Good Mourning epilogue
"Grieve maybe a thing we all have in common…but it looks different on everyone…"
There was soft knocking at the door and Marc snapped his head towards it. He stood and walked to the door, opening it all the way. Lexie was standing in the hallway, smiling at him; a cross between a smirk and a shy smile.
"Hey," Marc said softly.
Without answering, Lexie held up a toothbrush and then a pair of black, lace panties.
Marc chuckled and she placed them in his big hands before turning to her large suitcase, rolling it into his apartment.
"It isn't just death we have to grieve…it's life, it's loss, it's change…"
Marc closed the door and smirked, almost laughed actually before walking up slowly to Lexie, taking her face in his hands and tilting her chin up so he could look into her chocolate, brown eyes.
"I'm glad you're here," he whispered.
Lexie started to smile, to lean into Marc. He tilted her head just slightly to kiss her lightly on the lips, "Thanks for moving in…you have no idea what this means to me!"
Lexie leaned in closer, closing her eyes and "mmm"-ing. "I guess it was time," she mumbled.
Marc kissed her again, still softly, "Isn't it time for bed yet?" he smirked. Lexie's eyes snapped open, "What?" She looked up at Marc and hit him playfully in the chest, "Is that all you think about?"
"Actually…," Marc grinned.
"I haven't even unpacked and…," Lexie turned toward her suitcase. Marc laughed again, "There's nothing in there you need," he said, taking Lexie's hand, slowly leading her into the bedroom.
"But…what about…," Lexie protested.
Marc said nothing but pulled back the covers of his king-size bed, turning Lexie so she was in front of it, then pushing her slowly down into a sitting position.
She bit her bottom lip, looking up at him, "So, you…"
"Wanna make love to you? Yes!" Marc completed her sentence.
A shy smile lit Lexie's face followed by a frown, "But what about…?"
Marc didn't answer but slowly pushed Lexie into a lying position, starting to kiss her neck.
"Marc…?" Lexie tried to sit back up, but half way fell down again. Marc smirked and sat up, pulling a small box of condoms out of his pocket, waving it in front of her, "I'm coming prepared," he smiled.
"Ahhh…," Lexie nodded.
"Yes," Marc grinned.
"I bought a box too," Lexie smiled, motioning towards her suitcase, "…a large one!"
Marc pulled the covers up over Lexie, sitting down on the edge of the bed, slowly undressing, then he leaned down to kiss her again, "We'll use all of them," he mumbled against her lips. Lexie snaked her arms around Marc's neck as he slipped his tongue inside her mouth.
When they finally broke apart, gasping for air, Lexie snuggled even closer to Marc, his breath blowing hot on her neck and making her shiver. Marc pulled her tighter against him, kissing her shoulder, "No one can love me like you," he whispered.
"…And as we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes…has to hurt so bad; the thing we got to try to remember is…it can turn on a dime…"
Alex got out of his car and slammed its door. He chilled to the cold night air and stared at the trailer ahead of him before stepping onto the wooden deck. He glanced through the window for a moment; a sliver of moon behind the clouds showing him Izzie's silhouette. He opened the trailer door and stepped inside but he froze as his searching gaze fell upon the numerous candles that were lit throughout the trailer. His heart suddenly began pounding, "What's this?"
"Take off your pants," Izzie required softly.
"Iz…it's…er," Alex mumbled nervously, overwhelmed by her demand.
Izzie rose from the bed and walked to him, "Be my husband…get undressed…get into bed and hold me! I don't know what you're so mad about and I don't know what you're scared off because you won't talk to me but I'm scared too Alex and I…I can't…if you won't…," Izzie sighed, "If we're gonna have any chance at a life together than I need you to…," Izzie swallowed and stepped closer to Alex, reaching out to touch his cheek, "…please?"
