"No no no don't leave me don't you dare leave me!" yells Liara.
Shepard lifts her head up wondering what woke her; Liara is thrashing around next to her in her sleep. "No! please don't leave me…Shepard!"
"Shh shh Liara," says Shepard as she curls up next to Liara, "Shhh you're dreaming honey." Liara continues to thrash about but Shepard holds her tight. "I'm here Liara, I am here with you."
The thrashing dies down and Liara relaxes into Shepard while her breathing finally slows. "That's it," says Shepard "I'm here; I'm here with you Liara, sleep now….it's okay."
Liara's nightmares have been going on for over a week now, ever since they returned from Feros and Shepard is concerned. Today she needs to return to work because she and Arelia need to present to the Council their ideas for cross training at the asari commando facility.
Shepard has been warning Liara that this day has been coming, that Liara will be alone with Raina and Shepard will be at work. Even though Liara says she will be fine Shepard doesn't believe her, she doesn't feel right leaving her but she has to. Arelia has been covering for her for days already and soon it will become an issue.
It is an hour yet before Shepard has to get up she was unable to fall back asleep after calming Liara down a few hours ago. Liara looks at peace right now as she sleeps but that can change in an instant as Shepard has seen this past week. Tears are falling down Shepard's cheeks as she looks at Liara; her heart breaks for the love of her life because she doesn't like seeing Liara so upset. Liara still is not talking to Shepard about her nightmares, she won't share what she sees during the few times they have melded, Shepard feels Liara is pushing her away and she doesn't understand why.
Shepard feels helpless and when she feels helpless for prolonged periods of time her own darkness starts its familiar pull within. She has been fighting it the best she can trying to do the mental exercises Dr. Snowden gave her when she had her sessions with her. But going to work today, she is just not sure what to do. It's not like Shepard can stay with Liara forever, not be out of sight for the rest of their lives, that is just not practical or logical, she knows this but right now Liara is so fragile and Shepard hates it. She doesn't hate that Liara is going through what she is going through she hates that the asari is keeping her away and that she feels completely helpless. These feelings of helplessness has got to stop, but Shepard just doesn't know how it will if Liara won't talk about it.
Liara hugs Shepard close as Elly quickly wipes away her tears. Liara slowly opens her eyes and finds Shepard staring back at her. Liara doesn't notice the redness in her eyes; she just smiles and hugs Shepard tighter. "Morning Elly," she says.
"Morning Liara," Shepard kisses her crest. "So what do you and Raina have planned for today?"
It is an innocent enough question but the asari is completely still after Shepard asks it. Did she forget Shepard is returning to work today?
"What do you mean?" Liara's tone is not quite right.
Trying to keep her own tone light Shepard replies, "I go back to work today remember honey?"
Liara lets go of Shepard and glares at her while she gets off the bed. While she quickly walks to the bathroom she says "Choosing work over me yet again, why am I NOT surprised."
Shepard does not understand the words, her meaning or her mood but she shuts their bedroom door because she has a feeling a shouting match is about to occur and she doesn't want Raina waking up. Calming herself not sure what to expect Shepard approaches the bathroom. Liara is standing with her back to her, hands to her face crying.
"Liara talk to me please."
Anger pours out of her, "What is there to talk about! You have work to do! Just leave ..LEAVE like you always do!"
Shepard does not understand this one bit, where is this coming from. "Liar..-"
Liara interrupts, "NO you ABANDONED ME Elly, you are just doing it all over again. Go work for your precious Alliance. You chose them over me so why should it be any different now!"
Shepard wants to yell back she wants to say what the hell are you talking about, but she doesn't. This is the most Liara has actually talked to her since they have been back from Feros, aside from where are you going, what are you doing and oh there you are, Shepard has not been able to leave her side. "Can you please tell me what you are talking about Liara?" she asks as gently as possible which is difficult because she feels she is being attacked.
Liara turns toward her with a look that could kill. "You should have come with me Elly but NO you chose HIM, you chose DEATH instead of a life with me. You abandoned me, damn you Elly!"
Who the fuck is him and what the fuck are you talking about? "What are you talking abou.."
"Don't pretend you don't know. You made me leave you, YOU MADE ME take an escape pod how could you, how could you leave me like that!" Liara slumps to the bathroom floor hugging herself while the tears flood out of her.
