Chapter 10: Never Enough
"I just don't understand why you're not taking this more seriously!" Afina insisted, trying her best to remain calm, but his disinterest wasn't making it any easier. "You've known about Craven for almost three weeks now, and you've done absolutely nothing!"
"I've made inquiries," Dracula defended.
"I made the inquiries," she corrected him. "And every name I bring to you, you disregard with a flippancy that I can't even begin to comprehend!"
"I've had more pressing things to deal with, Afina. Why would I waste precious time hunting down a small band of nobodies when you are clearly doing an excellent job of it?"
Oh, how she wanted to slap that smug grin off his face!
"Oh, yes. How could I forget? Throwing an insipid party is infinitely more important than your own safety!" she shot, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Besides, it's not like whatever this secret weapon the Order is on the verge of completing, the very same weapon that destroyed my father, will have any effect on the all-mighty, all-powerful, impenetrable Count Dracula," and she finished it off with a dramatic bow. "Because that exact same arrogance didn't get you killed last time."
He sent her a warning look, but she ignored it, not caring that the servants' ears were privy to their conversation as they continued to prepare the estate. Afina and Vlad had stayed an additional week with Agnar and his family after the eventful equinox ball, before moving into the Count's palace on the outskirts of Budapest – Vilkova. It had been in need of some repairs, especially since the remains of several hundred vampires had still littered the floor from when he had been there last, almost six years ago. It had been like walking through a haunted house, everything dark, filthy, and in disrepair. Afina had noticed that the remains had troubled Vlad, despite his best efforts to hide it, and she had done her best to be the silent support he needed, even with the tension between them.
Within a week, after a slew of servants had been hired, the house had been transformed, restored to its former glory. While the Count had overseen the running of the estate and the plans for the upcoming All Hallows Eve ball which was to take place at the end of the month, Afina had assisted in making additional inquiries regarding Lord Craven and his band of would-be usurpers, hoping that she'd find where they were hiding so the threat could be eliminated before All Hallows Eve.
The Count's interest in the threat, however, had waned considerably in the last few weeks as he became more engrossed in political movements and strategies, leaving Afina to make those inquiries on her own. It wasn't like she wasn't capable – she had proven to be an excellent spy. But when she did learn any information of interest – which usually consisted of specific names – Dracula would dismiss the information and leave her to handle it. The Count seemed to have no interest in his own safety, let alone the safety of his own guests.
At first, she accepted his indifference, excusing it, for he was indeed very busy, and the planning of a party that was to mark his return took a great deal of time, especially since the majority of his help in the past was now deceased. But lately, his indifference started to feel more personal to Afina, his dismissal of her in general starting to grate on her nerves.
It felt like he was punishing her for her rejection of his advances. She knew she shouldn't care about his good opinion, but she couldn't help herself. He was really the only person she had in her life. Even though he still treated her as an equal (somewhat, anyway), he was still in many ways her master, her teacher. She admired him, what he had been and what he was. She wanted nothing more than to help him succeed, and – perhaps even more so – she wanted nothing more than for him to survive. But this treatment was becoming intolerable.
It was a miracle that the vampire community was responding so positively toward him like they had been (Lord Craven and his followers excepted, of course), and she was certain that a great deal of that response was owned to not only the events of the masquerade, but the fact that he was the only vampire in the history of their kind to be resurrected several times now.
He was like a cat with nine lives.
But when would his luck run out?
She just couldn't understand why he treated his existence with such carelessness.
"Why aren't you taking this seriously, Vlad?" she asked him, a hint of pleading in her voice.
"What would you have me do, Afina? Round up and punish all of these supposed traitors?"
"It would be a start."
"It's a waste of my time. They've done nothing to defy me."
"Nothing to defy you?" she repeated in disbelief. "I'm sorry, but did you forget that tiny little detail about Craven being the reason why Van Helsing showed up in Transylvania in the first place?"
"That was six years ago. And he knows that I know that now. He won't be foolish enough to try that again."
"Are you even listening to yourself? Do you hear how ridiculous and irresponsible that sounds?"
