Enjoy!
Blaine's words made Kurt think a lot about the two of them. After spending almost an hour in stunned silence where Blaine had left him, Kurt made his way back to his room, hoping that his father wouldn't see how badly he felt. It wasn't like he was angry with Blaine. Although he was hurt and confused, he knew that Blaine was right about him. He didn't want this. He didn't want to hurt people or watch them get hurt. Kurt wanted nothing but a peaceful life with his loved ones. He knew he was naive, he believed in miracles, he believed that people could actually see them as they were, regular people, just like everybody else. He was so stupid. Maybe Blaine was right and he should leave. Blaine wasted an awfully lot time for him, all for nothing. Because they couldn't get what they wanted, not until they won the war against the government. Even then it wouldn't be sure that they could be together as they wanted. Kurt was afraid that it would change both of them and they wouldn't be able to get through their difficulties.
But he loved Blaine. That side of Blaine that always made his heart beat faster, the boy who made him forget about his fears, about the cruelty of the world. Kurt didn't want to let it go. He wasn't ready for that. But what was he supposed to do? Was he strong enough to fight on Blaine's side? Could he actually hurt anyone? Damn, it was so hard...
"You won't find out, unless you try" his father told him one day. Maybe he was right. Kurt had been so careful not to get involved in Blaine's work, maybe he should try to get to know him and his people better. Who knew, maybe they could use his help.
"You were wrong."
Blaine looked up from his laptop to find Kurt leaning against the doorframe, a strange new light in his eyes.
"I have no idea what you are talking about" he said.
"You were wrong about me" Kurt said as he took a few steps towards Blaine, trying to seem as determined as possible. "I'm not weak. Maybe I don't agree with you in everything but it doesn't mean I won't fight if I have to."
Blaine was surprised. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. Kurt almost snorted. He had thought that Blaine knew him but he certainly didn't. He was a Hummel and he could be really strong and stubborn if he wanted to.
"I want you to teach me" Kurt said determinedly. "I want to be able to defend myself and others when it comes to that point."
"Are you sure you want that?" Blaine asked.
"Yes" Kurt said as he stepped forward. "Teach me how to fight."
Blaine gulped nervously. Although he liked that Kurt wanted to be able to defend himself, he was… he was Kurt. His Kurt, his beautiful, innocent Kurt. He didn't want him to lose that. Because he certainly would if he became someone like Blaine.
"What do you want to know?" Blaine asked carefully.
Kurt seemed to hesitate at that. Blaine smirked. Of course. Kurt might have gathered his courage to come up with this fancy speech about strength, but Blaine knew him. He wouldn't be able to hurt a fly but Kurt didn't have to know that Blaine knew that. It would cause them trouble again and he didn't want Kurt to push him away. He was glad his boyfriend was back, even if he had treated him like shit over and over again. Some training surely wouldn't hurt. Kurt would learn how to defend himself and they could spend more time together. Blaine certainly needed Kurt in his life. He was almost unbearable when the boy wasn't around. He had no idea how Kurt did it but he brought out his better side. The one that had been lost for such a long time. Yeah, he wanted to teach Kurt. He wanted it so badly.
"You know what? We could start it now" he said.
"Now?" Kurt asked with wide eyes.
"Sure" Blaine smiled. "I'm free and I guess you have nothing else to do either, so…"
"Okay" Kurt said, his voice shaking. Blaine found it really cute. "I'm in. Just let me change clothes."
"Of course" Blaine nodded.
As he waited for Kurt to come back, Blaine tried to figure out what to teach him. He didn't want to scare Kurt away again, not after the struggles of the previous days. Their relationship was so complicated, he didn't want another fight. He just wanted long talks, romantic dinner, and yeah, training with Kurt a little. He imagined grabbing Kurt's arm and pulling him close. He imagined as Kurt struggled in his grip, every movement of him bringing them closer to each other, until they were all over each other, their bodies so close that there was no space between them at all. Blaine imagined as Kurt's body reacted on his own, as it accepted that they were meant to be together. He imagined bringing Kurt down onto his bed, gently climbing between his legs, pressing kisses all over his body and listening to the soft moans of pleasure that escaped Kurt's lips...
"Blaine?"
Blaine opened his eyes and turned scarlet when he realized that Kurt was standing in front of him, dressed in comfortable clothes, seemingly ready for the training. Blaine certainly wasn't that ready, at least not for that. He glanced down and sighed in relief that his desk covered his lower body, hiding his hard cock from Kurt's sight.
"You okay?" Kurt asked.
"Sure" Blaine said, trying to be as casual as possible. "Uhm… I have some more work to do. Why don't you go down to the gym and warm up a bit?"
"Okay" Kurt said uncertainly. He could tell that something wasn't right with Blaine, he just didn't know what it was.
