Chapter 9: We Will Laugh and Cry

So, can someone explain to me how the hell all this turned from the Harry Potter movies' easy "swish and flick" method to trying to explain the fucking Kingdom Hearts timeline to anyone?

"My brain's hurting again."

"Bare with me for another minute, and I promise we'll get to the hands on things."

Too bad a minute felt like a hundred years. By now, it'd been two days since we started these magic lessons, four since we were kidnapped. Most of the training so far had been a bunch of lectures: all this talk about mana flow and magic types was hard to follow. Then there was all this stuff about stances and movements that just didn't make any sense. At this point, I was actually starting to miss Mr. Chalanick's lectures.

"Are you listening?"

I snapped upright. "Uh, yeah."

"Can you repeat what I just said then?"

"…No."

I could just tell Ganondorf was resisting the urge to facepalm. "As I was saying, magic relies on your mana, the essence that flows within your blood. The more mana you have and the better connection you have with it, the stronger your magic. What you have so blatantly refused to focus on was the situation concerning your mana. While you seem to have a fair amount of it in your blood, you have a rather poor connection to it. That's why you're using this." He gestured to the brush in my right hand. On instinct, I held it up as he continued. "Magic conduits, such as wands, scepters, or, in this case, your brush, are able to help you focus all of your mana in a single location: your hand. This will make it a bit easier to cast spells and such."

"Okay." I think I got it. I probably didn't but, hey, I just gotta think I can.

"Go Weggie!" Sammy cheered on from a couple of feet away. He had a comfy seat in Josh's lap for the time being with Sowel sitting on his head and the teddy bear I'd made clutched tightly in a hug. I don't like to admit it, but that bear still creeped me out. I mean, it looked and felt like a regular old stuffed animal but, even then, it still smelled like paint.

You may wish to pay attention.

Don't pretend to care about what I do, I thought back to the voice in my head. Honestly, one little scratch on my hand and this fucker thinks he can just rattle on and on in my brain. I waved back at my brothers before turning my attention back to Ganondorf. "So, what next?"

"From the display you gave us the other night, your magic is based on trans-manipulation, or, putting it into simpler terms, changing something about an object, whether it be its location, shape, what it's made of, and so on. For now, let's start small." He knelt down and cupped my brush hand. "I want you to just focus on your brush. Imagine it as a different color or with some sort of mark."

"It doesn't matter what, right?"

"Do whatever comes to mind."

I knew just what I wanted to do.

Concentrating real hard (and telling Demise to fuck off again), I saw what I wanted and placed my free hand over the brush. A few seconds later, I removed my hand to see if it worked. I couldn't stop my laugh when I saw my success. The previously sleek, black brush now had a violet symbol on the handle: an uppercase "R" with the shorter leg tilting up at the end and going around in a little swirl.

"Any reason why you chose that?"

"Whenever I finish with an art piece, I put this in the bottom right corner of it. It's just my way of signing off on it, saying its my work."

I may have just imagined it, but I thought I saw Ganondorf crack a brief smile. "Alright. Now, let's think a bit bigger. Imagine the brush becoming something completely different. And only use your right hand this time."

"Got it." Now, what to do? I caught a quick glimpse of something. That weird glowing sword that he always kept on him. I remembered first seeing the sword, picturing all its features. Out of the corner of my eye, something black appeared in my hand. At first I was terrified, but then I realized that it was only enveloping my brush. The smell of paint filled the air as the black mass grew, forming a familiar shape. Moments later, the paint solidified and turned white. All I could think was how awesome this was: what had once been my little black paintbrush had become an exact replica of Ganondorf's sword, complete with a faint glow.

This time the big guy didn't try to hide his smile. "Impressive. You even got the markings right."

"Well, I DO have an eye for details," I laughed as I gave it an experimental swing. Despite its size, the paint sword wasn't as heavy as I suspected the original would've been. However, as it was still taller than me, I still somehow found a way to lose my balance mid-swing and fall on my face. I let go of the sword and the paint immediately fell apart and disappeared, revealing the little brush it had originally been. "I can feel you smiling," I muttered plainly into the dirt.

"You do have a habit of falling, don't you?"

"Oh yeah," I heard Josh say. "This is normal for her."

I sat myself up, turned towards my older brother, and pushed my glasses back up with my middle finger. "Hey Bushy Brow! How come the sword fell apart and the teddy bear's still here?"

"First of all, never call me that again," Ganondorf answered with a glare. "Second…I'm not sure. There are still many thing we don't know about the way your magic works. And there isn't anybody in known Hyrulean history to compare your magic style to."

"So I'm just a beautiful effing mystery to you?"

He squinted at me. "A mystery, yes. Beautiful? Eh, I'm afraid I don't find much attraction in twelve year old boys."