"Afina, I will not waste my time with petty revenge when I have far more important things to do."
She grabbed the list of guests that he had been examining from his grasp and threw them on the floor in a violent rage.
"This party is not important!" she shouted.
"Don't raise your voice at me," he warned her in deadly tones, his voice a dangerous hush.
"I will raise my voice until you stop punishing me for wounding your pride!" she snapped. "The Order is practically at your front door. This coup could threaten not only your life, but the lives of your guests, and all you can think about is…"
"ENOUGH!"
"But you are being impossible!"
"This party will secure my footing in vampire society. You may not understand the culture of your father…"
"Don't you, dare bring my father into this!"
"...You may not even care about the culture he dedicated his life to preserving," he continued, "but I cannot even begin to dream of waging war against an Order that has been around since time immemorial, that has dedicated their very existence to our extinction, without the full support of all the bloodlines. This culture is steeped in blood-soaked tradition, and if I want their help, this 'insipid party', as you call it, needs to be a success. It may look like a bunch of excess and frivolity to you, but every party held in vampire society is a political maneuver. If Van Helsing hadn't taken everything from me six years ago, I would have happily spent my time disemboweling every member of Craven's order, just to make you happy. But instead, I have four weeks to prepare for an evening where I have to make up for six years of absence! And instead of having the support of the one person I need support from, I have to listen to you criticize everything I do!"
"You don't get to put this on me," she defended. "I'm trying to help!"
"And why on earth would you want to help me?" he snapped suddenly. "I never asked for it."
"You didn't have to! You clearly need it! You said it yourself – that masquerade was a success because of me. They are all willing to follow you because of what I did, what I said."
"Oh, please – I could have done just fine without you."
"Yes, but that's it. The elders of the bloodlines have not left their homelands since the death of your brides. They've wanted nothing to do with you! Do you honestly think they're coming all this way, risking so much, just to come see the great Count Dracula and his return to society? Oh and how could I forget? He also wants to wage an impossible war on the Holy Order and the left hand of God! I'm sure they're all going to be falling over themselves to get in line and fight alongside you!"
"You are treading on very dangerous ground," he warned her, his voice shaking with rage.
"You know what, Vlad? You're right. I don't know why I insist on helping you. You clearly don't want it. All you want help with is killing Van Helsing. Is that all I'm good for? I'm the one that actually knows the layout of the Order's secret base. I know what kind of weapons and technology we'll be up against. I know who their leaders are. Your supposed 'friends' do not. You have more enemies than allies, right now, Vlad. You would think I'd deserve at least a shred of gratitude for continuing to stand by you when all you do is treat me with contempt! Why do you insist on doubting me? Why is it so impossible for you to trust me?!"
"Well what am I supposed to do, Afina?!" he practically shouted, barely noticing how the servants in the room quietly exited, leaving them alone in the conservatory. "Everything about you is so bloody confusing and unnecessarily complicated! You have a history with the Order, and you show up on my doorstep all doe-eyed and eager to please. Then you turn around and say you feel nothing for me, and yet you act so unreasonably concerned for my safety at just the sound of danger! Craven has done nothing since the masquerade ball three weeks ago. I know the man! When he wants revenge, he goes for it, no hesitation. I have no doubt he's the reason why Van Helsing came to Transylvania. But I also understand – which clearly, you do not – that despite his underhandedness, it was my own arrogance that led to my defeat. There! I admit it! Craven had nothing to do with it! So who bloody cares if he's working with the Order? Craven has known about my return just like everyone else for over half a decade and he's done nothing. NOTHING! Going after him would be a waste of my time, and it is clearly a waste of yours! If you insist on obsessing over this, then leave me out of it!"
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe the reason I've been 'obsessing' over it is because this is a real threat?" she asked him, clearly hurt by his dismissal, try as she might to hide it. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, they're expecting you to have your guard down?"
"What do you care?" he replied flippantly, exiting from the room. "You're only around because of our blood pact."
"That I made of my own free will!" she shouted, offended. "And not just because I was sired by you!"
