I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to write me a message or review! It means a lot. I am glad you are enjoying it. Please make sure to keep it up!

Thanks and enjoy!

I Want This

Chapter 10

Jackson

Jackson wasn't sure he heard her right until he watched her expression turn from hopeful and nervous anxiety due to his lack of response.

When he finally processed her words, he couldn't help the ear to ear grin on his face as he lunged forward, trying to kiss her. April backed up and he looked at her confused, his arms still wrapping around her and pulling her closer and closer.

"I can't," she said, placing her hand on his cheek to stop him.

"Why?" Jackson asked, completely confused and frustrated.

"I may be a bad Christian, a terrible surgeon, a non-virgin, and a crappy girlfriend, but one thing I will never be is a cheater. I have to talk to Matt first before we...do anything," she said, her hand running softly down his cheek to his chin.

He looked down to her lips and growled in frustration and then he smirked at her. She was so maddening. He nodded and wrapped his hand around the wrist that was so close to his mouth and pulled her palm toward his lips and kissed it chastely before squeezing it.

"Does this mean that we are going to try this? Really?" he asked gently, but forcefully, still holding onto her hand.

She nodded, biting her lip and he groaned, putting his finger to her soft, pink lips and pulling her lip from her teeth. "That drives me crazy," he murmured, his voice thick with lust.

April shuddered and closed her eyes and then stood abruptly.

"I...uh...I have to leave...now," she said, her voice shaking, fumbling with her jacket and wallet. She began to shuffle bills and he placed a hand on her wrist and said, "I got it."

She began to protest but Jackson said, "It's your celebration. You can't pay for your own drinks."

April nodded and then placed her hand over his and squeezed it. Her eyes flitted down to his lips and she pulled her bottom lip back between her teeth before she let go and began walking away when Jackson stopped her and pulled her back towards him.

April looked to him confused as he rested his forehead against her and whispered, "And April. You are one of the best Christians I know, because you are the kindest and compassionate person I know. I don't know a lot, but isn't that what Jesus was all about? You are an amazing surgeon, it's why the hospital keeps coming back to you for more. They see a potential in you. You just haven't reached that potential. But you will. You may be a bad girlfriend to Matt, but that's only because he isn't the guy you are supposed to be with. I am. And you aren't a virgin because you love me and sex is how people who are in love express it. So you shouldn't feel guilty, because I sure as hell don't. Sleeping with you was the best experience of my life. It opened my eyes and my heart to love."

April was panting now and her eyes were filled with tears as he finished his speech off, "You are an amazing woman, April Kepner. And you don't even see it. It is my personal mission to tell you every day how beautiful, how wonderful you are, and how lucky I am to be with you."

Jackson placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and turned her around and gently pushed her towards the door. He watched her go and then finished his own drink off and paid for his and April's drinks. It would be the last time he pushed April away from him.

"Hey, where did Kepner go?" Callie said, coming up for air from Arizona. Obviously they had gotten back in the saddle.

"She had to go," he said a small smile on his face as he slipped his own jacket on.

Callie looked confused and Arizona only smiled knowingly at him.

He said goodbye and left, deciding to walk home in the rain. He smiled the whole way.

April

When April got home Matt was sitting on the couch watching a game on TV and he smiled when she walked in.

"How was the party?" he asked, muting the TV.

April nodded and said, "It was good. Really good." Guilt was swirling inside of her as she looked down at her injured boyfriend. She pointed to the bedroom and said, "I am gonna change, but I'll be right back."

He nodded and she asked, "Do you need me to get you anything while I am moving around. Meds? Water? Something to eat?"

He shook his head and said, "Just you."

She smiled and then walked to the bedroom, the smile falling off her face the minute she was alone. She grabbed a pair of sweats and quickly changed into them. As she looked around the room, she thought about everything she would have to move out now that she was breaking up with him. Sure to be awkward. Lesson learned, never rush the big steps, like moving in. Thank God she hadn't already found someone for her apartment.

She walked back out and began to sit on one of the chairs, but Matt waved her over and held his arms open for her. "I don't want to hurt you," she said hesitantly, seeing the double meaning and the irony behind her words.

"It won't. I have missed you," he said, waving her arms over to him again.

