"Dear Mama, Yeva, Sonya, Karolina, Victoria and Paul,

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written. I miss you all very much. I thought it would be hard leaving Russia to come here, but I didn't know how much. I think often of all the things I took for granted: our home and the routines in it. Mama's singing. Sonya's cooking. Karolina's smiles. Pauls' games. Yeva's understanding. Victoria's teasing. But I even miss the land itself. It's so different from where I'm at now. I miss our mountains and our stars. I miss the smell of our flowers and our little town where everyone is so neighborly and thoughtful and no one is in a rush. I miss the food, the language the quiet. I know Vika in particular can't wait to leave some of those things, but tell her she doesn't know how good she's got it. How easy it is to take all those things, and seeing and talking to all of you for granted when it's there every day. I miss it; I miss my family and I love you all very much.

I'm in Montana now. It's one of the 50 states in America. Will someone help Paul find it on the globe? I want him to know where I am. I am currently employed at a school here – St. Vladimir's Academy – both to guard the school and as a personal Guardian to Vasalissa Dragomir once she graduates in the spring.

I don't know yet where we will go after that, but it you all want to write me while I'm here, I would love it very much. Work is good. I get along with many of the other Guardians here and its important work. Like you always said Mama, 'our children are our future', and I'm protecting our future. Keeping it safe. Also, mama, because I know you worry, this is a safe place. We have many Guardians here and are inside wards, so you do not need to worry about my safety at this job. Even though I know you will anyway.

In your last letters, you all asked about when I could come home and visit… I still don't know the answer. To be honest, I should have spent my leave after the funeral with you all, but I couldn't. I felt like I needed to be alone to get better. Now I don't know when I'll have my next chance. Certainly not before graduation. And I don't know yet what will happen after, where Vasalissa will go.

Keep thinking of me, and tell me about how all of you are. I can't wait to hear it. I love you all. And Vika, stay in school. Don't get into trouble because I can't be there anymore to look out for you. Sonya and Karolina, don't let her make too many stupid mistakes while she's growing up. Tell Paul I miss him and when I do visit we will do anything he wants to do.

And Yeva, I miss our talks. I miss hearing what you have to say. When I do visit, I won't really feel at home until I've heard you chastise and berate me for whatever I've done that you don't approve of. I'm sure you'll think of many to choose from.

And Mama. I can't express how much I miss you. The first thing I will do whenever I come is hug you as hard as I can. I'm proud of you. You are my inspiration every day to be strong and do my best. I hope one day I find a woman half as special as you to love and care for. If I do I will be truly blessed.

Stay safe and think of me often. I'm always thinking of you.

Love Dimitri

I sat at my desk the following morning in my 3 hour break after working with Rose, well, sending her to run laps. I wrote carefully, making sure my writing was the best I could do. I knew the girls all put a lot of opinion on handwriting. Too sloppy and they felt you rushed and did not care. If you cared about what you were saying you wrote neatly they said.

I had smiled the whole time at being able to write to someone in my native tongue again. The reports I did every week were all in English and I rarely kept up with my journal, the only other place I could write in Russian. I had thought once that it would feel strange and rusty when it was so rarely something I got to do, and I had used it even less after Ivan died. Our silent conversations were in Russian, the language we'd primarily use in life, but I hadn't written it in almost 6 months. Still, it didn't feel strange or rusty; it felt like coming home.

I'd also been careful to include everybody, although I knew it would probably only be Mama and Victoria who wrote me back. Karolina might add a paragraph or two to the bottom of mama's but that would be it. Still though, I tried not to have favorites.

Once I was done I contemplated reading it again to double check before I mailed, but I was running late now. They'd figure out what I meant if I'd written something poorly. I folded it up, addressed it and stuck in in my coat pocket to give to Alberta to mail for me.

'You're about to be late for your meeting with Kirova.'

'Shit.' I touched my pocket again, just to be sure the envelope was in there, and ran out.

