Disclaimer: Nope, just a fanfiction writer. I would be richer, if I did.
Story: Peeta dies. Katniss isn't returned home and is forced to live in the Capitol. Seneca tries to be her salvation. AU drabbles.
Set AU at the end of the first book, "The Hunger Games."
Spoilers: Just the first book.
Warnings: Cursing and violence for now…hm, just in case since I'm usually writing it, bit of crazy humor, perverted humor, morbid or sarcastic humor, and maybe some sexual situations…
Pairings: Seneca/Katniss, ambiguous Gale/Katniss, one-sided (almost not) past Peeta/Katniss.
Caged Nightingale
Lunar Phases Part II
First Quarter Moon:
The Guardhouse isn't too bad. Katniss had wanted to make sure her guards were comfortable and made sure their living quarters would be. Still, as he stays with them, they shoot him with looks of equal bewilderment and suspicion, as if they could tell he had done something to upset their little nightingale.
He's too much in a daze to really care or notice.
He's just glad that he's at least near her, staying on the same grounds of her home, instead of being completely blocked out as he had been before. It was one of the reasons why he hadn't been completely certain he'd wanted to give up his penthouse…in the case that she ever locked him out again. Even though she'd promised, he was still worried about it. That and the fact that if he had to meet for his work in any capacity, then he'd rather conduct business there than bring it to Katniss' home…
The first quarter moon was that day, he notes in his haze. The continuation of contemplation and reflection. Well, he had plenty of time and a lot of incentive to do that.
He looks outside to find that Katniss is staring blankly back at him from the side of her home, though he thought he might be imagining the longing in her eyes that he wished was an echo of his.
The space between them makes everything so much more lonelier…He wishes he can be where she is.
Waxing Gibbous Moon:
Another waxing phase. More truths to be bared, if any, and recent truths are the ones most likely to be told at this point with a normal couple. But they weren't a normal couple, were they?
Still, he's surprised to see the letter addressed to him. The peacekeeper quietly hands it over and he hesitantly takes it, not knowing if he really wanted to open it and read it.
Waxing phase –time to be honest and all. I miss you but I don't want to see you. It's lonely but I don't want you around. I feel guilty for Peeta's death and you sort of know that, but you don't really understand just how much. I feel guilty for his death, but now it's more especially because he loved me and I didn't love him back, and now I'm moving on and now I know I really do love you back.
Short and simple, and he feels joy bubbling up in his currently apathetic heart. He knows he shouldn't feel so happy about Peeta's death being a factor or that she feels guilty, but she loves him.
After that, he decides he'd much rather sleep outside her door, even though it's her porch, outside, and uncomfortable. He's hopeful and astonished when she leaves the door open for him by the third day he does that, and there's a pillow and blanket waiting for him on the couch.
He'd take the couch than being shut out of her home any time.
Still, he can't resist being just a little more closer and starts camping out right outside her (used to be his) bedroom door. They never cross paths and she never says anything to him, but he feels just a little bit better this way.
Full Moon:
Finnick comes over with Annie Cresta in tow, claiming a double date under the full moon would be fun. They remember him asking before if it would be alright if he ever brought her over, let her meet new people and get to do something with others for once (and maybe even do a double with Seneca and Katniss, like he was claiming now), but they still didn't expect him to come over out of the blue and do it so soon.
Seneca's just glad that there wasn't a real ceremony on this phase, other than watching and 'worshipping' the full moon with your significant other to represent serenity in a relationship, which makes this whole thing rather fitting.
Katniss and Seneca pretend nothing is wrong, but they're not sure if it's working. Katniss is a horrible liar and Seneca is too out of it to really be anything but transparent, however Finnick seems busy and too anxious himself to notice.
When they're outside, watching the full moon together, Annie starts to curl into a ball and begin muttering under her breath to herself, rocking back and forth on the bed on the deck of the outside fireplace. Finnick winces and comfortingly lays hands on her, pulling her onto his lap, and glancing at them worriedly after.
"You know, I hear that full moons cause this lunar effect on people," Katniss says nonchalantly, looking away. "Insomnia, lunacy, the works. Damn, that moon's got one nasty power."
Finnick looks at them gratefully and she just smiles at him, while Seneca nods.
"Thanks for this," he tells them sincerely. "I wanted Annie to meet you and hopefully have someone she could talk to and be friends with. And this whole thing…I was trying and hoping to make it a treat for her."