Alex grabbed Izzie's hand before she really touched him and a sigh escaped his lips as he stared into her sad, brown eyes, "You died in my arms. You died in my arms. You freakin' died and then you left instructions that I wasn't allowed to safe your life! You wanna know what I'm scared of? I'm scared of everything…I'm scared to move. I'm scared to breathe. I'm scared to touch you. I can't loose you. I won't survive," Alex' voice grew softer, calmer, "…and that's your fault," he pointed his finger toward Izzie. "You made me love you. You made me let you in…and then you freakin' died in my arms," Alex' voice rose again, screaming almost.
Izzie swallowed and then stepped forward, cupping Alex' face with tenderness, their foreheads touching.
She swallowed hard and began to see what was inside Alex, how deep he cared for her, how afraid he'd been.
"…and that's how you stay alive! When it hurts so much you can't breathe…that's how you survive."
Their lips softly touched and Izzie closed her eyes as they wrapped their arms around each other, hugging and holding on for dear life.
As they slightly pulled back, Izzie whispered, "Please don't pull away from me, Alex. I can't bare it. Please love me, they way I love you!"
As Alex felt Izzie's chest pound, the dark shadows and sad memories slowly began to fade, replaced with a feeling of peace. He angrily brushed the moisture from his face and without speaking; he placed his hand at the curve of Izzie's back, pulling her even closer. He lifted her hand and touched his lips to her wrist. He kissed her brow, her eyelids then moved down to her mouth. He lingered inside, tasted her sweet flavour, inhaling her scent. He caressed her neck, feeling her pulse quicken, her muscles tighten, her breath matching his, increasing with each touch.
And at that particular moment, Alex felt the physical urge and emotional need to be with Iz; the hunger to consume her…touch her, become part of her. There was no more hesitation, no reluctance to put forth his feelings…everything was clear.
Izzie's voice trembled as she whispered, "I'm scared."
Alex issued a low groan, resonating from his throat as fire raged through his body, a heat that could only be quenched one way. He lifted Izzie, cupped her in his arms and carried her to the small bed, "Then we'll both be scared," he whispered as he started unbuttoning Izzie's shirt, pressing his face against her chest and inhaling her scent.
In one moment, their clothes were gone and Alex studied Izzie's skin, her shape…her mouth. He became enraptured by its beauty; its response to his touch. As he stared into Izzie's eyes and recognized her desire for him and him alone, their emotions blended together. Lust, tenderness, love and a powerful yearning to be with her, to be inside her body, share her mind, her soul.
Alex caressed Izzie's breasts, watched as they pulsed and responded to the touch of his lips, the goosed bumps encircling the protruded centres. He kissed down below her rib cage, across her navel and continued lower. Izzie's mouth opened and then closed as she bit down across her lower lip. Her eyelids pulled back, opened fully as she arched upward, pressed against his mouth. She felt the sensation, the tingling, rising from her legs up her back. As the waves rippled across her body, she moaned his name, over and over again.
Alex felt his heart pound against his chest, his rapid breath against Izzie's face as she gazed up at him. Almost unnoticeably she nodded and Alex slowly, gently joined with her, becoming one with the woman he loved. Carefully they merged, two humans linked as one body, moving in harmony. With each thrust, Alex sensed the warmth inside; penetrating deeper as the echo of rain that suddenly skated across the metal roof of the trailer blended with the sounds of a man and a woman making love.
As they moved together, Alex caressed Izzie's smooth skin, felt the flesh of her body absorb his heat. He increased their rhythm, pushed faster and at the peak, it all disappeared; the dark shadows of cancer, the sorrow of the loss of George; everything vanished except their love for each other. For an instant, at the crest of their journey, they remained motionless, united as one, all their muscles strained, their nerves on fire. Then they floated back and collapsed beside each other.
After several moments, Alex turned Izzie's body. He pressed his groin against her warm flushed buttocks. He kissed behind her ear and across her neck to her arms. He traced his hand down the curve of her waist, along her thigh and arched his arm across her chest. He held her tightly, until they both drifted off, together. Their legs and arms entwined, until they were like one body…one mind and it felt right, like it was always meant to be…
The elevator dinged and the door slid open. Miranda stepped inside and stared at her feet. Right before the door closed, a hand slid inside and the doors opened again. Derek Shepherd stepped into the elevator and his fresh cologne wafted over Miranda as he briefly nodded at her, "Miranda."