April gave him a small smile and walked over and lay next to him carefully, draping her arm across his stomach gently and snuggling into the side without the scrapes and burns.

"How was your day?" she asked, wondering if she should tell him now or tomorrow.

"It was horrible," he said, giving her an adorable smile. "You weren't here to play doctor to me."

She chuckled and focused her eyes on the screen. It had been a long, emotionally draining day. She was exhausted and felt her eyes begin to slowly close. She remembered feeling bad that she had fallen asleep on Matt so quickly after he had been home all day alone, but she couldn't stay awake.

Matt eventually got uncomfortable and tired himself and shook her gently awake and said, "Baby, we need to move to the bedroom."

She nodded sleepily and apologized to him and he just shook his head and said, "No, you shouldn't be sorry. You have just been working hard."

He struggled to get off the couch without wincing in pain and April told him he needed his pain pills. He nodded as he hobbled to the bedroom and April grabbed his pills and a glass of water. She gave them to him as he climbed in bed and she looked at him and felt weird about climbing in the bed with him.

She had just told Jackson she loved him and yet she was climbing in bed with another man tonight...? Matt asked, "Are you okay?" his voice full of concern.

April needed to sleep and she couldn't tell him now. Not like this. She climbed in as she shook her head. She turned her back on him to dissuade the snuggling, but he wrapped his arm around her and spooned her from behind. She felt guilty guilty guilty. She was allowing him to think that everything was okay between them and she also felt guilty because the man she loved assumed she was taking care of ending it when really she was cuddled intimately up with Matt.

She chewed her bottom lip and Matt said, "Are you sure you are okay? I can feel tension coming off of you in waves."

"Sorry, just, uh, a really busy day. Stressed me out," she murmured. She would tell him tomorrow. She couldn't keep this lying up for long. Matt began to snore behind her and she eventually fell into a deep sleep.

Jackson

Jackson woke up feeling better than ever. April was his again. She was his and he was hers. He grabbed his phone from the nightstand and looked at the face of it to see if he had any texts from April, but he didn't.

Maybe she was getting ready for work. He got up and jumped in the shower, his thoughts straying to April. He looked down and groaned. Even the thought of her got him hard.

She had no idea the effect her creamy white skin had. Her big doe eyes, taking everything in around her, trying to organize it. Her hair...it smelled so fucking amazing and it was almost like it moved on its own. He just wanted to run his fingers through it and enjoy how it slipped through his hands. And these were not the only physical attributes he could mention. Her breasts. They were the most beautiful breasts... there wasn't a plastic surgeon that could replicate them. April Kepner had the best rack he had ever seen. Ever. Even on their first day at Mercy West he had noticed them beneath her baggy scrubs and lab coat.

Jackson lightly pumped himself, hating that he was reduced to it when he had the real thing. Her smile when she looked at him. And her fucking lips. When she bit her lower one when she was nervous or even better when she was frisky...Jackson groaned as he came and he panted as he finished.

He finished in the shower, now more determined than ever to find April.

He quickly dressed and left his apartment and sped to work. When he got there he drove, looking for a place to park. He spotted one really close to the door and then made for it but cursed when he saw a sign prohibiting him parking there. He took a closer look and then gaped. "Reserved for Board Member: Dr. Jackson Avery".

Jackson parked his car and groaned. He would get shit for this.

Jackson rushed to the locker room. He had asked Shelley to schedule an early surgery so that he could begin the day with surgery so he could get through the rest of it. He looked at his watch and noticed he was a little early. He wanted to swing through trauma.

April was there and his heart sped up as he watched her calling orders over her shoulder as she intubated a patient. She was too busy now, but he did want to catch up with her.

His pager sounded and it was the floor letting him know his patient had arrived for their procedure.

He took one final glance at her as she finished stabilizing the patient, a satisfied smile gracing her lips. Her lips...

Jackson literally forced himself away from the trauma unit and strode towards the elevators. He couldn't stop smiling and when he got off the elevator he walked to the nurse's station. Shane was on his service. Stephanie had opted to switch her rotation as Jackson had offered and he couldn't be more relieved. He didn't want any drama this week.

Jackson grabbed his chart and walked to the room and greeted the woman a good morning with Shane hot on his heels. He looked down and saw that he was doing...vaginoplasty. Didn't see those everyday and Shane was excited to see the procedure done, having stayed up all night studying.

