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The sounds of men talking in hushed whispers woke me out of my dreamless sleep. I could feel my fever still present.
"Are you certain you've done everything possible?" A man hissed in a familiar voice.
Ulfric? I thought. That couldn't be his voice. Why in Oblivion would he come see me?
"Yes my lord." The Nord healer said impatiently. "There's nothing else that I can do. The healing potions aren't working."
"You must have missed something. Figure something out," he growled.
"Ulfric?" I whispered weakly. This couldn't have been him.
I heard someone approach me, and my eyes finally focused. It was him. His face was full of raw emotion; it was a mix of guilt and sorrow. I was surprised that he could even look at me like that. He sat down beside my bed and looked me in the eyes. "Skadi," he lifted a hand and gingerly put it on my forehead. "Gods, your forehead is hot," he mumbled.
Is this real? Am I dreaming? It took so much effort out of me, but I lifted a hand up to touch his face. I ran my fingers lightly through his beard. "You're real," I cried. "I can't believe you're here."
He placed his large hand on top of mine, holding my fingers in place on his cheek. "I will always come for you."
I felt my cheeks flush through my fever, extra heat adding to my face. I watched Ulfric turn to the tent entrance. "Leave us, all of you," he ordered. He turned back to me and put a gentle hand on my hair. "Back in Windhelm, when I said those horrible things to you, I didn't – "
I put a finger on his lips. "Shh…It doesn't matter now," I hushed him.
He took my hand in his. "You have no idea how much it matters." His tone of voice sounded strangely disheartened. Maybe he did care about me? I thought, with a flutter of my heart.
I smiled. "If I weren't dying, we wouldn't be having this conversation. You're just about as stubborn as me. You wouldn't apologize," I whispered.
He frowned. "I'm not letting you die." He placed a cool cloth on my burning head. "You have a high fever, but yet you're so sane," he marveled.
"It's the dragon blood inside me. I'm not exactly mortal, remember?"
He shook his head. "You are a wonder," he said in awe.
My heart rate picked up from his voice. He started to stroke my hair. "You should sleep," he said calmly.
"I'd rather stay up. I don't feel tired right now."
He exhaled sharply. "Skadi…"
"No. I don't want to spend my last moments asleep," I said stubbornly.
He rolled his eyes, but continued his hypnotizing movements of caressing my hair. "I've heard everything that happened with you and that soldier. If I had known of his intentions – "
"I prefer dealing with my own problems," I interrupted.
He chuckled. "Indeed. Tell me, is it true what the men said?"
"What do the men say?" I asked softly.
"That you were a Dark Brotherhood assassin." His tone was not accusing. If anything it was curious. What else would he do to surprise me?
"It's true. That was never a secret that I wanted to get out." I shifted in my bed. My bones protested in pain from the movement and I grimaced.
"What led you to them?" He asked.
"It's a long story. I needed their aid tracking down some men. I had to join them in order to receive some help. That was the deal I had to take." I whispered. I never regretted my time with them. They were my Dark family; my only real sanctuary for a small part of my life.
He sighed. "I wish you would tell me the full story. Promise me that once you're better, you will tell me what happened. Please," he begged.
I won't be getting better. "Sure," I said finally. It wasn't a lie if he believed it to be true was it?
He smiled and I almost melted from it. "Thank you," he replied.
"We took Fort Neugrad, you know," I dictated conversationally.
He raised an eyebrow. "You want to talk about the war at the time like this?"
"Ulfric, I may be dying, but the war still rages on whether I'm alive or not."
He shook his head and chuckled. "I'm proud we liberated Falkreath from the Empire. In many ways it's the heart and soul of Skyrim. Not to mention its rather strategic position. Some brothers have taken to calling you Bone-Breaker, evidence of your ferocity and determination."
I snorted. "I've noticed."
"It's a fitting name. So we shall all call you thus. The war demands so much from us, and we give all we have to it and to the people…" He was still playing with my hair, but he was staring at me with a rather absent expression. "You did well at Fort Neugrad Dragonborn. I am proud of you."
I flushed again. His praise filled my heart up like nothing had ever done before. He smiled and brushed the pad of his thumb against my enflamed cheek. "Thank you…" I whispered, embarrassed.
The healer reluctantly appeared at the tent entrance and Ulfric gave him a death glare. "Didn't I tell you to leave?" He snapped. There was something about his tone. He sounded like a king.
The healer stammered. "My deepest apologies my lord. I'm just bringing her some water."
He took the water bladder from the healer's hand. The man bowed and closed the tent again, leaving us alone. "Here," Ulfric said kindly, "drink."
I drank from the bladder slowly almost choking on the contents. I felt like I was getting worse by the minute. I sat up, doubling over, trying my hardest to breathe. Ulfric patted me on the back, trying to help me clear my airways. "Breathe Skadi," he soothed.
I was breathing slowly out of my mouth by the time I calmed down. He was facing me and smoothing out my hair. I looked up at him, flushing from the contact. It was in that moment that I realized that I loved him. The revelation was paralyzing, but what was even worse was that I knew I could never have him. "What's wrong?" Ulfric asked, concern in his voice when I turned away from him.
I bit my lip. I wasn't sure if it was the fever, but something was giving me a new found confidence. It took a lot of effort, but I managed to lift my hands and place my palms on the side of his face. He stared at me intently while I impulsively pressed my lips to his. I wasn't entirely sure what to do, since this was an experience that was new to me. He seemed surprised at my actions, but he kissed me back, his lips taking the lead as he deepened our contact.
