A/N: Here comes probably the LONGEST chapter I've ever written in my life but I put details and plot in here that needed to be here. I recommend listening to Trust by Eric James and The New Century after Clary's flashback and during Jace's POV. The lyrics are perfect and I'm not one to listen to music while I read but it's just perfect. Most of you have been anticipating what Sebastian is planning, well, phase one starts at the end ;) See you at the bottom!
Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments and I am obsessed with Netflix so bad. Someone help.
Raphael POV:
As I brush my fingers through Clary's silky curls to sooth myself back to sleep, I started to wonder. Does Clary really not feel as strongly towards Jace like she used to years ago? Will we ever have hopes of a future together? I've pondered these questions in my head ever since we laid down to sleep. Time and time again my heart breaks at the thought of Clary with Jace again. I have been heartbroken before by them together but I can't do it again, can I? It feels just like yesterday when I found out they were dating.
*Flashback*
Everyone is staring at me. Why is everyone staring at me? I know I'm popular and one of the stars of the soccer team so everyone stares but not as much as they are now. It's only the second month of freshman year so there's nothing I've done. I stop dead in my tracks, thinking it's something Jace has done. I shook my head at the thought. No, Jace is my best friend and has been since kindergarden. There's no way on this earth he would ever do something to hurt me.
"Hey man, wait up!" I heard Jace call from behind me. I breathed a sigh of relief that he was here looking for me and not somewhere else up to no good. I've had to get him out of a few bad situations in my life and I know for fact that when he's not with me, he's in trouble.
I turned around and stood in the middle of the hallway, ignoring the now growing stares of my classmates. The feeling of relief I felt just moments before was fading as I saw the look on Jace's face. I knew what that look meant and it meant trouble.
"Can we go somewhere and, you know, talk?" He asked me. I knew that he didn't want to deliver bad news to me in the middle of the school hallway with everyone latching on to every word so I just shook my head and took the lead to the parking lot with Jace behind me. That was another sign that something was wrong. He never walked behind me no matter what the situation was.
We approached my car and I leaned against it, facing towards Jace. He kept fumbling with his hands and didn't make eye contact with me for some time. When he finally looked up into my eyes I motioned my hands for him to begin talking but the only thing he could do was open and close his mouth a few times.
"Jace, the only way I can forgive you is if you tell the truth and apologize. I know you have something horrible to tell me but I'll take it whatever it is and forgive you. You know I will." He looked up at me wearing a straight expression on his face.
"You won't forgive me for this," He said.
"How do you know if you've not told me what it is?" I asked. He shook his head and took a deep breath.
"Listen, no matter what you say or think right now, you're not going to think in a second. I thought I might as well tell you now before someone else does. I just couldn't have imagined ending our friendship with someone else telling you and not me. I'm not a coward."
"I know you're not a coward Jace but you're losing me here. What is so bad that I won't forgive you?" I laughed.
"Clary and I are in a relationship," he said, looking at his hands. I could feel my face losing its playful expression and my heart thumping loud in my ears.
"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, hoping I had heard wrong.
He looked up at me, straight in my eyes and said, once again, "Me and Clary are in a relationship."
I felt dizzy and almost lost my composure before I realized I can't let him see me break down. Almost all my life I have trusted him with everything and he was always a brother to me. We did so much together that you would almost think us the same. The only thing we didn't have in common was Clary. Jace has picked on and hated Clary for as long as I could remember. He's always made his hate clear towards her while I've always made mine clear, that I was in love with her. She knew I loved her more than just the best friends we were but never stopped talking to me or being there for me. It wasn't awkward between us at all and she accepted the fact that I wanted her and only her.
"How long has this been going on and when did this start?" I asked him wanting to know some details before I go into a fit of rage.
"Remember the party Isabelle threw not too long ago? The one you didn't want to go to?" I nodded my head knowing exactly the party he was talking about. "Well, that night I had no intentions of getting with Clary, I swear to it, but it just kind of happened. We didn't do anything serious we just made out for a long time and it was like nothing I've ever experienced with a girl before. I know I've hooked up with a lot of girls but never one like Clary and I feel just sort of drawn to her, like a bug. Ever since the party I couldn't stop thinking about her so yesterday I asked her out and she said yes but I didn't want to do this until I told you." I blinked a few times before answering.