"This is Dr. Ross. Grey Sloan is a teaching hospital so Dr. Ross will be presenting. Dr. Ross?" Jackson said, zoning out as Ross rattled off patient age, medical history, and what she was here for today. Jackson thought about April and her perfect...

"Dr. Avery?" Ross said, looking confused as was Ms. Pazdernik.

Jackson told Ross he was going to be performing the preliminary exams and headed out of the patient room as the patient was prepped. He called Shelly and asked her if she could clear his lunch hour. She cleared it and Jackson asked the nurse to page April.

She called and he asked if she would have lunch. He could hear her internal struggle and he smiled as he waited for her to respond. She finally said yes and they agreed to meet in the lobby.

Jackson hung up and Ross came out and said his patient he was ready. Jackson smiled and tied his scrub cap on and walked towards surgery.

April

April rushed out of the trauma unit before one more person could come in and distract her from getting to lunch with Jackson. She quickly walked to the lounge and changed out of her scrubs and into the dress she had worn to work.

She looked at her watch and gasped. She was going to be late meeting him. She grabbed her purse and sprinted for the elevator. As she tried to catch her breath, the other passengers on the elevator shot her concerned glances. She looked at her watch and cursed the elevator going so slow.

Once the doors opened she bolted again and even Weber called out for her to slow down. As she rounded the corner to the lobby, she spotted Jackson, waiting for her.

He looked good. He had obviously come from a meeting and hadn't bothered changing in his street clothes. He was wearing his suit, but he had taken off the tie and undone the top button. He looked beautiful.

He turned and smiled and April couldn't help mirroring him. He looked at his watch and said, "You know, someone once told me that if you weren't five minutes early then you weren't on time."

"The one time you listen to me!" she said, giving him an exasperated look as she smoothed out her hair. He reached for her hand and April took it, her heart skipping a beat as he led her to his car which was right in front of the door.

"Whoa, nice spot. How early did you have to be here to get this?" she asked, impressed.

"Oh this is my spot now...check out the sign."

April looked at the sign and gaped. "Board Member: Dr. Jackson Avery." she said.

He smiled and opened her door and waited for her to slide in. She did and he ran to his side and got in. "I knew there was a reason I wanted to start dating you," she said, pointing at the sign.

"Ha ha," he said, smiling as he started the car and backed out.

They drove for five minutes before they were in one of their favorite places that they had gone to before they had been accepted into the tight knit group of doctors at Seattle Grace. Well, it was more like Jackson was accepted and she had rode in on Jackson's coattails and held on for dear life. They barely tolerated April and the reason they did was because of the man who now sat across from her.

They ordered their lunch and Jackson smiled and held his hand out for hers. She placed it in his and blushed as she did so. She looked around and noticed that people were looking at Jackson. She could see them wondering what he was doing with her. She had gotten the look as his friend a million times and didn't doubt it would happen throughout their entire relationship.

"April?" he asked, squeezing her hand to bring her back to their table.

"What?" she asked.

"How did it go?" he asked gently.

"What?" she said, again, now feeling like a dummy.

"With Matt?" he clarified.

"Oh, uh, well it didn't. I got home and he was already half asleep on the couch and when we went to bed-"

"Went to bed?" Jackson said, cutting her off. April noticed his grip on her hand had tightened infinitesimally and she squeezed his hand in comfort and said, "Slept. We slept."

"Okay, so you slept. Why didn't you say something this morning?" he asked, taking a sip of water.

"I just...I was so nervous. You know I have never done this before. It's so awkward!" she said, looking for him to understand.

"You had no problem breaking up with me," he snapped.

April flinched and removed her hand from his and said, "I did not break up with you! You broke up with me, remember? And I thought you wanted to move forward and not backward. Trust me, you don't want to be looking backward."

His eyebrows rose and he leaned forward and asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You act like you are the victim in all this Jackson and I am the bad guy. I am tired of it. I gave you my virginity. Yes, I left, but only because you were going to Tulane and at that time, I thought Mark would live. I had nothing Jackson. No job, no boyfriend, no apartment, and no faith. I had no other choice. You think I wanted to go back and sling pig shit? Of course I didn't. Nobody wanted me, not even you. Then I come back, we begin hot and heavy again, have a pregnancy scare and you propose, and then once we find out I wasn't knocked up, you dump me run and bang the first fawning intern in the fucking parking lot at a wedding! Sorry I didn't think you're feelings for me were that deep...yep, definitely all my fault!"

