A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Kon13, whose steadfast love and affection for Akito continue to baffle and confuse me...
And once again, the bold quote was graciously and humbly adopted from the work of Fandom Angst (formerly known as justyouraveragemuggle). Please read their story "Back to Darkness."
"You are vial. Unlovable. Pathetic and weak. A disgusting abomination. A monster. A freak."-Fandom Angst "Back to Darkness"
It was so very dark. Always dark…and… It was cold. But…he needed to know. He had to find out. To ask. So into the darkness he went…looking for him. He would have the answer… He always did.
"Akito, am I really that strange? Am I so strange that we have to hide it from everyone?"
He waited. Shivering and cold. In the darkness. Waited for his answer. One he wanted. One he was afraid to have. And from the darkness…came a response.
You are vial…
"Hmph.. yes, you are that strange."
Unlovable…
"A human that turns into a rat?"
Pathetic and weak…
"What do you think they would do if they knew?"
A disgusting abomination…a monster…
"Really, you're a freak."
…a freak…
"They wouldn't come near you, they'd HATE you."
"…please…no…" A soft voice whimpered weakly against this accepted truth…was…it his own?
The voice grew colder. Meaner. More malicious. It…wanted to hurt him. It craved his pain now.
"Perhaps…I need to take some time to re-educate you, in that little room, the one I keep especially for you…"
"…don't…" Another pathetic muffled cry…to no avail.
The voice hissed at him now. And he cowered to it. Helplessly he cowered to it. What else could he do? He was so weak. So very small and insignificant. Pathetic…
"Why didn't you listen to what I say? I am the head of this family. Do you think you could go against me and not pay the price?"
So much pain. It hurt. Everywhere. But he couldn't turn away. The pain just continued to grow upon itself, blistering and bubbling over into agony as he felt himself begin to cry. So weak. So very weak. Too weak to hold back the pathetic whimpers escaping him. Weak and pathetic…pathetic enough to begin begging…
"Uh… Stop it... Stop it. Stop it!"
"NO!" A painful shriek ripped itself from Yuki's lips as his body violently wretched itself erect from his bed.
Sweat seeped from every pour of his body as heavy gasps rocked his fragile frame…quaking uncontrollably. An unsteady hand went over his mouth for fear of screaming as the gasps began to manifest themselves into stifled sobs. Had…it all been a dream? Had he been dreaming? His nightmares were so vivid and blurred with his reality that he found it hard to tell.
As he finally managed to get ahold of himself, Yuki's gaze began to drift over his dark surroundings. It was hard to tell…but…he knew this couldn't possibly be his room. But…nonetheless…it was familiar. He had been here before. Sudden awareness dawned on him as Yuki realized exactly where he was… His old quarters. At the main estate…
"Don't fret precious, I'm here…" A tender voice whispered to him from the darkness, causing his whole body to stiffen…he...wasn't alone…
Step away from the window,
…step away from the window…
And go…
Back to sleep…
"Who's there?" He whispered, his voice coming cracked and weak from strain.
"Shhh..." The melodic voice cooed in the dark. "There's no need to fear now, pet. I'm here." And at these words a sick sense of familiarity dawned on Yuki as his body began to tremble against his will.
"…Akito…?" His voice came so weak…so terrified…he felt humiliated and pathetic.
"You were having a frightful nightmare, love. And it woke me up…so…I came to you." He felt the voice drifting closer to him as a form finally manifested itself from the shadows. "Though…I had no idea you had come here." Aktio whispered, tilting his head to the side as he stared blankly at Yuki.
He found he had no response to Akito's words. Akito wasn't the only one confuse by his arrival… He watched as Akito crossed the distance to stand next to his bedside. Without words or invitation, Akito opened the blankets to Yuki's bed and slid himself in next to Yuki. Tender hands guided Yuki back down into bed as his heart began to race. Feeling Akito's body mold to his back as slender arms wrapped protectively around him, Yuki was thrown back to childhood when they would sleep together. Each stealing away to the other's chambers when they had a nightmare. Seeking each other's company in the darkness. Memories he longed to hold onto. Memories he wanted to violently push away.
Lay your head down child,
I won't let the boogeyman come.