I slapped a hand to my chest and gaped in fake shock. "Oh, the salt! The pure and utter salt!" Josh, of course, was laughing his ass off, Sammy and Sowel catching the giggle fever. I calmed down a bit before finally picking myself up and responding. "Gee, I wonder what that says about Groose." I expected the comment would bring Ganondorf into the giggle fit with the rest of us. What actually happened…well, I think I broke him. He kinda just keeled over, wheezing and clutching his sides. Me, being the helpful friend/apprentice that I am, laughed even harder. Everybody was just in this big giggle fit for about ten minutes before we could calm down enough.

"Alright, back to the lesson," Ganondorf said, a hint of a laugh still in his voice. "So, try drawing something, anything, with your brush as it is."

"Got it." I didn't have my sketchbook with me, but I had the wall. However, the wall was much bigger than my book, making my strokes a bit more awkward. And I wasn't even close to the wall; I was like three feet away, waving my brush and having black paint appear on the rock face. I tried to draw something simple (a butterfly), but my sad little scribble came into existence instead. "Sorry, it's kinda hard to tell where the brush is compared to where the paint's going."

"Oh, I can help!" Sowel was suddenly hovering in front of my face. "Let me just…." The little pink fairy tapped the tip of my brush then immediately flew away. "C'mon! Give it a wave!"

I did just that and couldn't help but laugh at the result. From a distance, Sowel followed the tip of my brush no matter which way I pointed it. Some mature people would think of it as some sort of targeting reticule, my mind immediately went to cat laser. It did end up helping my aim though. I tried out my butterfly again and, this time, the little doodle flapped its red stone colored wings once before taking off. "Definitely better, but still time consuming."

"Aw."

I hate to disappoint the fairy that had become useful for about two seconds, but it was a good point. If I was going to get into a fight, it's not like I could hit some kinda pause button just to draw something to protect myself with.

Why wait? You have a whole sketchbook full of weapons.

Once again, I kindly ask you to shut the fu-…. Actually, that's not a bad idea. "Can I have my sketchbook please?"

Ganondorf gave me a quizzical look. "May I ask why?"

"I just wanna test something out."

The look persisted, but the sketchbook appeared in his hand and was handed to me. I flipped through its pages, looking for a good test subject. Finally, I came across a page where I had absentmindedly doodled the Four Element symbols from Avatar, still missing color. Making a mental note to color them in later, I pressed my brush down on the symbol for water, the bristles flattening and spreading across the paper. I took a deep breath, twisted my grip, and flick my brush across the paper outward. There was no black paint this time. Instead, a stream of water followed the tip of my brush out of my sketchbook as if it were a hose (destroying my little butterfly in the process) before hitting the ground. "Awesome."

"Well, it seems you hardly need my help for this."

I turned back to Ganondorf, putting on my best begging expression. "C'mon please? It's not my fault that Demise is giving me hints."

The man suddenly became visibly worried. "He's still talking to you?"

"Yeah, the trick is getting him to shut up."

I'm still here, you know.

"Why do you ask? There a problem?"

He was frozen in thought for a moment. "No. It's nothing." You know, like a liar.

I gave him the 'I smell bullshit' look. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yes."

I squinted. He squinted back.

"You're not gonna tell me, are you?"

"No."

"So you admit that there IS something wrong?"

"No. You're just putting words in my mouth."

Sammy was extremely confused. "What's wong?"

"Apparently Gramps here is keeping that to himself."

"You know what? Fine." Ganondorf finally had enough. He waved his hand, creating a little bubble around the both of us. Everything became alarmingly quiet. "Before you ask, it's a sound proofing spell. They can't hear us and we can't here them."

I looked over at Josh; he looked panicked. I gave him a thumbs up to tell him everything was alright before taking a seat on the ground. "Okay, so what's really bothering you?"

"I…." Ganondorf sat down as well, staring at the ground nervously. I hadn't seen him this uncomfortable since they were in Faron's throne room. "I've been untruthful about my own relations with Demise."

"Untruthful…how?"

"You see…." A sigh. "You see, I've always been able to hear him. Ever since I can remember, he's been there, whispering in my mind."

I can verify that.

Seriously, dude. Shut up.

"Is he talking to you right now?"

"He's actually been silent as of late."

"Oh…." Pause. "There's something else, isn't there?"

"You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. It's…just a bit upsetting to see the Demon King twist another's life."

"What do you mean?"

"…You were right to assume I was a war criminal before. In the decades I've been alive, I have done many terrible deeds to the people of Hyrule. I've brought their kingdom to the brink of ruin more times than one can count. I've killed many who were deserving…and many who weren't, directly and indirectly. My…my own people were massacred, punished for my mistake. I will not try to place the blame of my actions onto him, but I will say this much. I would never have become the man I am today if it hadn't been for Demise."