"Nothing serious? You did nothing serious? Making out isn't serious to you, really? Drawn to her? I have never heard so much bull shit in my life before and I should have known this would happen with you. You have known all these years I've loved her and you take her from me because of one little hook up that wasn't supposedly serious? You've got to be shitting me right now."
He looked at the ground with his shoulders slumped, looking defeated. That's what I felt like on the inside at the moment but I didn't want him to know that. All of a sudden he stood up straight and defiant, not straying his eyes from mine.
"I get it Raphael, I really do, but if you're going to keep chasing after a girl that you haven't event tried to get closer too, then I will." He started to turn away but not without calling out over his shoulder, "And by the way, I'm going to enjoy every damn minute of my time with her."
*End of Flashback*
Sighing heavily, I strung my arm protectively around Clary and pulled her to me, kissing her temple. She sighed in her sleep and had a faint smile on her face as she unconsciously snuggled up to me. I couldn't help but feel happy that we were here now, together. This was something I have been waiting on since kindergarten and never gave up hope and my feelings never lessened no matter how hard I tried.
The day Jace told me about their relationship was the day my heart broke from the first time of not only losing my best friend, but my love. I knew I could have never given up soccer to stay away from him but I did try my best to stop having classes with him.
Even though Clary chooses to be with him, my heart wouldn't accept it and I never stopped being best friends with Clary. She was the one that reached out with her soft heart and tried to get us back together but it never worked out and now, we definitely won't get back together.
Losing my best friend in high school meant losing all my other 'friends' that we had since he was the popular one and I was one of the tag alongs. As a result, I did one of the best decisions of my life. I made friends with the openly gay sophomore, and Jace hater, Magnus Bane. Since then I've gotten closer to Alec and had a better experience with friends, though I keep myself more guarded with them than I did with Jace. Now Clary was the only one that knew all my secrets, one of them being that I was madly in love with her and wanted our relationship to grow further.
After having a long internal battle with myself I finally came to a conclusion. I know where my life needs to be and who I want to live it with so I would try my best to keep Clary happy and if she wants to go back with Jace, I'll let her go if that's what she wants. But as long as she wants to be with me, I will protect her and love her and keep her as far away from Jace as I can because right now, she's mine and I'm enjoying every damn minute of it.
Clary POV:
"Kevin, stop eating like a pig!" I complained as Kevin was drinking the milk leftover from his cereal, making the milk get on the table more than his mouth.
"But Raphael's doing it too!" He whined after putting the bowl back down, in the puddle of milk. I looked up at Raphael who was currently leaning against the sink, drinking his milk that was currently falling on the floor. He put the bowl down slowly, giving me a weak smile and frightened eyes that I was going to hurt him. I was going to hurt him, bad, but after seeing his face covered in the white liquid, all I could do was laugh.
"What's so funny?" Raphael asked me.
"Your face," I said between laughing and taking a breath.
"Hey now, I don't think my face is that ugly," he said with fake hurt in his tone. I walked up to him after composing myself, grabbed a towel, and wiped away the milk from his mouth like I would do to Kevin. After I finished I kissed him lightly for a few seconds and looked up at him.
"I love you," he said.
"I love you too but that doesn't mean you two aren't going to clean this mess up. You better get to it!" I walked away and up to my room to get ready for work but not without hearing them moan in protest.
"Babies," I said under my breath, walking up to my closet to put on my clothes. After putting on my uniform and touching up my hair and make-up, I walked into Izzy's room to see if she was ready.
"Hey, are you almost done?" She had a picture in her hand and her eyes close to spilling over with tears. "What's wrong Isabelle?" I asked her, walking up to her and putting my hand on her shoulder to comfort her.
"Do you ever wonder what it would be like if my mom and dad never adopted Jace?" Confused, I looked over her shoulder and got a glimpse of the picture before she put it away. I gasped at what she had hidden away all these years. The picture was of me and Jace, when we were five, the day we first met on the swing set near my house in Minnesota.
*Flashback*
My brother and I went to the playground that day since school was starting soon and we wanted to spend it playing outside before fall came. Jonathan decided to go play with his friend, leaving me alone by myself on the petite playground. I was always reliant on my older brother so when I wanted to swing, I couldn't because I didn't know how to swing by myself. Being small for my age, the slide always scared me because it looked so scary looking down upon it and I didn't want to do that.
