A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Writer's block struck yet again, and I also have a literature exam on Friday so I've been studying for that. I will start updating more frequently though. And once again, thank you for all the wonderful reviews.
Chloe lay wide awake in her bed, the sound of her room-mates incoherent mumbling keeping her awake as she tried her hardest to get to sleep, but it was no use. She hadn't slept a wink all night. Her eyes were drooping, and every so often, they would flutter shut, and she could feel herself falling asleep. But then someone's - either her roommate's, or her head's - voice would wake her up, and it would be like a vicious cycle; back to square one all over again.
It was around 5AM on Tuesday morning; three days since recreational therapy, and three days since Beca had sung to her. And that moment seemed to be imprinted on her brain. The day before yesterday was uneventful, as it just consisted of therapy, and having breakfast, lunch and dinner with Beca. Yesterday though, Chloe didn't really come out of her room other than to go to therapy with Janet, seeing as it was a pretty bad day for her. She had a nightmare the previous night, one that she has been having a lot more often than usual these days. She didn't attend group therapy, which was a stupid idea, because the hospital will probably be on her case about that later today. But she didn't really care too much about it. Yesterday was a painful day, and although it seemed to drag, she's glad it's over. It still doesn't stop the fact that she feels like someone has ripped her heart out all over again, but at least it's over.
She found herself thinking about Beca She hadn't seen her at all yesterday, and she kind of found herself missing the small brunette. It was her fault for not actually coming out of her room, but she still missed her. And she wondered if Beca missed her too, but she had no time to dwell on it before someone was knocking on her door.
"Breakfast in thirty minutes!" a Tech yelled from outside, and Chloe frowned as she looked over at the clock on the wall. Her eyes squinted at it, and she widened her eyes when she realised that it was already 7AM. After a moment laying in bed, she groaned, throwing the covers off of her and standing up to stretch her arms above her head. Jessica was laying on her side watching Chloe, and the redhead smiled shyly at her before walking over to the bathroom.
After brushing her hair, brushing her teeth, and washing her face, she changed into a brown sweater and some grey sweatpants, putting some pumps on before straightening her bed. She then looked back over at Jessica, who was now brushing her hair as she mumbled to herself, and she gave a sympathetic smile to the back of her head before heading out for breakfast.
"Hey."
Beca turned around as she stood in line, smiling immediately when she saw that it was Chloe who greeted her.
"Good morning." she said with a nod of her head, sliding her breakfast tray along the side as she moved along in the queue. The redhead placed her tray down beside Beca's as she leaned over to pick an apple up out of one of the baskets, frowning and putting it back when she saw that it had soft, brown bruises on it.
"Where were you yesterday?" the brunette asked, glancing to her side as she moved along the queue. The redhead just shook her head though, shrugging her shoulders as she looked at what was available to eat today.
"I wasn't feeling very well."
"Oh. Are you feeling okay now?"
Chloe just nodded, looking at the cafeteria lady as she stood there with a smile. At least someone in this place looks happy, she thought to herself.
"What will it be?" the lady asked, looking between Beca and Chloe. The brunette went for a bowl of captain crunch, and Chloe opted for the pancakes again. Once they both received their food, they then got their drinks, Chloe getting an apple juice, and Beca getting some water. As Chloe started to make her way to the table she usually sits at, Beca steered her in the opposite direction, causing the redhead to frown confusedly.
"Where are we going?"
"Outside. It's a nice day." was all Beca said as she led them both out of the doors of the cafeteria, Chloe following Beca as she walked over to where there was a bench a few yards away from the lake they sat at the other day.
"So what was really wrong with you yesterday?" Beca asked once they were both seated opposite each other. The redhead looked up from her pancakes, shaking her head.
"What do you mean? I was ill."
"That's not true. Something's wrong."
"H-how.. how do you know?" Chloe stuttered.
"I don't know, I just.. know."
"I, um.." Chloe thought for a moment, about whether she should tell Beca or not. But then it clicked, that she was actually thinking of telling Beca. What was she doing? Why would she tell Beca such an important, intimate detail of her life? So instead of saying anything, she just shook her head as she looked down at her pancakes, suddenly not feeling very hungry.
"Hey, you don't have to tell me." Beca whispered as she reached over and placed her hand on top of Chloe's, and the redhead suddenly pulled her hand back, placing them on her knees underneath the table. The brunette leaned back, frowning as she tried to hide the hurt in her eyes, but she didn't really need to. Because Chloe wasn't even looking at her. And that kinda hurt her even more.
"Sorry." Chloe mumbled, looking down at her hands as one of her fingers lightly stroked across one of the scars on her wrist. She still had her bruises on her wrists from where she was strapped down when she came in, but they didn't hurt as much. And they were fading, which was good.
