Thanks to all who keep reading and leaving reviews. More thanks to Irene Claire for re-reading what I changed after she had already read it once (or twice or three times). This chapter deals with depression.
9.
A week later, Danny was trying to relax on the couch at Steve's house. The television was on a baseball game but he wasn't paying any attention to it. The doctor had spoken to Steve about mood swings that patients would often show after traumatic experiences. So far Danny had gone from acting cheerful to angry then halfway back to almost civil; but now he was definitely depressed and very angry.
Chin and Kono had arrived several hours earlier for a dinner and to watch the game. While trying to cheer Danny up, the atmosphere had become tense and Danny quiet.
When Kono gently remarked halfway through supper that Danny had hardly eaten anything, he slammed his fork down on the table.
"Sorry mom. I'll try to do better next time." he snarled before shoving the chair back and slowly walking into the living room.
At Chin and Kono's shocked expression, Steve motioned for them to follow him outside to the lanai. "Sorry, I should have warned you that he's liable to explode at the smallest things. I understand how upset he is, but there have been a few times in the last week that I wanted to punch him. The doctor said its normal for him to be angry and it might be awhile before we see our Danny again."
"It's just that he's lost so much weight..." Kono said obviously upset. "I certainly didn't mean to upset him."
"Kono, he's not mad at you. He's just upset at everything right now." Steve said trying to calm her. "He hasn't seen Grace since it happened and I asked him yesterday if he wanted me to call Rachel and ask if she could come over. You should have seen him then."
Steve frowned remembering. Danny had already told him several times before that he didn't want Grace to see him this way. When Steve pressed the matter, Danny had flown into a rage. "You've heard of temper tantrums? I spent an hour picking up M&M's after he threw a bowl full of them on the floor. I'm just glad it was a plastic bowl and not glass."
"I understand he's worried but all this stress isn't helping him heal." Chin remarked.
"In addition to basically just picking at his food, he's also not sleeping well. I've looked in a few times at night to find him just standing at the window. Or I can hear him pacing around the room. And I can barely get him to go outside." Steve told them.
Chin shook his head. "This isn't good. He's really withdrawn. Come on, let's go back in and everyone try to stick to a subject that won't set him off."
Once inside, Kono and Steve cleared the table while Chin went out to sit near Danny. Things started off well, but then Chin hit a nerve when he casually commented about a lead they were trying to follow and asked for more information about that night.
"NO!" Taking a deep breath, Danny started again trying to gain control of his temper. "No. Chin, I don't want to talk about it."
Frustrated, Chin used a persuasive tone. "Danny, we basically have nothing to go on. Try to remember. Is there anything you might have missed when you talked to Duke? Are you sure there were two men? Did they say anything that might help point us in the right direction?"
Danny cringed at Chin's words; because yes he remembered. Sargent Duke Lukela, who was a friend to the entire team, was the one who went to the hospital to question Danny. During the interview, when he asked if either of the men had said anything, Danny hesitated as he tried to recall their voices.
"Oh, you mean like the one that kept saying 'hit him again?'" Danny said coldly. Feeling guilty since Duke was only trying to help, he apologized. "Sorry... Yes one of them said something. It was..." Scowling, he rubbed his hands on the sheets while he thought. Slowly he remembered the words he had heard.
'She's not yours'. Danny frowned when the meaning became clear. Rachel? This had something to do with Rachel. Had Stan found out and would he go so far as to have him beaten? Danny decided that this would be something he had to keep to himself since he didn't want to drag her into it.
"Sorry Duke, I've tried and I just can't recall what it was. It's all still rather foggy. But if I remember, I'll call you." Danny had told him.
Steve and Kono had hurried into the room when they heard the raised voice. Hearing Chin's question, the need to find the assailants made Kono forget the suggestion to keep the conversation light.
"Yeah, brah, don't you want us to catch these guys? Come on Danny, you can't say you want them to get off after what they did?" Kono then tried a new approach. "Would you want Grace to keep quiet if something ever happened to her?"
At his daughter's name left Kono's lips, Danny slumped back. Two weeks. It'd been two weeks since he saw Grace or Rachel. He knew they were back on the island but Danny told Steve he didn't want to see Grace. If he was honest with himself, he needed his daughter but he didn't want to scare her.
He had spoken to her on the phone and every time she pleaded 'when Danno?' he would always respond with a simple 'soon Monkey.' Yesterday Steve again had offered to pick Grace up and when Danny thought about his reaction, he cringed in embarrassment.
In his mind he again saw the image of a hundred colorful candies flying through the air and Steve's shocked silence. As Danny heard Steve begin to pick them up, he knelt on the floor, ashamed and felt for the small round objects. Hearing a crunching noise under Danny's knees, Steve said quietly, "I've got this." Getting up, Danny slowly walked towards the staircase, wincing every time he heard another candy pulverized under his feet.