After a while, I just decided to walk over to the bench looking out over the park and watched all the kids play together when I was left alone. Seeing their smiling faces made me cry because when I was little, it hurt my feelings to know that no one wanted to be my friend.
But then, after what seemed like hours, I heard him. I wiped the tears away from my eyes and looked up to see my mom's best friend, Maryse, and her children coming to the playground. My mom told me that they were supposed to be getting a boy my age today but I didn't care because no one liked me except Jonathan and Isabelle.
Isabelle and Alec ran off playing tag together and the little boy started to look uncomfortable, and quite angry, standing there alone next to the kind woman. His eyes searched the playground for a few minutes before they finally met my red-rimmed ones. I didn't want him to make fun of me for crying so I pulled my legs to my chest and my head on my knees.
My whole body trembled with a full wave of tears as I could hear someone's quite footsteps approaching. I was hoping to myself that they would just leave me alone and go away but I didn't get any luck.
"Why are you crying?" I heard someone ask. Not wanting to be mean, I lifted my head and saw the Lightwoods new son standing in front of me. My eyes widened in fear that he was only here to make fun of me and hurt my feelings but when he saw the fear in my eyes, his golden ones softened.
"I'm not going to hurt you, don't be scared. My name is Jace Wayland and I just moved here. You look so sad and alone and I am too so would you like to be my new friend? We don't have to worry about being alone anymore." I just smiled and nodded my head while I took his outstretched hand and we ran to the swings. Jace got on a swing and started to swing but stopped when he noticed I just stood there watching him.
"Aren't you going to get on?" he asked me.
"No, I don't know how to swing," I said silently with more tears staring to form in my eyes from humiliation. He quickly got off his swing and came up to me, giving me a hug.
"What was that for?" I asked him.
"Because my mommy always gave me a hug when I felt bad and it made me feel better. Did it make you feel better?"
"Yes, it did." I smiled and wiped away the drying tears from my face.
"Don't worry, I can help you. I'll push you while you swing but just for today okay? Tomorrow you can come back and I'll teach you how to swing really high," he exclaimed with a sparkle in his eyes. "You never told me your name," he said.
"Clary," I told him.
"Hmmm, I think I like red better can I call you red?" Even though it was making fun of my hair, I nodded my head yes anyway because he was my friend now and he could call me anything he wanted. I hopped on the swing and wrapped my hands around the chain, waiting for him to push me. My body rested in a tense position because I was afraid he would push me too hard and I would fall off.
"Relax," he whispered in my ear. "I'm not going to hurt you." With his promise I relaxed and he began pushing slowly until I was high in the air, giggling the whole time. I was so caught up in the moment that I didn't see Maryse take a picture of us both laughing at how high I could go. When he stopped and I was back on the ground, I gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Thank you," I said while his cheeks turned a shade of red. "I'll see you tomorrow." I walked away and back to my house before it got dark.
*End of Flashback*
My eyes drifted to the floor and I closed my eyes, remembering the lightweight feeling of being swung in the sky.
"I forgot all about that," I finally said. "Maryse told me that was the first day he ever acknowledged anyone in over a few months."
"Yeah, it's funny how sometimes we forget something so innocent and memorable," she said. After that day, I went back to the playground but he was playing with Alec and another boy, Raphael. He invited me over to play with them so I did because I trusted that he would make sure they didn't hurt me. Raphael and I played together while Alec and Jace did but Jace kept looking at us with a hateful expression. That was the last day he ever said anything nice to me until high school.
"He was so jealous of you and Raphael. Every time he would come home after going to the playground, he would go straight to his room and lock the door. I know he got over it eventually but even as a little kid he still loved you. In fact, I think the only reason he ever dated all those other girls and pushed you away was because he loved you the whole time and didn't know it. I know you still love him Clary but something is holding you back. Something is telling you no and you know more than anything that your heart says yes. Open your eyes and realize that you're not the only one that's hurting. I've known Jace for years and I watched your relationship from the outside as well as watching you and Raphael and I know for fact that you're not nearly as happy as you were with Jace."
