Author's Notes:

CONVERSATION KEY

*When characters are speaking out loud, quotes will be used.

*When characters are signing with their hands, italics will be used. (Italics will be used in other places as well, i.e. to emphasize certain words/phrases. Please keep that in mind.)

*When characters are communicating via iPad or e-mail, bold will be used.

*Bella's conversations with others, signing and writing, will ALWAYS be encased in *stars*.

*Edward's conversations with Bella, signing and writing, will remain unmarked.

*Any other characters that sign in a chapter will have their conversations encased in {brackets}.

Many thanks to azure0610 for acting as my beta. Also, thanks to aerobee82 and JenEsme for pre-reading for me.

The awesome Nayarit and FluffyLiz created my beautiful banners for me.

All the usual disclaimers apply. This story is rated M for a reason.

Chapter 10 – Surprise

I was nervous as hell.

It was the first day back to school, and I was sitting in class.

Teaching Assistant Isabella Swan's Introduction to Sign Language class, to be exact.

Other students milled around me, but none of them had yet to take their seats. It was still early; class wasn't slated to begin until 4 p.m., and it was just after 3:30. I had decided to arrive early because I wanted to be seated up front, in the first row, when Bella arrived. Or maybe it was better to sit in the back…

Fuck!

Signing up for Bella's class had seemed like such a brilliant idea over Christmas break. I wanted to prove to her that I was serious about learning sign language, and what better way to do that than to register for her class? But now I was worried. Would she be upset with me for not consulting her first? I wanted my presence in her class to be a surprise, but I couldn't push aside the nagging feeling that I should have talked to her before making my decision.

In an effort to bide time until class began, I opened my newly purchased textbook and started flipping through the pages. There were many signs that I already recognized, but so many more that were foreign to me. I would definitely have a leg up in this class, having already started to learn sign, but given the choice between Sign Language I or II, I felt this class was most appropriate for me.

I was glancing over signs for different emotions when a sprightly young blonde wearing a generic smile and a skirt that was border-line inappropriate entered the room. I looked up without thinking, smiling politely when her eyes briefly met mine. Unfortunately, she took that as an invitation to walk my way, and I inwardly groaned when she sat down beside me, telling myself that I really needed to stop smiling at unfamiliar women. It was an entirely harmless act that somehow always seemed to be misinterpreted. I wasn't looking for company - I was merely trying to be polite.

I tried to ignore the girl as she shuffled through her things, but when she leaned towards me and whispered, "I hear the teacher is deaf," I couldn't help but turn to face her.

"So?" I huffed, slightly irritated. I didn't like her tone of voice. She spoke as if Bella's deafness was some sort of shameful secret. I felt like I was in high school all over again, where kids thought it was cool to make fun of other people.

"So, it means we won't get into trouble for talking in class. She won't be able to hear us," the girl giggled. "I'm Jessica, by the way."

"Edward," I mumbled in response. "And you do realize she can read lips, don't you? She's deaf, not blind," I tersely pointed out.

"Who can read lips?" Jessica dumbly wondered, and it took all the will power I had not to roll my eyes.

"The teacher," I clarified.

"Really? How do you know? Are you two friends?"

Shit.

Suddenly, I was extremely uncomfortable. I had walked straight into that question, but I had no idea how to respond to it. I didn't think there was any harm in admitting that I knew Bella; we were friends, after all. But I was afraid that if I did, Jessica might infer from my defensiveness that Bella was more to me than just a friend, so instead, I decided to lie.

"No," I mumbled while turning away. "Most deaf people can read lips. I'm just assuming she can too."

"Oh," Jessica replied, seeming genuinely surprised. "I didn't know that. I'm just taking this class to fulfill my foreign language requirement. I figured it would be easier than learning French or some other language like that. I took Spanish in high school and I don't remember a thing!"

Why wasn't I surprised?

I forced a smile in Jessica's direction, simultaneously wondering if I should move to another seat. I wasn't sure I could handle sitting next to her for an entire class period. The problem was, if I moved, I would lose my place in the front row, and I was no longer indecisive about where I wanted to sit. I didn't want my face to get lost in the crowd; I wanted to be the first person Bella saw when she walked through the classroom door.

In an effort to disengage myself from my conversation with Jessica, I turned away from her and busied myself at my desk. Unfortunately, my deterrence strategy didn't work for long, and soon, she leaned in towards me and started to chatter again.