At least he didn't ask more questions. Blaine waited until Kurt left his room, then rushed to the door and locked it securely while his free hand was already working on the button of his jeans. Damn, he had no idea what was going on with him. He usually didn't act like this. He could stay calm in every possible situation, but when he was with Kurt… Even one look of Kurt made his body react like this. There was definitely something wrong with him.
Blaine run down the stairs to the gym after having a quick shower and getting into fresh clothes, getting rid of the evidence of what he had just done up in his room. Kurt was already there, facing away from him, stretching his limbs. Blaine gulped nervously as his body started to react at the beautiful sight again and quickly closed his eyes to think about something horrible, not giving his body any chance to repeat the happenings from before. As he opened his eyes again about a minute later, when he was sure the danger was gone, he found Kurt standing right in front of him, looking at him questioningly.
"Are you alright?" Kurt asked in concern.
"Sure" Blaine said quickly.
"You are acting strangely" Kurt pointed out.
Blaine sighed heavily. If Kurt had known… But as much as he wanted to talk to Kurt about his feelings, he knew he couldn't do that. Kurt was so innocent, he would be scared of him. Blaine couldn't let that happen. So he forced out a bright smile and tried to seem as normal as possible.
"How much do you know about self defence?" Blaine asked as he stepped away form Kurt and made his way to the mattress.
"Close to nothing" Kurt admitted. "I was bullied in high school but… I usually just ran away."
"That's not bad, actually" Blaine said. "I'm gonna teach you a few things but you can only use them if you think you can overpower your opponent. When you deal with somebody a lot stronger than you or even with more people, running is not a bad idea. Getting help could be more useful than getting into a pointless fight."
"So you think I should just run away?" Kurt frowned.
"If it means you survive then yes" Blaine nodded. "I'm gonna teach you how to use a gun but first you have to learn self defence. Let's start with the basics. Try to hit me."
"What?" Kurt asked with wide eyes. "I-I don't want to hurt you..."
"I never said I would let that happen" Blaine smiled. "Come on. Attack me."
Kurt took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. Blaine watched him as the boy gathered his courage and finally made a move towards him. Kurt moved slowly and uncertainly. Blaine got out of his way without trouble and moved to the other side of the room.
"Come on, Kurt. Catch me" he said.
Kurt ran at him but slowed down again before he could reach Blaine. He raised his arm this time, maybe he tried to hit him, Blaine wasn't sure, but he was too slow again. He hesitated. Blaine decided that it was time for his first lesson. He grabbed Kurt's arm and held it steadily while he kicked the back of Kurt's knee and brought him down onto the ground.
"Not a bad start but you hesitate too much" Blaine said. "Alright. Stand up."
Kurt stood up quickly and waited for Blaine to tell him what to do. The other boy stepped away from him and motioned for Kurt to attack him again.
"Don't be scared of hitting me" Blaine said. "You won't hurt me. Come on. Do it."
Kurt tried again but as the previous time, he slowed down before reaching Blaine, so the other boy caught him easily and brought him down onto the mattress once again.
"Too slow. Again" Blaine said.
Kurt was breathing heavily but he didn't stop. He tried to hit Blaine over and over again but he didn't even get close. Blaine caught him way too easily and before Kurt could blink, he found himself on the ground again.
"I don't get it" Kurt said in frustration. "I'm trying so hard but I can't even touch you. How is it possible?"
"You are scared" Blaine said honestly. "You hesitate because you don't want to hurt me."
A sudden idea crossed his mind and he said it out loud before he could think about it.
"Don't be weak" he said.
It made the trick. Kurt pressed his lips together in anger as he rose to his feet again.
"I'm not weak" he said.
"Show me, darling" Blaine said as he bowed.
Yeah, that was it. Kurt surged forward again and Blaine couldn't see the hesitation in his eyes like before. He was determined to hit Blaine this time and he didn't stop or slow down for a second as he approached him. It didn't mean he could cause any damage, Blaine got out of his way quickly, but he was a lot closer this time.
"Very good" Blaine nodded. "Let's do this again."
This time as Kurt approached him, Blaine decided that it was time for the next step. He grabbed Kurt's wrist and twisted his arm behind his back. Kurt moaned in pain but Blaine didn't let go of him. He made sure he didn't hurt the boy but held his arm steadily while he put his other arm around Kurt and pulled him close.
"Try to break free" he whispered into Kurt's ear.
Kurt struggled in his grip but it was too weak. Blaine didn't even have to hold him too tightly.
"It's not enough" he told Kurt. "You have to make me loosen my grip on you, so you can slip out of it."
"How should I do that?" Kurt asked.
"Kick my leg, for example" Blaine shrugged.