"It's no problem, Finn. Any time," Katniss murmurs.
Finnick turns back to his Annie, whispering comforting words, and Seneca's breath catches in his throat as he feels Katniss unconsciously reach over and grab his hand.
Waning Gibbous Moon:
The waning gibbous moon is the first of phases where it was time to not only keep reflecting and looking inward, but to reap what had been put forth from the waxing phases.
Seneca had been doing a lot of thinking lately; looking inside of him and his life so far. Knowing and feeling what he does now, looking back he's not so proud of himself. Years, he callously made designs for children's deaths for the amusement of others, and even enjoying it himself at times or at the least was indifferent and looked at it as just work. Where once he was like them and still was once and awhile, time with Katniss had opened his eyes.
He was a horrible person.
He realizes that his life has been pretty meaningless before Katniss; more than that, it's been full of nothing that he can see is worth anything except shame. Ignorance, naivety, and even just plain blindness have led him so far, and Katniss has made him see there were things about himself he didn't just need to change –but wanted to.
Giving in and hiring a prostitute that time, of his own volition, is just what broke things. And now, when Katniss was part of that system (that bastard Snow has no right selling her and it makes his blood boil thinking about it), to know he –someone close to her and cared for –had willingly taken part of such a thing, and with someone she had come to like as a good friend…
He understands that right now, such a thing is unforgivable and she's too hurt, confused, and upset to even think about giving him a chance.
Still, he has hopes. She'd said she loved him. That more than anything helps him get through the days with this distance and he wonders about how he can return back all that they'd given in the waxing phases.
The only ceremony for the courting tradition he'd begun that would fit now was saying sorry in three different ways; three because it was a universally powerful number.
The first thing he does is write a letter to her. He hopes having something physical to read over and over would help his apology sink in with each read and show how sincere he is.
Dear Katniss,
I'm sorry. I don't deny what I did, though I wish I could take it all back and make it never happened. I wish I could still be forgetting it, but I can't when the act of it reaches out and affects you. It was a mistake and I've never repeated it. It was the only time I willingly went through it and I've never done so again, especially once I've been with you. I know what I did before hurts you, that for you to learn I partook in such a thing when you're now stuck in the same situation is hard to take in and accept. It wasn't and it's never been my intention to hurt you. And when I told you about it, I only wanted to be completely honest with you and to not hide anything from you. Please know I'm truly sorry and I miss you. The nights are lonelier and the days have become too long…
Please just say hello once.
Seneca
He slips that under her door before he gets ready for work, and quickly makes breakfast as his second try at an apology. Actions speak louder than words after all, and he knows that she hasn't been eating breakfast. Still, he puts a little note next to the plate of three pairs of toast, sunny-side eggs, and ham. It reads:
In Chinese, three sounds like the word "alive." You make me feel more alive than I've ever been my whole life without you.
He didn't expect that he'd practically skip out at work. He makes a quick showing, does a little work, and then leaves. He heads to the little meadow place he'd brought Katniss to and that they used to visit together at times, and starts to painstakingly start on his last apology, giving her a gift. But he decides against buying it –he doesn't want to buy her forgiveness. Flowers are too cliché, but he thinks he'll still get her some; only he'll pick them himself from this meadow so it'll come out more meaningful.
But it is this handmade gift, something he's exerting himself over and hoping it'll show her that he was truly sorry and that he really did want his apology accepted, that he's working hard on.
After it's all said and done, he goes back to her home and leaves his gifts in her room. She comes back home, after making sure Brutus wasn't starving himself to death with his inability to cook, and finds two gifts that take her aback and make her freeze in her steps.
Her eyes take in the bouquet of handpicked flowers, reading into the specifically chosen flowers that were gathered together. The bouquet is made up of hyacinths that mean "I'm sorry" and "please forgive me." In the middle, she chokes back a sob from the handful of rues that double in meaning 'regret' and a remembrance of the sweet little girl, and wonders if Seneca knows how much it means to her for her to see it. She can't help, even upset at him as she is, but to feel grateful for him always being thoughtful and thinking of her.
There are three primroses even further in the middle of the bouquet, and she involuntarily smiles. She thinks of her sister and wonders if Seneca had too, when picking these for her. She also knows they mean 'eternal love.' She knows by now what it means, coming from him.
The absolute middle is topped off with an eglantine rose that means 'a wound to heal', and she's sad but relieved to know that Seneca understands she's just really hurting right now.
