Holy shit, this is double digits now! This is a nice, lengthy chapter full of introspection and what I think is movement in the right direction. Also, I'm smack-dab in the middle of moving, so the next update will probably be a bit of a wait. Also also, I'm going back and changing all of the chapter titles to songs. It's my MO, I like it. Music is a big influencer for my writing. Most of the chapters are already named for songs anyway.
Shout out to the sweet angels that review.
"Young Lady, You're Scaring Me" by Ron Gallo
After a shower and eating almost an entire bag of pretzels, Sage forced herself to get some reading done for Phillips. She had lied to Bucky about being mostly ready for class the next day, and worried about completely bombing the in-class essay she had almost forgotten about.
Armed with her textbook, a notebook and pen, and her laptop, Sage set up shop in her favorite chair. She had been reading for several hours by the time Sharon made it home.
Sharon took a shower, made grilled cheese sandwiches for her and Sage, and started a load of laundry before deciding to go to bed. Sage was starting to realize that she was going to be up very late if she wanted to finish her reading and feel confident going into that essay, but she was exhausted. She pushed on as long as she could, but after moving to the sofa to stretch out, Sage fell asleep shortly after.
The preset alarm on Sage's phone woke her up in enough time to actually get dressed and get to class on time. She tried to convince herself that she would be fine, but she was nervous. She was nervous about doing poorly in Phillips' class; it seemed like a difficult course and she didn't want to struggle or fail. She also didn't want Bucky to think she was stupid, even though her actual name wouldn't be attached to any of the work in the class. When he graded, he wouldn't know which essays were belonged to who.
Phillips spent the first forty or so minutes of the class lecturing, giving Sage a bit of a cushion to relax, finish her green juice, and skim over her notes from the reading until Bucky started handing out blue books.
Because she was left-handed, Sage was pretty much forced to always sit at the end of the aisle. Usually she would have preferred to be somewhere in the middle to blend in with the class, but being on the end meant that she got a little bit of face time with Bucky whenever he had to pass anything out.
"Just remember, as much as you think writing this is going to suck, it's going to suck much worse for me to read and grade two hundred of these," Bucky said, hanging a large stack of blue books to Sage to pass down to the rest of her row.
"And I'm sure that maybe only a fourth of the people in here have legible handwriting," Sage smiled up at him. "I'm not one of those people," she laughed. He chuckled and moved on to the next row.
"When you're finished, put your blue books in this box, and you may go," Phillips instructed the class as he opened a new document on the computer screen, which was mirrored on the large projection screen. He typed the essay prompt quickly, then gathered his briefcase and left the room, leaving Bucky alone at the front of the lecture hall. He sat down at the desk and started reading while everyone else in the room started writing, including Sage. She was pretty confident in her ability to hit most of the points she needed to, and by the time she finished, she was fairly confident she'd get at least a solid B.
Sage gathered up her stuff, tucked the writing surface back down against the armrest of her seat, and headed towards the front of the room to drop off her blue book in the designated box. About half of the class had already finished and left.
"How'd it go?" Bucky asked quietly, looking up from his book as Sage approached.
"I stayed up late to finish the reading, but I think it was worth it," she whispered back to him.
"Good. But if I read this and find out that you're secretly stupid, I don't think we can continue to be friends," he teased. Sage smiled and rolled her eyes.
"If that means I'm out of that damn group text, then I'm fine with that," she laughed quietly.
"I know, we're really annoying," he agreed.
"I don't even know who all is talking. I don't have anyone's number saved except Sharon," she complained.
"Here, give me your phone," Bucky held out his hand, and Sage fished her phone out of her back pocket to hand to him. She watched as he opened the dreaded group text and started saving everyone's numbers, labeling each one. While he worked, several students came down to turn in their blue books, and Sage stepped out of the way, standing next to Bucky's chair.
"Here," he handed the phone back to her once she was done. She scrolled through the thread of texts that had already accumulated since she had just been added the night before. Each text was finally identified by a name, which Bucky had embellished with an obnoxious amount of emojis.
