thankfully Jamie diffused the situation before anything could happen and I caught a glimmer of smugness from Dougal as he sat down with the men. I quickly walked away from them, going up a hill looking at the green landscape before dropping my head in my hands, crying.
"What's gotten into ye?" Jamie questioned as I heard laughter from the men. He'd followed me, damn him. "Ye canna talk to Angus that way," he continued.
"I don't care. Angus can kiss my English arse for all I care," I snapped, feeling his glaze on me.
"Aye, I'll give ye that. He's a crafty bastard, but Sassenach, ye need to tread carefully. Those there are fighting words," he said softly making me look up into his face. I think this was when I actually realized there was more to him than just his brokenness.
"I'm trying to play nice, but it's hard when I know that they don't trust me. I haven't done anything wrong; I'm not an enemy here. I can't just stand by and watch how things are done," I ranted. He looked quite shocked by my outburst.
"Ye canna judge thing ye don't understand. Please, Claire, stay out of it. If not for yerself then for yer boy." He spoke more harshly than I hoped he meant to. Then he turned and walked away leaving me on the verge of tears once again.
At the next village Dougal showed a little pity to the people because most of them came empty-handed. It was wrong of me to judge him in this moment, but I knew he would take their money later for the lost Jacobite cause. I tried to warn them the first time and Dougal was dead set on doing justice for the cause. I couldn't sleep after I watched him degrade Jamie again. It was breaking me to see him to continue to use his scars to stir up rebellion.
Since I couldn't sleep I got up, pulling the spare plaid Murtagh had given me up around my shoulders as I got out of the makeshift tent. Murtagh was sitting by the fire talking in quiet tones to Roger. I could tell he was telling the boy a story who was just teetering on the verge of sleep. I moved toward the trees when low voices caught my attention.
"Devil take ye, and damn ye, Dougal MacKenzie. Kinsman or not, I dinna owe ye this!" I heard the distinct voice of Jamie. I hadn't thought about this night in a long time. This was the night that I saw him as not just a rare gem, but a great man.
"I do seem to recall a certain oath of obedience, 'so long as my feet rest on the lands of Clan MacKenzie,'" Dougal countered; I could hear his smug voice jeering at him.
"Aye, but I gave my word to Colum, not to you," Jamie retorted. Dougal just chuckled.
"Come now, Jamie. It's one and the same, lad, and you ken it well. Outside of Leoch, I am Colum's head, hands, as well as his legs," he said snidely. He then went on to make his point more clear using examples of the different clans and what they wanted. Then he tried to reason with him. "Jamie, you of all people would profit from having a Stuart back on the throne."
"My life is my own. I will not be part of a rising. Have our people not suffered enough with the Redcoats and what they do?" he demanded.
"No, you'll do as I say while you travel with me, sweet lad," Dougal threatened. Safe in my spot, I watched him retreat. Then Jamie began hitting the tree in front of him grunting.
"You know he'll do that again, use you like that?" I softly asked, seeing him rub his knuckles.
"Aye. Aye, it gets him what he wants, you see," he muttered, coming to crouch beside me as I sat on a log.
"You'll let him use you like some pawn!" I could feel my anger rise from deep within.
"I ken how ye feel, but he's my uncle." He lifted my chin so that he could look into my eyes. "A man has to... to choose what's worth fighting for. As ye ken," he said in an undertone, turning to look away from me. Pulling his hands into my lap to look them over, I shook my head at his poor hands and tore one of the cloths I had in my pocket in two and wrapped them. "Well, best get some sleep." He nodded his thanks and pulled his wrapped hands back.
"Yes, of course. We still have a long way to go. Try not to hit any more trees," I softly replied, standing up.
"I wouldna fret, Sassenach, the trees are safe." He gave me a tight smile before I walked away. I found Roger fast asleep in our tent and crawled in beside of him.
"Good night," I whispered not only to Roger but to the air around us. I woke to the men packing up the camp and getting ready to move onto our next destination. It was hard for me not to look at them differently. I knew they weren't aware of what was in store for them, but I also knew they weren't common thieves. I struggled last time as well knowing that the men I was hanging around with became family in a sort of way. When I looked toward Murtagh I could sense he felt like I did to a small degree.