AN Look! A real date! With real date-y things! Now isn't this just the best way to spend the tenth chapter?
Matt was more than a little nervous about formally introducing Claire to the rest of Nelson and Murdock. The last girl he had introduced to Foggy had been…crazy. Matt had thought her thrill-seeking cute and adventurous until she insisted on driving at night while kissing him. They had avoided hitting the light pole, but their relationship had undoubtedly been totaled.
Then again, most all of Matt's girlfriends had been less than ideal. Bringing Claire on scene—kind, intelligent, loyal, caring, heartfelt Claire—was a whole other ball game. Part of him dreaded Foggy's comments, while part of him was terrified it would suddenly stop working when it involved other people. Introducing a girl to his friends (Matt's equivalent of bringing her home to the family, since everyone he was related to was dead and the thought of introducing anyone to Stick made him physically uncomfortable) always felt suspiciously like the kiss of death.
Maybe that was why he was dating a nurse. She knew how to heal everything he broke.
Matt tried not to let his edginess show, but he compulsively found himself checking the time, counting down until Claire showed up at his office. The morning was alright, with a potential client and a lawsuit about broken pipes, promises, and a collectible Elvis figurine stealing his attention. The afternoon, however, was a crawl.
Karen noticed his listlessness and teased him about it after lunch, so Matt doubled down to prove he wasn't distracted. At least he had something official to show for the day. Though he supposed introducing Claire was probably the most official thing he could do in both his work and personal life.
As the clock ticked closer and closer to six, Matt started listening for Claire. He analyzed every step and breath that entered the building, straining until his teeth were clenched tight enough to give him a headache. He relaxed his jaw, then opened his hands. Tiny crescents had appeared on his palm from where his fingernails had dug in.
Matt let out a breath. It was pointless to search for things that weren't there. Which meant he gasped in shock when he smelled Claire's lotion no less than a floor away.
He braced his hands against his desk, heart screaming in his chest. This was it, this was where they became real to everyone in the world. Matt had decided on introducing her to his friends, he wasn't going to chicken out now by racing down to meet her and cutting Foggy and Karen out of the picture entirely.
Matt found himself holding his breath as he tuned out the sirens and the dogs down the street and the people upstairs and his own heartbeat. Claire walked down the hall, turned, and opened the door.
"Oh, hello," Karen said, an apology primed on her lips. "We're actually about—"
"Yeah, sorry. I'm looking for Matt?"
"—to close—wait, what? Matt?
"Yeah, I'm picking him up for dinner. I'm Claire Temple."
"You're—oh, yeah, absolutely!"
Matt stood up, eager to direct conversation as soon as possible. He was beat by Foggy, who actually tripped over his waste basket as he burst into the main room. And Matt was supposed to have super hearing.
"Claire?" Foggy asked, the less than subtle edges of amazement and panic in his voice. "You're—hoooooly crap."
"I see I've been talked about."
"Only the good things" Matt said, appearing in his doorway. He could feel three sets of eyes swing to him, heating up the air with their intensity.
"Yeah right," Karen scoffed. "You practically need torture tools and a cypher to get him to talk about you."
The blood in Matt's ears was loud as they all came to the edge. Here was the deciding moment. Either things worked out fine between Claire and his friends and he somehow avoided catastrophe, or it all fell apart and he had yet another mess on his hands.
But then they were all laughing—Foggy from nerves, Claire from understanding, Karen from delight at finally having met Claire. Matt's laugh was more a sigh of relief.
"Yeah, he's not exactly forthcoming with details," Claire agreed.
"Don't worry, Matt, we still love you anyway," Foggy called.
A band released from around his chest, finally allowing him to draw a full breath. Matt stepped forward, eager to get them back on track. "Claire, this is my business partner, Foggy Nelson."
"We've, uh, met before. In the emergency room," Foggy said, adding about a dozen layers of 'accept the lie accept the lie accept the LIE' to his voice.
"I remember," Claire said, the soft rasp of a handshake undercutting her words.
"And this is Karen Page, our enterprising legal assistant."
"You're the one that cornered him into admitting we're dating, right?"
"I—oh. He told you about me?" Karen asked. Her voice lit up with surprise and delight at having earned a mention.
"Yep. And don't let up on him. Someone needs to call out his crap when I'm not around."