Yuki felt himself begin to shake against the body behind him as gentle fingers found their way into his hair to tenderly caress it. Yuki wanted to sink into this sensation. Yuki wanted to run. His breathing came labored as the light hum of a lullaby began to manifest itself next to his ear in melodic tones and warm breath.
"So…what's troubling you, precious?" the voice cooed…a loaded question…Yuki knew he would pay for the answer.
Counting bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums.
"Nothing…" Yuki lied…not entirely willing to admit the truth of his dream…his nightmare…his struggles.
"Come now…you can tell me." The voice coaxed, as Akito's body pressed itself even closer to Yuki, making the two into one flesh.
Pay no mind to the rabble…
Pay no mind to the rabble…
"I just had a difficult day at school." Yuki murmured, becoming helpless in his captor's hold.
Head down, go to sleep to the rhythm of the war drums.
"I told you this would happen, precious." The voice whispered comfortingly to him now. "I told you they would never accept you as I do." And at these words blurred images of disapproving faces flashed in his mind as Yuki squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to cry out as a silent tear found its way down his cheek to the pillow. "I tried to warn you, love…"
Pay no mind what other voices say.
"They don't care about you…" Akito's voice whispered this into his ear…and all Yuki could see were the faces of disapproval that brought truth to Akito's words.
Like I do.
…like I do…
Safe from pain and truth and choice,
And other poison devils.
"See, they don't give a fuck about you…" Yuki's breath hitched in his throat as he tried to stifle the tears threatening to break through…he knew…knew that he was unlovable, pathetic, and weak.
…like I do…
"But…I care about you, love." Akito whispered this reassurance. "Just…stay with me…" These words were breathed on Yuki's neck as his own caught in his throat from the sensation.
…safe and ignorant…
Go…
Back to sleep.
Go…
Back to sleep.
"You see…I love you…despite what you have done…" These words sank into Yuki's skin as a level of fear seeped into his core…what exactly did Akito know…?
Lay your head down child,
I won't let the boogeyman come.
"Akito…?" Yuki whimpered out as arms held him a little too tight.
Count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums.
"You honestly thought I wouldn't find out, precious?" These words scraped themselves along Yuki's spine as he stifled a horrified gasp.
Pay no mind to the rabble…
Pay no mind to the rabble…
"Honestly, Yuki…" The voice murmured as lips brushed themselves against his exposed skin, causing a shiver to run itself through his body. "You really thought you could steal from me and I wouldn't find out?" And Yuki's thoughts violently flew to the countless times he had made love to his old consort…Akito's morphine…his heart sinking to the pit of his stomach.
Head down, go to sleep to the rhythm of the war drums.
"How stupid do you think I am?" The voice whispered, and every muscle painfully constricted in Yuki's body…he…couldn't breathe…he couldn't breathe!
I'll be the one to protect you from…
Your enemies and all your demons.
"Why would you do something so foolish, precious?" The lips nipped at his exposed neck, confusing and muddling the clear danger he felt radiating through his body…he needed to think…to breathe.
"…Akito…" His voice cracked as he felt the body respond behind him, adjusting itself against him again…the gentle touch and caresses becoming almost painful to him now.
I'll be the one to protect you from…
A will to survive and a voice of reason.
"Shhh… I'm not angry…" The voice cooed, sending Yuki into a panic as the arms continued to ensnare him in an inescapable cage. "…I…understand…"
"I understand that you are weak…and feeble minded, love." Warm breath brushed against his skin as he felt this truth sink in. "You are a pathetic, wretched creature…and did what is in your nature to do. How could I possibly be angry with you?"
I'll be the one to protect you from…
Your enemies and your choices son.
"But…you must understand this, precious… You stole from me…and recompense must be made." And Yuki felt Akito drift away from him and out of the bed, sending him into a dizzying spiral of chaos and fear.
One in the same,
I must isolate you…
"…yes…" The voice mused, becoming harder…colder. "Something must be done to teach you, pet. So this never happens again…" Yuki's body began to tremble uncontrollably as he curled in on himself protectively in the bed.
"Akito…please…" Yuki whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut against the tears forming on his lashes, knowing no amount of pleading would save him from his fate.
