Sorry for not updating in a while, I've been busy with homework so I could only get this done after my brain stops working at it turns eight o'clock. And this week I had a flash of the watsit and started to write Red Herrings for the Queen!! So I've been working on that every spare minute I've got. But I will keep this one going, there is only four chapters left in this fanfic anyway. And then I will put my all into red herrings and then I'll either write my spesh idea fanfic or Back onto the Horns of the Watsit which shall be the sequel to this one.

But then Something Squelched

Thursday June 19th

8.15am

Dave didn't come to walk me to school today. I hung around a bit outside my house but he didn't show.

2 minutes later

Not that he said he would. I am taking it for granted that he came yesterday. He didn't have to. It is just that it is nice being around him. I really laugh when I am with him.

I will only have Old Fringey and possibly Hunky to walk with. They are not exactly top in the laugh department. Brillopads…

3 minutes later

At least I won't have to put up with the Froggie Nonsense.

1 minute later

Although it is nice talking Froggie with Dave. It is not like how it was when I went out with Masimo or Robbie; Dave is my best boy mate and boyfriend at the same time.

I wonder why he hasn't come today? Even the vair vair stupid would have thought he would. When we went out during the Red Herring Fiasco, he was a bit over the top and smothering when it came to luuurvey duuurvey stuff.

2 minutes later

Still nice though.

8.30am

Jas was waiting on her wall with Hunky. They were giggling about something in a paper bag. I dread to think what is in it. Vole poo possibly.

Jas said, "No Monsieur Laugh today?"

I said, "Jas, we are not pathetic enough to be joined at the hip. Like some people I could mention,"

Jas went into Stroppy Bananas Mode.

2 minutes later

Tom managed to calm Jas down. It took an awful lot of effort; he even had to flick her fringe for her (honestly) but eventually she became human once more. Well, as close to a human as she could get with her Gigantibus Fringe.

Then Tom said, "Robbie told me to tell you his last gig is on Sunday, and be there or be square,"

Excellent. It will be me and Dave's first party as a proper couply couple. Fabby!

1 minute later

I wonder where he is?

8.45pm

Dave wasn't with the Barmy Army. He must have overslept or something. He is far too lax. I am going to get him an alarm clock for his birthday.

5 minutes later

Rosie is all red faced and keen about this Talent Show Fiasco tonight. She has even put her bison horns on. Underneath her beret. And there are little points sticking out of her beret. It looks hilariously ridiculous.

I said, "Rosie, may I point out, and I mean this in a loving way, why have you put your Viking Horns on underneath your beret? It looks hilariously ridiculous. In fact, it looks like you have cat ears on top of you head. And that is not normal. In fact it is very unnormal. It looks stupid,"

She said, caressing her strange head gear lovingly, "Do you really think it looks that nice?"

I was about to object but I was interrupted by a mad yodel. And mad Svennish yodel. And then I saw something that may disturb my girlhood forever. Sven was dress only in Viking Horns and his furry boxers and was careering across the playground to us.

He was shouting, "Ja, oh ja! Let the Horns run wild and free,"

Rosie said, adoringly, "Isn't he a sex bomb of a beast?"

I said, "If you think so,"

9.00am

Registration

Dave the Lax Laugh STILL has not showed up! I wonder if he has the dreaded lurgy?

Erlack, I hope I have not caught it off him. We have had an awful lot of mouth action over the past few days.

2 minutes later

I said to Rosie, "I wonder if Dave is poorly? I hope not, we have been snogging a lot and you know what the germy-types are like; they march full throttle with their pants before them to an unsuspecting victim,"

Rosie said, "Sven has given me a luuurve bite. Do you want to see it?"

I looked at her neck, "There is nothing there, Rosie,"

She said, "No, it is on my tummy,"

Of Course. I hate to imagine what Sven was doing snogging Rosie's Tummy. Erlack a Pongoes.

Rosie said, opening her eyes, "Do you want a moosey?

I said, "No, thank you Rosie,"

But she insisted on showing me. Erlack.