The Normandy, this is about me dying. Shepard understands now. Her bondmate never wanting her out of her sight and always wanting her near, Liara must think that Shepard will be gone at any moment just like when she died. Everything happened so fast when the Collector's attacked and ripped open the Normandy as if it were a mere tin can, life and death can happen anytime and it seems like Liara is terrified it will happen again.
Shepard is not sure what to do. She is fuming inside, she wants to yell at Liara why are they rehashing something that happened two years ago, it's not Shepard's fault she died. But instead of being defensive Shepard tries a different more uncomfortable tactic to talk to Liara.
Shepard kneels down and speaks as she reaches to touch Liara "Liara.."
"DON'T TOUCH ME!
Startled, Shepard stops reaching toward her. "I didn't choose death over you Liara, I loved you..I mean I love you."
"Then why didn't you come with me. You made a choice, you abandoned me!"
Shepard of course wants to say that is ridiculous, stop saying that, but she doesn't.
"Liara," she says just above a whisper trying to sound gentle though shaking with rage, "I had to get my crew off the ship. I had ..-"
"You should have left him to die Elly, his stubbornness took you from me!"
How do you reason with someone who is being completely unreasonable? "I love you Liara. I had to make sure you got off the Normandy that day. I would not change a thing when I ordered you off the ship, I needed you safe."
Liara almost lunges at her pointing a finger in her face, "What about what I needed! Did you ever think of that! NO you had to play hero and …" Liara stops herself. She can't believe what she is saying but it is how she feels. The look in Elly's eyes the hurt the asari is inflicting on her she can't stand it. She doesn't like that she feels this fear, that she fears everyday of losing her bondmate over a fever that made her relive the most horrible two years of her life. Why does she have to act this way, why can't these feelings be dead already, it's not Elly's fault, but isn't it? Didn't she choose?
Liara returns to hugging herself in a ball as she has her back up against the bathroom cupboard. "Just …just leave me alone Elly."
Of course Elly wants to storm out she cannot believe the words coming out of Liara's mouth, cannot believe how she is shaking with rage at the moment she can hardly think straight. But seeing her bondmate on the floor sobbing helps Shepard stay grounded and even though her mind is telling her to get away from this situation right now, she stays because Liara needs her to stay.
Shepard shifts into a sitting position on the floor next to Liara looking straight ahead. After a few minutes she trusts herself to speak without anger in her voice, "I'm sorry Liara. I wasn't trying to be a hero; I was trying to get everyone off the Normandy as the commanding officer should. I couldn't just leave Jeff in the cockpit alone even if he was being stubborn. He had no idea we would run out of time, that I would be…" she hated the word "spaced."
Liara's sobs quiet a little.
"I just needed everyone to get off the ship," continues Shepard. "It was my duty to ensure everyone was safe before worrying about my own safety. I am sorry you don't understand that Liara, but if faced with the same situation again, I would make sure my crew was okay, that is what I was trained to do and that is who I am Liara. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I abandoned you, it was not my intention believe me. I wanted nothing more than to start a family with you after we killed Saren, be with you take you as my wife. I never wanted you to go through what you went through Liara. I'm sorry, I really am. I …" the heat in her own eyes cannot be stopped now as her own tears escape and trail down her cheeks. "I don't know what I can do to make it better for you."
The two just sit next to each other not saying anything for awhile. Liara's tears finally stop, she wipes them away. She can't look at Elly not yet, but she does scoot a little closer to her so their arms are touching as they sit side by side. She wants Shepard close to her, Liara knows she is being irrational, but reliving her nightmare has made her that way. She doesn't like it, she doesn't understand it, but her feelings are overwhelming at the moment and she cannot help the fear she feels.
Shepard's alarm starts to softly beep. Since they both woke up an hour before it usually goes off, Shepard forgot to turn it off. She starts to get up off the bathroom floor but Liara stops her with her hand.
"Please Elly don't."
"I have to get ready for work Liara," Shepard sighs.
"I know Elly, I know," says Liara. "I'm sorry Elly, I did not mean to hurt you."
Shepard is not sure what to say, she is exhausted from her emotions and she doesn't want to continue fighting. She sits back down at Liara's request.
"I know you didn't abandon me Elly it is just how I feel. My fever….it's as if I relived losing you all over again and I know I am being irrational but I can't help it. I can't stop myself from wanting you near, the fear is overwhelming. I have never felt this way; I don't know what to do with this feeling."