"Don't you think that I know that?" I said, finally speaking my true feelings. "Don't you think that every time I'm with Raphael that it's not enough and it never will be? Don't you think that every time I wake up, I wish I was looking into golden eyes instead of brown?" I said pleadingly.
She looked at me with a stone cold expression and acid dripping from her voice. "Then do something about it." She walked out of the room and slammed the front door on her way out of the apartment. I let out a long breath and sat on her bed before I took the picture from her nightstand and walked out of the room.
"What was that about?" Raphael asked me, sitting on the couch with Kevin in his lap.
I rolled my eyes and had a weak smile on my face trying to play it off. "Nothing, she's just in a bad mood." It wasn't completely a lie but not the whole truth either. Raphael got up from the couch and grabbed Kevin's duffel bag, walking over to me. He gave me a quick kiss and let Kevin give me a hug before they went over to Carson's.
"I'll meet you at the diner," Raphael called over his shoulder. I grabbed a water from the fridge and grabbed my purse, waking out the front door, hoping to get rid of all these thoughts on the way to work.
Jace POV:
I was lying on the couch in my apartment with boxes still unpacked, furniture not arranged, and the sunlight pouring into my new studio apartment. My stomach was in knots from all the alcohol I consumed and my head pounded every time I would make a move. Last night was not a part of my 'good deeds' list but it did make me feel a little better and judging by how the girl - Callie I think? - was having a good time too. Not to mention I was as drunk as a skunk.
This morning when I woke up in her apartment, we were both hung over but she was nice so I promised to take her out today and get to know her better. I've decided if Clary can date someone, then I can too. Thank the angel I used protection though because I really would not like to have another clone of me running around.
I rolled over and onto the floor in attempt to get up before my date that started in an hour. I was on the floor but at least it was a start. She wanted to meet at my place since this side of town was where she wanted to eat at some diner near here but I wasn't really paying attention to that either.
All day I have been asking myself the same question. Why? Why did Clary have to run off with someone else when we were doing so well? I thought everything was great and that I would have another chance but no, I didn't get that. The poor excuse of a best friend I used to have got to have her and not the boy that loved her more. I knew I was the one that loved her more since Raphael never could seem to keep his thoughts to himself. I guess that's what really angered me in the end. He wanted her but not enough to have her the right way.
"Damn it," I said while pushing a stack of boxes on the floor, hearing the fragile items shatter. I kept throwing any stray object and hurdled it at the wall. After repeating this a few times I slid to the floor and my body heaved with sobs. I tried to hold it in but after my few attempts I just couldn't anymore. My body felt weak as I laid there hopeless and broken on the floor. The pounding in my head grew worse and my stomach started turning but I didn't care. All I wanted was Clary but right now, that could never happen.
I tried so hard to contain myself and not run to beat the absolute shit out of Raphael but there was no way I could do that. If he made her happy when I didn't anymore, so be it.
"Get yourself together and stop being a pussy," I spoke aloud, hoping I would get the point across to myself that I needed to move on. I closed my eyes one last time and imagined those red curls and that beautiful smile. I could hear her giggle and see her running, taunting me to chase her so I did and when I caught her, I never wanted to let her go but I did, and that's when I opened my eyes. The stress in my body felt reduced and I was content for now, knowing I needed to get ready for my date.
Maybe I shouldn't be getting into this so fast but I needed to heal somehow even if this wouldn't work. The only problem was that Clary would think I was moving on but I wasn't. I was far from ever forgetting her.
*The Light of Destruction*
An hour later I was in my light blue T-shirt, khaki shorts, and freshly showered. I had to give it to myself, I looked like I had walked out of a Hollister magazine. The only thing missing was my gray Vanns but I couldn't seem to find them. I looked in every box that had my clothes in it but they were gone even though I remembered packing them.
I started to panic as I heard a knock on the door but I played it off and pretended like I had everything under control. My hand slowly twisted the knob like it was taunting me. My arm couldn't move to open the door as if I had no control over my body. I started to feel my heart throb in pain but I fought through it and opened the door. I didn't care that I knew being with someone was wrong, it was the only way.
"Hey," I said as I looked down into her blue eyes. I didn't have to look down too far since she was fairly tall, nothing like Clary.
