Here is the next chapter, hope you enjoy it, thanks for taking the time to read it, and as always your reviews are greatfully received.

Chapter 10 – Jessica revisited

It was around 11am when Jessica Rudman walked into the CCHQ, she was just taking her ipod earphones out when Grace walked out to where she was waiting, "Hi Jess, do you want to come through" Jessica looked up at Grace and followed her through to Grace's office, "What were you listening to" Grace asked making conversation

"Evanescence"

"I don't think I know it"

Jess just smiled politely, "It's a bit dark and depressing, but I like it"

In Grace's office Boyd was sat waiting, he noted how she looked different today, she was dressed casually, dark jeans, a black hoody with a white t-shirt underneath, and trainers, she looked even more child like than she had yesterday in her work attire.

"Hi Jess, how are you feeling today" he said as she walked in

"I'm fine" she replied

Boyd sat on an office chair, whilst Grace ushered Jess to the sofa, and then sat on an armchair close to her, she kept a note book on her lap to make notes

"So how come I get the comfortable seats today?"

"We just thought that after yesterday you may have felt a little intimidated, and we want you to feel comfortable, we want your help Jess, you're not suspected of a crime"

"So I can leave if I want to"

"You're free to go at any time, you're not under arrest, but I would prefer it if you stayed and talked to me, I am not a police officer, I am a psychologist"

"So what about the protection" She asked looking at Boyd, "He's police"

"Afraid so, but he's one of the good one's" Grace replied smiling at Boyd

Jess looked as though she may leave, but then stayed where she was, "I just don't know what you want me to say"

"All we want is the truth?"

"About what?"

"About Leighton Hall"

"I told you yesterday, it was just another children's home, I spent my entire life in them until I was sixteen"

"Where did you go when Leighton Hall closed?"

"A place called Somerset Gardens"

"And what was that like?"

"It was fine, just like all the others"

"It's quite warm in here, would you like to take your jacket off?" Grace asked her, changing the subject

"No I'm fine thank you"

"When did you start self harming?"

Jess looked uncomfortable, "What?"

"That is why you keep your arms covered isn't it?"

"You wanna see my arms fine" she stood and took her jacket off and revealed her badly scarred arms

"How old were you, the first time you intentionally harmed yourself?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I think it has a lot to do with everything"

"I don't remember"

"Really, something makes you feel that bad that you want to hurt yourself and you can't remember it"

"Look, Dr Foley"

"It's Grace"

"Fine, Grace, I have been fucked up my entire life, and the fact I've made it to 23 is more to do with luck than judgement, you know where my surname comes from?" Grace shook her head, "It was the name of the contractor on the side of the skip I was found in, inside a black plastic bag with my twin brother, umbilical cords still attached, bloodied and naked, left for dead, thrown out with the fucking rubbish, they called us Jessica and James because a song about Jessie James was in the music charts at the time, and it was being played on the radio in the hospital, James didn't make it passed five days, I don't know why I did, but I did, and I have paid the price for that ever since, I wish I'd died with him okay, is that what you want to hear, I wish I was dead"

"Why?"

"Because no one can hurt you when you're dead"

"But you were given a chance to live, surely you should live for you and James"

"He was the lucky one"

Grace moved on to the sofa and sat next to her, "Who hurt you Jess?"

"What?"

"You said that no one can hurt you when you're dead, that makes me feel that someone has hurt you, who was it?"

"People have been hurting me all my life, everyone I've ever met has hurt me"

"I don't think I've hurt you" Grace replied to her

"What you don't think this hurts? asking me questions about things that I don't want to remember"

"You do remember them though don't you, every minute of every day, you don't want to talk about them and you'd rather not remember them, but you can't forget them, they're with you all the time, that's why you cut yourself, in the hope that the physical pain on the outside will validate the pain on the inside"

"I want to leave now, I can't talk about this any more"

"Don't walk away Jess, I can help you deal with this, help it stop hurting"

"It will never stop hurting, don't you understand that?"

"No I don't, why don't you help me to understand it?"

Jess stood up and picked up her jacket, she was behaving irrationally again, Boyd was ready and waiting to step in if she became aggressive, but she just seemed to be anxious "I need to leave" as she said the words she slumped to the floor, her body convulsing violently again, just as it had the day before, Grace waited for the convulsions to subside and then knelt beside her again, moving her onto her side for safety, once she was sure the seizure was over she got Boyd to lift her back onto the couch, laying her on her side and putting a cushion under her head, just as she had done the previous day.

"Does the anxiety cause the seizure" Boyd asked her

"Possibly, if she's taking her medication she shouldn't get them so frequently, but it could be the stress of all this making them worse, or she may need to have her medication changed"

"You seem to know a lot about it, you know what to do"

"My brother was epileptic, he had regular seizures when we were kids"

"I didn't know"

"No reason why you should, I never told you" Grace sat beside Jess, and held her hand, she slept for about half an hour, Boyd left the room to return to his office, Grace said she would call him when she woke up.

Jess blinked a couple of times and took in her surroundings, "Hey, you back with us" Grace spoke to her softly, Jess instinctively pulled her hand from Grace's

After a few minutes she spoke, "How long was I out of it?"

"About half an hour, not long"

"I need the toilet Grace"

"Ok, I'll show you were it is" Grace helped her to her feet, making sure she was steady before showing her to the toilets, and then waiting for her as she washed her hands, "Jess are you taking your epilepsy medicine regularly, it's just two seizures in two days is a lot if your being medicated for them"

"Do you know someone with epilepsy?"

"What makes you ask that"

"Most people are weary, they're not sure what to do, most would call an ambulance, but you seem like you've dealt with it before"

"My brother is epileptic, he had a lot of seizures when he was a child, you didn't answer my question, have you stopped taking your anti-convulsants?"

Jess leant against the basins and nodded her head

"But why would you do that, without the medication your seizures will happen more frequently"

"Because..." she paused for a moment, "because I think I'm pregnant" she said in a hushed voice

Grace moved closer to her, leaning on the basins next to her, she looked like a frightened child, "Have you seen a Dr, taken advice on the medication, not all medication is harmful to an unborn baby, if yours is, they maybe able to change it to something that's not harmful"

"No, I haven't spoken to anyone about it"

"Have you taken a test" Jess shook her head in response, "What about the father, have you told him"

"I don't know who he is, I think it happened when I was in the hospital, but I have no recollection of who or when" Jess spoke quietly, she sounded ashamed of herself

Grace put her hand on Jess's back, and for the first time she didn't flinch away, "What if I get a test and we find out for sure if you are pregnant, we could do it here, or if you would like more privacy you could come back to my home and do it"

"Why would you do that for me?"

"Because I think you could do with a friend, someone to lean on, I don't want anything from you Jess, I'm just offering the hand of friendship"