3 minutes later

Rosie was busy showing Jas her luuurve bite so I went and sat by Rollo, Edward and Dec. Rollo was busy have a Thumb War with Edward so I said to Dec, "How are you and Ellen then?"

Dec said, "Excellent,"

I said, "So, you still haven't reached the end of your tether with her stammering then?"

Dec looked at me and then said, "Of course I haven't. I think it is cute, not annoying at all,"

I said, "You are mad, but sweet. It's nice to see Ellen happy and luuurved up,"

Dec said, "It's nice to be luuurved up, myself," and did a big cheesy grin. Aaaaw. And then he said, "Do you know what Ellen's favourite flower is? Next week will be our one-month-anniversary. Could you find out for me? Discreetly?"

He was being so vair, vair sweet I couldn't help to agree.

I said, "Don't you worry Mr. Dec, discreet is my middle name,"

He just looked at me.

2 minutes later

Unfortunately, this will mean I will be there for the next Ice Age while Ellen says "Err, maybe a, you know Rose or…um, like a lily…or something,"

Ho hum Pigs Bum.

5 minutes later

Bovril Woman was handing out the Off-Time-Table-Time-Tables when Dave came sauntering in. Ah, at least he has not got the lurgy. He looked all well and dandy in the health department. But he didn't look very laughish. Merde.

Bovril Woman gave him the red faced rant about being late, "Almost ten minutes…not acceptable…you will be decapitated!" And then she asked why he was late.

He said, "Because I am,"

Which earned another lecture about cheek. Eventually, Bovril Woman gave up and turned around to wipe the board, muttering under her breath. He plonked himself down next to me. Oh bugger, he seems to have acquired the trés terrible Mr. Moody Pans Attributes. Poo.

I said, "Qu'est-ce que has rattled your cage, Monsieur Laugh?"

He said, "Oh, err, nothing," Amazing! No answer in Froggie or anything.

I said, "Would you like to wear my beret?"

He said, "Nah, thanks,"

Oh dear, I wonder why he looks quite grumpy. Oh my Giddy God! I hope it isn't anything to do with going out with me. Buggeration on wheels, I hope vair, vair muchos that he isn't regretting saying yes. Maybe he is upset I am now restricting him freedom wise. That I have clipped his wings. Oh God!

I said, "You aren't upset with me, are you?"

He said, "Of course not,"

I said, "Do you really mean it? You are not regretting going out with me, are you? I haven't clipped your wings?"

He obviously realised I was worried because he took my hands and said, "Kittykat, don't worry it is nothing to do with you. Because a) How could I regret going out with you? b) I may be an angel in human form but I don't have wings,"

I said, "So why are you moody?"

He said, "Moody? Me? Don't be silly, I'm not in a mood,"

But he was.

1 minute later

First on our brillopad agenda Off-Time-Table-Time-Table wise is 'Textiles'.

I said to Jas, "What do we do, write on tiles?"

She just looked at me like I was vair, vair dim.

Textiles

I cannot believe it. It is unbelievable, that is why. Textiles has nothing to do with tiles or writing. That is not the unbelievable bit. That is believable because of the dimnosity of some of the Billy Shakespearean Language. Textiles mean materials and we are being forced to knit.

Yes, honestly. Knit.

4 minutes later

At least Dave seems to have cheered up. Dec, Rollo and Dave are having a pretend sword fight with the knitting needles. I think they think they are the three musketeers. They have all stolen our berets (Dec stole Ellen's; Rollo stoles Jools' and Dave could not resist the call of the pants and he stole mine) and they are wearing them on their heads side wards. They are prancing around and talking in ye olde English. Truly, truly mad.

I said, "Dave, I thought you were scared of needles, why are you prancing around with a knitting needle?"

Dave said, "Sex Kitty, it is only syringes I am scared of. It is because of my traumatic experience, aged five, when a NHS doctor decided that he would rather be flirting with the nurse than paying attention to his patient, yours truly, and the needle went into my skin and out the other side,"

Blimey O'Reily's Pantaloons. So that is why he is scared of them!!