Derek stepped beside her, their shoulders almost brushing.
"But remembering that one day…somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way, it won't hurt this much."
Derek shifted and brushed Miranda's shoulder again. Her stomach squeezed and she forced her gaze straight ahead. If he only wouldn't speak…He stood so close; she could feel the heat radiating from his body. Suddenly he turned and pushed the stop button, turning toward her. His blue eyes met hers and his gaze was filled with understanding. Miranda struggled to clear her mind and think of nothing…not to think of Izzie or George, ignoring the ache in her chest but Derek kept staring intently at her and she finally sighed.
"Look, I…I'm an attending…and I am a single mother…and I lost O'Malley and…er…I…I can't care anymore…," Miranda slowly shook her head. "Stevens is not my child. O'Malley was not my child. I have to stop treating…I just have to stop caring so much. I can't keep feeling…," Miranda's voice almost cracked at the emotions rolling through her, "…like this. Not at work. I have to safe the feeling for my son who needs it…I just can't keep giving it away…I can't…," her voice grew softer and the ache in her chest was almost overwhelming but then she straightened and looked forward, "…I won't," she stubbornly said. Derek lowered his head, staring down at Miranda. He smiled at her, a calm, kind smile. It surprised him to see how at ease she now was in comparison to her confused state of mind he'd sensed when he stepped on the elevator. He turned and pushed the stop button again, stepping beside her.
"The grieve comes at its own time for everyone…in its own way."
"So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty."
Cristina and Owen sat on the couch in nervous anticipation, each of them wanting to feel it so badly, it almost hurt.
Their kiss was long and lingering, but suddenly Owen pulled back, sighing, "I don't wanna hurt you again. My problems; they're real and this…this makes us…this make my problems, your problems. I'm afraid. I don't wanna hurt you again," Owen said again while looking down and shaking his head.
"You can sleep in the bathtub," Cristina chuckled.
"What?" Owen looked up, smiling. Cristina smiled back, cupping Owen's face between her hands and kissing him again. A feeling of utter and sheer joy shot through him, making him vibrate and glow with warmth and energy. He felt a feeling of incredible love and it was at that moment, he understood what love really was.
Owen smiled, "OK…I'll sleep in the tub." Then he slowly leaned closer and kissed Cristina again before they slowly started undressing one another like they had all the time in the world…and they did.
Meredith sat in the locker room, stuffing her things into her bag, when a janitor entered, carrying a big, carton box.
"The really crappy thing…the really worst part of grieve, is that you can't control it."
She looked up startled when he started cleaning out the locker beside her own, "What are you doing?" she asked abruptly.
"We need the space," the janitor explained dismissive. Meredith swallowed hard and she saw the embroidered letters on George's doctor's coat and she strongly felt the urge to snatch it from the box but instead she stared straight ahead…
"The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes…"
Arizona sat on a bar stool at Joe's, shoving a glass of red whine to her left when she saw Callie entering the bar. She dropped her bag onto an empty bar stool and sat down, sighing, "Heey…oh, thank you. I'm stuck with this intern today. It took him four tries to stick in a central line. Reminded me a little bit of George, actually. When he was an intern." Callie reminisced smiling.
Arizona smiled and listened to Callie without interrupting her, glad to see that loving smile back on her friend's face again.
"…and to let it go when we can."
George is gone…George is dead.
No…no, Meredith thought as she softly started sobbing, the tears streaming down her cheeks. Her body shook as she cried, letting all the pain finally seep inside. George was dead…one of her best friends was gone…forever. Meredith's heart began to ache and the uncontrollable sobbing couldn't stop anymore.
When Derek entered the locker room, he saw Meredith's face, wet with tears while her entire body shook with sobs.
In an instant he was near her, "Meredith."
"The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it…it starts all over again."