"Well, I'm at least glad he's telling you stuff," Foggy said, pretending to be huffy as he fake punched Matt's arm. "We were totally in the dark as to his phone flirting practices."
Karen asked Claire if she had the office's number, and then suddenly they were speaking Girl, pinging from subject to subject as Karen found Claire a business card.
"How do they do that?" Foggy whispered, voice torn between awe and fear. "They barely met and are already talking about everything."
"I only have super senses, Foggy, not all knowledge about the universe," Matt whispered back.
Foggy laughed and then staggered his breath, preparing to say something. Matt tried not to tense as he waited. "Matt, you know…I'm really glad you told us about her."
"It was kinda hard not to. You chased me across the office until you had answers."
"Yeah, but you brought her here afterward. I'm just saying I'm glad you felt good about introducing us. Just thankful, I guess."
Matt turned to face Foggy, giving up his subtle eavesdropping on the girls. Foggy's heart sped up as he spoke, but it was in a nervous sort of way, not a lying one. Foggy meant what he was saying to the point of being anxious about it.
"Yeah, Foggy. No problem," Matt said. He cocked his head, not sure why this was so important to Foggy, but also not sure it was the right moment to ask.
"Well," Claire said, clapping her hands and interrupting his thoughts, "I'm glad to have met the partner's in crime—" Foggy let out nervous laughter that was a little too loud "—but we have dinner plans and this is my first free weekend in who knows how long, so. I'm making the most of this night."
"Oh, of course! Don't let us keep you!" Karen said, waving her hands at them. She ushered them to the door, saying, "Have a good time! Seriously, go on Matt, have fun! Foggy and I will lock up."
"Make good choices!" Foggy called after them, making Claire snort.
"That liar," Matt heard Karen say as they turned the corner of the next hall. "He told me their schedules didn't fit dinner plans."
"Y'know, Karen," Foggy said, "that's one lie I'm gonna let him get away with."
Claire found herself biting back giggles as she walked with Matt. She was excited for dinner, though she couldn't quite say why. This whole adventure in relationship repair was going beautifully. A couple months ago, her best hopes for Matt had been to be able to hold a conversation that wasn't laced with bitterness and hurt. Now she had met his friends and they were headed off to have a dinner date.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"Nothing, I just—I'm excited, y'know?"
"It's only Chinatown," Matt said, smirking slightly.
"That's not what I mean," she said, bumping him with her hip.
"I know," he admitted, smile turning a little softer. "I'm excited, too."
"When's the last date you went on?" Claire asked. Matt raised his eyebrows and tilted his head toward her.
"Are we counting late-night nursing sessions?"
"Hell no."
"Then...something like eight months ago?"
"Seriously? Midnight parkour not leave a lot of time for the ladies?"
"Not usually the ones I'd consider taking home with me"
"Then I feel honored," she teased squeezing his hand to signal they could cross the street to the subway entrance.
"What about you?"
"When was my last date? Mm…a month and a half ago."
"Really? What'd you do?"
"I went on a double date for a friend. We saw some off-Broadway play and had ice cream."
"Wait, you went for a friend?" Matt made a face as they stopped before the subway turnstiles. He gestured her forward when she hesitated, and she swiped her card at the turnstile. She kept talking as he did the same, carefully holding his cane so that it wouldn't catch in the narrow walkway.
"Yes," she sighed. "He was very nervous about this girl he liked, so I doubled up with his buddy."
"Was the play good?" Matt asked, reaching for her arm. "We need the Q, by the way."
Claire shrugged and let Matt settle next to her. She followed the signs for the Q line, still talking. "Eh, it wasn't bad. I'm not really a theater person, so I can't say if it was me or them, though."
They continued chatting as they walked, the conversation staying closer to banter than anything else. Claire asked how Matt navigated the subways on his own, which elicited a slight shrug.
"The announcements say where you are every few minutes. When I get out of the station, I have an app that says where I am."
"What, you can't pinpoint exactly where you are, based on the slight nuances of the smell in the air?"
Matt snorted and shook his head. "Honestly, I try not to breathe too deeply in the summer. There are a lot of hobos."
Claire laughed and leaned into his side as the train rattled to a stop and they got out.
As they neared the restaurant, Claire felt her stomach twist. She was excited, yes, but also nervous. This was their first dinner date. She had every intention for it to go as beautifully as planned, but she was also distinctly aware that it could go horribly. Short of more Russians or ninjas or whoever the hell Matt was fighting now (a cartel, maybe?), she doubted they could get worse than they'd had before. Which was a very pitiful or a pretty fantastic standard. She hadn't decided which.