Then the boys disappeared around the corner into the Art Room Store Cupboards. I could hear Dave shouting, "Pants! Pants! My kingdom for some Pants! Draw thy sword thou cloth-head watsit and fight like a lord bearing his pants before him!"

Jools said, "You have, not counting the Swedish Fish Lord, the most maddest boyfriend in town,"

And I said, "Yes, and he is all miney-miney!"

10 minutes later

Knitting is quite relaxing actually. Up, wrap, down and off. Up, wrap, down and off. Vair, vair lax-making.

I haven't heard the boys recently. I dread to think what they are doing. They are in the Store Cupboards still.

5 minutes later

Dave came up to me, all shamed face. He said, "Sex Kitty, could you, out of your boundless luuurve for me, give me a hand here?"

I said, "Oo-er,"

He just looked at me. And then he said, "My so called mates have decided to tie my wrists with wool and I can't get it off,"

I looked at his hands. They were tied with blue knitting wool in front of him.

I said, "Why, in the name of God's Pantibus, did you let them do that to you?"

Dave said, "Because I thought I would be able to break it off but I can't," and he pulled his wrists in opposite directions to show that the wool was too strong to break.

I said, "Let me get this straight; you let your mates tie you up because you thought you would be able to get free?"

"Yes,"

"You let them tie you up? Even though you know they are bonkers, you let them tie you up?"

"Yes…we were taking it in turns to tie each other up, you see. It took Rollo five whole minutes to get free from his,"

What is he on about? Why in the name of Pantyhose do boys think it is funny to tie each other up?

I ask Dave that and he said, "I don't know…once we tied Dec to a lamp post with duct tape,"

I just looked at him and then I said, "Did he get free?"

Dave said, "No, we left him there for two hours,"

Blimey O'Reily's Trousers!

I said, "That is vair, vair meanio Dave. And for that I am going to let you suffer,"

He pretendy scowled at me but sat down in between me and Jas.

6 minutes later

How come Jas' scarf looks all perfect but mine doesn't? Ok, I dropped a few stitches and stuff but it shouldn't be that difference from Jas'.

But I bet she knits for fun. I bet she knits pairs of knickers for herself.

She said, "Georgia, you are doing it all wrong, you are meant to wrap around this way,"

I said, "Jas? Do you knit yourself knickers?"

Dave, who was trying to chew through the wool on his wrists, had a huge laughing spaz. He's cheered up quite a lot.

5 minutes later

I let Dave go, but only because he kept moaning that he couldn't feel his fingers and it was cutting off his blood supply. He had huge red ridges where the strings had been. I stroked it (oo-er) for a bit, I might have healing hands.

Break

Our Friendly Viking Groom has turned up again and is snogging Rosie to an inch of her life. It is disgusting. There is a lot of licking going on. It's off putting when you are trying to do Number Five with a Laugh.

Especially since Sven keep shouting, "Oh, ja, that's it, you wild and crazy chick!! Ja! Ja!"

It's got me and Dave in hysterics. And it's not the most attractive thing laughing into each others mouths.

3 minutes later

Even if we are the laugh couple. Shut up.

6 minutes later

I said, as we were taking a breath from snogging, "So what was up with earlier, Mr. Laugh?"

He said, "Nothing," and snogged me before I could say 'yeah right'. He can't win an argument like that!

Not that I am complaining.

As he is vair good at this snogging business.

1 minute later

Rosie detached herself from Sven and told us we were doing more rehearsals for the talent show tonight at seven. And then she and Sven galloped off.

Then I suddenly had the flash of a watsit, "Dave, were you Greg the Grumpy Grog because you are nervous about tomorrow?"

Dave said, "Don't be silly, Kittykat, Biscuits never get nervous,"

Ho hum pigs bum.

Music

The boys are all hyped up because we are doing a music lesson and there was a big hoo-hah and a fisticuffs between them to see who would get the cymbals and drums and stuff.

Dave came back with a tambourine.

3 minutes later

I don't think I have ever heard so much noise in my life. I think they will give the Stiff Dylans a run for their money. Not.