"So why are you taking this class?" she asked. Her eyes traveled to where I was intently studying my text before wandering back up to my face again. Sighing, I turned back in her direction.

"Just interested in learning something different, I guess," I replied, lying through my teeth.

"Well, I'm pretty sure it will be an easy A," she commented with a wave of her hand. "I mean, how hard can it be to talk with your hands?"

"It's actually more difficult than you might think," I noted, somewhat annoyed with her ignorant assumptions. "And it's not just about talking with your hands. You have to use your entire body to communicate when using sign. Your facial expressions are especially important."

Jessica stared at me with an amused expression on her face.

"Wow… you're like… really into this, aren't you?"

I shrugged my shoulders in response.

"I just figure if you're going to take a class, you may as well get as much out of it as possible."

"Well, I can see that I chose the right person to sit by," Jessica laughed. She surprised me by reaching her hand out and lightly touching my arm, and fuck me if Bella didn't walk into the room just then. I tensed as her eyes locked with mine; they opened wide with shock before narrowing slightly in unmistakable irritation. Though I had quickly pulled my arm away, Bella had seen Jessica touching me, and I was fairly certain she didn't like it. I tried to hold her attention, telling her with my pointed gaze that the act was entirely meaningless, but as quickly as she had appeared in the room, Bella walked to her desk, where she proceeded to unpack her bag and begin making preparations for class.

I watched her as she powered on her laptop and sorted through a stack of papers, hoping that she would look my way, but she didn't, and whether or not that was on purpose, I didn't know. Regardless, I couldn't help but stare at her. It felt like forever since I had seen her up close, and I'd almost forgotten how beautiful she was. Bella had worn her hair down today, and it even looked as if she might have straightened it. It was long, dark and sleek, and I wanted nothing more than to run my fingers through it. And her face… fuck, it was gorgeous; I couldn't tear my eyes away from the smoky shadow that painted her eyes. She must have noticed my focused attention because suddenly she looked up, her beautiful brown eyes meeting mine.

I tried to read her expression as she stared at me – tried to see if she was at all upset or annoyed, but it was impossible to do. This woman, who was often so easy to read, also had the frustrating ability to shut herself off. I supposed it wasn't fair for me to expect anything more. Bella had a class to conduct, after all. Still, I worried again that I had made a mistake by enrolling in her class; I didn't want this to be uncomfortable for either one of us. Sitting there, I wished that she would offer me something… anything to let me know that everything was all right. And then there it was, almost as if she had read my mind, the tiniest pull of her lips let me know that she was amused, if not pleased, by my presence in her class. It was a fleeting smile, but it was there nonetheless, and I relaxed back into my seat, feeling marginally better about my decision.

Class turned out to be a fairly low key event. Bella introduced herself by using sign language and carefully finger-spelling her name. Several students attempted to mimic her actions, and I wondered if I looked as awkward as they did when I signed. Their fingers didn't seem to do what their brains were asking them to, and there was a lot of amused laughter, Bella's included, as they tried to figure it out. Bella took roll on her laptop, which was attached to a large screen projector. She pointed to each student's name and had them raise their hands to indicate their presence in her class. She followed that up by finger-spelling each of their names and asking them to do the same. Every student struggled with this task – every student but me.

When Bella reached my name on the roster, I notice her pause, taking a deep breath before looking up in my direction. Even though she already knew I was present, I still had to play the part, so I raised my hand, watching with mild disappointment as she finger-spelled my name. I didn't like that. I didn't want her finger-spelling my name; it seemed so impersonal. Instead, I wanted her to use my given sign name. Although I still didn't know the meaning behind it, it warmed my insides to see her shake the letter "e" in front of her. But I realized it would have been inappropriate for her to address me like that, especially on the first day of class, so I did my best to remain stoic and not be bothered when she finger-spelled my name.

After taking roll, Bella initiated a question and answer session, where every student was tasked with asking a question about sign language or people that are hearing impaired. Students were instructed to come forward to the front of the room, where Bella demonstrated the art of lip reading by carefully watching each student ask their question and then answering it with the help of her laptop. Students were amazed by Bella's ability to read lips. Me? I was amazed by her. Watching her teach was fascinating. Bella exuded confidence and enthusiasm, and despite the fact we were a class full of beginners, she managed to communicate with everyone just fine. Her warm smile and friendly demeanor immediately put the class at ease, and by the time the question and answer session came to a close, students were excited about practicing finger-spelling. Thirty minutes in, and Bella had motivated her class to learn. That was the sign of a gifted teacher.