"So tell me about how Ms. Hathaway has spent her last two days." Kirova was looking at me steadily, seeming less angry and impatient than she had two days ago. I stood in front of her desk again.

"She's been to all her classes, on time, and come to all of our sessions. We are building up her strength and endurance with those while her other teachers get her grounded on the necessary skills again before we refine them." I answered her question, trying not to be irritated. It was a redundant meeting. I'd said much the same thing last time. And I was sure in 2 days' time it would still be the same answer.

Kirova nodded but I suddenly felt she was too calm. Her next words therefore only came as a slight surprise. "I have reports of her back talking, to both you and Guardian Alto during classes. Can you explain that to me?"

I started to frown and stopped myself. "She and guardian Alto got into a discussion of methods yesterday."

"A discussion? I wasn't aware his class was a discussion class." Her words were sharp now, seeking, like a shark sensing fresh blood in the water. First blood, I thought.

"It was resolved quickly. Ms. Hathaway had her questions answered in more detail and that was the end of it." Actually, the argument had been amusing for the Guardians in the class that day to watch. She had been nit-picking his words for presumably no other reason than because it irritated him and she was bored, but Alto had kept his calm and reiterated his point in words a 5 year old could have followed, and no one raised their voices. I only knew about it all because Stan had mentioned it to me last night during our sparring session and I'd tracked down Stevens to ask more details.

Kirova sniffed. "And her arguing with you? Would you say she has been defiant of your authority?"

What? Where was this coming from? This one was a double edged sword, accusing Rose of acting out and me of not being able to handle it. Still, I stayed calm, at least on the outside. Inside I was starting to boil. "No. She has done everything I've asked of her, completely." And then, because I couldn't stop myself, I added, "I wasn't aware grumbling was against the guidelines you laid out for her probation."

I wasn't wrong to add that in there, I felt. Everyone complained a little bit, it would be insane to expect otherwise. And she would be fair to Rose with this; I would make sure of it. And if I was honest with myself, Rose had complained and argued much less than many of the other students in the group classes I oversaw, and she was doing more than they were. I couldn't imagine how much all this had to be hurting her still after such a long absence in training, but she wasn't slowing down, and after our first night practice, she hadn't asked me to let her take a class off. Grumbling seemed like more than a fair compromise to get her to do what I wanted. Alberta had been right about finding a way to make peace with her and not let her get a rise out of me.

"You're saying it's acceptable for students to say whatever they want to their teachers?" Kirova shot at me now. "When they are supposed to be learning discipline and the control to hold their tongues?" Her eyes had an odd hard gleam in them now. I wondered what had happened for her to be so personally offended by Rose. It just didn't make sense with the facts as I understood them and the undercurrent of venom she always seemed to have her for Rose. Another mystery to work on another day.

"No, headmistress." I said instead. "I'm asking if grumbling about aches and pains is grounds for expulsion from this school. If it is, I suggest you make sure the student body is informed of this, as well as the other Guardians. I'm not sure they know."

'Someone's in a feisty mood this morning.' Ivan commented amusement mingled with pride in his eyes. He'd always enjoyed it when I stood up against the double standards our society imposed.

Kirova gave me a hard look. "That sounded like an order Guardian Belikov, but surely I am mistaken?" I had better be, was her suggested tone.

"No, Headmistress. Just an observation. I just don't believe your policy is known by the rest of the student body and the schools employees." I kept my voice and face impassive, no emotion. She was scraping for excuses now and we both knew it.

"So you believe you are doing everything possible to bring her to heel then?" She fired back at me, her voice clearly stating that she disagreed with that belief.

'Bring her to heel. Like some dog,' I thought bitterly. "Rose has broken none of your rules for her continued stay here. She has also completed every task anyone has set before her, including the extra ones with me that the other seniors are not responsible for completing as well."