Chemistry

We are doing a work shop watsit. Dave seems a bit down and the dumps because he is an ostracised leper from Chemistry. Well, until the teacher decided to bound up to him and say, "You can join in on the work shop, but I want no funny business,"

Dave said, "Aye, Aye Cap'n,"

"I don't want you setting any part of yourself on fire,"

"Of course not,"

"I don't want any explosions,"

"Ok,"

"I don't want any stink bombs made,"

"Erlack. Deffo not,"

"I don't want any fires,"

"Ok Dokey,"

"And I don't want you plugging you self into the Voltmeter again,"

"Oh, that didn't work anyway. I'm not very conductive,"

The teacher gave him one of those looks that means; You'll-be-very-very-dead if you do do anything.

I said, "You plugged yourself into a Voltmeter?!"

Dave said, "It's a phase all boys go through; messing about with electricity. You should be glad I didn't lick a battery or anything. That could have burnt my tongue and impaired my snogging skills permanently,"

Good Grief.

3 minutes later

You know like when the boys were talking and they said Dave threw a whole pot of something in a tank of water and it exploded? Well, we are doing that. But with a weaker form as the teacher doesn't trust the boys any longer.

I have paired up with Jas. We are supposed to throw some Lithi-watsit into a tank. But we are both a bit too flustered after hearing about exploding tanks.

We are wearing vair, vair attractive lab coats and goggles. I think Jas thinks she looks like a model in goggles (which she doesn't, she just looks like an annoying twit with goggles on). She is being irritatingly Jas-like, flicking her fringe with ad hoc abandon, and sticking her nose in the air and prancing around. It is infuriating actually.

I went over to Dave and Tom who were doing the same experiment. I said, "So, Dave, do you like the scientist look on me?"

Dave said, "Truly chemical, Kittykat, you've got me goggling at you," which made me laugh.

Then Tom said, "Have you and Jas actually done anything yet?"

Dave said, "Yes, it's vair amusing watching you two go to throw the watsit in the water then start squealing like a couple of loons,"

I was about to tell Dave he'd said 'vair' again when Jas came spazzing over, all ludicrously girly and flick-flick-flicking her fringe, "Ooooh, Tom, would you come and help us, please?"

Tom said, "Of course. Dave, watch our experiment so no one tries to sabotage it,"

Sabotage it? What planet does he lives on?

Dave said, "Ok,"

Tom said, "And by sabotage, I mean also you,"

"Ok,"

Tom said, "I mean it, Dave; Don't you dare touch it,"

Dave said, "I'm on my best behaviour,"

5 minutes later

How utterly, utterly boring is this? Vair, vair boring is the answer. Hunky is telling us about something about the metals being so alkaline they react with water or something stupid like that. Jas loves it when he gets all technical with her. She keeps flicking her fringe in a stupid way and going all girly and high pitched. It's ridiculous.

Tom said, picking up some lithi-watsit, "Right, do you want to throw it in the water?"

Jas said, "Ooooh, you do it Hunky," in what she imagine in a cute voice. It wasn't, "It won't explode will it?"

Tom said, "Of course not-"

And then there was this tremendous BANG!! Some kids dived under their tables and the rest of us nearly pooed our selves.

Tom was the first to recover, "DAVE! I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH THE EXPERIMENT!!"

Dave was just standing next what was once their experiment but was now a broken tank. Gadzooks.

He looked a bit shocked to say the least, "I didn't realise it would do that…"

Then Mr. Martins came storming over, "What did you do?!"

Dave said, sort of sheepishly, "I, um, thought it was all a bit boring, you see, and I, err, poured acid into the water…"

Mr. Martins had a complete FT followed by a nervy Spaz, "You did WHAT!? All I can say is at least that's the weakest form! Do you know what you've just made?"

Dave guessed, "A mess? A detention for myself?"

Mr. Martins said, turning an alarming shade of purple, "You've just made a ruddy bomb!!"

Dave said, "Ooh, you learn a new thing everyday, don't you?"

We all just looked at him.

3 minutes later

Naturally, Dave's got a detention all lunch time. Fabby.