"Hey," she giggled. I gave her my winning smile and opened the door for her to come in.
"You weren't kidding about the mess," she said.
"No, I made it worse just a few minutes ago trying to find my shoes," I told her, giving her half of a lie half of a truth to cover up the real reason it was a mess.
"Well I can see why they're missing," she giggled. "I'll help you, what do they look like?"
"They're grey Vann's. I checked all my boxes of clothes but couldn't find them."
"Then let's start in here. You do the right side of the room and I'll do the left." We both went over to start on unpacking the boxes silently for a while but she eventually spoke up.
"I know we didn't get off on the right foot but I'm Camille Belcourt," She said while reaching out her hand.
"Jace Wayland," I told her while shaking her outstretched hand. The gesture of shaking her hand made me have a feeling of Deja vu but I wasn't sure why.
"So Jace, what brings you to New York?" My face fell for a second but I didn't want to let her know the real reason I was here.
"My job. I'm a professional soccer player and I'm playing for NYU."
"Really? That's so cool. My older brother played football for NYU and he loved it."
"Yeah," was all I could say. I wished we would get on another subject because this really wasn't helping right now.
"Hey! Are these your shoes?" I looked up at her, hoping they were so I could get this date over with. Luckily they were but I had no idea why they were in the box of my games though. I slipped them on and we headed out into the windy night.
"Do you have a jacket?" She asked me.
"No, I'm from Minnesota so the cold doesn't really bother me."
"Wow, you guys get a lot of snow up there don't you?"
"Yeah, it got a little annoying at first but eventually grew on me."
"It sounds like you only lived there for a part of your life." Oh no. I didn't want to tell her I was adopted but I didn't want to lie and say my parents moved me out there.
"You don't have to answer if you don't want to," she told me.
"It's okay I just had to move up there when I was five." I gave her as little information as possible. She just nodded her head and stopped, bringing us to our destination.
"This is where I came the other day with a friend of mine. It's really good so I thought this would be a good place to eat." I looked up and noticed the name of the diner. Taki's. Well, there's no getting out of this now. Clary's shift should end soon so hopefully we won't get her table. I followed Camille into the cozy diner where just a mere 24 hours ago I was spending time with Kevin. She slid us into a booth and I sat across from her, watching her look at the menu. She had such blue eyes and pretty blonde hair but a certain defiance behind her demeanor that was probably the reason that I choose her last night.
"What are you looking at?" She asked me.
"Your eyes," I told her, giving her a smirk. She just smiled and continued looking at the menu.
"Do you know what you want?" I asked.
"Probably a steak, you?"
"Burger." She just rolled her eyes.
"What?" I asked.
"Typical guy getting a burger and fries. Let me guess, are you getting a beer with that?" She had a certain sparkle in her eyes when she mentioned the alcoholic beverage that made me chill.
"Not today, baby." I wasn't quite ready to drink again after the glorious day I had today. We sat in a comfortable silence for a while before our waitress, an older woman, came to take our order. I placed my order but looked around the diner quickly, looking for Clary. Did she even come to work today? But then I saw her red curls as she came out of the kitchen carrying food to a table and on her way back in, got a quick kiss from Raphael. I felt sick.
"Do you know them?" Camille asked me.
"It's complicated."
"Complicated how?" I wished she wouldn't pry but after talking to her I felt like I could trust her.
"I've known them since kindergarten and my sister works here as well." Her eyes widened.
"You all moved to New York together? Wow you guys must have been close seeing as you're not talking to them." I just looked down at my hands and muttered a weak agreement.
"Look, I don't mean to pry, I'm studying to be a therapist so this is sort of my thing so trust me, I get it. I grew up with parents that stayed together but didn't love each other and didn't even try to hide it when they went out with other people. I'm still not sure why they stayed together."
"Sounds like some bullshit." She laughed.
"It was." We talked while waiting on our food and I found out a little more about her. She was going on her last year of college, like me, and had an older brother that she was very close with. I told her the basics of my family and that I was adopted but she didn't pity me so that's when I knew I liked her.
Our food came but we didn't really notice since we were laughing so hard.
"Let me get this straight," she said. "You ripped up your sisters favorite dress and as payback she dyed your hair pink?"