I was trying, really trying, to keep calm and not sound as outraged as I felt. Some of the outrage was because of her determination to find fault, any fault, to use against Rose. It was unfair and unprofessional. But most of this outrage was against the general attitude she displayed towards Dhampires as a whole which was indicative of how were thought of in our society. Vasalissa was not being threatened with any sort of punishment over their 2 year escapade. It all fell on the Dhampire girl. And I doubted very much that there would have been fair treatment even if the Moroi had not been royal and the Dhampire not been Rose.

It was a broken system, one that had existed so long without changing that now even though there were groups of royals and high ranking Guardians pushing for a reform nothing was changing. Too many didn't want the system changed because it was unfair in their favor. Many more just didn't care enough either way. And both groups outnumbered the ones who did care and want change, and outranked them.

So as mad as I was at Kirova for her vendetta against Rose, most of my displeasure was aimed at a much larger scale. I had to keep myself from letting it bleed over onto this situation I was currently entrenched in. they were two separate wrongs being done, not one, and I had to remember that. Kirova looked as pissed off as I felt but she didn't have anything to fight against me with and dismissed me, reminding me to come back in 2 more days and report our progress all over again.

The rest of the week went smoothly enough. Rose showed up to our sessions and we established a routine of cranky silence for our morning one and a lively, creative banter for our evening one. My own body and sleep patterns had finished adjusting to the new schedule I was keeping and the following meeting with Kirova had been of the same sort of attitude as the previous two.

This time she caught me fully by surprise by bringing up the constant reports of flirting with the male students that I'd also been hearing. It wasn't so much a surprise that she knew it was happening, because, Guardians like to talk, but it was a surprise some of the details she knew about the incidents. And it was then I realized she also had people watching Rose and reporting to her the same way I did. This had been upsetting to realize because it made the chance of covering up any slip Rose might make unlikely, but I had the tentative hope that so far she had behaved and might just continue to do so.

Kirova had also mentioned Rose asked her for permission to go to church on Sundays, which seemed at least to be an equal surprise to both Kirova and myself. But while she clearly expected Rose to disrupt services, I thought it more likely she wanted to escape from being only in her room, classroom or cafeteria. Also, I knew Vasalissa would be there. Overall, I felt I'd been the one to leave that meeting more informed.

But now it was finally Sunday, and it was the first full 24 hours without work I'd had in almost three weeks, since my last day off had been scheduled during our retrieval of the two girls. I intended to make the most of it. Apart from one 40 minute session with Stan, and the heavy bag and unsatisfyingly short weight session earlier this week, I hadn't gotten anything for my personal training in. I planned to do it all today. Stan, Yuri, Damien and I had planned to get together for a fun sparring session an hour after church was over today, and who knew how long that would go for before we got tired of it. And then I would see what felt good for a workout today, and take as long as I wanted. And then I might read one of my books, uninterrupted, for hours this evening before falling asleep whenever I felt like it, instead of when I was allowed to. So even though my dreams had been invaded by death again last night, I felt calm as I lay in bed, thinking through my outlined plan for the day.

It was a few hours later when I saw Vasalissa and Rose enter the church with a few of their classmates. Natalie was in tow, along with the puppy-eyed red head Mason. I watched silently from my pew on the far side, set right against one of the many pillars and as secluded as possible from the hundreds of others here today for the service as it was possible to get.

Rose seemed glad to be with her friends, but sunk back in a bored stupor as soon as the service began. After watching for a few minutes I saw nothing to suggest she was planning a rebellion or causing a scene like Kirova had suggested. So I sat back as well and let the priest's words flow over and around me but gave them no real thought. Some days I came here to hear the message. Other times I simply needed the routine and quiet place to think, to try and channel my spinning thoughts and slow them down and tame them. Today was the second.