"Were these necessary?" Sage asked drily, noting the flexing arm, beer mug, and explosion emojis next to Bucky's name. He grinned up at her in response.
"I gotta go. You and Steve going to the gym later?" Sage asked.
"Yeah, probably. You working the wall?"
"I think so," she answered, kind of dreading going to work later in the day. She was tired from the weekend and staying up late.
They said quiet goodbyes and Sage left the lecture hall, deciding to head home for a quick nap before her next class.
Sage ended up working in the back rooms of the rec, where they happened to be understaffed that day, so she didn't ever see if Bucky or Steve came in. Once home, she tried to get some work done, but ended up going to bed.
For the rest of the week, Sage kept her head down. The pace was really starting to pick up in all of her classes, and she was determined to not only keep up, but to excel. She spent most of her time studying, going to class, or at work. She only ever really saw Sharon in passing, who was also busy with her workload, and sneaking in some time with Steve.
Sage returned home from her classes Friday afternoon to find Sharon on the couch, painting her nails a pretty pewter color.
"Is it just me or do you still feel kind of hungover from last weekend, too?" Sharon mused, looking up at Sage who dropped down into her plaid chair.
"You feel like shit because you went out last night," Sage pointed out.
"Fair point," Sharon smiled. "Steve and I are going to dinner soon."
"Oh my god, that's so cute," Sage gushed, sitting up and leaning forward, eager to pry some details out of her roommate. Sharon rolled her eyes but smiled despite herself. She was probably just as excited as everyone else was.
"We'll probably go out to Pascal's after if you wanna meet up," Sharon offered. "I have some pull now. I can tell Steve to tell Bucky." Sharon glanced up expectantly at Sage, trying to gauge her reaction. After the holiday weekend together, and seeing how Bucky was around Sage, she felt like the two belonged together.
"Oh my god, I'm not tagging along on your date!" Sage refused. She hadn't really seen Bucky since Tuesday, and even then that didn't really count. However, she wasn't going to let Sharon play matchmaker, either.
"Clint and Laura like to go there, so we'll probably see them there anyway. You wouldn't be tagging along," Sharon explained.
"Thanks, but I have shit to do anyway," Sage leaned back in her chair, sinking down into the cushions.
"Like finally putting together that damn dresser?" Sharon looked pointedly towards Sage's bedroom door, which was hiding the mess of dresser pieces still in a heap on the floor.
"If it bothered you so much, you could offer to help," Sage smirked. She really did need to finally assemble the dresser, but it was hard to get motivated enough to really try.
"I'd rather die," Sharon exaggerated.
While Sharon got ready for her date, Sage lounged on her roommate's bed, offering opinions and what little help she could. Sharon was an expert at her hair and makeup, areas that Sage was vastly out of her league.
"Where's he taking you?" Sage asked as Sharon pulled out a dress from closet, about to put it on.
"Thai Lotus," Sharon answered, pausing.
"Don't wear a cocktail dress to a Thai place," Sage told her, sitting up from against Sharon's pillows.
"Why not?" Sharon questioned, examining the smart black dress.
"You wanna look hot, but you don't wanna be out of place," Sage explained, getting up from the bed. Sharon put the dress back and started pulling out other options. While her back was turned, Sage grabbed her phone and texted Bucky.
'What is Steve wearing?'
'This is a weird sext' Bucky replied not even a minute later.
'He's wearing khakis and a dorky plaid shirt. Currently trying to convince him not to wear a tie.' Bucky texted again before Sage could finish her reply. She smiled at the information.
'Hot!' Sage answered the text, then threw her phone onto the bed to stop Sharon from putting on a very similar cocktail dress to the first one.
"Don't you have anymore casual dresses?" Sage questioned, going through Sharon's closet. Sharon was a smart and stylish dresser, if she was going to a business meeting.
"What's wrong with just a plain black dress?" Sharon argued.
"Hold on," Sage commanded, then dashed out of the room to search through her own closet. She came back a second later with a simple slate-blue dress.
"Oh, that's kind of cute," Sharon reached out to feel the material of the dress. "That's soft," she said, surprised.