"You were right," Jessica whispered, leaning in towards me after we partnered up to practice finger-spelling. "She can read lips."

Again, I did my best not to roll my eyes. This girl was really beginning to irritate me, but unfortunately, I had been left with little choice but to work with her. The boy that was sitting next to me obviously had eyes for the girl sitting adjacent to him, and Jessica had turned to face me as if it was already decided that we would be partners. So I worked with her, practicing the letters of the alphabet as we were instructed to do, and partway through, I noticed Bella surreptitiously eyeing us from the corner of the room. It made my heart go haywire, knowing that she was watching me, and when Jessica wasn't looking, I managed to throw a smirk in her direction. Bella barely suppressed a smile of her own before turning to assist another student.

It's amazing how fast a class passes when you are interested in what you're learning. Before I knew it, fifty minutes was over, and everybody was packing up their things in preparation to leave. I was proud of myself. Both Bella and I had managed to flawlessly act the parts of both teacher and student, even though every part of me yearned to reach out and touch her. I wanted to hug Bella. I wanted to kiss her hello (on the cheek, of course), but most of all, I wanted to make her smile. It had been too long since I'd last seen her face light up in that special way that made my heart skip a beat in my chest. Even though I had arrived in Tampa several days before, Bella was busy preparing for her classes, and I was worried that if I saw her before school started, I would give my secret away. So I waited, and today was the first day I had seen her in several long weeks.

I hung back as the last of the students filed out of the room, waiting impatiently to finally be alone with Bella. She turned to me after bidding the last student farewell, and she sighed, biting down softly on her lower lip while simultaneously shaking her head at me. A small smile formed in the corners of her mouth then, and that was all the encouragement I needed to rise to my feet and make my way in her direction. It was all I could do not to tackle her, so strong was my urge to take her in my arms, but when I bent down to hug her hello, a slightly panicked expression flashed across her face. Bella quickly shook her head no, and I immediately stepped away.

*Sorry,* she swiftly signed, regret rimming her apologetic eyes, and she didn't need to say anything more. The way her eyes nervously darted in the direction of the hall told me that she was anxious about being spotted.

It's okay, I reassured her, realizing that I needed to be more cautious. Bella was a teacher after all, and I was her student, which meant that we had to be careful to establish appropriate boundaries while in class. I understand. How are you? I asked, and with those words, all of Bella's nervousness seemed to slip away. She raised a teasing brow.

*Surprised. How are you?*

I smiled sheepishly at her.

Are you mad?

Thankfully, Bella shook her head no. Her expression softened and she smiled tenderly at me as her fingers very quickly brushed against mine.

*I'm not mad. Surprised… yes. But not mad. You have a kind heart.*

My kind heart was currently beating wildly out of control. Just the brush of Bella's fingers against my own was enough to make it skip several beats. Despite the fact she didn't want me to, I really wanted to hug Bella… to whisk her away from here and show her how happy I was to see her. We had spent too long apart.

Can you go for a walk? I signed with a hopeful expression on my face. Bella bit down on her lower lip again, and I wished she would stop doing that. It was very hard for me to control my body's reactions around her, and I didn't want to embarrass myself. Bella smiled softly at me before nodding and motioning for me to wait. I did so willingly, standing by patiently while she collected her things.

Do you have any more classes today? I signed once we finally exited the room. Bella's amused eyes met mine, and she was barely able to contain her smile.

What? I signed, slightly bemused by her expression.

*You've been practicing,* Bella replied with a wide grin of approval, and I ducked my head, feeling suddenly shy. I wanted so much to impress this girl and to show her I was serious about learning sign; it made me feel good, if not slightly embarrassed, that she had noticed.

Bella and I traversed the halls together, making our way to the front of the building. Once outside, I paused and asked her where she wanted to go. She motioned toward the library, and I nodded in response, following along beside her. Bella and I didn't sign while we walked. I wasn't yet able to multitask like that; simultaneously signing and walking proved to be very difficult for me. But while it frustrated me that this restricted our communication, I also enjoyed the simple act of being in Bella's presence. There was something nice about the easiness that surrounded us as we walked; we didn't have to fill the space between us with mindless chatter.

After a few minutes, we approached the entrance to the library, and I paused outside, uncertain of what Bella intended to do. My face fell a little when I considered that perhaps she wanted to study, but my concerns were quickly laid to rest when she held up a single finger, signaling for me to wait while she hurried up the steps and dropped some books in the repository. Turning back in my direction, she smiled softly at me as she returned to my side.