That stopped him in his tracks and he turned around slowly to look at her, his look of cold indifference masking the surprise he truly felt.
"I overheard you discussing it with Agnar," she explained in calmer tones, answering his unasked question. "Why didn't you just tell me yourself?"
"Because it didn't matter," he insisted. "Besides, you were so furious that you had become a vampire, I felt it best not to add myself to your revenge list."
"Why did you do it?"
"Because it was the only way to get you to recognize your true potential."
"As a murderous, blood-thirsty vampire?"
"The life of a damphir is difficult enough – competing with two separate natures of two completely different species; struggling with things like morality and a conscience - although you insist on struggling between them even now. Vampirism is supposed to be much less complicated. I was trying to do you a favor."
"Is that what we're calling it now?" she asked him. "You really expect me to believe that? Tell me the truth, Vladislaus. I have a right to know. You knew who I was the moment I showed up at your door. Maybe even sooner."
"You want the truth? Fine," he hissed. "I sired you because you are the daughter of Alrik, the most powerful vampire in the history of this pitiful earth. Having you as an ally, or even as a puppet on my string gains me more footing in this society than you could possibly imagine. Do you have any idea how much power just the name of your father has?"
"So you've been using me?"
"You bloody well believe it," he growled, his eyes dark and full of fury. "Your display of loyalty at the masquerade ball has already made its way back to the elders. Just the knowledge of your existence will be enough for them to seal a pact with me. I told you I wanted my revenge and I don't care what I have to do or who I have to use to get it. I will destroy Gabriel Van Helsing and his precious Holy Order if it's the last thing I ever do!"
"You didn't have to lie to me," she insisted, appalled at the truth, though not entirely surprised by it.
"What possible motivation could you have to help me?" he snapped. "No, I had to make you dependent on me, had to use my relationship with your own parents against you to make sure you obeyed. I indulged you in your revenge and made certain that I was the only one you could rely on. And my plan worked perfectly!"
"Do you have no heart? Do you feel nothing?"
"Emotions are for the weak."
"I refuse to believe that. I refuse to believe that you feel absolutely nothing toward me, that I'm just some pawn to you," she defended. "It may have started out that way, but I know you, Vladislaus. I know you better than anyone. It may not be love or even affection, but I know you feel something."
"It makes no difference, Afina. I made my choice. It may have been a selfish one, but I made it all the same and I do not regret it in the least."
"And why would you? You got what you wanted. A creation in your own image…" she hissed.
"Afina, don't bother trying to make me feel guilty. You'd be wasting your breath."
"Did you ever wonder why I came to you the night before I died?" she suddenly asked him. All anger had left her face, leaving her with an expression of calm laced with a disappointment that disturbed him rather unexpectedly. "Because I cared. Because for just a moment, I had convinced myself that you weren't the murderous, cold-hearted, hollow, son of the devil that everyone said you were, because I had convinced myself that the man you were in life – the man of honor, despite his demons – that he still existed. You vampires always love to say how you're so above the human race, that you don't need things like emotions, morals, a conscience, integrity, or honor. But you know what I think? I think that's a lie."
"For the love of God..." he exclaimed, rolling his eyes and turning his head away from her. "I will not endure this any longer," and he began to walk away, but she followed him, persistent.
"Eternity was never a blessing for you, was it, Vlad? It's a curse. Four centuries, struggling to obtain a single goal – to destroy the man that destroyed you – and you can't seem to do it. So year after year goes by. You know what I think? I think in your many lifetimes of living, Vladislaus, you've run out of things to live for. All you have left is your revenge. So you hide your shame, your disappointment, your loneliness, your sense of hopelessness in whatever passes the time and numbs the pain, the emptiness of an eternity with no real end – just darkness."
He turned suddenly and she nearly ran into him.
"At least I embrace that darkness. I know who I am."
"A lifetime of the night is not natural," she insisted. "Creatures of darkness are always lost and without direction – nothing good can come from lifetimes of shadow."
"But all creatures are drawn to it. As vampires, we are drawn to it still, even more so than mortals because we are forced to become one with it. I accepted what I had become long ago. Why can't you save yourself the agony and do the same?"