1 minute later

And double fabby with knobs my boyfriend is a terrorist in the making.

5 minutes later

He'd get on well with Libby.

Lunch

I am sooo bored. All the others are snogging like loons on loon tablets. And I've got no one. Because Dave is in detention. Typico.

Cross Country

Oh Holy Buggeration on High. Cross Country. The boys said it is the worst form of torture that has ever been invented. We had to change in the classroom again, but we sellotaped paper over the door-window so no one could see us.

6 minutes later

Dave came bounding back to us just as we were about to start. He looked at what was going on and said, "Aw, no, not cross country!"

I said, "How did your detention go?"

Dave just looked at me.

3 minutes later

Oh, my –pant- Giddy God- pant- I think my head is -pant- going to explode from-pant- redness. Dave and Rosie are -pant- running either- pant- side of me and- pant- they both look- pant- half dead- pant. But we can't- pant- stop –pant- other wise Miss Stamp- pant- attacks us- pant.

10 minutes later

In the end we dived behind some bushes and hid from the Nazi Torture Wagon. We were all spectacularly red-faced like friendly red-setters. I said in between gasping for breath to Dave, "You are a boy; you are supposed to be good at this, you're not supposed to be exhausted,"

He just lay down on the floor.

5 minutes later

Rosie said, lying down next to me, "Do you remember, Georgia, during the camping larks when we hid up a tree to keep away from Herr Kamyer and co?"

I said, "Yeah," I was lying next to Dave.

Rosie said, "We were talking about snogging and you said the best snog you'd ever had was from Dave,"

I went beetroot. Dave said, "Oh, Really?"

Rosie was clearly enjoying herself because she said, "Yes, I asked her what the best snog she'd ever had was and she said, 'I think it was when Dave the Laugh nibbled my lips,"

I am going to KILL her.

Dave said, "What? Like this?" and he rolled over and snogged me and libbled my nips. Nibbled my lips, I mean. Phoar! And Wow. He really, really is the best snogger EVER.

Rosie said, "Oy, you two, I don't want to see that. If you don't stop, I'll join in,"

Me and Dave stopped. I like to think she is joking. That is what I like to think.

Home Time

We rejoined the merry runners when it was time to get changed again and we all met outside. All the boys smelt funny. I asked why and they said there was a deodorant fight in the changing rooms. Of course.

10 minutes later

We were walking out of school and I was linkied up with Dave. I said, "Monsieur Biscuit, would you like to go hang around the park for a snog-tastic time to celebrate our new coupliosity?"

Rosie said, "Oy! Missus! You are supposed to be at rehearsals!"

I said, "I don't need to be their till seven! So what do you say, Dave?"

Dave said, "I can't, sorry, Kittykat,"

What? I said, "Why not? You are not regretting being a couply couple with me are you?"

Dave said, "Never, Sex Kitty, Never. It's just I have...err...lost something. And it is what was worrying me all day. I really need to find it,"

I said, "Not your tarantula again, I hope!"

Dave shook his head, "Nah. It is A LOT more important than the Mad Hairy One,"

Jas said, "You have a tarantula! What type?"

Dave said, "Err, mad and hairy-type, I think,"

Jas said, "No I mean breed. What do you feed it on? I thought they have to have live food blah blah blah," and she rambled on about tarantulas for the next millennium. Dave listened for as long as is humanely possible

Then Dave said, unlinking arms with me, "I really must zap off now. The longer I leave it, the worse it can get,"

I said, "I'll help you look, "

"No you won't,"

"Why not?"

Dave said, crossing his arms, "Because,"

I said, firmly, "I am helping and you can't get rid of me,"

"Fab,"

5 minutes later

House of Laugh

We got into the House of Laugh and Dave dumped his blazer and bag on the floor by the door. As we walked past the living room we could see Nash and Imogen in there. Imogen was painting Nash's finger nails. Dave looked like he was about to say something, but he just shook his head and said, "I officially give up trying to keep him on the right path of life,"

Then Imogen looked around and saw us and started chuckling. Why? I was going to ask Dave but he was already half way up the stairs.

