Working on the book was more painful than I imagined, but I wanted it to be just right. Peeta did the drawing beautifully. Not a detail was missed. It saddened both of us to have to relive the memories, but at the same time, it was like doing them justice for their loss. None of them were going to be forgotten. None.
Prim's entry was by far the hardest, but there were others I didn't even think about. Peeta's family. He told me about his father, mother, and brothers. I never really got to meet them, for a while we went to the same school, but they were older so we weren't in the same class. Peeta told me everything about them, and I carefully wrote out all of what he said. I never realised that while I lost my sister, he lost his whole family. No one is left.
"Peeta, did you ever visit the bakery?" I ask him while we write. He stops drawing. "No, not yet." he says. I'm surprised, I would of thought in the last few months he's been back he would have gone. I look over to him, he looks sad and sullen. I can't help but place my hand on his shoulder, his blue eyes meet mine. "Do you want to?" I ask. He sighs," I guess I should stop avoiding it." I see the hurt in his eyes, and it hurts me too. He has been in too much pain, and I want to do anything to help it go away. "Do you want me to go with you?" I ask gently. He gives a weak smile and nods his head. "Tomorrow?" he questions. "Sure, I say."
Things between Peeta and I have been changing. Nothing bad, but I've noticed we're both very comfortable around the other. I try to tell myself that this is nothing, friends do that with each other, but I know that it has to be a lie. I rely on Peeta so much now, just seeing him makes me... happy. I think I'm allowed to be a little happy, aren't I? We've both been through so much pain, and we both understand the other. Some days are so hard for me, I still tend to sink into depression. But then Peeta comes and makes me eat, tells me stories of Haymitch and the town, and comforts me. I don't know how he does it, but he helps me in a way I can't understand.
It isn't just Peeta being there for me, I hate the feeling of him not having the same comfort that I have. We are each others company everyday, I bake bread with him, watch him paint, and help him through the tough memories. They don't happen often, but when they do, they usually aren't pretty. He grips and piece of furniture nearby and closes his eyes. I can't stand to see him like that, so I wrap my arms around him and talk, whispering that everything is okay. I notice that when I do it, he calms down much faster than he used to. We are each others rock, and honestly don't know what I would do without him. Maybe he is more than I think, but for now.. He is my Peeta.
The next day I wake up and slip my clothes on. Buttercup lays on the end of my bed and watches me change. He is still an ugly cat, but he's Prim's ugly cat so he stays. I walk downstairs and Peeta is already here and has breakfast done. Walking to the kitchen I sit against the counter with my arms folded across my chest. He looks at me. He didn't get much sleep I can tell. "Are you okay?" I ask. He walks over "Couldn't sleep much this morning, so I figured I may as well make you some breakfast." He smiles at me and gestures to the food.
After we eat and clean up - something Peeta has forced me to get into a habit of doing since he saw the piles of dishes I keep in the sink - we go and sit in the living room. He is still tense and nervous. " Peeta are you sure you want to do this? We can wait if it's too much." I say worriedly. I can't stand seeing him this way. He looks over and smiles. "Thanks Katniss, but this is something I have to do. I'm really glad your coming though, I don't think I could do it alone." I see the pain in his eyes. All I want to do is hug him until he feels better, but I know that is something I can't do. Silently, we both stand up and head for the door.
As we start walking we naturally clasp our hands together. It might make others think we're a couple, but I don't care. If this is what it takes to help Peeta, I'm willing to do it. Besides, I miss the feeling of his hands. Rough from all the years work at the bakery, and the baking he has done since he came back. But still soft and warm, enticing in the cold, early winter air.
When we come up to he bakery Peeta stops in his tracks. The building is rubble, mostly cleaned up, but still a mess. I squeeze Peeta's hand for assurance, he glances down at me and we press on. We stop right in front of where the door used to be. Peeta doesn't say a word, but I know the pain he must be feeling right now. I loosen my grip on his hand to see if he wants to be alone, but this only makes him grip harder. Walking around the rubble Peeta kicks at it to see if anything could be found or salvaged. We spot a few things, melted cooking utensils being most of it. Suddenly I spot something among the crumbled walls, a platter, not very big, but not broken. This isn't what surprised me though, carefully painted on the rims are chains of dandelions.
I recognise the plate, but can't seem to figure out where I remember it from. I let go of Peeta's hand and pick it up, I look to him questioningly. He lets out a big breath. "I can't believe out of everything this made it." He says. "Where did you get this Peeta?" I ask. "Well the platter, that was passed from my dad but it was just white. When my dad realised that I could not only frost, but paint and draw well he saved up and bought me some paints. He said I could draw whatever I wanted on it." He stops seeming to choke. "It was so long ago, but I decided to paint dandelions on it because that was the flower you held at school after I threw you the bread."