Shepard doesn't want to hear anymore, she is spent. She just wants to pretend none of this ever happened, but that is what she does in emotionally charged situations, she shuts down. She knows Liara needs her and is finally opening up but it doesn't stop her own feelings of resentment toward Liara. But she keeps them to herself because she knows what it's like to be afraid, to feel all alone in your own misery and she wants to help Liara, she doesn't want her overwhelmed. It is taking everything in her to not shut down and push Liara away. Swallowing the lump in her throat Shepard asks, "What can I do?"
Liara lays her head on Shepard's shoulder. "You are already doing it Elly. I am so sorry; I didn't mean to lash out at you. I will be fine….I will."
"Is this what you have been having nightmares about Liara, about the time I died?" asks Shepard still looking straight ahead though she does look at the asari out of the corner of her eye after she asks the question.
Wiping away a stray tear from her cheek Liara answers "Yes."
It breaks Shepard's heart; everything of course makes sense now. She had her suspicions but sees the full picture now.
Shepard didn't want to push her to talk about it but Liara finally started to open up to her. Liara told her about things Shepard already knew and about things she did not like the night Liara almost died, the night Liara wished she had died. Shepard held her as Liara continued to bear her soul sharing her raw feelings that the asari thought were already dealt with and buried.
Something happened on the bathroom floor that morning. Their relationship strengthened their love for each other grew and their trust in each other overflowed. It is hard to say what exactly transpired but the two were forever changed.
"Are you sure you have to go already?" asks Miranda as she watches Arelia dress for work. She much prefers the asari undress, but the view is just as good.
Miranda and Arelia have been nearly inseparable for the past week, each spending the night over at the other's house. This morning they are at Arelia's home and she is running late. "Shepard and I have to present our proposal to the Council today love, otherwise I would call in sick," she says as she crawls on the bed and kisses Miranda.
Miranda takes this opportunity to man-handle her and shift the asari under her as she deepens the kiss.
Arelia pushes her back with her biotics in order to get out of bed. "Now now.. you behave. I don't want my clothes to wrinkle." Arelia slowly lowers the human's very naked body on the bed and admires the view.
"Like what you see?" asks the human.
"Indeed."
Arelia is surprised at Miranda's sexual appetite. The human cannot seem to get enough of her and though she is not at all complaining it is very distracting.
Miranda's tone turns a bit more serious as Arelia finishes getting dressed. "I am sorry Arelia that I am not adjusting well to the melding process."
Miranda has not been able to allow Arelia to deepen their melds because there are so many walls the human woman has within her mind. She has never fully been open with someone before and she is terrified to let Arelia in even though she has never felt this way about anyone in her life.
"None of that Miranda, I have already told you that there is no hurry," says Arelia as she flashes a smile toward her. "It just means we get to practice more."
Arelia finishes slipping her shoes on when she feels Miranda behind her hugging her. It is very difficult to leave a beautiful naked woman to go to work. "I just want to please you Arelia and I feel like an amateur and I hate it."
Arelia turns in her arms to face her. "We don't always have to meld love. We can practice a little each night if you would like, but I will not force anything. It takes time Miranda, you cannot rush these things. There is no hurry believe me, you must learn patience."
"I am not good with patience," smirks Miranda.
"So I have noticed," smiles Arelia.
"I just don't want you to think I don't trust you Arelia because I would not be able to do that," she gestures to the bed and to her nakedness "without it."
"Enough," says Arelia gently. "Melding takes time to get used to. We will progress as fast or as slow as we progress, learn to enjoy the journey Miranda. Now I really must go to work," she kisses Miranda fully on the lips but does not let her hands wander since she is having a very hard time resisting the naked woman that is holding her.
With a sexy pout Miranda backs away from the asari, "Have a good day. I will see you tonight, my house? We can maybe have dinner with Oriana?"
"That sound good, I will see you then."
"Hello Elly," says Liara she doesn't even look at her omni-tool to know it is her calling…again.
After Liara's small breakdown she insisted she was fine and that Elly needed to get to work. Elly has called Liara twice in the last fifteen minutes.
"You doing okay Liara?" the worry in her voice is obvious.
"Yes Elly, I have lasted ten whole minutes without you," Liara says it with joy in her voice.
"Ha Ha Liara, I am serious."
"I know Elly. Please try not to worry. I just finished feeding Raina and we are going to play together on the floor, maybe make you a little vid."
Shepard is silent not sure what to say, she is wishing she didn't have to leave Liara. It is hard for her not to take the asari's words to heart, is Shepard choosing the Alliance over her?
