Out

After another day of resting, I was finally released back into the world of Hogwarts and the first place I headed to was the Great Hall.

I had arrived a little late and supper was already in full swing by the time I neared the bustling room, sounds of talk and laughter drifting pleasantly in the still air outside the Hall.

My stomach was growling as I reached the large doors only to be pulled back by a slim, strong arm and placed face-to-face with Lily Evans.

Despite my hospitalisation, Lily had been giving me the stink eye for skipping out on giving her all the details about my date. I really should have known that the stubborn redhead would have been plotting to corner me and force the information out the first chance she got.

"Back where we started Evans?" I said as I inspected the same alcove where I'd first shoved my problems onto her. Of course, now she was the one forcing me to spill. "You know," I continued, "We should really make this our secret headquarters. Ooh! Or even better, our fort!"

She opened and closed her mouth before replying incredulously, "Why in the world would we need a fort?"

"So you can come snog me in secret when you finally tire of Jamesyboy."

"Sirius!" Lily cried, laughing, "besides you're gay."

The word brought on a wave of paranoia and I checked the surrounding area for eavesdroppers. "Shh! Not so loud, someone could hear you," I told her with a near edge of panic filtering into my voice.

Lily cast her eyes downward and shifted uncomfortably, looking anywhere but my face. The panic I'd been experiencing seemed to tenfold and I felt my stomach tighten painfully.

"What is it?" I questioned quietly.

"They, uh, already know," she said in a tight voice, eyes finally finding mine to search out a reaction.

I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and index, trying to imagine the affects this would have. "How?" I asked although I was fairly sure I already knew.

"Must've been the Slytherins that attacked you," Lily said, still trying to gauge my response. "They started spreading a bunch of rumours about how you were gay and everyone sort of believed it. I mean you haven't even dated yet this year! That's saying something for you."

"I'd be the first to admit it," I joked, the sentence coming out much weaker than I'd hoped. "What about Remus though?"

"Well there were a couple of rumours about him swinging the other way too but they never really took off. People just really like Remus though."

I raised my eyebrow at her, "And people don't like me?"

"Well…"

I guffawed and suddenly felt better, which was odd seeing as she had basically just told me that a significant amount of the Hogwarts population were willing to spread slander about me. Still, I felt I was finally on even footing again. Lying had really never been my strong suit, I preferred to just say the blunt truth and get on with it so covering up who I was for so long had really started to take a toll on me. How Remus managed to lie to the world about his lycanthrope each and every month was a mystery.

"Now start talking," Lily demanded, "What happened on the date?"

My eyes lit up and I felt that mischievous spark return. "But my dear Lily," I said sweetly, "I never kiss and tell."

"What!" she near screeched, attacking me with questions that I attempted to answer in between my laughs.

Now that everyone knew, I felt better and allowed my regular confidence to return.

There was just one more thing I had to do.

Having finished filling in Lily on the other night's exploits, I strode into the Great Hall with my back straight and my head held high. As soon as I entered the crowd quieted and I felt their whispers, stares and pointing fingers all directed at me. Still, I did not waver.

Remus was half raised from his seat, as if in motion to come stand beside me but I gave him an almost imperceptible shake of my head and he sat down again.

Instead I walked straight up to the Gryffindor table and leapt up on top of it, successfully silencing the entire Hall. Even the teachers gazed on me expectantly. The amount of eyes was enough to make even me nervous but I would be damned before I backed down from something I wanted to say.

I cleared my throat. "You may have heard some rumours about me lately and I just wanted you to know that at least one of them is true," I told the crowd, my voice magnified by a charm Lily had cast on me.

Immediately, the whispers started and I had to call for quiet several times before I achieved it again. I could feel Remus' intense gaze on me as well and resisted the urge to wink at him.

" I'm gay," I told the student body and faculty, putting as much confidence and assertion into those two words as possible. "And anyone who's got a problem with that can kiss my ass."

With that sentiment hanging in the air, I sat down next to James and counteracted the magnifying charm. I sighed, feeling the weight of all those stares lessen slightly, though not much.

James clapped me on the back, exclaiming, "Good job mate! No one tells Sirius Black which inappropriate parts of the human anatomy he likes best."

I laughed, still a little shaky. I was relieved to have it out finally but just a bit drained.

Lily bounced up behind us and slid into the seat next to James, leaning over the bespectacled boy to congratulate me on 'coming out' because it was 'bloody well time.'

I think James just about died having her red hair brush against his arms. Smirking, I turned away from the two lovebirds and settled my gaze on the object of my own affections.

Remus had something close to wonder filling his amber eyes and I flushed in embarrassment at the depth of it. He swallowed from across the table and said in a quiet, sincere voice, "I'm proud of you."

A warm glow seemed to spread through me and I couldn't help the goofy grin that was playing across my expression.

My gaze was torn away from the werewolf, however, when Peter suddenly cried, "So you were gay this entire time? Is anyone else confused!"

My barking laughter seemed to penetrate the noise of the Great Hall but I was too happy sitting there with my friends to care what everyone else was thinking about.

"No Pete," I said, grinning, "It's just you."

"So you're finally out then?" James asked.

I nodded, "Out and proud."

Thankfully, Gryffindors were fairly accepting and most actually came up to congratulate me on coming out. Even a few of my old girlfriends, who were just happy to finally have a reason for why I dumped them. Personally, I maintain that they were all just annoying but no need to add them back on my enemy list, which according to Lily was far longer than I'd thought.

