"Is it really that cold in here?" - Bard

CHAPTER TEN

GUNS, GUITARS, AND BROKEN HEARTS

Mrs. Wilson's room for English 402 was your typical classroom, Bard observed. There was a large, white mark board at the front of the class and several posters with the general theme of 'Reading is fun/educational/important' covered the walls. There were two, large windows that looked out at the parking lot and the seats, lined up perfectly width and lengthwise, were the standard chair and desk in one model. Bard walked towards the back of the classroom and reluctantly lowered himself into the seat beside Raven. Beast Boy and Cyborg sat side by side next to them, and Robin and Starfire were in parallel seats in front of them.

The first bell rang, and students began to file into the class. The Titans were forced to endure the strange, suspicious looks the kids cast at them as, one by one, they entered the room and found seats of their own. One particular unreliable looking fellow with spiky blonde hair caught Bard's eye. He wore three or four heavy chains around his neck and yellow boxers that emerged from his baggy, sagging pants. Bard had to resist the urge to go over there and hike up the pants over the guy's head. What would make him think that anyone would want to see his underwear? What really irritated him, however, was the way he was lecherously gazing at Starfire.

Bard glanced over at Robin and saw that he had noticed as well. Though the Boy Wonder was usually the best at hiding his true feelings, besides perhaps for Raven, he could not hide the fact that his jaw and fists were clenched tightly.

The boy stood up and, with one hand holding up his jeans, shuffled over to where Starfire was sitting.

"Whaasup?" He asked her after looking down at her suggestively, his voice ultra calm. Starfire, of course, took him at face value. This was exactly what Bard had worried about the night before.

"Greetings, fellow student!" She said to him brightly. "Are you ready to educate yourself?"

"Educate?" The boy repeated. "The only thing I want to learn about is what's under those clothes, girl."

"That's enough!" Robin grated between his teeth, half standing up from his chair. "Leave her alone."

"Or what?" The boy said arrogantly. "You can't do nothin'."

You could almost hear Robin grind his teeth together. He wouldn't, couldn't, lay a finger on this boy just because he had said something, and both of them knew it. This punk was going to push as far as he could go without getting burned. Robin would wait until he absolutely had to intervene so that the Titans' name wouldn't be tarnished.

Bard, on the other hand, was simply too angry to give a damn. He stood up and walked up to the thug.

"I think you oughta leave the girl alone, boy." He said as neutrally as he possibly could.

"Who the hell are-" The boy twirled to face Bard. "Oh, you. I seen you on T.V. You're that gay cowboy!"

Bard's face hardened. "Are you gonna leave her alone, or not?" He asked, ignoring the insult.

"Bard..." Robin said to him warningly. Bard glanced over at his leader, and then down at Starfire, who was looking up at him with pleading green eyes. That infuriated the cowboy all the more. Even though she, at least partially he hoped, understood what this boy wanted, she still didn't want to see him get hurt. And the guy was too stupid and ignorant to care!

'All humans are stupid and ignorant.'

Although he didn't reply, Bard almost agreed with his father at that particular moment.

"You ain't doin' nothin' but frontin', dawg." The boy was saying to him, his chin thrust out belligerently. "All the Titans ain't nothin' but punks!" He shoved Bard in the chest. Almost automatically, the Titan Apprentice drew back a fist...

"Bard!" Robin said sharply.

But Bard didn't punch the obnoxious fool. IF this guy wanted everyone to see his underwear, then everyone would see his underwear. Instead of throwing a punch, Bard simply reached down and easily pulled the boy's baggy pants down around his ankles. The classroom erupted in laughter at the sight of the teenager standing in the middle of the room, his yellow boxers showing all that he was.

"I think those britches are too big for you." Bard commented slyly. Although he knew the act was petty, it sure did make him feel good. Besides, he had started it...

Turning red with anger and embarrassment, the teen quickly pulled up his pants and threw a wild punch at Bard, who easily ducked out of the way. Although he had only just recently started training with Robin, throwing a punch at a cowboy was never a good idea. Then, with an evil single-mindedness, Bard pulled the boy's pants down again.

"Is it really that cold in here?" He asked with a chuckle, even as he turned his back on the de-panted thug and started towards his seat.

Meanwhile, the thug was almost beside himself with rage.