"Elly?"
"Yeah I'm still here."
"How about we make a deal."
"What?"
"I call you every hour okay? Will that help you worry less?"
Liara does seem like her old self, still a little sad but stronger, but it is hard for Shepard to not think she is failing her somehow.
"That would be great Liara. There will be a few hours I will be unreachable so please leave a message."
"Of course. Why don't you bring home dinner tonight Elly, you choose."
"Okay. I love you Liara, I hope you know that."
"Of course I do Elly, I love you too."
Arelia hurries into her office and sees Shepard ending a call on her omni-tool. "Sorry I am late Shepard," she says a little out of breath from hurrying in the hallway.
"No problem Arelia, not like I am going to complain. Thank you again for covering for me the last few days."
It is a few hours before their presentation but it has been awhile since they practiced it together, which is the plan this morning.
Arelia sits down to catch her breath as she puts her bag in the bottom drawer of her desk. She looks at Shepard, the human woman looks exhausted and her eyes are red and puffy.
"Shepard are you okay?" asks Arelia.
Stifling a yawn Shepard replies "Yeah, just tired."
"I agree Shepard, you look awful."
"Gee thanks," Shepard snorts.
"Is it Liara?" asks Arelia concern in her voice.
Sighing Shepard says "Arelia, if you don't mind can we work on this presentation? I need to concentrate on this and nothing else right now."
"Of course."
Liara called every hour and Shepard was relieved to hear her messages once her presentation with the Council was over. Her asari bondmate sounded like herself but Shepard is still skeptical, she didn't expect everything to go back to normal because of the morning they had together.
Returning to Arelia's office Shepard says "Nice work Arelia."
"Yes, they seemed pleased."
"Well they must have been since we got the okay from them. Now we just need to talk to each species' military branch that is participating and we should we able to plan for incoming troops," says Shepard as she slouches in a nearby chair laying her head back and closing her eyes.
"Those presentations start next week, the humans first then the Turians and Krogans," Arelia looks at a data pad. When Shepard does not reply she looks up. "Shepard?"
Arelia gets up from her desk and walks over to Shepard in the chair, she is fast asleep. There are a few hours left in the work day so the asari decides to take her work to Shepard's office while the human gets some much needed rest.
The day coming to a close Arelia just finished a call with Miranda. Oriana is making dinner and Arelia was expected within the hour if it worked with her schedule which it did. A smile crosses her face as she thinks about Miranda and how quickly things seem to be moving.
Though the melds they share have been very shallow she is patient and knows Miranda wants to let her guard down. The few images Arelia has seen of Miranda's childhood brought tears to the human's eyes and Arelia knows there is a lot of sorrow there and she completely understands why so many walls exist in Miranda's mind.
Arelia returns to her office to find Shepard still sleeping in the chair, she has not moved at all. Arelia puts her data pads away and grabs her bag from her bottom drawer then approaches the Captain.
Moving Shepard's shoulder slightly Arelia says "Shepard?"
"Hmm?"
Arelia moves the human's shoulder one more time, "Shepard wake up."
Shepard opens her eyes and blinks away the sleep. She moves her head to look at Arelia "Huh?"
Smiling Arelia says "Shepard its time to go home."
Almost panicking Shepard sits straight up in her chair "What time is it?"
"Just after five."
"Shit," she says as she opens her omni-tool, she sees three messages waiting for her from Liara.
"Is everything alright Shepard?"
Rubbing her face with her hand, "Yeah…I am so sorry I fell asleep Arelia."
"Think nothing of it. You go home now, I will see you tomorrow," she says as she extends a hand to help Shepard out of the chair.
Taking her hand Shepard stands. Yawning she says, "Okay, see you tomorrow Arelia, thanks." She slowly leaves the office to check the messages on her omni-tool.
Arelia locks her office and heads to the Lawson household.
Shepard is relieved after listening to all three messages from Liara; she sounded good and she sounded happy. Slapping herself in the face to wake herself up she calls Liara.
"Hello Elly."
Shepard can hear the smile in her voice. "Hi Liara, I am heading home now do you want anything in particular for dinner?"
"Your choice Elly, I am open. I am about to feed Raina now."
"Okay, I'll be home soon."
"Take your time Elly," says Liara.
Shepard disconnects the call and feels hopeful for the first time since Liara's recovery that she is indeed back to her old self.