April's eyes welled with tears and she swore under her breath as she dabbed at them. She had blurted out everything Jackson had done that had hurt her. It was the first time she had brought it up and she wondered if it would ruin all the progress they had made.

Jackson looked as if April had slapped him in the face and she looked at him and leaned back in her chair, her shoulders slumping. She felt like she had ruined everything. Again.

Jackson then held his hand out again, his eyes apologetic and April reluctantly put her hand back in his. "I am sorry. I just thought that today you were mine and I have been on a cloud because of it. I am just disappointed. But I am sorry."

April nodded and the waitress brought their food to the table and set it down in front of them. She gave April a concerned glance and shot Jackson warning daggers. Once she moved away Jackson and April both chuckled at the awkwardness of the moment and began eating.

"There is no easy way," he said quietly as he set his gourmet sandwich down.

"What do you mean?" she asked as she sipped her water.

"To break it off with someone. It feels terrible and horrible. And you feel like not only are you hurting yourself, but the person you care about deeply," he murmured. April smiled sadly as she realized he was referencing him breaking it off with her the way he had.

"You feel so guilty and then the worst feeling is regretting it, knowing it was the wrong choice. You reacted on your hurt feelings," he said, his eyes focused on April's, and his thumb stroking circles on the back of her hand.

'You should never have done it. Maybe if you hadn't, it all would have come out differently. You wouldn't have hurt each other more than you needed to," he said, his own eyes looking moist now.

April needed to stop crying or people would think something was really wrong going on. "April, I am so sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking.

She looked down at their hands and after a moment she squeezed his hand, but it wasn't enough. She stood and leaned over the table and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "It's over," she whispered against his mouth before sitting back down.

He nodded and smiled at her and she blushed again and began eating her meal once more. "I will tell him tonight. I think I am actually going to take the rest of the afternoon off to go and get my stuff out of there. Matt has a meeting with his boss to go over his leave papers and then a follow up doctor appointment. I want the stuff out so it's not this prolonged, awkward thing."

Jackson looked at her and seemed to think of something. He grabbed his phone and dialed someone and April wondered who it was.

"Shelly, yes I need to cancel everything today for myself and for Dr. Kepner. Personal crisis has come up. Will you let the Chief know? Thank you."

April smiled and shook her head in disbelief. That parking space was getting to his head.

"You are so..." she began, but stopped when he said, "Charming? Dashing? Amazingly good in bed?" waggling his eyebrows at her suggestively. He was now texting somebody and he then clicked his phone off.

She rolled her eyes and began eating her lunch again and the rest of the lunch was good. They left and made their way to Matt's apartment. She checked to make sure he was gone before she began packing up things while Jackson hauled bigger items out to the back of his SUV. Soon April heard another car pull up and her heart dropped in panic.

She exhaled when she saw it was Alex with a very confused look on his face.

"Hey, you said it was an emergency? What the hell is this?" he asked Jackson.

"We need your help getting the rest of April's shit out of this apartment," Jackson said, pointing to the bags and boxes that still needed to be moved. Alex looked at Jackson and said, "Are you freaking kidding me?"

"Do it and I will make sure you get funding on your next proposal for peds," Jackson said.

Alex considered it and then shrugged and began hauling. In no time, April was moved out of the apartment. She looked around and tried to put things back in place like they had been before she had moved in and rearranged stuff for her things to fit.

"Ready to get out of here?" Jackson asked, sweaty and tired.

She shook her head and said, "I am going to stay and wait for him. You go."

Jackson said, "How will you get back to your apartment?"

"A cab," she said, giving him a small smile.

She handed him her keys to her apartment and Jackson said he would take her stuff there with Alex now. She smiled and thanked him and he kissed her forehead and left with her stuff. She went inside and waited for Matt. She heard him hobble down the hallway and nervous butterflies filled her stomach as he opened the door.

Please please please let me know your thoughts people! I love them!