"I'm gonna f-"

At that exact moment, the second bell rang and Mrs. Wilson enter the room. She looked at the boy with the yellow boxers and jeans around his ankles in surprise.

"-you up!"

"Young man!" Mrs. Wilson said sharply. "I won't have you disrupting my class! I'm writing you up and sending you to the principal's office!"

Raven caught sight of Bard's smirk at that.

"Proud of yourself/" She whispered to him dryly.

"Sure am," Bard admitted without the least bit of shame.

"Men," Raven muttered under her breath.

Just then, Bard noticed that someone else had entered the classroom. He couldn't see the new arrival at first because he was sitting in the back of the class and the other students blocked his view. Whoever it was, they had to be extremely short. Robin was the first to see him.

"Gizmo!" He exclaimed.

"That's right, fartmuncher!" The bald kid in the green jumpsuit and goggles on his head said happily. He pulled out a laser pistol. "And unless you want Mrs. Wilson's quiz to pop, you'd better not move a muscle!"

"Er, quiz to pop?" Beast Boy asked, his tone confused. "Is that supposed to be a joke or somethin'? 'Cause if it was, it wasn't a very good one!"

"And that's saying a lot, coming from Beast Boy!" Cyborg laughed.

"Shut up, rustbucket!" Gizmo snapped, shoving the pistol in the teacher's face.

"..."

"That's better!" The short genius approved. Then he glanced over at the door. "C'mon in guys!"

The pink-haired witch and a massive man that seemed almost as much beast as human came into the classroom.

"I should have known Jinx and Mammoth would be here, too." Robin growled. "What do you want? How did you know we'd be here?"

"Because I'm the one that told you to come here in the first place!" Gizmo laughed.

"You forged that letter from the Mayor?" Robin demanded.

"Pssh! Obviously!"

"Dude, we have got to change our address, or somethin'!" Beast Boy complained.

"So, you have us." Robin said, ignoring the changeling's comment. "What do you hope to gain out of this?"

"Money, of course!" Gizmo grinned. "What else is there? Not everybody had some bigwig pay for their huge tower! We have plenty of hostages here and the Teen Titans are indisposed. Who's gonna stop us?"

Bard wished he were in a comic book. If he were, this would be the exact moment where some hero would crash through the window and save the day. But, unfortunately perhaps, this was the real world.

Jinx walked over to Robin's desk, her hips swaying seductively,

"Sorry, Robin." She said, reaching out to touch his face lightly. Then, her hand slid downward across his chest. Both he and Starfire grit their teeth. "But your luck just ran out."

With that, her hand fell upon Robin's utility belt and she ripped it from around his waist.

"I've always liked this thing." She said, mostly to herself as she put it around her own waist. Then, she glanced up and seemed to see Bard for the first time. She pranced over to him and nonchalantly reached out and took his cowboy hat. She let down her pink hair and placed it on her head.

"Now is this a fashion statement, or what?" She asked, twirling around girlishly.

"Nobody messes with my hat!" Bard spat out. He looked so angry that it seemed as if steam was pouring out of his ears.

"Aw," Jinx said to Raven tauntingly, casting a look at Bard. "He's cute when he's mad, don't you think?"

"...No."

"Oh, well," Jinx shrugged as she turned back to Bard. "Don't take it too hard, Cowboy. I'm pretty sure she's gay."

That really pissed him off. He glanced over and locked eyes with Raven and, whether it was because of her mental powers or simply because of the bond between them, she seemed to understand the plan that had formed inside his brain.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos." Raven chanted softly, even as Bard hummed a tune under his breath. Raven's powers were of the mind. She could move things with her brain and create dark illusions that would do her bidding. Bard's powers, on the other hand, were much more elemental; fire, wind and other such elements. But now they were working together.

Dark obsidian energy enveloped Gizmo's weapon and jerked it from his grasp, even as a fireball appeared in the air and disappeared with a blinding flash of light.

"What the-Ah!" Gizmo clutched at his eyes, just like his two partners in crime.

"Titans, go!" Robin brandished his staff and leapt forward. He faced off against Gizmo, who had put on his goggles and activated his backpack to lift him up on four, spider-like legs. Starfire, Beast Boy and Cyborg were working together to put down the massive Mammoth, which left Bard and Raven to fight Jinx, who had fallen to her knees and rubbing her eyes.