I let my mind drift off on its own accord as the service continued, Ivan of course coming along for the ride. First I simply reviewed the main points of interest from the week, then thought about my letter and imagined them getting it soon. I could clearly see Mama calling all of them into the living room to hear her read it out loud, the girls crowding around her on the couch, Paul in Sonya's arms, Yeva in her rocking chair. She'd be preparing to comment first on something I'd written. She was the queen hen in our house and liked to remind us of this frequently by getting in the first word or comment on any piece of news that came to us about anything.

I imagined I was there, watching their faces. Seeing them laugh or cry or tease me. I tried to imagine what was going on their lives right now but I couldn't. It had been too long since I'd last heard from them, since they'd last had an address to write me back at. Ivan and I had traveled a lot the last 2 years I was with him, for the politics he was stuck being involved with. I'd had a new address every few months. And after the funeral, I'd been in limbo for a bit, just traveling around for several weeks until I'd been assigned here. And then with settling in and then hearing about Vasalissa and getting that assignment, it had been so long since I'd written to them, since they could write to me, I had no way of knowing what was happening in their lives anymore, or if they were even ok until they wrote back to me. It would most likely take a couple weeks for them to get mine and for me to get theirs. I thought about how those few weeks seemed like forever now, and I was deeply disappointed in myself for having let this go so long.

I hadn't ever really felt homesick before either, I realized now. But it was definitely something I'd been feeling these last few months. Before, I'd always been glad to hear from them and I'd loved my last visit home before of course, but I'd never longed for the familiar smells and sights and interactions the way I did now. I wondered why that was, what had caused the change.

'Me.' Ivan answered. 'Before, at school, after, you had me. Now you only have them.'

The pit in my stomach opened up and it felt as though my heart had dropped right through to the bottom of it. He was right, damn him. Ivan had been my brother in all ways but blood, so in a very real sense I'd never truly lived without family before now. I'd never truly been alone this long.

'You need to be making new friendships now, new family.' He said gently. 'You can't mourn over me for forever.'

'I don't want to make new ones,' I told him stubbornly. 'I haven't found anyone worthy enough for that.'

'Well, that's a little biggest of you.' He replied, partially amused, and partially reprimanding. I sighed. 'What about the other Guardians here? 53 of them, surely you can find a few worth talking to just for fun.' He suggested now.

'Sure. But none that I feel comfortable getting close to,' I replied. 'I have several that I like to train with, you know that. But it's…not the same.'

'Because that's not the sort of bonding that you're missing.' He told me firmly. 'It's important, yes, but if you want the hole to go away you have to fill it with new relationships. Ones that involve talking about topics that matter to you and aren't about work.'

'I can't ever replace you Ivan. Don't even think about asking me to do that!' I responded hotly. His words had hurt.

'Not like that,' he soothed. 'But maybe, instead of looking or similar dirt to fill the hole with, you should try looking for... I don't know, a tree or a flower to plant in it, and let it grow.'

I rolled my eyes as he dragged out the metaphor to the extreme, but when he said flower, my eyes landed on Rose and I stopped them there, watching her. The candles in here always gave the church a warm and friendly atmosphere, but now I found myself admiring how the flickering lights caught on the waves and curls cascading from her head and my eyes drawn down the full length of it as it draped over the back of her pew. Dark, dark brown waves but in this light it seemed to be highlighted with all the colors of the rainbow, for milliseconds at a time.

I stared, entranced. She'd started to put her hair into a thick, wonderful pony tail during our sessions a few days ago and I suddenly realized with a painful start that I missed seeing it down. I thought back suddenly to two days ago when she'd pulled a hair band from her wrist and started battling with it to put it up and pull it through. It was our morning session and she was grumpy as usual.

She'd glared at me as she caught me watching amused at the battle of wills before me; her wanting her hair up and her hair wanting to remain free.

'What?' she'd snapped.

'Nothing. I just didn't know what an effort it took to put it up. But I probably should have.'

She'd looked at me suspiciously, grunting a bit with the effort of pulling it through the band one last time. 'Why?'

'Because it's a part of you,' I grinned, the first time I'd let it show to her. She'd instantly scowled.