She picks it up and sees that aside from the strand of ivy wrapped around the bouquet and meaning 'fidelity', that she can't help but slightly blush at, there are three more flowers hiding in the bouquet –as if he was unsure about or was too timid about adding them.
A heliotrope for devotion, a jonquil asking 'return my affection', and an arbutus that says "You're the only one I love."
She blinks back tears as she clutches the bouquet to her bosom and caresses the handmade bow tenderly.
Third Quarter Moon (with a Half Moon):
"Hello."
And he smiles because even though it's one word, he'd asked her to say it and she'd conceded. It is a small step, but an important one.
She says it every night before bedtime, and it brings a smile to his lips every time. One night, she does so with more strain in her voice and he notices dark circles under her eyes. He's worried, but doesn't say anything.
But as he camps outside her room again, he hears whimpering and he jolts out of his half-asleep state. He quickly gets up and opens her door, seeing her tossing and turning violently in bed, muttering things he can hear from the door. Rushing to her side, he hears her mutter under her breath about "Peeta…no…run! The wolves, have to…damn you, Snow…Seneca!"
He's gently waking her up, murmuring reassurances and brushing back her hair tenderly. Her eyes shoot open and she's breathing heavily, only just a hint of tears at her eyes.
"Seneca?" she asks hesitantly.
"Nightmares?"
She flinches, but doesn't deny it. "I've had them since the games," she admits. "You just…weren't there before to hear them, and then you started living here and sleeping with me…You kept them away after that, and your smell would help when you were gone late. After the fight, not even your smell started to help though…"
He's quiet before he's embracing her and pulling her close to him.
"You don't have to forgive me or let me back fully…but at night, I'll be here and keep the nightmares away," he promises.
"I can't forgive you just yet. I don't know how…or even when it'll be…but please. Promise me that. Promise you'll stay with me tonight," her hands tighten their grip around his bare arms, and she looks away in shame.
"All the nights," he swears.
And he stays and lulls her to sleep, brushing his lips against her forehead before he starts to calmly sing to her.
"Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true. Here is the place where I love you~" he ends the song early and though her eyes are slipping close, he remembers the look of awe and shock in her eyes when she sees and hears him start to sing to her.
In the third quarter moon with a half moon accompanying it, there are no restrictions to the ceremony to be chosen, or even that it had to be a known ceremony. Only that whatever it was would have to be completely about acceptance.
He accepts everything about Katniss, no matter what. He only hopes that she accepts everything about him as well, faults and all…and that this hopefully meant she is at least starting to.
Waning Crescent Moon:
The last of the reaping phases. Tie up loose ends and resolve whatever needed to be resolved –and the only thing to fully reap was her confession about her feelings, yet he's not sure he can at this time. They're still not talking fully. He doesn't know what else to do, but to hold himself prostrate before her and just beg.
He comes home, thinking he was going to do just that, only to freeze in his tracks and feel as if his world had tilted on its axis again.
What else could explain Cashmere sitting at the kitchen table?
She smiles gently at him, gracefully standing up. "I was just about to leave," she informs him. "Take it easy, okay?"
He assumes she's telling him to take it easy on his health and life, but then has a creeping suspicion that she means that about the upcoming talk he suspects he's about to have with Katniss. He's a little unsure how to feel about that –on one hand he'll actually be talking to her, but on the other he dreads this talk.
And then he sees Katniss and his breath is stolen as always, and she's only merely wearing jeans and one of his spare shirts hung loosely on her frame, with her signature braid a little messier than usual. She's still more beautiful to him than Cashmere in her pretty blue dress and styled blonde hair and made up face.
Katniss clears her throat awkwardly and adorably gestures to the table shyly. He says nothing and just goes there, where he waits for her to join him.
"What was Cashmere doing here?" he blurts out, a little nervously. "What did she say? Why was she here?"
Katniss gives him a stern look and he takes a deep breath to calm himself.
"What was said was between Cashmere and me," she says firmly, looking at her hands on the table. "What she said…what words were spoken between us stays that way. Okay? Please."
He nods tensely, still feeling uneasy. But he's startled when he feels her hand touch his and then clasped it securely, having reached across to him.
"She told me things that helped me think a little more clearly," Katniss admits. "It helps this whole thing, being able to hear from her herself. And to the others' credit, they've been noticing something was off with us. Apparently, Brutus caught on, who told Finnick, who told Cashmere," she laughs a little self-deprecatingly and he agrees silently that he hadn't thought they'd been so transparent or that the other victors would be so observant.