*Do you want to walk some more?* she asked. Her eyes were hopeful, just like mine, and I nodded yes without hesitation. I pointed in the direction of the Engineering building, knowing there was a beautiful old oak tree under which we could sit and talk. It was also private, tucked off to the side where few people ever ventured. Again, we walked quietly, neither one of us attempting to sign. I'm not sure I would have been able to anyway, with the way her body was brushing against mine. We were walking closely together, our shoulders sometimes touching when our steps happened to fall in sync. Several times her pinky finger brushed against mine, and it was so goddamn tempting to link them together, but I didn't. I wasn't sure my heart could handle it if she pulled away, and something told me that she would. She wouldn't want to, but she would.

When we arrived at the tree, I asked Bella if she wanted to sit for awhile, and she nodded in response. She slipped her bag off of her shoulder and was about to lower herself to the ground when I surprised her by wrapping my arms around her and pulling her close. I couldn't help it… I had to touch her. I had to hold her in my arms, if only for a moment. Not being able to do so earlier was nearly my undoing.

Bella tensed at first, completely taken off guard by my impromptu embrace, and she stood still for a moment, a statue in my arms, before slowly, tentatively, sliding her arms around my waist. Settling herself against my chest, she exhaled a small sigh, almost as if she was as relieved as I was to finally be in my arms.

Jesus it felt good to hold her like this. We had never touched like this before, where the two of us stood chest to chest in an intimate embrace. Sure, I'd held her from behind while dancing with her at Technique, but this? This was different. Bella's head rested firmly against my heart, and I wondered if she could feel it thumping madly in my chest. I could feel hers, and it was racing. I hugged her closer, lowering my cheek to the top of her head and marveling at how perfectly she fit against me with her head tucked comfortably under my chin. I wanted to stand there, holding her like that forever, imprisoning her indefinitely in my arms, but eventually she pulled away.

*What was that for?* she shyly signed after I reluctantly let her go. I noticed her nervously glancing around, but I ignored it, focusing instead on my hands that remained resting lightly on her hips. Taking a chance, I used my thumbs to rub several tiny circles there, and I watched triumphantly as Bella's eyes momentarily fluttered closed.

I missed you, I signed when she opened them again, causing another shy smile to light up her face. Her eyes held mine for a moment before she slowly signed back.

*I missed you too.*

I grinned widely at Bella, overjoyed by her admission. Taking yet another chance, I took her hand in mine, relishing in the feeling of our fingers linked together as I tugged us to the ground. Once we were seated, we both reached for our bags, and we laughed as we withdrew matching iPads and situated them on top of our laps.

Bella was the first to begin typing.

*You really surprised me today. I wasn't expecting you to register for my class.*

I hope it was a good surprise.

*Yes, of course it was! I'm not sure how you managed to keep it a secret.*

Believe me, it wasn't easy. I registered Christmas day. I was so tempted to tell you when we spoke that night, but I also wanted it to be a surprise.

*Well, it was definitely a surprise.*

I'm glad you're not upset with me.

*How could I possibly be upset with you?*

Earlier today… I started to worry, thinking that maybe I shouldn't have kept it a secret. I should have included you in the decision…

*Oh, Green Eyes, it was a wonderful surprise. Do you know that nobody has ever gone to the trouble of learning sign language for me? You continually go out of your way to do nice things for me. To be honest, it's kind of overwhelming… in a good way. I'm really flattered, but mostly I'm just grateful.*

Bella peeked up at me, her cheeks flushing red with her admission. Unable to control myself, I reached out and brushed my fingers along the edge of her jaw, letting them linger there as I tilted her face in my direction. When her eyes locked with mine, I clearly stated, "I told you before, I'm not going anywhere. If we are going to be friends, I need to learn to sign."

Bella sighed, her soft brown eyes holding mine as she absorbed the significance of my words. I could see that they affected her, stirring something deep inside, and I hoped that meant she was finally starting to believe that I was different from all the others; I wanted to be a permanent part of her life. Bella had never asked me to prove this to her, and I knew she never would. Still, I hoped this gesture – registering for her class, demonstrated my true intentions and showed her just how much I cared.