'What are you trying to say exactly? That it has a great body? Or maybe that it's too wonderful to be forced to do things against its' will?' She was referring to the running of course. She'd finally succeeded and now had crossed her arms and looked up at me; one hip shot out and was waiting for my answer. I shook my head a bit, fully amused by her.

'No. Because it's full of attitude. And stubborn as hell.'

Her scowl had dropped and a curious expression replaced it. I struggled to put a name to it. It was almost.. approval? Did she like what I'd said? I hadn't really intended it to be a compliment. Then her scowl returned.

'Then you should know better than to make either of us run.'

I shook my head and pointed to the door. '3 miles today.'

'What the fuck Dimitri?' She moaned. My smile left my face now, even though secretly I was still amused. I was getting used to her frequent bad language and wasn't as offended by it anymore. I had a bad habit of swearing as well, just in Russian, as Ivan had kindly pointed out the other day. I also didn't always say it out loud. I pointed again.

'Out. Now. Run.'

She'd left grumbling and she turned I saw the smooth skin of her neck, now bare. Where the bite had been was fully healed and I suddenly realized why it had been three days before she pulled her hair up. She'd gotten so good at causally covering the bite marks that I hadn't thought anything of it, not even to suggest she might be cooler if she wore it up, until she'd done it herself. She'd had 2 years of practice after all. I was so startled by the revelation that I was still staring at her neck when she turned once more, probably to whine again. Seeing where I had my gaze firmly set, she stiffened and looked startled for a mere moment, before coolly turning back to walk up to me, holding my gaze unwaveringly. She stopped only inches away from me and turned around, using a hand to move her ponytail out of the way. She'd caught me out, and was now calling me on it. She looked over her shoulder at me before demanding, 'See something interesting there?'

I decided to go with it. No point in pretending I hadn't been doing exactly what I was doing. And we never had talked about it. 'I was seeing if your time on the run had left you with any sort of scars.' I answered, knowing she knew exactly what kind of scars I was referring to although neither one of us wanted to come right out and say it.

'See for yourself.' She said coldly. And waited for me to bend over and look closer, on both sides, just to be sure. When I stood up again she tilted her head back and looked at me, both angry and proud. Then she turned around, dropping her hair and hitting my arm with it as she faced me. The smell of her shampoo suddenly invaded my nose and it was wonderful.

'Well?' she asked now. We stared at each other for several long seconds. It almost felt like we were talking without words, except I wasn't sure what we were saying. But I didn't want to stop talking.

'No scars,' I finally said and stepped away from her to get some space and some clarity to my thoughts. I had gestured to the mats and we started to do our cool down stretches.

'Thank God for that,' she said suddenly sounding cross and annoyed with me.

'Yes. Thank God.' I had said evenly, and she stopped and looked at me for another moment. We both knew what would have happened if any of those bites had left scars. She swallowed hard and attempted a joke.

'I told Stan it wasn't that dangerous.'

I had bit back the very long winded reply I had on the tip of my tongue to that and we had stretched in silence until time for her to leave.

Ivan called me back to the present. 'She could be a flower,' He observed. 'You think highly of her.'

I looked ahead now, mulling over his words. It was true, I did have a high opinion of Rose, or of who Rose was growing up to be. But right now, she was just a kid... 'Not as an equal Ivan. She's only 17. She's still so young. And I'm responsible for helping her grow up. That's not the same sort of level connection you and I had.'

'Maybe it will be in time. The potential is there. The Pull. I felt pulled to you when we first met, remember? I told you. It was why I decided to start talking to you. I saw you in class and I felt pulled to you. Like you were going to be important in my life.'

I was uneasy with this but I nodded at him. 'I remember. I said I felt it to.' It was true, I had.

'So does she,' he said simply now, nodding his head towards where Rose was sitting.

I said nothing to this, and neither did he. We passed the rest of the service in silence.