"Don't be sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
"No." Chloe shook her head, finally looking up at the brunette. And Beca could see the tears in her eyes, and truthfully, all she wanted to do was to take her in her arms, wrap her arms tightly around her and tell her that it's okay. That she's here for her. But she couldn't do that. So she just opted on looking at the redhead, her heart almost breaking at the emotion behind her blue eyes.
"You're here trying to help me, and I'm pushing you away." Chloe said with a bitter laugh. "I don't even know why you want to help me. You can't fix me."
"I'm not trying to fix you. I'm trying to be your friend."
"Why?"
Beca sighed, placing her spoon down in her bowl of cereal before reaching over to pick her juice up. She took a sip of it, before taking a bigger gulp, and then putting it back down. A few moments passed, with Beca just staring at her breakfast, and Chloe staring at Beca, before the brunette looked up at Chloe and they locked eyes.
"You're one of the only people I've met who gets me. Nobody gets me like you do."
"There are a lot more people in here who have gone through what you've gone through."
"I don't need anybody else."
"You don't need me, Beca."
The brunette let out a soft laugh, shaking her head as a tear fell down her cheek. She quickly brought her hand up to wipe it, trying her hardest not to let Chloe see her crying again.
"There's.." she cleared her throat. "There's something about you. Something that reminds me of someone. It scares me, but.."
The redhead raised her eyebrows, her eyes searching Beca's face as the brunette broke eye contact and looked to her left-hand side. Her eyes landed on Aubrey and Stacie, who seemed to be pretty close to each other as they laughed at something. It was the first time she had actually seen the two of them look so happy, and she couldn't help but feel jealous. Not over the fact that they were happy, but over the fact that they were happy with each other.
"But what?" Beca heard Chloe ask, and she just shook her head.
"You're different. You don't treat me like everybody else does. Like I'm about to break any second. Literally everyone I talk to treats me like a child. 'Beca, have you taken your medication?', 'Beca, do you feel suicidal today?', 'Beca, Beca, you look sad. Is your depression getting worse?' It just.. It fucking annoys me to no end. I like that you're not constantly on my case, and I.. I just like hanging out with you. I feel-I don't know. I feel a sort of.. pull? Towards you."
The redhead puffed out an unsteady breath of air when she saw the tears in the brunette's eyes as she carried on talking after taking another sip of her drink.
"I feel like I'm worth something when I'm with you, despite the fact that I've only known you since Friday. It takes a hell of a lot for me to trust someone, and don't get me wrong-it's not like I trust you with my life, but.. but I do trust you. I trust that you won't hurt me."
"And what about you?" Chloe asked nervously, putting her hands back on the table in front of her. "Will you hurt me?"
"I know what it feels like to be abandoned, Chloe. It's the reason I'm here right now."
Chloe nodded, heaving a sigh as she looked around her. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked at Beca sheepishly.
"You know. When.. when you've become so damaged that when someone tries to give you what you want-what you deserve..." Chloe corrected herself, "you have no fucking clue how to respond."
The brunette smiled sympathetically, nodding her head as she kept her eyes locked with Chloe's. And the redhead could see Beca's finger twitching as their hands rested inches away from each other.
"I'll never hurt you, Chloe." Beca whispered, her pointer finger jutting out to stroke Chloe's thumb, and they both couldn't deny the spark they felt when she did so. "I'll do everything I can to earn your trust. Once I have earned it, I promise you that I'll never, ever take advantage of it."
Chloe nodded, smiling a small, timid smile. "I have a feeling this isn't just about us being friends."
The brunette never planned on telling Chloe how she felt for her, or at least, not now. But with the way Chloe was looking at her, and the way Chloe's thumb was now resting on top of Beca's hand, the brunette figured that this was what Chloe wanted too.
"I love being your friend but.. I don't know. If you want to, I think.. I think I want to like, make it more." She shook her head as soon as she said the words, and Chloe let out a soft giggle at the brunette's nervousness.
"That didn't even make sense."
"I know. You make me nervous."
"Why?"
"Well," Beca shrugged nervously. "Because you're like, really pretty and stuff."
"Really pretty and stuff?" The redhead laughed again, louder this time, and Beca cleared her throat, looking at their two hands that rested on the table.
"Yeah. You're beautiful."
The redhead's face softened at the emotion in Beca's voice, seeing how serious she was. And Beca slowly turned her hand over, and Chloe immediately linked their fingers together. They locked eyes again, and they both smiled. A big, genuine smile. And they knew that neither of them needed to say any more. Because despite the fact that this place wasn't the safest, and it wasn't particularly the most romantic place to be either; they felt safe here with each other.