At the same time, something bothered Claire about the fact that this was their first dinner date. They'd been seeing each other for weeks, and yet, this was the first time they did something more serious than a quick lunch or breakfast. Everything had been charming and nice, but it had been lacking in substance. Claire was all for taking their time, but she knew there was a whole cavern full of tougher things they still had to pick apart. Plus, not talking about important things had sort of led to the whole fiasco surrounding Fisk bombing the Russians.
Meeting Matt's friends was a good start, but she wasn't sure when they were supposed to go next, or if she even knew what 'next' was. Their typhoon of an introduction had already shone a light on some of Matt's ugliest secrets. Surely the only place they could go was up.
"Okay, which place is it?" she asked, glancing down the cluttered alleys of vendors and restaurants.
"One more street."
He guided her around a corner, then past business after business until he stopped before an unassuming restaurant.
"I promise, it'll be great," he whispered.
Claire raised an eyebrow. Clearly, Matt knew even without his sight that the 'Orange Dragon' before them looked less than impressive. But the smells coming from the open door were promising, and there was no way Matt Murdock would lead her to some hole in the wall that had bad food.
"Well, the guys shelling beans at the back table are speaking Mandarin, so it must be true."
Matt grinned and led her inside.
The host lit up when he saw Matt, then gestured them to a table. He laid out a menu for Claire, then disappeared into the kitchen.
"You come here often enough to have everything memorized?" Claire raised an eyebrow at Matt. He smiled in a way that was both a little pleased and embarrassed.
"They don't have any menus in Braille, so the waiter picks whatever he thinks I'll like. But, yes, I do come here quite a bit."
"How do you know this place?" Claire asked. The smile on his face looked forgotten as he toyed with the placemat, spreading his fingers flat over it.
"The owner's wife tried to claim he had stolen the business from her. She would have won if Foggy and I hadn't stepped in."
"I feel like your business trades in favors as much as money."
Matt snorted. "Yeah. A woman tried to give us an advance made of weekly baked goods the other day."
"Were they good?"
"I don't know," he admitted. "The banana bread smelled a little too much like cat for me to try."
Claire burst into laughter, making her slap her hand over her mouth to smother the noise. Matt was trying to cover his own surprised smile as he waited for her to speak.
"Matt, sometimes I have to wonder—do you even realize some of the stuff you say?"
"You asked, so I gave an answer."
"No, you just—say things and you totally mean them. It's not an exaggeration with you, it really did smell like cat."
He shrugged, still fighting his grin. He looked relaxed, far more at ease than he had been in the office. If this was the path 'next' demanded, Claire decided she was okay taking it.
"So," she said, pressing her hands flat on the table, "real talk. What do you recommend?"
"The soup dumplings are great."
"The—what?"
"Soup dumplings," he said, giving her another grin. "It's exactly how it sounds."
"Okay, what else?"
"The barbeque pork buns are good, I like the shrimp dumplings…"
Claire scanned her menu trying to find the food he listed off. "Holy crap. There are a million things on here. How about we stick to 'whatever the waiter thinks is good' thing, while I'll order a Sprite."
Matt laughed and nodded, smoothing his hands over the placemat again.
The waiter came to collect their order, then they were alone again. The men in the back spoke in lowered voices, though occasionally they would break into an excited shout.
"What're you thinking about?" she asked Matt. He turned to face her like he was refocusing. His smile was warm when it came, but he hesitated just long enough to make her wonder.
"Whether you'll like what I chose."
She huffed out a laugh but didn't say anything. There was more he wasn't telling her.
"Why, what're you thinking about?" Matt shifted in his chair, leaning forward a little. Claire considered him. Their waiter swept by with their drinks, then left to clean a nearby table.
Claire swallowed and glanced at her empty plate. The first thing that came to mind were her thoughts from earlier, but she didn't want to bring it up if it dampened the buttery warmth in her middle. It was like she'd told matt before; when things were good with him, they were so good. Sacrificing that in favor of her worries about them possibly being gun shy felt like a miserable trade.
Nikki's voice floated to her head, reminding her that it wasn't fair for her to make all the choices in the relationship. Except Matt seemed quite content not to change things, if she was being fair. But she didn't even know if this was a choice to make. It was only a passing thought she'd had a few minutes before.