When was the last time I'd seen an adult cry? I think it was when the police had called Mom over to the train station and told her what Dad had done. I remember how she covered her mouth, shaking and trying not to cry in front of her kids, one hand on her very pregnant stomach. I remember Josh too, hugging Mom, trying to offer her some comfort. I remember myself as well, my foot aching from kicking at Dad's car, staring down at my pencil drawing of a peacock with teary eyes before ripping it to pieces. I think that's when I decided I needed to take care of the family I had left. In order to do that, in order to make them feel better, I had to push aside my own heartache. Now I was sitting in front of a man, practically a stranger, who I'd been through hell and back with, and he was close to tears himself. Once again, I had to take care of someone; the difference was I had to accept my own feelings in order to do that.

And no, not romantic feelings. I'm a lesbian, remember?

I didn't say anything.

You were thinking it

I found myself reaching forward and hugging him.

I felt him freezing up, but I just hugged him tighter. "When my Dad left, I was heartbroken. I felt like all the time we'd used to spend together, all the things he told me, were all lies. I told myself that it didn't matter how I felt about the whole thing, that it wouldn't change what happened. And now, it's happening all over again."

I felt a hand on my back. "And…how do you feel now? About all this?"

"I feel…angry. And sad. And scared."

"Scared of what?"

"How are things supposed to be normal again?"

"…I've asked myself that once too."

"…I guess we really just have to deal and move on."

I finally pulled away and saw his still-teary eyes, a smile on his face. "Well…oh, what's that old Hylian saying? Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here, we should dance."

"That's so cheesy," I said, wiping away a tear I didn't realize I had.

"Hylians ofter are."

"I'm glad I'm not a Hylian then. I'm enough of a shit lord already."

"Lord of shit? I may have to revoke your title. There are some I've known who're far more deserving of it."

We were laughing again. Everything was going wrong and it could've gotten worse, yet here we were, laughing our asses off all. I guess we both felt relieved to finally get this weight off our chests.

There was a knock on the bubble. Josh gave us both a confused look. Ganondorf immediately dropped the barrier with a flick of his wrist. "Sorry to disturb you guys, but the way you were looked like things were going…sexual?"

The big guy and I shared a look. Then, at the exact same time:

"Do I look like a pedophile to you?"

"Do I look like a heterosexual to you?"

Then we were giggling like the idiots we were all over again.

You know, Mom started taking me to a therapist after Dad left. The woman I saw (I actually forgot her name) was giving me all these activities, prescribing me all these useless medications, telling me what I already knew. She eventually gave up, as none of it did anything to change my mindset.

How weird that all that needed to happen for me to get over it was to get kidnapped by a Demon Lord.

"So, what's the plan now, Ganon?"

"Ganon?"

"Yeah, Ganon! Short for Ganondorf."

"…Definitely more appropriate than your other nicknames. And terrifyingly accurate." Roughly half an hour after our talk, Ganon had insisted on planning our next move concerning how to get home. There were two obstacles in our way, the first being the Gate of Time. Luckily, that was about to be solved. "Sowel, where is the second Gate of Time?" Ganon asked the tiny pink fairy.

"It's in the Sealed Temple, an old stone building just southwest of Faron Woods."

"You mean the building we were in when Ghirahim first brought us here?" I asked. We could've gone home right from the very beginning?

"His forces seemed to be setting something up just outside the Temple," Ganon added. "Which means that would be his base of operations."

"What's the game plan then, Coach?" Josh asked this time.

Ganon seemed confused for a second. "Coach?"

"Don't worry about him, he's a basketball nut."

"I see…. Anyway, Ghirahim is our main obstacle. We need to be crafty. I'd suggest we just slip past into the Gate if it was just the two of us, but your brother will make slipping past a bit more difficult…no offense."

"None taken."

"So we have to confront him?" This wasn't looking too good. It was already established that going toe-to-toe with the Lady Gaga impersonator was a challenge in and of itself.

"There's no other option. Luckily, we have the element if surprise. Ghirahim doesn't know about your magic yet. We can use that to your advantage."

"But what about Sammy and Josh? They can't fight and I don't know if we can play defense for them with him around."

"We can help."

Both Ganon and I jumped at the familiar voice. I found myself gripping my brush tightly, pointing it directly at, would you believe it, Zelda. Link stood just behind her, a sword with a purple hilt in his hand. "What the hell are you two doing here?"

"We've been looking for you." Zelda put her hands up. "It's alright, we won't hurt you. I know what we did back in Skyloft may have been brash and we didn't have all the facts-."

"Yeah, that's why you-!"

"Stand down, Regina." Ganon's hand was on my shoulder; the big guy didn't take his eyes off of the two pointy-eared bitches. "What do you suggest?"

Okay, so we're doing this.

Have fun, you two.

I hate you.

As we creep closer and closer to the end...

Regina: you gonna finish that sentence?

Nope :p