"Our species may be confined to the dark, but we do not have to become it."
"It is in our nature – it is in the nature of all living things. Do not underestimate the allure of darkness, Afina. Even the purest of hearts are drawn to it. Do not pretend that you are above us all. You've been drawn to it many times – I see it in you every time you hunt. I saw it burning in your eyes the night of Agnar's masquerade ball. You may suppress your lust for carnality, for sexual gratification, but you still feel it, my dear. That lust for blood – of the living and the dead. Don't try to deny it."
"That lust only exists because you nurtured it. I refuse to believe that we are doomed to gravitate towards darkness. It's a choice. I may have impulses and desires, but I still choose to indulge in them, just as you do."
"So you admit that there is an allure?"
"I admit no such thing," she retorted stubbornly. He took a step toward her so the space between them was minimal. She had never realized how much taller he was than she - he seemed to tower over her in that moment.
"So you've never felt the attraction that comes when someone who's capable of doing terrible things for some reason still cares about you?"
She understood his meaning. And as much as she wanted to believe he meant it, she couldn't – not after learning that he had been using her to accomplish is own ends.
"I thought I did. But no creature that behaves as if they are devoid of humanity has the ability to care. I may be prisoner to my lust for blood, but I haven't completely abandoned my humanity or the basic human desire for intimacy, affection, or light – even if I'm doomed to live out my eternity without it."
Her words wounded him in ways he had not expected, particularly because they were so true. It was as if she had torn back his façade of pride and self-assurance, and looked inside his soul – as black as it was – and it both unnerved and infuriated him at the same time. How they had gotten into such a deep subject bewildered him, but before he had the chance to continue it and offer her a rebuttal, or even an explanation as to why he was the way he was and how she had truly affected him, she returned to the original topic.
"Look, I understand that you don't care about Craven, or your own safety, Vlad. And I even understand that you may not care a great deal for me. But I care, against my better judgment. If you want me to drop it, then I will. But I also need you to understand that the danger you are in is very real and I strongly advise you not take it lightly."
"Then I have been warned," he answered dispassionately.
He didn't mean to sound so dismissive of her, but he did, and he could see that it disappointed her. But he was genuinely impressed as he watched her school her feelings – her pride especially – and she put on a more stoic expression. There was still a moving amount of concern in her eyes, and for the briefest of moments, he almost considered taking her warning more seriously, perhaps even taking her more seriously, as tender and bruised as his pride still was, but they were interrupted by a servant who announced that a strange woman had just arrived and was insisting on seeing the Count.
Dracula excused himself, leaving Afina alone in the conservatory, still deeply troubled by her words. But he managed to push those thoughts to the back of his mind, just as he entered the parlor on the right wing of the foyer, where this mystery guest had been left. What he found was something he had not expected.
Seated in one of the high-backed armchairs was Elizabeth Nouveau. She was dressed in a black travelling cloak and looked whiter than a ghost. She also had what appeared to be a silver stake stuck in her shoulder. The woman nearly burst into tears when she noted his entrance.
"Oh Count, at last!" she exclaimed.
"What happened?"
"It's Lucas! He's positively mad. You have to hide me!" she pleaded, falling to his feet.
"Craven did this to you?" he asked in disbelief, helping her back to the chair and kneeling before her.
"I've never seen him so enraged!" Elizabeth explained. "He left Agnar's ball early, you recall, though at the time I had no idea why. A few nights ago, I learned that he was in league with the Holy Order and was the one responsible for the summoning of Van Helsing all those years ago. I tried to break things off with him, telling him that I could never be with a traitor, and he tried to stake me!"
Dracula removed her cloak from her shoulders to examine the wound, immediately noting how low-cut her gown was. Elizabeth had always been a stunning creature, and even with a stake imbedded in her flesh and the wound clearly infected, the man in him had trouble focusing on the task at hand.
"Haven't you tried to remove it?"
"I can't. It's one of the Order's devices. It won't budge."
He examined it carefully.