"But I just need to say that I'm sorry," she surprisingly says. "I've been thinking this lately, even before Cashmere's visit. I don't have the right to judge you. That was hers and she's told me about it and you. I wasn't the one who was propositioned either, and the fact is –I didn't know you then. Why should I be upset about something that happened before I even met you, especially with my lack of involvement and when it didn't really affect me personally? And the involvement I did have was being such a temptation that it lowered your restraint. And I'm sorry that I affected you so badly," she grimaces slightly.
"But you do have every right," he disagrees quietly. "You're my fiancée," strange how that's the first time he's actually said that aloud. "You're part of my life now, and as my partner, what happens or is said and done matters to you too, no matter what. That counts for all things past and present, and of the future.
"And the fact is," he echoes her words. "Your thoughts and opinions matter very much to me."
They stare at each other and he goes on.
"You being a temptation is still my fault. Everyone gets tempted. I'm the one who gave in," his jaw clenches at that. "And it does affect you, especially since you're part of that system now."
And they don't have to speak about it to know that this whole thing has been a throwback to her role in that system, made worse because of him and his involvement.
"Still, this really shows me, you know?" she says uncomfortably. "I know me. I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes. And this just proves I can be a little righteous and too proud. I always think I have all the answers and have trouble listening to others sometimes, and I never like giving in. You know that better than anyone by now," her voice tinges into tenderness as her gaze softens a little toward him.
Then she's forcing herself to look away and starts the motion to curl in on herself, only barely stopping herself. He's taken aback. He knows she's had her vulnerable moments with him before…but he thinks that this may be the first time she's willingly showing her vulnerability, or at least not as reticent about the show of it.
"The days without you…when you were gone…it's been horrible and completely lonely," she confesses, her voice thick with tears he was never sure before she would ever willingly share with him. He didn't think she'd been feeling the same as he, all this time, either. "You saw my nights. They've been a literal nightmare without you by my side. I kept trying to face each day, and all I felt was misplaced and confused."
Seneca is utterly shocked and frozen by the words coming out of her mouth. He didn't really think he'd mattered or meant so much to her…
She comes over to him, and he keeps getting shocked because now she's kneeling between his legs and holding onto his hands.
"I hate depending on someone and I've always liked to think I could be strong on my own…but I'm not too proud to admit that I'm lost with you and I don't think I can be strong without you."
That makes it the last straw and he suddenly grabs her and jerks her forward, clutching onto her tightly (partly to make up for lost time and because he's desperate to hold her and touch her after so long without) and holding her to him, as if he's trying not to leave any space between them. She finally lets the tears she's been struggling to hold back go, and he feels the wet drops on his neck.
"I was wrong. Please don't leave me over this; I don't know what I'd do if you left me. Please accept all of me, even the stupid parts that make me difficult," she's grabbing at him back and they clatter to the floor of the kitchen on their knees.
"None of you is stupid," he mutters into her ear. "And I've always accepted all of you. I need you by my side too. I would never leave you. I won't."
"Then promise me that the next time we get into a fight, we always compromise. I don't think I can handle being separated from you again," she breathes in shakily. "Even if we need to talk and hear the other out first, I'd rather compromise on it than be angry at you again."
"I always think we can work things out," he kisses her temple and her hold around him tightens.
She pulls back and looks him in the eye, and her gray eyes are so light they look ethereal and remind him of heaven.
"I love you," she actually says aloud and then kisses him.
Dark Moon:
"I swear, Finnick, if my home becomes haunted because of this, I'm making you exorcise the spirits yourself," Katniss says irritably and he tries to refrain from smiling.
He knows he's failing by the irritated glare she sends his way.
"Oh, it won't be bad, Katniss! It'll be fun," Annie smiles widely, looking at his fiancée (the thought makes him grin outwardly and inwardly) with expectant eyes.
Like with the little girl from the ice cream parlor, Katniss' eyes softens and she smiles gently at the older victor. It seems to be a universal truth that Katniss has a huge maternal instinct and that she tends to unconsciously protect those that are weak.
Annie, devious woman that she truly is, takes advantage of this frequently in her lucid moments. So does Brutus too, now that he thinks about it. The man doesn't blink at playing pathetically desperate and starving if it means Katniss cooks for him. Cashmere doesn't make an exception, while her brother would never stoop to being weak on any occasion.