"You're welcome," Sage answered deviously. She took the dress off of the hanger and handed it to Sharon, who slipped it on over her head. Sage zipped the back for her and stood back as Sharon examined herself in the dress in the full length mirror hanging on the inside of the closet door. The cap sleeves of the dress accentuated Sharon's fantastic arms, but apart from the cinched waist, it was a fairly conservative dress.
"This is a nice dress. Doesn't seem very you," Sharon mused.
"One of my dad's old girlfriends gave it to me and I've never worn it," Sage supplied. Sharon chose not to continue that topic, knowing that her dad's dating habits weren't something Sage really approved of.
"What kind of shoes do I wear with this?" Sharon changed the subject, going back into her bathroom to select some jewelry. Sage went back into Sharon's closet, going through her shoes this time.
Sharon put on a simple gold bracelet and diamond stud earrings. Sage held out a pair of wedged sandals and a navy blue clutch. Overall, Sharon looked simple and classic.
"Thanks for letting me borrow this dress. It's actually pretty perfect," Sharon said, turning and examining herself in the mirror, smoothing out the skirt of the dress.
"Keep it," Sage offered, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Sharon smiled brightly at her roommate, then checked her phone for the time. She was running right on time and expected Steve to arrive in ten to fifteen minutes.
Sage reached across the bed and pulled her own phone towards her.
"If you're not going out, what are you going to do?" Sharon asked her roommate, circling back to the topic.
"Probably study," Sage shrugged.
"It's Friday! You're just going to hang around here all night?" Sharon questioned.
"I might go to the library," Sage offered.
"Like that's so much better," Sharon sighed.
"Should I expect you to be back tonight? Or should I disappear for the night in case things go well?" Sage suggested, trying to change the topic from her book-worm plans. Sharon rolled her eyes and groaned.
"That's not going to happen tonight," Sharon warned Sage.
"What if dinner and drinks go well, and you're having such a good time talking, and then someone suggests watching a movie? Huh? We all know how that ends!" Sage defended herself, making Sharon laugh. Everyone knew that "watching a movie" never meant actually watching a movie.
"I'll text you if our plans change, OK?" Sharon offered. She busied herself by putting her wallet, keys, and lip gloss in her clutch, and Sage followed her out to the living room.
"I'm just saying, make sure you're wearing cute underwear," Sage teased. "Hold on, I have something for you," Sage disappeared into her room, rummaging around in her desk drawer. She came back out and handed Sharon a handful of condoms.
"Oh my god," Sharon giggled. "I don't need this many! I don't need any!"
"Fine," Sage took the strip of condoms back, tore off two, and handed them back to Sharon. "Just in case."
The roommates turned to the door at the sound of a loud knock. Sharon hurriedly shoved the condoms into the zippered pocket inside the clutch while Sage opened the door.
"Well hello, sir," Sage greeted a nervous looking Steve. She was glad to see that Bucky was successful in convincing him to ditch the tie.
"Hey, Sage," he replied, stepping into the apartment after Sage. "Hi, Sharon," he said, spotting Sharon in a lovely blue dress. "You ready?"
"Yes! Let's go!" Sharon strode forward to stand beside Steve.
"You going out to Pascal's later?" Steve asked Sage before he and his date headed out the door.
"Nah, I've got some studying to do," Sage answered him, smiling in an effort to show that studying was her preferred activity for the night.
"Well, if you go by the library later, Bucky should be there. He had a ton of grading to do," Steve explained.
"Yeah, maybe. I haven't been yet," Sage said, shrugging. Going to the library might not actually be a bad idea. There would be way less distractions there than at home.
"He usually likes to work in the basement if you do go," Steve supplied, leading Sharon toward the door.
"Y'all have fun, bring me back a spring roll," Sage joked, pushing the new couple out of the door so they'd stop trying to get her out of the apartment.
Once they were gone, Sage changed out of her jeans and into some yoga pants in an effort to get comfortable. She tried to sit down to study, but she found that she couldn't stop thinking about how much better the library would be.