"It appears to be made of pure silver." He sniffed it briefly, his brows furrowed. "Smells like it's excreting some kid of venom… werewolf, perhaps, but it's diluted. It looks like the stake has released some claws on the end, which are caught on your ribs." He suddenly noticed a small button on the handle. Going with his gut instinct, he grabbed hold of the stake and pressed down on a small button and the weapon released, allowing him to pull it out in one clean move. He shortly thereafter offered her a glass of blood as she gushed with thanks.
"You are my savior, my love! How can I ever repay you?"
"I'm assuming you'll need a place to stay?" he inquired, pouring her an additional glass. This one she consumed at a slower pace.
"A guest room would be adequate," she assured him. "I wouldn't want to come between you and your pet."
"I don't see that becoming an issue," he replied, mostly under his breath, attending to her wound, making sure it was healing properly.
"You mean she still won't have you?" she asked, trying to hide her amusement.
"I can't tell if she's afraid that intimacy will complicate things or if she feels I'm just incapable of it in general," he confessed. "Although, she may have a point on both counts."
"What's to complicate? It's not like you have feelings for her? You never have any real feelings for anyone, Vladislaus. Even I know better than to expect such a thing from you!" The moment her wound had healed, he rose to his feet a motioned her to follow.
"Come, I'll show you to your room."
She obeyed, but continued to watch him closely, striving to interpret his lack of a real answer.
"Do you have feelings for her, my dear Count?" she asked, taking his arm as he led her up the stairs.
"Nothing more than a trifling degree of affection – which is to be expected between the master and his protégé," he insisted. "Anything beyond is madness."
"And yet you haven't taken her," she pointed out. "I don't recall you ever being a patient man. If a conquest was taking too long, you always had ways to help it along."
"I don't desire her like that," he lied, and she saw right through it.
"Your denial won't fool me, Vlad. I know you too well!" she said with a laugh. "She is beautiful enough – deadly too, which I think makes any woman all the more tantalizing. I remember Agnar's ball, seeing her covered in Nicolæ's blood. I don't know how you contained yourself!"
"Think what you will, but you are hopelessly mistaken."
They had reached the guest room and he opened the door for her, ushering her inside.
"I am not!" she proclaimed, inviting him inside. He joined her momentarily, mostly to make sure that everything was to her liking.
"I don't think I've ever seen you like this. It is amiable of you, Vlad, trying to carry on in this platonic relationship you have with her, but I know you, my dear. You're not the kind of man to find satisfaction in any relationship with a woman unless you can possess her utterly and completely – in every sense of the word." Elizabeth made her way over to the window where Vlad was standing and the two noticed Afina in the moonlit gardens below, wandering aimlessly, unaware that she was being watched. Elizabeth thought for a moment. "Is she not interested in men? Is that it?"
This time it was he who laughed. He moved away from the window.
"I'm completely serious!" she insisted. "If she won't have you, I'd love to try my hand at her, with your permission, of course. She's so alluring."
"She's not that kind of woman."
"Every woman has the potential to be that kind of woman," Elizabeth argued. "Pleasure is pleasure, no matter where it comes from. You taught me that."
"I taught you a great many things I wish I hadn't in retrospect," he confessed with light teasing in his eyes.
Elizabeth sauntered over to him, her movements mimicking that of a large feline, calculating and smooth. She wrapped her arms around his neck.
"My poor Vladislaus… wants something he can't have and is trying to take it the honest way. You have grown soft," she purred in his ear, her hand moving boldly between his legs, her fingers slipping behind the waist of his pants. She felt his primal response in her palm and smiled darkly.
"Not all of me," he husked. She relished in the wolfish look of his eyes before leaning in to kiss him. He could feel his hands moving, as if out of habit, making quick work of the laces of her bodice until her lithe form had been released from her gown. Elizabeth began to remove his clothing.
"If you want Afina, then take her," she breathed between kisses.
"It's not that simple," he panted. She took his mouth with hers once again in the way he liked, her hands exploring him without timidity.