Dave's Bedroom

Dave started sifling through the mess immediately. I said, "So, Mr. Laugh, what have you lost?"

He said, "I can't tell you,"

I said, "If you don't tell me, how can I find it?"

Dave said, "You are not finding it,"

I said, "Right…if I don't know what it is! Come on, what is it?"

Dave said, "I am not telling you, just be quiet and let me think where it could be,"

That's nice isn't it? Not. I sat on his bed. Until he chucked me off to see whether it was under his quilt.

I wonder what it is??

10 minutes later

I stood at the door watching Dave pull his room apart. I have never seen him act so panicky about anything. It's just Unlaugh-like. I wonder what he has lost? It must be trés important.

Then Nash came bursting in, "DAAAAAVEY! Would you makes plasticine people with meeee?"

Dave said, "No, Nash, I'm busy,"

Nash ran over through the mess and went to the Mad Hairy One's cage and said, "Can we builds Tarantula Castle with legos again? Can we, can we, can we, can we, can we, can we-"

"NASH!! Go away!"

Nash shouted back, "You are so meany to me, Davey! Santa won't get you anything if you keeps being horrible!"

Dave said, "He isn't real Nash,"

"Is too!"

"Is not,"

"IS TOO,"

Oh Good Grief.

I said, "I'll make plasticine people with him. Dave, just calm down, please, I am sure it's not that bad,"

"It is,"

You can't tell some people, can you?

4 minutes later

I made a Plasticine-Nash for Nash. He lobes it. Little Toddly-folks are so easy to please. Nash has made a plasticine Dave and then he squashed it with a rolling pin. He is quite violent.

Then Nash said, "Do you likes my nails? Immy painted them,"

I very nearly had a laughing spaz, "Yes, Nash…but aren't they a bit girly?"

Nash looked at me blankly and then said, "But I'm a boy,"

Good Point, well made.

I said, to stop him thinking about his nails, "So, what do you want to be when you are older? A fireman? Train driver?"

Nash said, "I don't know. Davey wants to be an Understanding Chameleon or something. I think he is going to changes colour to makes people laugh or something. But I wants to be one of those mans who go to the moon,"

Aaaaw, I luuurve how he talks. He tries to be all grown up. Not like Libby who only swears when she is trying to be grown up. But then, again, Nash is two years older than Libby.

I said, "An astronaut?"

Nash said, "No…a cheese harvester,"

I started laughing but Nash wasn't joking. So I said, "A Cheese Harvester?"

"Yes, yes. Everyone thinks the moon is made out of cheese. They're WRONG! It actually has lots of cheese grass ons it and the moon mans harvest it with their special space tractors,"

I said, "Nash, um, that's not right,"

Then Nash leapt up and put his eyes two centre metres from mine. They are like Dave's but only more demonic. Scary Potatoes! "Yes IT IS! All the dark bits on the mooney are where it's been cut. How'd you 'splain it other wise, huh? Huh?"

I said, quickly, "Ok, ok…who told you that?"

Nash said, "Davey,"

Typico.

5 minutes later

I made Nash a plasticine version of the rest of the Laugh family to go with plasticine-Nash and Pancake-Dave (who is literally that after meet-and-greeting the rolling pin). I also noticed he squashed Plasticine-Imogen as well.

Then he said, "Here you goes, it's YOU," and he gave me what looked like a plasticine snow man. It was apparently moi. He made me put it in my shirt pocket on my nunga.

Then Dave came down. He looked a bit shame faced. Nash did mad-kid-stroppy-pouty thing.

Dave said, sitting next to Nash, "I'm sorry Nash, for shouting at you,"

Nash said, "I don't lobes you anymore, Davey. I squashed your plasticine person,"

Dave said, pretending to die, "Arghh, you've voo-dooed me,"

Nash was not amused, he said, "Hmp,"

Dave said, "Aw, don't be cross with me, Nash, I- Ooh, what that behind your ear?" and he did the trick when you pull out a coin from the back of someone's ear. Nash looked amazed then started giggling like a loon on loon tablets. Aaaaw, he's so good with kids!