At the sound of Derek saying her name, another sob escaped her throat and she even couldn't hide it anymore; the weights of her grieve too heavy. Sadness had weighed down her eyes with raw tears over the loss of George and she was almost falling over the edge of her sadness when Derek sat down beside her. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder; relieved Meredith finally showed her emotions. He just held her as she cried, making sure she knew he was there for her. When Meredith finally regained more control, Derek kissed her forehead. She remained in his arms as she cried silently. When Derek slightly pulled away, Meredith looked up at him, "George is gone!" Derek nodded, "I know…baby. I know."
……………………………
Lying down on the bed, Meredith soon drifted off into restless sleep. Her dreams were filled of George and how he'd scribbled 0-0-7 in her hand. She woke with a start but Derek held her as she sobbed again. When exhaustion finally kicked in, she drifted off to sleep again. The next morning, Meredith awoke early, Derek still sleeping beside her. She got out of bed carefully, so not to wake him, going downstairs silently. When she reached the hallway, she saw the picture; the picture of the five of them, starting out as interns at Seattle Grace Hospital. Meredith walked over to the photo and stared at it. She didn't know how long she'd stood there, tears watering her eyes again when Derek came up behind her. He pulled her against him as tightly as he could and whispered, "It's OK…just let it all out."
Meredith shuddered and burrowed against Derek as she trembled with renewed emotions.
"Hold me Derek. Just hold me."
Derek sighed and scooped Meredith up in his arms, climbing the stairs back to their bedroom. He sat down on the edge of the bed, cradling Meredith like a child. When her crying had subsided to occasional sniffles, she glanced up at him, "P…promise me…you'll never jump in front of a b…bus to save someone, "she hiccupped.
"I promise," Derek smiled ad he edged her even closer to him. They stayed that way for quite a while, comfortable in each other's arms. Meredith finally separated herself from him, although Derek seemed reluctant to let her go. She looked down on him, taking in a deep breath, "I know what had a lot of s.e.x. the last couple of days but now I want you to make love to me Derek."
"Meredith? Are you…?"
"Make love to me Derek," she whispered again, her fingers moving along his chest. Derek pulled her into his arms, capturing Meredith's lips with his. She needed this. He needed this. He felt her yearning, her need to be consoled. "I love you," he whispered against her lips.
Meredith smiled as she saw the tenderness in his eyes. Derek's lips wandered down her neck as he carefully pushed her down onto the bed. He quickly pulled off his shirt and let it tumble to the floor. His fingertips ran lightly over her lips. Softly he kissed her and gently he caressed her. Meredith sat up and pulled her own shirt off then she reached down and unbuttoned Derek's pants. When they were both naked, Derek watched how Meredith's fingers ran down his chest, her eyes following the trail her fingers made. When her hand wrapped around him, he gasped, looking up into her face. He reached down and pulled her u to him. He cupped the back of Meredith's head and kissed her deeply, slowly rolling over her placing her under him. He held his breath as he positioned himself between her thighs. Slowly he pushed forward while he brought one hand up to caress Meredith's cheek.
"Mer…."
The love in her eyes touched him and he watched her face as he thrust deeply inside her. Slowly he moved his hips as he captured her lips. Meredith choked back the tears that threaten to spill at this beautiful moment. She reached up and pulled Derek closer, wanting to feel his entire body against hers as he gently made love to her.
"I love you," she murmured as she felt that wonderful feeling building and then…she surrendered to it. Derek's caresses, the way he moved in and out of her, his soft kisses…she felt it all. As the waves slowly subsided, Derek's moans drew her attention. She looked up into his face as he started thrusting faster, eyes closed.
"Derek…please look at me," she whispered.
Derek opened his eyes and looked deeply into Meredith's eyes as his orgasm hit. She shuddered looking at the pleasure etched on his handsome face. The soft way he whispered her name as he kissed her again, warmed her heart. She held him tightly, wanting to feel him against her. She closed her eyes and a warm smile curved her lips.
The memories of George would be forever marked on her soul. That was what he'd left her. Nothing would ever fade, especially the memories of him.
And the love…
"And always…every time…
Cristina and Owen lay together in complete bliss when it finally hit her. She swallowed and gasped, "George O'Malley died."
…it takes your breath away."
More in the next episode...