"It is always that simple," she insisted, and she caught the cold metal of his gold hoop earring with her tongue and pulled it into her mouth. He knew precisely what she was doing and he didn't care. But Afina's stark words from the night of the masquerade suddenly entered his head as his lover's expert mouth began to shower kisses down his torso, her knees soon finding the floor.
If you repeat something over and over again, it loses meaning… If you ravish and seduce whatever woman you can get your hands on, and you do that over and over and over again, you lose the beauty, intimacy of making love, of truly connecting with the other person. After a while, it just becomes a mindless habit, passionless motions that mean nothing. The pleasure is hollow. Nothing is forever, Vladislaus. Not with you. It's just monotony, going through the motions, because you've done nothing else for the last four centuries. It means nothing to you. No one means anything to you. I mean nothing to you.
Even with Elizabeth's mouth and expert tongue working her unabashed magic between his legs, it was a struggle for him to stay in the moment. Afina was right – if he had taken her that night, it would have meant nothing to him… just as Elizabeth meant nothing to him in this moment. It took everything in him to push Afina's voice and face out of his head as he moved his old lover to the bed, having his way with her until she came undone several times over in that next lust-filled hour. But the entire time, all he could see was Afina, all he could feel or hear or smell was Afina, and when the pleasure had ebbed and he was left in silence with his sated seductress, the emptiness he felt could have driven him mad if he had let it.
Being the excellent actor that he was, Elizabeth never noticed how truly passionless their interlude had been. She never even heard him leave the room after he had dressed.
Vlad wandered the halls of the palace for what felt like an age, lost in his thoughts, giving mindless instructions to servants. He felt like a machine, all parts and no soul, and for the first time in four-hundred years, that bothered him.
Musical Influences
A Bleak Journey, by Christopher Gunning, "Firelight" OST
Queen's Chamber, by Gabriel Yared & Cyrille Aufort, "A Royal Affair" score
G and Grey Make Love, Rachel Portman, "The Duchess"
Never Enough, by Epica, "The Divine Conspiracy"
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The link that takes you directly to the masquerade playlist has been removed from my profile page and instead I posted the link to my YouTube account, so you'll have access to that, as well as the playlist with the musical influences from this story. I'll continue to post such playlists for any future stories/one-shots, so feel free to check it out! Naturally, not all of the songs are on YouTube (which makes me incredibly sad). Maybe someday I'll figure out how to post those missing songs I own onto YouTube so you can hear them.
Also, writing-wise, I'm almost done with this story - which is both sad and incredibly exciting! I never planned on making this story particularly lengthy like my old stories used to be - in many ways, la douleur exquise is a warm-up jog, something to get me out of my rustiness so I can move on to other things. I've successfully written up to chapter 14, with the final chapters 15 and 16 and the epilogue outlined, all of which still need to be written and then edited. My goal is to at least have them written out by the end of the week at the latest, this evening at the earliest. Fingers crossed it all works out! I also set up a chapter publishing schedule for myself, so you should expect a new chapter every week on Monday until the story is complete - then I'll probably take a two week hiatus.
It was suggested I create a Tumblr blog and post pictures that helped influence this story so you have a visual companion as well. I have a secret board on Pinterest and have considered taking some of those images and putting them on Tumblr. If I actually find the time to do this, I'll give you guys the link.
I plan to have a new story up and running the week of Halloween (if everything goes according to plan). The idea came to me rather suddenly over the weekend and I can't stop thinking about it! It'll be very different from what I've done in the past - hopefully not detrimentally ambitious of me, but only time will tell.
And yes, a line of dialogue in here was inspired by a The Vampire Diaries episode. I actually didn't really realize I had used the line until someone pointed it out to me, but I like the conversation and I also couldn't think of another way to reword that line because it's such a poignant question on it's own, I couldn't bring myself to change it. But for those of you who notice the line, yes, that's a Klaus line. No copyright infringement intended. I swears... on the precioussss.
Anyways, enough of my rambling. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. There's going to be a bit more drama and tension before things begin to sort themselves out, but they will sort themselves out. I promise. Would I lie to you? ;)
Reviews and feedback are ALWAYS appreciated!