I kept my distance from Remus that night, in case anyone determined that we'd make a cute couple or something stupid that would ruin the balance he and I seemed to have made. The entire night therefore was rather uneventful.

As I was sitting down for breakfast the next day, however, I received more letters than in all my years at Hogwarts combined. Most seemed to be hate mail and I discarded those quickly. There was also a scattering of letters sent from younger students struggling with their own sexuality and they thanked me and said I was an inspiration to them. I was of course too manly for crying but damn I felt close to tears! Those little bugger knew how to get you right in the gut with their stories and I wished that more than just one of them had signed their name so I could speak with them all personally.

The last letter I read though was probably the most important. In his eloquent handwriting, the Headmaster had written me a request to meet him after breakfast in his office.

The password was: Hershy Kisses

I had no idea what one of these 'kisses' was but knowing Dumbledore it was probably some exceedingly odd candy.

I looked around at all the baubles as I entered the erratic room, enjoying the mix of curiosity and wonder that came over me at the strange sights. Before I could further inspect the various magical trinkets though, Dumbledore called me over in his light voice.

"Sirius," he said with a broad smile. "Please take a seat."

Having been snapped out of my awe, I was beginning to feel a little wary of this visit. I hadn't really done any pranking lately, not since last week anyways and that had been a small one.

I still smiled at the memory of it though because despite his protests, Remus could brew a mean concoction. After taking a few sips of a magical potion at breakfast, the Slytherins spent the rest of the day randomly falling in and out of consciousness. It was so fast that sometimes you'd be walking behind a green clad student and all of the sudden they'd just collapse in the middle of the corridor and sleep for five minutes before getting up again and continuing like nothing had happened.

It had really been quite hilarious and we were already attending our detentions for it. Really, there was no reason to be here.

Still, I took my seat without complaint, gazing at the blue-eyed wizard before me.

His voice was warm when he finally began, "I heard your speech yesterday Sirius and I'm quite impressed. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did and I'm sure it's inspired numerous people."

My eyes widened, the unexpected topic catching me by surprised. I remained mute as he continued.

"It's a hard road ahead of you but you can weather through with your friends and those who are… special to you close by."

The way his blue eyes seemed to twinkle at the word 'special' made me more than a little suspicious. It felt as if he could see straight into my soul and heart, two things that were closely tied with a certain werewolf.

Again reading my mind and misgivings, he said, "Yes I've been noticing your close… friendship with Mr. Lupin."

My heart sunk at his words. "You have?" I asked weakly, wondering who else had noticed.

"Not to worry Sirius," he told me, a faint smile crossing his wizened features. "I'm more observant than most, I'm sure your secret is safe. You must be careful though. Remus has been through much pain and it will take a very exceptional individual to heal him. Am I to trust in your feelings?"

I nodded fervently, just the thought of Remus hurting making me want to jump up, find the tawny haired boy and envelope him in my arms. Of course, racing out of the Headmaster's office may be interpreted as rude so I stayed put.

"Good," he said, seemingly satisfied by something he saw in my eyes. "Now, about your assailants from the other night… am I right that you were attacked due to your sexuality."

The sudden turn of conversation took me by surprise but I answered quickly, "Yes, they were calling me a fag and telling me that I shouldn't exist or something. I'm sorry, I can't tell you who they are though."

He nodded, his eyes still burning into my soul. "Madame Pomfrey told me of your condition and it is most unfortunate. However, I believe if you were to allow me to retrieve your memory I could uncover what has been hidden from you."

I thought about it for a moment because he really was giving me the choice in the matter. They probably deserved whatever punishment Dumbledore was planning and it would serve as a warning to stay away from me. Yet, for whatever reason, I couldn't bring myself to care whether or not they received justice for their actions.

I realized suddenly that I'd already moved on from the traumatic experience, had already healed. I wasn't even scared of whoever they were and it made me smile knowing that they hadn't remotely succeeded in their goal.

Because really all they had was fear. And I had happiness and friends and Remus.

The first two were important of course but really it all came down to having Remus by my side.

I looked back into Dumbledore's blue, blue eyes and told him in a steady voice, "No. I think… I think I'm actually OK not knowing." I hoped my small smile conveyed all of my thoughts and reasonings behind my choice and judging by his returning twinkle, he understood.

"Of course," he said, "Now I believe you have some classes to attend. You must be rather behind in your coursework."

I sighed, thinking of all the homework I'd missed. "A little but Remus is helping me with that," I replied, smiling at the mere mention of my werewolf.

He nodded, his bright eyes flashing over me again. "Sirius, I meant what I said about you being an inspiration to your peers. Perhaps even to your own professors," the elderly wizard said, his voice full of hidden meaning.

My own eyes widened at his implication, "Professor! Are you saying that you're-"

"I did not say nor did I deny," Dumbledore said with a knowing smile. "To your classes Mr. Black."

Bewildered, I turned away from him and left for my Transfigurations class. As I neared the right corridor though, I couldn't help but smile at the mysterious mans words.

I'd always had the feeling that the greatest wizard in the world was swinging the other way.

Hey! I hope everyone's enjoying the story so far and please drop me a line if you are or have any comments/suggestions for it! The REVIEW button is closer than you think :D Anyways, I was thinking of maybe doing some awesome Remus/Sirius fluff next chapter when they attempt to raise a young niffler together! Tell me what you think and REVIEW! It gets you a faster update ;) And don't worry, they're going to get together very soon… hehe *evil grin* REVIEW!

-MesserMessa