Isolate and save you from yourself.
"…if you want what is mine, precious…then I must make you work for it…" Akito hissed, and before Yuki had time to react he was viciously ripped from the safety of his bed by one of his legs…his head making a sickening thud as it bounced off of the floor.
"YOU WANT TO BE NUMB?!" Akito began to shriek as his foot came crashing into Yuki's ribs. "THEN FIRST YOU NEED TO FEEL PAIN!" And Yuki began to gasp for breath as waves of fire trailed themselves along his ribs from each blow.
Swayin' to the rhythm of the new world order and!
Yuki bit down on his tongue, his mouth filling with blood as he began to cough, feeling in run its way down his throat. A crushing blow from Akito's heal straight into his sternum caused him to vomit into his mouth as he began to choke.
Count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums!
Instinctively rolling to his side and curling in on himself, Yuki tried to protect himself from the blows to his body as Akito's foot continued its devastation. He felt a sickening snap as another agonizing blow crashed violently into his ribs. Something was broken… A flash of light blurred his vision as he felt the pain of a vicious connection to the middle of his spine as his body began to seize up and spasm uncontrollably.
The boogeymen are coming!
The boogeymen are coming!
Gasping for air Yuki could hear heavy, weighted breathing behind him. Akito was growing fatigued. And Yuki prayed to Heaven that this would be over soon. That he would live. He needed to live. He…wanted it. To be alive. He didn't want to die…not like this. Not like this. Without warning another brilliant flash of light flooded his vision as he felt the sickening thud of Akito's foot making contact with his head, driving it further against the hard surface of the floor. His body went dangerously lax as silence filled the room, the only sound his own shallow breathing and the labored gasping beside him.
Keep your head down! Go to sleep! To the rhythm of the war drums!
Seconds…minutes…hours… Time was slipping away. Everything…was slipping. Into darkness. He could feel his body dying. Each breath becoming harder to draw in. His muscles were twitching and seizing, rippling and moving without his command. But…it was over. Finally…
"Yuki, dear…" A voice whispered tenderly to him as he felt his body moved…every muscle and bone screaming out in agony as he was rolled to his back.
Yuki felt his head tenderly caressed and cradled on something pleasantly soft and warm. His name was called again, and for a moment he couldn't understand why everything was so dark…until his lashes fluttered and flickered open. Akito's face gazed down on him tenderly…but…the whole room felt in constant motion. Why were they moving? Yuki closed his eyes again, and felt the stillness of his own body. No movement. As his eyes opened again, Akito's face slowly came back into focus…and the room began to move again. Something was wrong… Terribly wrong. Trying desperately to focus on his tormenters gentle features, Yuki realized with a sudden shock of horror that his eyes were constantly drifting, making the whole world spin out of control.
"Stay with me…" The voice murmured to him…and Yuki began to whimper against this invitation…he didn't want to stay.
Safe and ignorant.
Tears began to trail down Yuki's cheeks. Thin fingers found their way through Yuki's hair again, tenderly comforting him.
"Shhh…" Akito cooed tenderly. "I know it's painful now…but…" He murmured as he continued to comfort Yuki. "I am willing to share what is mine to ease your suffering, love."
"…no…" Yuki whimpered, his breath barely having power to form the word…he didn't want it…he didn't want to die…
"Just, stay with me…" The voice whispered, and Yuki felt the old familiar sting of his lover as the warmth of its embrace wrapped itself around him…holding him…binding him…dragging him down.
"…no…" Yuki's lips moved in silence as his body lost the power to protest.
Hold you and protect you from the other ones.
The evil ones…
Don't love you son…
Feeling himself unwillingly pulled into the undertow, Yuki knew. He knew that this would be the last time his eyes opened. There was nothing left of his broken body to pull him back into the light. Nothing. And as the warmth of his lover crept itself along his body, easing his pain, Yuki heard a tender voice distantly muffled as it spoke of his end.
"Go back to sleep…"
A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "Pet" by A Perfect Circle. Again, and as always, I recommend that this segment be paired with the youtube video "A Perfect Circle-Thirteenth Step (Full Album)" by Aaron Fraser.