It didn't take long for Sage to make up her mind. She shot out of her seat, crammed her feet into a worn pair of red sneakers, and stuffed everything she might need into her backpack. Before leaving the apartment, she made a stop in the kitchen and grabbed the remainder of the pretzels and a handful of Babybels, then stuffed those into her backpack as well. She grabbed a clean aluminum water bottle from the cabinet and an opened bottle of wine form the fridge. She emptied the wine into the water bottle, sealed it off, and stuck it into the mesh water bottle pocket on the side of her backpack.
Even though it would be dark by the time Sage returned home, she decided to walk to the library. The summer heat was finally starting to break a little, and there was a nice breeze. It took only fifteen minutes for Sage to reach the library, which was nearly empty.
The library was a huge building in the center of campus. It was four floors and a basement. On the ground floor was a large computer lab, reference and help desks, and a café. In the center of the floor directly in front of the entrance, was a large, wide staircase, once side leading up to the second floor, and the other leading down to the basement.
Sage didn't know what to actually expect in the basement, but in her mind the basement of a library would probably be at least a little spooky. Instead, the basement was just one large, open room filled with large work tables on one side, and individual carrels on the other.
There were maybe five people, including Sage, in the entire room. Most of them looked rather young, like freshmen. But in the far corner, with his back to the wall was Bucky, hunched over an intimidating pile of blue books, head in his hands.
Sage navigated the maze of tables and chairs, heading towards Bucky's table. He glanced up briefly at the movement he caught out of his peripheral vision, then did a double take when he realized it was Sage.
"What the hell are you doing here?" he laughed as she approached.
"Steve mentioned you'd be here, and I have a ton of stuff to do," Sage said, shrugging off her backpack and setting it down in the chair directly across from Bucky. "Is it cool if I crash the party?" she asked before she started to get settled.
"Of course," he nodded. The blue books from Phillips' class had pretty much consumed the entire table, so he made an effort to wrangle some of them into some semblance of a neat pile to make room for Sage. As he did that, Sage started pulling out her things. She set a notebook and textbook out on the table, then rummaged around in her bag looking for a highlighter and pencil before sitting down.
Without saying anything else, Sage plugged earbuds into her phone, put them into her ears, and cracked open her book. Bucky took the cue and went back to his grading.
Even though she wasn't really doing anything, Sage was proving to be a bit distracting to Bucky. While she read, she held her pencil and pink highlighter in the same hand. She expertly rolled the highlighter into position when she needed it, and when she needed to write something down in the notebook, she rolled the pencil between her fingers into position. The whole process seemed like second nature to her, like something she had long ago mastered. Every once in a while, she'd reach out for the aluminum water bottle covered in stickers and take a sip.
Bucky finished another essay and added it to the 'done' pile. Before starting on the next one, he leaned back in his chair and stretched. He watched Sage take an absent-minded sip from her bottle, but she spilled a little, leaving a red stain on the page she was reading.
"Is that wine?" he guessed. He hadn't expected that.
"Yeah, want some?" she held the bottle out to him in offering, looking up momentarily from her reading. He smiled and took the bottle, taking a small, testing sip.
"I'll be damned," he muttered, then took a second, larger sip.
"It is Friday night, after all," she smirked.
"Is it ethical for me to watch you grade these papers?" Sage mused, taking the bottle back and taking another sip of the wine.
"Probably no more ethical than me drinking while doing it," Bucky shrugged. "Besides, I think I already graded yours, so I think we're safe."
"How do you know it was mine?" Sage asked curiously. She knew bucky didn't know her student ID number, or even what her handwriting looked like.
"I graded one the other day that talked about Degenerate Art," Bucky started. "Almost all of these touch on propaganda, like movies and posters. Only one talked about art and culture," he explained. Sage smiled guiltily.
"Yeah, well, I am the art history nerd," she said, grinning.
"I had to look it up," Bucky admitted, smirking.
"Glad I could teach you something," Sage winked, then turned back to her reading. Bucky watched her for a bit longer, and could tell that she was having trouble concentrating. She was rolling her pencil and highlighter together in her hand as she stared down at her book, but never moved to write any notes or highlight anything. The whole time that they had been working together, she almost constantly did one of the two.