I said, "Wow, Dave, how do you do tha-"

And he 'pulled' a pound coin from out behind my ear. It was my turn to be amazed.

Dave said, "Shake your heads, you two, you might make me a rich man,"

Nash actually shook his head as if he expected pennies to fall out of his ears.

Dave said, "Unless of course the money disappears!" and he tossed the pound coin in the air and caught it. Then opened his hands and it was gone!!

I said, "How in the name of Jas' giant knickers did you do that, Dave?"

He said, "A magician never reveals his tricks," and he flipped his arms out dramatically. Then a lot of pennies fell out of his sleeves.

I said, "Yeah, unless his tricks fall out of his sleeves,"

Dave stuck his tongue out and shook the rest out.

1 minute later

I said to Dave as I finished making the Mad Hairy One out of plasticine for Nash, "Did you find it?"

Dave said, shrugging, "No, I have absolutely no idea where it's gone,"

I was about to ask more but Nash attacked me with the rolling pin and Dave had to wrestle him off me.

Dave said, "He lobes you, you know, after you went after the babysitting thing, he was asking where you'd gone,"

I said, "Aaaaw,"

Nash said, "No I didn't!!"

Dave said, "Yes you did, you said, 'Where's your pretty girly gone?'"

Aaaaw.

Nash shook his head, which was a touch red and said, "No I didn't! You is lying Davey! I don't likes girlies!!"

Dave said, "Ooooh, what about the girlies at your nursery? There's Lucy and-"

Nash threw a glob of plasticine at Dave.

4 minutes later

A Toddly folk fancies me. Brillopads…

10 minutes later

Nash lobed his plasticine people more than me and went up to his room to play with them. Me and Dave hung about the living room a bit. His Elderly Loons were in the kitchen so he leant over and started snogging me. It was four…five…six…and then he tried number seven!! But then something squelched.

Dave looked completely bewildered and shocked-bananas, "Did I just kill your nunga??"

I pulled out the thing Nash made me earlier, "No, but you've crushed plasticine-Georgia,"

Dave just burst out laughing and then started snogging me again. But he didn't try number seven again. Poo.

5 minutes later

Me and Dave were still snogging and he had pulled me onto his lap when the living room door opened. We sprang apart like a couple of loons. It was Imogen. She just raised her eyebrows at us but said, "I've been reading this new book today. I must say it is the best read I've had in donkey's years. Do you want to hear?"

What in the name of pantibus is she on about? Dave ignorez voused her.

Imogen carried on, "It truly is the best book ever. A most heart wrenching story, complete with thrills and giggles," Ok…

I said, "Go on then. If it means you'll leave us alone,"

Imogen said, "Ooooh, look who is getting a mouth on her!"

Dave said, "Just read it and then go,"

She gets out little black book.

"Hem, hem 'I ran back through the forest as fast like a little speedy watsit. Well, not exactly because I kept stumbling over roots and such like. I could here the girls' teachers shouting after me. I didn't know whether I wanted to go back to our campsite. I would probably be put on the griller about this fiasco again. And I need to think it all through first. Was she going to say it? If she was going to say it, was she going to mean it? And did she realise if said it to her? Oh, why do I have to get into such a spaz about all this? And also why is it always my fault when it happens?? She's just as bad. Because of Georgia-"

And Dave leapt up (I tumbled off his lap) and shouted, "YOU HAD IT!!"

And then I realised what he thought he'd lost. And what Imogen was reading. It was his DIARY. Oh my Giddy God's Pyjamas.

Imogen carried on reading, "'Because of Georgia I've cheated on every girl I've been out with since her'-"

Dave darted over to her and tried to wrestle the diary back but Imogen ran away from him, still reading, "And that makes me an absolutely horrible person! But I don't want to be-" and then there was a bit of a ruffly scruffle and they ended up having each other in a head lock and the diary flew across the room and landed at my feet. I picked it up automatically.

Dave said, "Georgia, don't read it please!"

Imogen said, "Go on, Georgia! Read it!"