I'm shocked. "He gave it to my mother for a gift after it was painted, all she said was that she hated weeds so he should put on it. He did, and it was put in the window of the store."
That's where it was from! The window! The window Prim would beg to stand outside of and look at the bread and treats from. I remember seeing this plate there and thinking of how beautiful it was, but hating the baker for owning something so pretty.
Peeta turns to me. "That's your plate by the way." he says nonchalantly. I open my mouth to argue but he puts a finger on my lips. "No arguments Katniss, I want you to have it. It was made for you anyway, I only liked it because it reminded me of you." He smiles and grasps my hand again, giving it a slight squeeze. "Lets go now." he says. I don't resist and we start walking back home together.
It's still fairly early in the day when we reach my house, so we decide to get the book out and add more entries. We have gotten past those lost from the top of our heads, now we're moving on to some of the others from the games. A few hours in I can't help but ask. " Peeta, what are you going to do with the bakery?" He stops, "I don't know, rebuild I guess. What do you think I should do?" I don't hesitate " Rebuild Peeta, I know it's hard with all the memories but baking is something you have to do. You love it, and I can't imagine you stuffed up in either of our kitchens for much longer." He smiles at me, and looks like he's about to burst with joy. He grabs my hands, "Thank you Katniss, you have no idea how much you mean to me."
From somewhere deep in my chest I feel a flutter. I don't know what it is or what it means but I feel its intenseness and suddenly feel shy. I give him a grin. "Come on, lets go make something." I say. I can't keep sitting here looking into those eyes, the longer I do the bigger that flutter gets. He looks surprised at my suggestion, but gladly follows me into the kitchen.
"Well what do you want to make?" He asks. I give him a look that says 'you really have to ask?' "Oh that's right, cheese buns!" He smiles. We spend the afternoon making cheese buns and other desserts, then have a feast together. By the time I look at the clock I know it's getting late, and Peeta will leave me. I hate when he leaves, I know he'll be back in the morning, but I can't help but feel so alone. He follows my eyes to the clock. "It's getting late huh, well let me help you clean up and I'll be off."
We clean the mess and I tell Peeta to take the leftover cheese buns away so we can have some tomorrow. "You would really eat all of these in one night?" he questions. "Never underestimate the power of cheese buns Peeta, its not my fault they're gone!" I say, he laughs at this. "Oh and please tell me whos fault it is." He grins "Easy, its the cheese buns themselves." I manage to say with a straight face. "They say 'eat me Katniss! I just need too be eaten!' So of course I eat them to make them feel better." I'm still sitting with a stone expression. Peeta looks at me and puts his hand on my forehead. "Katniss I think it's time for you to go to bed."
I laugh at him and say goodnight as I manage to tear myself away and go upstairs. Getting ready for bed I can't help but feel alone again, like I do every night. Me, buttercup, and my nightmares. They haven't let up since I came back, and it's been 8 months. I slip into bed and try to fill my thoughts with Peeta. I've been doing this for the past few weeks and surprisingly, it helps me to sleep. Even if It has the side effect of making me miss him.
I begin to fall into a dreamless sleep, but just as I really begin to feel I'm going to make it through the night with no nightmares as I occasionally do I get hit with a horrible one. Death, screams, blood, pain, and so much more fill my subconscious. I'm screaming, thrashing, and crying, I know. But suddenly I feel something unexpected. Something holding me, talking to me, telling me everything is okay. My eyes burst open and I sit up in my bed, my throat is sore, my legs hurt, and my hair is tangled around me, but that isn't what I notice most. I notice the boy holding me, still talking. As soon as I recognize who is with me I immediately start to calm down. I'm shaking and crying, but I know I'm safe. Peeta is here.
A/N: Let me know what you think of this chapter, part of me doesn't think it isn't fitting well with the story, but I really, really, love what happened between Peeta and Katniss. I had a guest leave an awesome idea in a review which really helped me to write this chapter! I don't know when I would have gotten a chapter out otherwise, writers block sucks! So, if you have any ideas you'd like to share feel free to let me know!
Also, UBER long chapter this time, pretty awesome huh? Hope it makes up for not updating sooner! It took me like, two hours to write now that I think about it, CRAZY! Hopefully a new chapter out soon! And I really mean it this time ;D
As always I appreciate any reviews for any reason, and if you'd like to know exactly when I put out a new chapter just follow the story! Favorite if you really love it. I love my followers! Until next chapter! ~Nan0min