Finnick doesn't play innocent or weak well. Katniss would never believe him either way.
"This is the one moon tradition I've never done," Seneca deadpans and wonders why everyone has forcefully made their way into Katniss' home and decided to camp over without permission…as well as deciding on performing the outlandish moon ceremony of speaking to spirits with a Ouija board.
The damn things still exists to that day…
"Why are we doing it again?" he shares a look with Katniss.
"Because," Finnick rolls his eyes. "If we're going to do moon traditions, it should be a fun one. And on the dark moon, the time of holding power and all that, this is the perfect time to speak to spirits."
He really hates that they all found out that he's been going about moon traditions and picking ceremonies. He's kind of embarrassed about it now…
Later, when they're starting the Ouija board, a startling thing happens. The speaking glass starts moving on its own and everyone is shocked and verging on either panic or excitement. Brutus is, weirdly enough, the most frightened and freaking out, nearly screaming by the new development (though the man doesn't let go of the glass and keeps playing on). Annie, just as weirdly, is rather ecstatic and asking random questions at this "spirit".
He's not sure (or wants to know) why Annie would want to know the color of Snow's underwear…
Then he blinks and looks closer at the glass, and sees a steady but unnoticeable glow. His mouth slightly drops and he almost lets go of the glass, but saves himself and instead takes a glance at the one person who'd refused to play and was instead monitoring the yellow cake she was making.
The hint of a smile on Katniss' face is very telling…
He doesn't reveal the ruse and reveal Katniss' little practical joke, letting her get away with her playful hoax. But when everyone is hesitantly (still afraid) going to sleep, he gives her a pointed look, and she only gives him an innocent look.
She's really, really good at that.
"Hey," he calls out to her and she finishes washing her hands, coming over to him after. "Come with me?"
Curiously, she follows him and he leads her back to the outside fireplace deck, where things had gone wrong once upon a time. They sit on one of the beds and she's still curious, so he gets on with it.
"You know, I wasn't just doing a courting tradition process for kicks," he starts out seriously and she's listening intently. "Truthfully, I really have been doing a quick courting of you, because I couldn't do it properly before we'd gotten engaged. Of course, it went skewed with our fight and all…but still. This whole thing was messed up and it kind of seems like we started backwards and jumped over some big steps. So I wanted to give you a proper courting, even if quick, so that I would be able to do this tonight."
So then he gets down on one knee, her eyes widening, and he takes out a midnight blue velvet box and opens it to reveal a Deco-styled ring, with two sapphire baguettes surrounding a huge diamond in the middle while surrounded by much smaller diamonds on either side and around the band.
"Blue, like your eyes," she murmurs absentmindedly, gazing at it in awe as she reflexively reaches out to touch it.
He grabs her hand and holds it still, looking at her meaningfully.
"The last time I propose was kind of tainted," he says softly. "Will you marry me?"
She doesn't hesitate in her answer. "Yes."
And he puts on the ring and she can't help herself when she tosses herself at him. He hugs her briefly before moving back and then leaning up, kissing her. Of the three times they've kissed, strangely it's been her who initiates every time.
He thought he'd do the honor this time.
Started 4/29/12 –Completed 5/1/12
A/n: Meh, so dialogue-heavy this time. Can't be helped though –they're about to be married, they've got to get this stuff out and all and start growing into a married couple. But this chapter ended up so long…Who saw a second proposal coming? The ring is actually rather really pretty (check it on my site –ain't it?).
Good job and cyber cookies to Tera Earth and Lena for guessing "High Roller/Babydoll" came from Sucker Punch! For some reason, that's part of my headcanon, Finnick calling Senekiss that (and I just think it's oddly a fitting comparison). Also big thanks to Skitlez1 for the 'flowers' and 'animals' arcs suggestions! Thanks to everyone for their support and please continue to enjoy and review!
To N: I got the Lunar Phases from the awesome chiisana-nori awhile back. So I decided to do a slightly religious/mystical angle for it when I first saw the suggestion. It does kind of make it seem like another strange Capitol thing, doesn't it? I love the connecting to Mother Nature stuff though. I hope this chapter clears up why Katniss was/should be upset. And we're all a bit loony (I'm self-proclaimed mentally disturbed –not crazy). Thank you as always.
To Lena: Yes! Totally right. Thank you, though I'm sorry it made you sad.