"You wanna know your grade, don't you," Bucky guessed, smirking at the surprised look on her face as she looked up at him.
"Maybe," she winced sheepishly, turning Bucky's smirk into a wolfish grin. "But you shouldn't tell me, right?"
"Probably not," he answered honestly. Sage nodded and looked back down at her book.
Sage looked back up at him, and it seemed like she was about to say something, but she closed her mouth and looked back down.
"Do you want a snack?" she finally asked. Bucky hadn't expected the change in subject. She bent over to shuffle around in her backpack before he could answer, and pulled out a rolled and clipped bag of pretzels and several little balls of red wax.
"You brought wine and cheese to the library?" he teased. "You gonna light some candles, too?"
"Yeah, I thought I'd play a little John Legend and slip into something more comfortable, too," Sage exaggeratedly winked as she passed a cheese wheel to Bucky and opened the bag of pretzels.
"Guess Steve's not the only one getting lucky tonight," Bucky chuckled as he unwrapped the red wax from the Babybel.
After the brief break, Sage and Bucky got back to work. Time ticked away, and soon they were the only ones left on the entire floor. Finally, a little after one in the morning, Sage leaned back and stretched, yawning loudly. Bucky looked up, bleary eyed and slump-shouldered.
"I think this is the most time I've ever spent in the library at once," he muttered, trying not to catch Sage's yawn.
"Are you at least almost done?" she asked him, rubbing at her tired eyes.
"Yeah, there's probably ten more," he estimated, shuffling the piles of blue books into some sort of order. "You finish whatever you're doing?"
"Research and iconological analysis for this paper," Sage supplied, purposefully keeping the description vague. She doubted Bucky knew much about art history, or even cared.
"I'm sorry, what?" he laughed at the mouthful of words. Not that he doubted Sage was intelligent, but he had never really heard her use academic jargon before. Words like 'analysis' seemed foreign coming out of her mouth.
"Basically I'm looking at the symbolism and meaning throughout a series of Neoclassical paintings and writing a paper on it," Sage tried to explain briefly. Bucky nodded slowly. He thought he understood, but he knew that if anyone asked him, he wouldn't be able to repeat anything she had just explained. "It's some real nerdy shit."
"I know next to nothing about art, except Manet and Monet were different people," Bucky joked, bringing a wide grin to Sage's face.
"Well, that's better than most people," Sage shrugged. They both wordlessly agreed that they were done and started packing up their things.
"Did you walk here?" Bucky asked as she stuffed all of the blue books into his backpack.
"Yeah, it's not that far," Sage answered.
"I'll drive you home," he replied. It wasn't even an offer; he was going to drive her home. Sage smiled at him, then finished putting the rest of her belongings in her bag and stood up from her chair. She followed him up the stairs, through the deserted lobby, and out into the warm night.
"I love being on campus late at night when it's all empty," Sage remarked as they walked down the path towards the parking lot.
"It's kind of weird seeing it empty. Like being on campus during winter break," Bucky agreed. They reached Bucky's black Jeep, and he had to unlock her door from the inside.
"OK, I know it's out of the way, but I would love nothing more than some hot, salty French fries. I'll buy," Sage twisted in her seat to directly face Bucky as he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road leading through campus. He laughed at her suggestion, but had to admit that it did sound pretty good.
"There's a McDonald's on the other side of campus," he told her, returning her grin.
"You just made my night!" she cheered. The roads were empty and all of the traffic lights had switched to flash yellow, making the trip to McDonald's quick.
"Just the fries?" he confirmed before pulling up all the way to the speaker box of the drive-thru, rolling down his window. Once the car came to a stop, and the window attendant asked for their order, Sage leaned over the center console, pushed Bucky back into his seat, and leaned across his lap and out of the open window.
"Two large fries and two vanilla cones, please," she ordered. She settled back into her seat for Bucky to pull up to the window, and handed him cash to pay.
Normally the violation of personal space would have been uncomfortable, and Bucky fully expected to feel that way, but he found that it actually didn't bother him as much as he expected.