"That depends," she said finally. "Do you want the conversation here on out to be light or serious?"
Matt tried to act unworried, but his eyebrows drew together. "That's a little…ominous," he said.
Claire huffed out a laugh. "It's not supposed to be, but hey. Fair warning."
"Okay, then. Shoot."
Claire closed her eyes. She really, really hated that tone of voice, his façade of being totally fine, no matter what. And by 'hated', she meant 'it made her fidgety and uncomfortable because she didn't know what to do with that sort of mind-numbing self-doubt in someone she loved'.
She let out a slow breath. "How do you feel about where we are?"
"Hm?"
"Us. What are your thoughts?"
"I'm…not sure what you're looking for here, Claire."
Their waiter appeared with the soup dumplings. Claire nodded at the man in thanks and cracked open her chopsticks, trying to pretend that her biggest worry was how to eat a soup dumpling with two little sticks.
"Cut it open with your chopsticks and work on the dumpling itself from there," Matt said absently. He had equipped himself with a spoon, but he looked distracted.
Why was the subject of them always so hard for her to talk about? Barely three sentences and already her heart was beating fast enough to make her light headed.
"I…feel like we're both tiptoeing around this."
"Tiptoeing?"
"I feel like…we're skimming the surface," she said, pushing around the wrapping of her now punctured soup dumpling with her chopsticks. "Things have been really nice, but I was just thinking about it and it feels kinda… simple."
"I would have thought we deserved some simplicity," he laughed, but there it was. The little head tilt, the flinch of a smile that tried to hide his worries. Claire sighed. Well, at least this was difficult for both of them.
"I'm okay with that for some stuff, but not all things." They couldn't just skate through their relationship and pretend it hadn't taken a whole lot of ugly to get there.
"What do you want, Claire?" he asked. His voice was low and completely serious, determined to do as she said.
Claire opened her mouth, ready to tell him not to do that, to stop deferring to her judgment on every single damn thing. She closed her mouth. It was a fair question. She couldn't snap at him because she was feeling stressed and uncertain.
"You know what I want," she said. She scowled at the ceiling, because that was the biggest lie she'd told all week. How could Matt know the nuances of her desires when she didn't even know? "I'm just saying it's okay for us to go forward. It's been a rollercoaster ride from the beginning, I know, but we don't need to get permission to get closer to each other."
Matt shrugged, toying with his dumpling.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up," Claire said. "I mean, it's our first dinner date and I basically brought it to a screeching halt."
Matt shook his head, but the rest of their food arrived before he could speak. Claire busied herself with the platter of assorted dumplings and rice, hoping distance would make the subject easier.
"I'm not very…open with people," Matt said after a moment. Claire looked up at him in surprise. His face was turned down to the table, but she could see that his eyebrows were scrunched together. "It's always been hard for me. After—after the accident, I kept a lot from people. It was easier that way."
Claire put down her chopsticks, stomach tightening. This felt like a bigger secret than any he'd given her before, intimate in a way learning his identity never could be. Knowing his name and where he lived was one thing. Seeing his soul laid bare was completely different.
"I'm not asking for you to be completely open with me about everything," Claire told him. "That's ridiculous to demand from anyone. I just—"
"No, Claire, listen," Matt said. He turned his face up to her, expression still pulled in slightly pained earnesty. "I want you to hear this. I'm not…very good with telling people things, or showing them parts of myself, especially important things. I'm sorry that's carried over to you," he said. The words were so gentle, a heart broken confession meant only for her.
She watched him for a long moment, suddenly uncomfortable. She could tell she had stumbled onto something bigger than she'd expected, and now was not the time to pick it apart. Not here. Maybe later, when it was dark and they were alone and were too tired to be self-conscious.
"Thank you for telling me," she said. He forced the corners of his mouth to go up, more of a grimace than a smile. Matt's head was still ducked low, like he was ashamed of what he'd said. "Hey, really. I mean it. Thank you."
Claire reached over the table and laid her hand by his plate. It took a moment, but Matt took it. She squeezed his hand to reaffirm what she'd said. He smiled again, this one a little more honest.
AN Chapters like this are the heart of the story. There's no real plot, it's just Matt and Claire getting to know each other and making things work as a couple. Little things like meeting friends, having serious conversations, and spending time with each other are the building blocks of everything here.