My knees felt even weaker than they did in my feverish state. He put his hand on the back of my head to help stabilize me. My body was on fire for all the right reasons. Too soon, he let me go, and I realized he was probably doing this to humour me, but my heart felt full. I knew I was dying and kissing the man I loved was a perfect last wish.
He ran his thumb over my lips. "My, you must be feverish," he whispered. I turned away, embarrassed at my actions. I fell back into bed and kept my eyes away from his. "Can you tell me a story?" I asked sheepishly.
He settled beside me and showed me a smirk. "What would you like to hear about?"
"I don't know too much about your life besides what happened in the war. Were you ever married?" I tried to keep my voice level.
"Almost," his smile turned sad and I became intrigued. "Do you really want to listen to this?"
"Yes, please."
He chuckled. "You are a needy little thing aren't you? Very well. After I left High Hrothgar to join the war, I met and found comfort in an Imperial soldier. Her name was Ladia, and she was quite the rugged beauty. She helped me through the training when I thought I would break," he sighed. "She was my first."
I raised an eyebrow. "First love, or first lover…?"
He grinned. "Both I suppose. You mustn't forget I trained with the Greybeards as a child. Novices must take certain vows and unfortunately celibacy is one of them. It doesn't really sink in until you get these…" He glanced at me. "I mean, until you get older."
"I see," I said, confused.
"Well, either way, she was quite the comfort to me. And naturally she became pregnant. I knew my father would be disappointed or at the worst, disinherit me. He had plans for me you see."
"To become a Greybeard?"
"Yes, but I was also the heir to the Windhelm throne. Before I was chosen by the Greybeards, that was my office. I was to become jarl after my father. So, you can imagine how upset my father would be at my actions, especially when I should have married a woman of much higher birth."
"So what did you do?" It was strange to hear about the life of a jarl. The laws of nobility seemed so different from ours.
"When she told me, she was in the early stages of pregnancy. I vowed to marry her and to give her what she deserved. I didn't particularly love her, but she was kind and would have made a good wife."
"You didn't love her?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.
"At the time, I knew I cared for her. But it wasn't anything more than that. If I had married her, perhaps we would have had more children, but I feel that we would not have been happy together." His tone was nostalgic, and even though he was keeping eye contact with me, he was looking right through me.
"Did something happen to her?"
He closed his eyes. "We had planned to marry when we got a break in the war. She would have been discharged when she started to show, but we wanted to be married as soon as possible to save both of us from losing face. I…" He hesitated. "I was then captured by the Dominion and tortured by that elf bitch Elenwen. I can still remember every moment of it. The scars she gave me are a constant reminder of the pain that was inflicted. Not just physically, but emotionally. She has a way with twisting your every word to make you feel guilty for things that you didn't do."
"Ulfric," I whispered. I didn't know how many people he had told of that experience, but I did know that we were so similar. I understood why half of Skyrim despised him. In some ways, he deserved that hatred, but in moments like this, I realized that he had experienced something that no man should have had to go through. A lesser man would have crumbled, but Ulfric Stormcloak was still strong.
He shook his head. "It is okay. I remember waking up one night with my shackles undone. We had to learn to sleep like that, hanging off the walls. It was difficult, especially because we weren't allowed to sleep much in the night."
"We?" I asked, horrified.
"Yes, there were others. To be honest, I didn't care who they were. All I wanted to do was die. You had read in the Dossier that I was allowed to escape. To this day, I know not if they set me free, or someone else did and the Thalmor just dismissed it. All I know is that someone left my shackles undone, and I found my cell door unlocked. I was selfish and didn't think about the others in the cells, I just wanted to get out of that prison…" He sighed, looking guilty.
I shrugged. "I'm not going to judge you for that. I'm sure I would have done the same thing." Gods, I had done much worse than he had, so who was I to judge?
He gave me a half-smile. "When I found my way out, I found word that Ladia was killed in battle. Both her and our child was dead. I financed a burial for her and my father never found out."
I nodded. "Does anyone know about this?"
"Galmar. Only because he was there, but other than that, no."
"So you chose to tell me?" I asked hesitantly.
He smiled. "Indeed. You asked after all."
"I…I lost a child once," I said quietly.
His eyes widened. "I thought you were a virgin."
"Technically," I flushed with embarrassment. How is that common knowledge? Am I wearing a sign? "But at 13 I was raped. I became pregnant because of that. I found my way to Whiterun, and stayed with the Companions. I…I was stabbed in the womb and lost my child and the ability to bear children." I painfully lifted up my shirt and showed him the long jagged scar that had branded me as a useless woman. Even if Ulfric wasn't disgusted by me, I could never be with him the way that I wanted to be. I couldn't give him an heir, so my use was limited.
He stared at me sadly. "I'm sorry Skadi. I had no idea."
"It's okay. Very few people know."
He started to stroke my hair again and gave me a reassuring smile. "You aren't disgusted?" I asked hesitantly.
He chuckled. "No, I am not. You couldn't disgust me."
I flushed crimson and he gave me a kind smile. I felt myself fall back into reality when I felt a searing pain localized inside my stomach that seemed to grow larger with every passing second. "Ulfric," I whined.
"What's wrong?" He asked, worried.
"I…" The pain became so bad that I couldn't speak. My entire body felt like it was on fire. I started to cry from the agony as it grew closer to my heart.
"Skadi," he said desperately, putting his hands on my writhing figure. "What can I do?"
"I…It hurts," I sobbed. Absently, I heard Ulfric call for the healer. I took one desperate look at him before I felt my breath stop inside my throat and felt my eyes close, never to open again.