"I'll take that!" Bard declared, taking back his hat and replacing it on his head. Then he drew back his fist and...froze. He couldn't do it. Jinx finally cleared her eyes, saw Bard and kicked him right in the chin with one of her platform boots.

WHAM!

Bard crashed into the back wall of the classroom and slumped down towards the floor to fall on his butt. Raven quickly went over to him to make sure he was okay.

"Why didn't you hit her?" She demanded.

"I don't hit women." Bard mumbled, slowly getting to his feet.

"You'd better learn."

"Hyaaa!" Jinx flung a pink bolt at them. Several of the students screamed. Raven quickly levitated out of the way, but Bard was still disoriented from the earlier blow and could do nothing but close his eyes and clench himself. Slowly, he opened up his eyes again. He was...okay?

"Ha!" Bard said triumphantly to Jinx. "You missed!"

But he was wrong. The back wall of the classroom crumbled and fell forward.

"Oof!" Bard was buried in the debris, only his hand could be seen emerging from the rubble.

"Bard!" Raven yelled. She tried to go to him, but Jinx flung another pink blast at her to keep her at bay.

On the other side of the room, while the kids still sat in their desk watching numbly, Robin was acrobatically dodging Gizmo's metal arms. Finally, the boy genius thrust at him just a bit too hard and the Boy Wonder took full advantage. He flipped forward over Gizmo and his strike and, still upside down, smashed at the metal electronic on his back before landing. The metal backpack sparked, and Gizmo screamed as electricity coursed through his veins. He fell forward, still smoking, unconscious.

"Bard, Raven!" Robin called. "Get these kids out of here!"

Bard groaned as he slowly lifted himself out of the debris. He was covered in dust, and a few pieces of plaster and brick were on the brim of his hat that, surprisingly, hadn't come off. He looked up and saw that Raven and Jinx were trading black and pink blasts, even as Mammoth picked up the teacher's desk and slung it across the room, putting down Cyborg and Starfire. Though it had certainly hurt, Bard knew that the two teenage heroes would be okay. But what if that had happened to one of these kids? Bard noticed a window, and plan formed in his brain.

"Beast Boy!" He called, pointing at the outer wall. "I need a door!"

Beast Boy disentangled himself from the fight with Mammoth and came over to the wall. He transformed into an elephant and plowed through it, trumpeting his trunk.

"Everybody out!" Bard barked, pushing the kids towards the huge wall that lead outside, even as Beast Boy went back to elf form to help with Mammoth. "Now!"

As soon as Bard finished ushering the students out to relative safety, he turned...and bumped right into Mammoth. Before he knew it, the giant had wrapped a huge hand around his throat and slung him across the room. Upside down, Bard erupted through the wall and landed hard out in the hallway before skidding to a stop.

The pain was unbelievable; it was so violent that it seemed like it was all that Bard had ever known. He began to cough weakly, and that made him hurt all the more.

'Didn't you know, son? The good live out their lives in perpetual pain while the wicked have all the fun!'

'Shut...up...'

Bard tried to climb to his feet, but the pain was too much. He slumped back down to the floor. He turned his head and caught sight of his hat. Tiredly, and very slowly, he reached out and put it back on his head. Then, he heard a sudden, light footfall beside his head. Apprehensively, he looked up.

It was...Kitten? But this wasn't the Kitten he knew. Her blonde hair was pulled back severely in a ponytail and a red bandana on her forehead kept it out of her face. She wore a tight, black vest, loose, baggy pants of the same color and combat boots. It was obvious she was stripped for battle. What Bard noticed the most, however, was the hard look in her eyes and the hi-tech rifle she was pointing down at him.

"I should have known you were a Titan." She said flatly to him, the gun never wavering. "You pulled me along and broke my heart! Was that supposed to be some kind of sick joke?"

"..."

"Was it?" She jabbed the gun at his face.

"Of course not!" Bard objected, deciding to try guile. "My feelings for you were real, but with me being a Titan, it could've never worked out...I'm sorry."

"Really?"

"Of course!"

Kitten's face softened and she reached down to gingerly touch Bard's face. Then, she slapped him hard right in the mouth.

"That was pathetic!" Kitten said angrily. "Do you think I'm that stupid?"

"..." Bard prudently chose not to answer that.

"Are all men as sick and cruel as you?" Kitten asked him intensely, her eyes dangerous.