"Yes, it was horrible. I didn't go to school for three days so no one could see my with my pink hair but I'm pretty sure she got a picture.
"I would love to see that picture. You know, now that you mention it, you would look good with pink hair."
"No, I'm not going through that again." She giggled and looked at her food.
"We never even ate."
"It's okay; I can waste money on this. It was worth it," I told her while smiling at her.
"That's sweet." I chuckled since I knew I was anything but sweet.
"You know, for a hook-up this ended way better than most of the other men I've been with."
"Well of course it did, I'm perfect." She giggled and pointed at me.
"You, Jace, are too conceited for your own good."
"I know." I laid down money to cover the bill and a tip then helped her out of the booth.
"How kind of you," she said sarcastically.
"What? Am I not being the perfect gentleman because I would beg to differ." She rolled her eyes at my statement.
"You're something else," she looked at her phone before looking at me in alarm. "I was supposed to be at my friend's house half an hour ago and I hate to bail but she'll get worried." I shrugged it off.
"It's alright; I need to unpack tonight anyway." She smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek, giving me another sense of Deja vu again.
"Thank you," she said before she hurried out into the busy streets. I was about to walk out myself but not before seeing Clary staring right at me. I wondered how long she'd been standing there or how long she saw me and Camille together but I just nodded my head and walked out.
Sebastian POV:
The wind nipped at the base of my neck as I pulled my jacket tighter around me.
"Hurry up, dammit," I cursed, waiting for Jace's new toy to come out of the diner. Once she gave him a kiss goodbye, making me gag, she hurried out and down the street. I followed behind her as she took a short cut in an alley, just my luck. I got up behind her and slammed her into the nearest wall, close to her face.
"What do you want?" She asked me, fear dripping from her voice.
"Listen little girl you have no idea what you're getting into but you're about to find out," I pressed her harder into the wall making her gasp. "From now on we will meet here every Saturday at seven do you understand?" She nodded her head. "Good, now it's simple what I want you to do. Keep Jace interested and away from the red head you saw today got it? As long as you do that then maybe I'll spare your life. Don't play any tricks though honey because if you do, I'll know. Am I understood?" She shook her head again, in a daze.
I let go of her and told her to get out of my sight, watching her sprint down the alley. Once she was gone I pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one, feeling at ease as soon as I took a drag.
"Well played Sebastian," One of my boss's employers told me. He was standing in the shadows making sure everything went according to plan.
"That was nothing," I told him.
"True. Can I borrow one?" I handed him over a cig and lit it for him. "Thanks."
"No problem."
"So what happens now?" He asked.
"We watch and wait. Boss is supposed to be having men on her at all times so all we have to do is wait for his orders and come here every weekend." He nodded his head. I looked out into the night sky, not able to see the stars but I imagined them there looking down at me.
"Let's go. I've got shit to do." I walked away with the guard trailing behind me.
A/N: Was this what you expected? I thought about splitting this chapter into two parts but I thought hey, why not make it one since it sheds some light on a few things. I have a little question to ask: Do you like the flashbacks? I personally love them and most of them are a must but if you want more I can add more just let me know. Is it just me or is Jace a little bit jealous? Maybe a lot jealous if you ask me but maybe it's just me.
Greygirl2358: Glad to know you were smiling and laughing. Now I don't have to hunt you down. Exactly! You know exactly what's going on and I hope I did their POV's justice today. Sebastard? Every time I read that I think of constipation but I have no clue why. Just thought I'd put that out there. Yes, we will find out who his boss really is so calm yourself! I don't like being in the dark so I'm not going to do it to you guys.
CodeBlue19: You made me smile, you know that? I know how you feel because I get conflicted too and I didn't expect this to have such a Clary/Raphael relationship it just kind of, happened I guess. Isn't that what they all say though? I'm bad at short and simple too because I like to get in all the details and make sure I'm not missing anything. That's why this chapter was so darn long.
Okay guys! Make my email blow up by in the morning letting me know I have more reviews and favorites and follows because it really makes my day! I will have to start updating every weekend instead of twice a week because I need to start getting really into the story and making the chapters good and ready for you guys which I have ButteryHighlights to thank for that. Thank you for reading this big long chapter I know you all have been waiting on! Until next time!
~DarkMeadows1026