Kurt tried to do so but he wasn't even close to that.
"Okay, it's not working. Let me go" Kurt said in the end.
"So you are giving up?" Blaine asked.
"Yes" Kurt said in frustration. "You won."
He waited for Blaine to release him but it never happened. His grip just became tighter than before if it was possible.
"Blaine, I said let me…"
"I heard you" Blaine said. "But I won't let you give up. Fight."
"I don't want to" Kurt said.
"You want to learn how to defend yourself? Surprise, Kurt. It's not as easy as it first sounds" Blaine said. "Fight."
"I can't!" Kurt said desperately. He didn't like where they were going with this. Blaine's reaction scared him.
"Fight" Blaine said again.
"Let me go, Blaine!" Kurt said in fear.
Blaine had no idea what happened to him. He heard Kurt's voice, he could tell that he was scared but he still couldn't make himself move away from him. He held Kurt steadily, his grip so tight that he was close to cause some serious damage, but he still didn't move.
Not until Kurt started crying.
It had happened before, a few times, but he had never hurt anyone he loved. He had hurt people who worked for the government, he had killed some of them, injured a lot more, but he had never hurt someone he loved. And now here he was, hurting the person he loved the most. Blaine jumped back as if Kurt's skin burnt his own, staring down at his hands with wide eyes, horrified by what he had just done. He could hear Kurt cry quietly in the background but he couldn't make himself look at him. He slowly backed away from the boy, scared of what he could do to him.
"Blaine?"
Kurt was scared. He was scared of him, because Blaine had hurt him. He would never go near him again. Kurt would avoid him for the rest of his life, he would leave this place and never look back. He would never be Blaine's ever again… All because he had caused him pain. Because he couldn't control his body, his mind, his emotions that had been poisoned by those camps and the people working in them. It wasn't like he didn't know about it. He had seen the signs before but he had thought that having Kurt around would change things. He had been definitely wrong. God, how could he be so stupid? He could have killed Kurt. He could have broken his bones, he could have broken his neck and nobody would have stopped him. He was a monster.
"Blaine, you okay?" Kurt asked as he made his way to the other boy.
"Don't… don't come near me" Blaine said quickly. "I don't want to hurt you."
"Blaine, it's okay…" Kurt started as he reached out towards Blaine but he jumped back as Blaine pulled away and started yelling.
"Get away from me!" Blaine screamed desperately as he backed away from Kurt until his back hit the wall. "Get out of here, fast."
"Blaine…"
"I'm a monster. Can't you see that?" Blaine cried. He collapsed to the ground and pulled up his knees as he dig his fingers into his hair, pulling it painfully. He deserved the pain. God, he deserved so much worse…
Gentle hands grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands away from his hair. Blaine opened his eyes to find Kurt kneeling beside him. He looked into his eyes, searching for the signs of fear but he couldn't see anything like that. Just that nice, innocent boy he had fallen in love with. There was no sign of anger in his eyes either. Kurt… he seemed like he understood him. Better than Blaine understood himself.
"It's okay" Kurt said gently. "I'm here and I will help you."
"I don't… I don't want to hurt you" Blaine cried.
"I know" Kurt said.
"I'm so sorry" Blaine whispered, looking away again.
"Blaine, I'm not angry with you" Kurt said.
"You should be" Blaine said. "I-I wanted to stop… I did but… God, what's wrong with me?"
"Blaine you have gone through some horrible things. Probably more than anybody else in this place. It's completely normal that you are not the same person you used to be" Kurt said.
"I'm a monster" Blaine said again. "I didn't want to hurt anyone at first. But now I'm just like them. I'm a horrible person."
"No, you aren't" Kurt said. "Don't blame yourself. You might have done some things wrong but you are not a bad person. You have saved so many people. You have given them a chance for a new life. Those people love you."
Kurt fell silent for a second and took a deep breath.
"I love you" he said.
Blaine looked into his eyes again. He didn't believe that Kurt said the truth but those blue eyes never lied. Kurt really loved him. But why? How could he love someone like him?
"I won't let you down" Kurt said. "I'm here and I will help you get through this."
"Why are you so nice to me?" Blaine asked.
"Because you are a good person, Blaine. Even if you don't believe it" Kurt said. "I believe in you. And I believe in us. We will make this work. I promise."
"I'm not sure we can" Blaine sighed.
"But I am" Kurt said confidently. "Just give me a chance to help you."
How could he say no? There was no way. He was madly in love with this boy and he could never say no to him.
"Okay" Blaine whispered.
That beautiful smile… It made him feel alive again. He had no idea how Kurt did it but he made him feel like noone else could. Yes, Blaine would change. With Kurt. For Kurt. For a future where he could be happy with this amazing boy.