Dave said, "Don't,"

Imogen said, "Go on! You know you want to,"

It was like a conscience-watsit. With the devil tempting me one way, the angel trying to get me to do the opposite thing.

Then Dave's Mutti came bursting in because of the racket, "What the blazes is going on??"

And Imogen and Dave let go of each other and started accusing each other at about one hundred miles an hour at the same time. You couldn't understand what either them were saying.

If the situation hadn't been so poo, I may have laughed.

Then Dave's Mum took the diary off me and said, "Is it over this?"

And Dave said, "Don't you dare read it!" And snatched it off her and headed upstairs. I followed him.

1 minute later

Dave has hidden his diary 'somewhere safe' i.e. in his Tarantulas cage. He says no one but Nash would put their hands in it, and Nash would just eat the pages. Good Grief!

And then we just lay on his bed for a bit. We snogged a little but I don't think he was in much of a mood for snogging (Dave not in the mood for snogging! What ever next!). We stopped and we just looked at each other.

Then I said, "I didn't know you had a diary,"

Dave said, "And you would do well to forget it,"

I said, "Ooooh, is that a threat?"

Dave said, "Nope, it's a word of advice. Eight words in fact,"

And before I could say anything, he snogged me again.

Walking to Rosie's for Rehearsals

6.45pm

I feel like a dozy bee. Dave has to be the best snogger in the world and that is le fact.

Home

10.20pm

Phew! I am tuckered like two short tuckered things on a tucker farm. Rosie is like a slave driver on the dance. She was yelling stuff like, "Knees higher! You call that a Viking Face! You look like a badger! Stick those nungas out!" Yes, she did say that.

Oh, Merde, trés trés Merde. The Elderly Insane are having a get together. Granddad was their with Maisie, his knitted bride to be.

2 minutes later

I gave Maisie my knitting from textiles. I thought she was going to faint. She has promised to knit me some new slippers in return.

Bed of Luuurve

3 minutes later

I can't believe Dave has a diary! I didn't know guys kept diaries too.

1 minute later

I wonder what he has put in it? About me?

2 minutes later

Not that I am ever going to find out. It's his secret diary, with his secret stuff in it.

30 seconds later

Secret stuff about me in it…

2 minutes later

Not that I'd ever even think about reading it.

Hah! You'll never read it, will you Georgia??

Right-o, that was Imogen's last proper chapter. The shopping and this was really the whole point of her in the story. Although I might put something about her in Horns, she's a good character to get the dirt on Dave dished out.

Nash-wise: the cheese-harvesting isn't based on my brother, because I told him that but he didn't believe me BUT my step brother who lives in Telford with my dad's new family believes it. But he is mega gullible; he thinks The Incredible Hulk is Tom Jones because my dad told him that. Imagine the kids at school 'Ooooh, my fave super hero is Spiderman!' 'Nah, I luuurve superman,' 'Well, I love Tom Jones!' 'You what?' Lol. But the nail painting is based on my real brother, the inspiration of Nash, we once painted them hot pink and he came home from school the next day saying that they all called him the 'lady-boy' and he kept his hands in his trouser pockets all day. Hahahaha.

I can't believe it took me this long to update! I was dying to write this chapter!! Back to school tomorrow…poo.

Oh, to do with the lithium in acid. I really don't know the reaction of that. We asked in science if we could put an alkali metal in acid but the teacher said no it would make a bomb, I don't know how serious she was being and how violent of a bomb it would be. But anyway, hope it worked story-wise!! Me and Vinnie2757 spent ages speculating over it on email.

Ps. I love knitting and that is why I put it in there! Seriously! It is the best thing EVER. I am a student at the feet of Maisie…or at least my Nan.

PPS. I got the idea about what Dave said that they tied Dec up using Duct tape from something that happened ages ago in the playground. All the jerks of life decided to try and tape the nerds to the trees using duct tape. But then they got bored because the nerds ran off and volunteered to tie themselves to trees. I was quite amused. Especially since one of the boys I fancied at the time (one of the jerks, hmmm) got tied to a tree, hehehehehe.