"I don't know, are all women as bitchy as you?" Bard knew that was a big Titan 'no-no', but to Hell with it. Besides, it wasn't like he expected to live for very much longer anyways. He was half-right.

"Ahhhhhh!" Kitten screamed, and pulled the rifle's trigger.

'I hope God has a guitar.' Was that last thing Bard thought before he succumbed to the darkness.

"Will Friend Bard be all right?" Starfire asked worriedly, gazing down at his still form They had returned to Titans Tower and immediately put the cowboy to bed.

"I'm sure he will be, Star." Robin assured her. "He just took a hard hit. All he needs is some rest."

Though he was still asleep, Bard began to roll his head back and forth as if he were having a bad dream.

"...Amber!..." And then he woke up. He blinked a few times, and then narrowed his eyes. "Heaven looks suspiciously like Titans Tower." He commented.

"Are you all right?" Starfire and Raven asked him at almost the same time.

Bard blinked again. "It sure is nice to be loved."

"..."

"Of course you are loved! We are your friends!"

"Thank you," Bard said, and then he turned to Robin. "What happened?"

"We were able to bring in Mammoth and Gizmo, but Jinx got away." Robin reported.

"What about Kitten?" Bard asked.

"Uh, you sure you feelin' okay?"

"No," Bard shook his head emphatically. "She was there during the fight! How do you think I got knocked out?"

"Dude, Mammoth did kinda throw you through a wall, ya know." Beast Boy suggested.

"Which brings me to a very important question." Bard said. "I've watched tapes of you all, and you get throw through stuff all the time! Er, no offense! What I'm getting at is that you always shake your head to clear the cobwebs and get right back up. How do ya do that?"

"We all wear body armor." Robin explained. "Except for Starfire and Raven, of course. Starfire had superhuman endurance, and Raven can provide her own shields."

Bard smirked ruefully.

"Wouldn't have been better to tell me this before I got slung through a wall like a torpedo?"

"Sorry!" Robin defended himself. "You have similar powers to Raven's, so I thought you could make your own shields! How 'bout I make you some body armor?"

"That would be nice." Bard agreed. "Could you put it in a black trench coat?"

"I guess I could, but why?"

"Because trench coats are cool! Haven't you ever seen 'The Matrix'?"

"All right." Robin conceded, shaking his head and smiling. "Well, we better let you rest. C'mon guys."

He led the others out of Bard's room, but Raven stayed behind. She walked over to the window and looked out over the ocean.

"So," she said finally, not turning around. "Who's Amber?"

"Who?"

"Amber," Raven repeated. "You said her name in your sleep."

"Must have been a weird dream, then." Bard shrugged. "I don't know anybody called Amber."

Raven turned to face him.

"You're lying?" It didn't exactly come out as a question.

"Yes, I am." Bard sighed, looking away.

"Lost love?" Raven asked.

Bard's blue eyes seemed to be a million miles away as he gazed up at the ceiling.

"Something like that," he murmured. "I'd rather not talk about it."

Raven nodded. She, above anyone else in the tower with the possible exception of Robin, respected other people's privacy.

"Need anything?" She asked as she turned to leave.

"You wouldn't hand me my guitar, would you?" Bard asked, pointing to where the instrument stood in the corner. Raven brought it to him and left quietly.

Bard idly ran his fingers over the strings of his guitar. For some reason, he wasn't dead. Maybe Kitten had missed and he had simply fainted. Or maybe the gun had been set on 'stun' or something. He didn't know, but his near brush with death had created feelings insides him, and he spent the next hour or so putting them into a song. Finally, he sang the final product:

Sometimes I'm afraid of dyin'

'Cause I'm not quite sure where I'll go

Heaven, I know, is salvation

But the flames of Hell seem so close...

I hope that God has a guitar

Up there in his heavenly home

And I hope there are honky-tonks and mountains

For a cowboy like me to roam

I never could wear a halo

More often I wear the twin horns

But I hope that God can see past that

When I am finally reborn

And I hope that God has a guitar

Up there in his heavenly home

And I hope there are honky-tonks and mountains

For a cowboy like me to roam

And I hope that God like good music

And Hank's still yodelin' the blues

Waylon is singing 'Amanda'

And Johnny's still a boy named Sue

And I hope that God has a guitar

Up there in his heavenly home

And I hope there are honky-tonks and mountains

For a cowboy like me to roam