A/N: Hi there sorry for the delay, I thought I'd accidentally delete this account so I was re uploading it on my older one and then I realized I still had this one... Im a butt... but oh well. sorry about the hiatus, Im incredibly inconsistent. hope someone still reads this. any comments are always very much welcome!

Three days.

It had been three days since Haru had his first kiss.

He had tried to push all thoughts about it away, only to realize it was an utterly impossible task.

He gave up not even an hour after he had gotten back home.

He was pathetic, not only had he not even tried to put up a decent fight against his minds insistent replay of that moment, but after three days, he'd visited the memory so much he was sure it would start freezing, skipping and repeating…

…like a worn out record.

The fact that it wasn't how his first kiss should have ever gone, just made the swelling of his heart, feel all the more wrong.

Yes, everything about that kiss and what it made him feel was nothing but wrong.

He could try to pretend that he hadn't enjoyed it every little bit as he did, enjoyed it more than he could have ever imagined, but it was far too late to avoid reality.

He wanted Spartan, he wanted him more than he could ever want another person.

But it wasn't really Spartan who he wanted, it was his long dead friend and that was all kinds of levels of fucked up.

Last time he saw Makoto they were just kids, it was beyond sickening that he could have such feelings for a boy who never made it into puberty.

It was beyond insulting that he could defile Makoto's memory, what he had meant for him, by lusting after him.

Even if he was using a proxy to do so.

Using…

And that was the worst of it all, he was using Spartan, and Spartan didn't deserve that.

He wasn't Makoto, he wasn't put on this earth so Haru could replace Makoto, something he would never be able to do anyway, and just the fact that his mind was trying to do it, made him feel the lowest scum alive.

He was being a horrible friend to both Spartan and Makoto, and yet…

He couldn't stop touching his lips, or stop his stomach from turning violently, longingly at the memory of the sweet touch.

The sweetest touch.

He didn't go to school the following day after he last saw Spartan.

He felt thankful that the weekend soon followed and he could spend all day in his bathtub without any remorse.

Not that he felt much of it.

And not like the bathtub helped much anymore either.

Maybe school would have proven itself useful for once in his life and helped him… forget.

But then again… he had never been good at forgetting.

When Monday came he knew he had no other choice, and he was fine with it.

The sooner he could return to a routine it would be better.

Goro was driving him again, even if he was still ill, Haru would have accepted a replacement.

He couldn't take the train anymore.

And not due to rush hour.

Of course school proved to be just as ineffective as he thought it would be.

His mind tormented him just as much and Spartan and Makoto's names replaced every equation, every text, and every date from history lesson that were written in the blackboard.

But it was too soon to expect some miracle.

When Makoto had… disappeared...

How long had it taken him to go back to normal?

…never

Well… so much for a silver lining...

He couldn't help thinking how cruel it was, that it felt like he was losing Makoto all over again.

It was only his own fault for thinking he could get him back in the first place.

And he hadn't wanted to think that.

He only met the boy for a few days, he was wary all through it, he truly tried his best to stir himself away from disaster… but his mind continued to prove itself the most treacherous friend he could ever never get rid of.

He got off from his last lesson feeling like it had been weeks since he crossed the school door to enter it only that morning.

He was completely exhausted.

Thoughts of even glancing the pool's direction were much too tiresome.

Not even the Olympic sized heaven could hold any appeal anymore.

Just like it had been back then.

At least at some point, his love for water had returned, at least partially…

Water to him had always been water with Makoto and he was only able to realize that when water became water without Makoto.

But at least it was something.

He was dragging his feet towards the usual place where Goro would wait for him when his phone ringed.

"Haru-chaaaan! Out of school already? Did I get you before you jumped into the pool? I figured I should call you the second the bell rang or I wouldn't be able to contact you for hours and hours and hours! Such is the stamina of a young fit handsome boy is it not? Huhuhu!"

He had to part the phone from his ear to protect its integrity.

Too bad his brain's was damaged instead.

"Hazuki-san… what do you want?" He massaged his temples, he wasn't in the mood to deal with such a sugary voice, he just hoped whatever it was didn't take long.