After waiting for the car in front of them to pull away, Bucky pulled up to the last window, and passed the bag of fries and the first ice cream cone to Sage.
"My absolute most favorite kind of ice cream is cheap, fast food soft-serve," Sage said, taking a large bite of the ice cream. She then reached into the bag, pulled out one of the cartons of fries and put it in the cup holder for Bucky to access, then reached back into the bag and pulled out a large handful of fries.
"Really? You're an easy girl to please," he teased.
"No frills, baby," she laughed, continuing work on her ice cream. Bucky pulled over in an empty parking lot on the outskirts of campus so that he wouldn't have to attempt to eat an ice cream cone while driving. Sage finished her cone in mere minutes, then focused her attention on the fries.
"You were right, this is pretty good," Bucky confessed, stuffing a few fries into his mouth.
"You know, when I first met you," Sage started around a mouthful of fries, then swallowed and continued, "I thought you were kind of a jerk." Bucky chuckled.
"Do you still think that?" he asked.
"Only when you put me in a headlock," she teased, grinning at him.
"Are you busy tomorrow?" he asked, out of the blue to Sage and himself. He wasn't planning on asking her out, at least not any time soon, and he wasn't even sure if that's what he was doing.
"I have work in the morning, then I'm meeting this girl I met in my philosophy class to work on our papers a bit, then I'll probably finish assembling this dresser that I bought or die trying," Sage answered as coolly as she could. She didn't know why he was asking, or how in-depth an answer he wanted. He asked a pretty vague question, and Sage probably gave him more information than he needed.
"A dresser?" he questioned.
"I bought it a couple of weeks ago and it's been sitting in pieces in the corner of my room, mocking me," she explained.
"It's been mocking you?" he laughed.
"Normally I'm pretty handy, but the directions only have pictures, no words! And there are so many pieces," she lamented, trying to explain the plight of the dresser in question.
"Do you need help?" he asked.
"Are you offering?" she asked hopefully.
"I don't mind," he shrugged. Her face immediately lit up.
"I'll buy you all the beer and pizza you want! I'll erect a statue of you in the town square!" Sage exclaimed, laughing.
"Well, shit, how can I say no now?" he laughed with her. Bucky didn't know where he was going with asking Sage if she was free, and he didn't have any expectations. He probably would have guessed that they'd go to any one of the bars, where they probably would have run into at least one of their friends, and it would have turned into a group thing. He could do group things, or at least small groups. There were very few people that Bucky could easily and comfortably spend a measurable amount of time with alone. He also didn't fare very well in large groups. Really, he did best in small groups where he could easily participate, without being the center of attention.
Now that he had made concrete, deliberate plans to hang out with Sage, he was freaking out inside. He actually felt anxious. Of course he liked Sage, he enjoyed her company. But he hadn't been out with a girl in a long ass time, and hadn't had a girlfriend in an even longer time. Back in his youth (was he even old enough to say that yet?), he had been a charming lady-killer. He always had a date for school dances, hardly ever spent weekend nights alone, and had a pretty hefty contact list of phone numbers.
Of course, a lot had changed since those days. You don't serve two tours of duty, go missing in action for an extended period of time, and suffer a career-ending injury and not change.
As he drove Sage home, Bucky tried to talk himself down from the proverbial ledge. He had a gut feeling that he could trust her; everyone else already seemed to. And if Sharon and Natasha trusted her, then surely Sage was trustworthy. Every so often, he glanced out of the corner of his eye to watch her happily and quietly finishing her fries and gazing out of the window at the dark and quiet houses they were passing by.
He pulled up to the curb outside of her building, she promised to text him the next day, and he watched her until she got inside the building safely.
On his way home, Bucky decided that he was being stupid, that his anxieties were baseless, and that it was about damn time that he stopped being so scared. He had done almost a complete one-eighty, since being carefree and devil-may-care in his teens and early twenties. His comfort zone had drastically shrunk to what felt like the size of a pinhead. And damnit, he was ready to expand that fucking comfort zone.