My fingers remained resting on Bella's jaw, and I began softly caressing it, slowly brushing my thumb back and forth along the line connecting her chin and cheek. Her breathing quickened at my tender touch, her eyes falling closed as she exhaled a slow, soft sigh, and I was so goddamn tempted to cross the line she'd drawn. I wanted to kiss her. Our faces were so close. With a gentle tug, her lips would meet mine, and I could show her how I truly felt. But then she reached up, gently wrapping her fingers around mine and pulling my hand away, and the moment was lost… gone.

Bella's regretful eyes met mine, and she slowly shook her head no before turning to her iPad.

*You can't touch me like that.*

Why not?

I looked over at Bella, puzzled as to why she was pushing me away, only to see that she looked truly upset. This surprised me, and I furrowed my brows in confusion. Just moments ago, Bella had seemed perfectly contented, but that wasn't the case anymore, and I had no idea why. As I read what she was typing over her shoulder, I began to understand.

*Edward, please. If someone sees us, there's a chance I could get into trouble.*

It didn't take much for me to read between the lines and figure out what Bella was so concerned about. Truthfully, it had been lingering in the back of my mind since she refused to hug me after class. Bella was my teacher, and I was her student, and under certain circumstances, it was important for us to maintain clear boundaries. I knew that, but I didn't understand why this was an issue right now. We weren't in class. We were alone, outside, spending time together as friends.

We're alone, Bella. There's nobody around but us. Besides, we're just friends.

The last statement wasn't entirely true, and both Bella and I knew it. But I had the feeling that now wasn't the time to discuss that.

* I can't take any chances, Edward. My job pays for my tuition.*

I leveled my eyes at Bella then, concerned by what she was suggesting. Did she feel her job was in jeopardy, simply because I was a student in her class?

What happens if someone sees us together? I'm a little confused…

*The problem is, I really don't know. Spending time with students outside of class isn't against university rules, per se, but it isn't necessarily encouraged either. I just want to be careful not to give anyone the wrong impression. Teaching Assistants are easily replaceable, Edward, and believe me, I've been fired before for lesser reasons.*

Bella's hand seemed to shake a little as she typed, and I reached out and stilled it with my own. I had never seen her like this… so anxious and so worried, and I felt bad that I was the one that had made her feel that way. Suddenly, I was second guessing my decision to register for her class. I knew when I did that we would have to exercise a certain amount of caution, but I hadn't considered that spending time together outside of class would violate university policy. We were adults, for Christ's sake. This wasn't high school. Still, I respected Bella's predicament, and I wanted her to know that I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize her job.

I understand. I won't touch you like that again.

Bella lifted her face to me, and I could see that my words were as difficult for her to read as they were for me to write. She didn't want that. She didn't want me to refrain from touching her… I was almost certain of it. But she wasn't in any position to argue. Our relationship… who we were to each other was so poorly defined, even more so after today, that I don't think she knew what to say. I wished we could just be honest with each other about what was really going on, but it seemed Bella still wasn't ready for this, so I didn't push.

She swallowed hard, bringing her fisted hand to her chest and circling twice.

*I'm sorry.*

It's okay.

*You could always register for another class…*

Is that what you want? Would that make a difference?

Bella knew exactly what I was asking. If I dropped the class, would she willingly allow me to touch her? Was there a chance for us to be something more than just friends?

To my great disappointment, Bella looked up at me and slowly shook her head.

No - it's not what you want, or no - it wouldn't make a difference?

I needed clarification.

*Both, Edward. Both.*

I sighed.

Okay. I'll stay in your class.

Bella smiled at me, though it was a weak smile, dampened by the frustrating circumstances surrounding our relationship.

And we will remain as friends…

She hesitated only a moment before nodding yes.

Friends who need to be careful…

God this was exasperating, and even though it wasn't funny at all, I couldn't help but crack a smile at the ridiculousness of it all. Bella caught onto my mood, and I noticed an earnest smile tugging at her lips in return. I longed to reach out and trace it with my fingertips, to softly kiss its edges, but instead, I scooted closer to Bella until our shoulders were nearly touching.

We'll make this work, all right?

And I was pretty sure we both knew I was referring to much more than how we'd manage a teacher/student relationship.

Endnotes:

Thank you for reading.

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Rec: The Other Side of Me by BelieveItOrNot. While the subject matter is a difficult one to read (acquaintance rape), this poignant story is thoughtfully written with both beauty and grace. It is perhaps the most intelligently written and comprehensive look at the long and painful journey of healing that I have read in all of the Fandom. Her characters are relatable and believable, and Bella and Edward's efforts to overcome a traumatic act will both humble and inspire you. Give it a try.