"Well the doggie you left with me is already restored to its rightful state! Paws cleaned, fur brushed and tail wagging at full speed! The only thing lacking is an owner to pick him up! So ask Goro-san to bring you by later ok?! Bah-bye Haru-chaaan! Mua!" And just like that she hanged up.

Oh… crap...

He had forgotten about the dog.

Just what… was he supposed to do now?

He arrived at Nagisa's sister work without a plan.

The dog wasn't his to for him to claim…

And the owner wasn't his friend for him to call…

"Haru-chan! You came! I'm so glad! Wanna see the good boy?" Nagi's sister seemed to be in an even higher state of candy related overdose than was normal for a Hazuki.

Maybe she'd found a boyfriend… finally.

"Hmm… it's not… really my dog" He could have played along a bit further but what was the point in delaying the inevitable.

Nagi's sister face changed completely, so much it was scary, but her expression wasn't, it was soft… but serious.

"I know… the dog is a stray, that boy you brought him with comes by every day to check on it, he wouldn't take the dog, he said the same thing you did"

Spartan had… been coming to the pet store?

Haru swallowed… he could feel the woman's eyes studying him intently.

She wanted explanations.

"Gee Haru-chan relax! I'm not going to ask you how you met the boy… " Haru had to admit he felt relieved there for a second "I already asked him of course!"

For a second…

"I… I didn't think it through what would happen with the dog… I apologize" That was all he could offer at the moment, he had nothing else.

The woman sighed.

"Haru… that's not the issue here, worst case scenario I'll hook him up with some shelter even though I think that you should definitely keep him yourself… you need some company and this dog desperately needs to know the warmth of a home"

Then my house is definitely not the right place for him

"But that boy…"

Great, that was it… that was the talk.

"He just needed help, I barely know his name I'm not really acquaintances with him, it was just a single time thing"

He realized that probably sounded bad once he said it but it was too late the woman was already frowning.

"Haru I know… I understand"

Her eyes were still soft though.

"My mother always used to say… a person who loves and cares for an animal is never a bad person! And I firmly believe that" Her cheerfulness returned for a moment but then she grew strangely silent.

"He really doesn't seem like a bad boy, however much of a petty criminal he might be… he was worried about causing you trouble and he sounded genuinely grateful. Just like this dog, what that boy needs is a warm home too, but that's… not your problem understand?"

Haru didn't… he wasn't sure what she was trying to get at with the conversation.

"I know why you wanted to help him, but… " She sighed and shook her head, she looked at Haru and smiled a sad smile.

"Nevermind… just… adopt this cute little doggy won't you Haru-chan! I promise you it's a lovely smart little doggy!"

And just like that she was back to her usual self.

And all Haru wanted was to get the hell out of there already.

So he said yes.

He didn't have the slightest idea of how to care for a dog.

Nagisa's sister gave him a list of course, and made him buy half the shop before he left with the black dog on a leash.

The dog followed him.

Tail waggling and tongue hanging from the corner of his mouth… it looked as if it was happy.

He looked like a completely different animal than the wet pitiful old ball Spartan had held so tightly to his chest.

Would he be able to care for the dog with as much devotion?

Probably not…

He felt sorry for the dog, getting an owner like himself.

But it couldn't be helped… had a pet now… a living being he was responsible for…

And one that would remind him of Spartan's existence forever.

He told Goro to drive ahead with the things they had bought and decided to walk the dog home.

Nagisa's sister had said he would need to do that every day so he thought might as well get it over with.

The pet store wasn't that far away from his home either way.

When he arrived he secured the dog's leash to a column by the back yard and proceeded to unload all the things he bought for the still nameless creature.

That would likely remain nameless under Haru's care.

Goro tried to help him carry everything inside but Haru insisted it was not necessary.

He wanted to be alone.

He needed to.

"Ok… I'll get your things inside you just wait" Haru told the dog and stared at it.

People were supposed to talk to their pets all the time…

Did they always feel this awkward?

Probably not.

The dog started barking excitedly though. And jumping around in the little space the leash allowed him.

Just what was up with him?

He turned around and bent down to pick up the last bag from the stairs of his house's entrance and he saw the feet of someone appear out of nowhere in his line of vision.

Goro?

No.

"Hi Haru"

Green eyes.