Steve had spoken to Rachel about Danny and his injuries. Danny talked to her once behind closed doors and wasn't surprised to hear she had decided to stay with Stan. Despite his earlier resolve to end their relationship, part of him was still hopeful they'd be together. Now he felt bitter and wondered what Stan had bribed her with or more likely she had just played with his emotions once again.
What Danny didn't know was that Rachel had overheard a telephone call between Stan and an unknown person while they were in California.
When they arrived she had attempted to call Danny but Stan would have an excuse for her to hang up before the call could connect. First he said Grace was hungry and they needed to go down to the hotel dining room. Later that night, he took the phone out of her hand and led her to the balcony overlooking the pool where he poured her a glass of wine. The next day they left early for Disneyland and didn't get back until later that night. He always seemed to have something for them to do.
Stan didn't want Rachel using the phone but she caught him on it several times. Going back to their suite to get an extra pool towel for Grace, Rachel walked quietly to the partly closed bedroom door. Stan was talking and after hearing snatches of the one-sided conversation which included Danny's name being mentioned several times, she knew something had happened.
Straining to hear, she heard Stan's surprised 'he's alive then? ...didn't finish the job ...incompetent clowns". Stan had caught her eaves-dropping. But when she demanded to know if Danny was alright, Stan just shrugged.
"That was...an associate calling with news. Wiliams had an unfortunate accident. A mugging, I think." Looking at her intently he continued. "You know Rachel, things could have been so much worse for him. Aren't you glad we're happily married and I can look after you and Grace? Thank God, she wasn't with him when he was, err, mugged." Pausing he added in a voice that left no doubt to what he meant, "I would hate for anything to happen to her." And when Stan looked at her with the barest hint of a smile on his face, she knew he'd found out about her and Danny.
Rachel was terrified. Obviously he'd had Danny beaten up. How badly he was hurt she didn't know but he was alive. Her first instinct was to call Steve, but the underlying threat against Grace stopped her. Danny would never forgive her if she did anything to put their daughter in danger. Sadly she realized she was trapped in a relationship that if she was honest with herself, she never truly wanted in the first place.
"Look," Danny abruptly spoke through gritted teeth. "it was probably just some punks out having some fun. Drop it would you?"
"Guys?" Steve said sharply, motioning to Chin and Kono. "Just leave it for now."
"Yeah...well we've got to get going." Chin announced.
As the cousins said their goodbye, Danny gave a half-hearted wave towards the door.
"You know, for as much attention you pay to them when they're here, they might as well be invisible." Steve scolded cringing when he realized the word he used.
"That's good Steve. Great choice of words." Danny growled out nastily. "I just... I just want to be left alone." Abruptly he got to his feet. "Fine. So what do you want me to do? Play cards? Comment about who just stole second base? I've got it! I'll balance my checkbook." Danny said breathing harder as his hand unconsciously went to his still sore side. "Don't you get it? It's been almost two weeks and I still can't see anything."
"Now the doctor said the swelling was going down, though not as fast as they wanted." Steve replied trying to calm his friend down. "You've just got to relax and give it more time."
"More time? Yeah..and then what? Go out on a case with you to look for suspects?" Putting a hand out in front of him, Danny carefully started towards the staircase. "Face it Steve, I'm done. I quit! Go find yourself a new partner."
Steve's jaw dropped. He knew Danny was depressed, but he didn't realize until this moment how much. He watched as Danny stumbled but caught himself halfway up the stairs.
Gathering Danny's medications and a glass of water, Steve followed him a few minutes later. He found Danny standing in the darkened bedroom facing the open window . A gentle breeze ruffled the curtains and a low rumble of thunder could be heard in the distance.
Flipping on the light as he came in, Steve tried to control his own anger. "Yeah that's right. I'll just go out and replace you like nothing ever mattered." he said sharply. "In case you've forgotten, and as you use to remind me, we're still partners." Taking a deep breath, he softened his voice. "Hell Danny, I'm closer to you than I am to my sister. So I'm not going to dump you or turn my back just because you can't see. And if your eyesight doesn't come back... well, you don't have to worry. You can stay here with me." Changing his tone he pleaded, "Danno, you've just got to give this more time."
Defeated, Danny slumped his shoulders. "Steve, they beat me with a baseball bat. I tried, but they had me down before I knew what was happening. Now they're out there and I'm left jumping at every little noise I hear." Stepping back from the window, Danny lowered himself on to the side of the bed.
Seconds ticked by in silence before Danny added softly, "What good am I? I can't even find my badge to give back to you. "
Steve sat down next to him and putting his hand on Danny's shoulder wondered what he could say that would help his friend other than the obvious; that he hoped that his eyesight returned soon.