A/N: Not quite as fast an update as I was hoping, but still pretty good. :) This is super long (18 pages in word) so I'll try & keep this short. This two-shot features the angels from TbaA again, so will obviously feature a lot of God/angel stuff, and may seem like an odd one for me to include in a series of Christmas one-shots. It's pretty sad & I don't think there's a part in this that's not difficult to read in some way. The idea was inspired by the song The Christmas Hope by NewSong & an episode of TbaA. The song more so. It's about a woman who is going through a tough time at Christmas, so tough that she doesn't even want the holiday to come. She's wondering "if all hope is gone" and that's the position that Ryan finds himself in here. Things look pretty bleak throughout this, but as the song reminds us, there is always hope to be found. So keep that in mind & trust me. This might be one of my favorites of this series, even though parts of this made me cry when I wrote it. I'll try to get the second part up later today, if possible. Hope you like it! Though you might wanna grab a few tissues...let me know what ya think.

Seven days before Christmas...

Ryan felt like his world as he knew it was crashing down on him and making it hard for him to breathe. Everything had been going so well. Kelsi and Ryan had decided to move back to Albuquerque for a few years, temporarily leaving behind their life in New York City. It hadn't been an easy decision to make, but they both knew it was the right one. Daisy was now a little more than three and a half years old and Ryan and Kelsi had recently decided that she would be ready to start preschool the following September. Meanwhile, Ryan and Kelsi had been putting in their dues, still trying to make it on Broadway in their respective fields. They'd gotten involved with some shows, but it had been harder to break into the business than either one of them had anticipated. They were both on the verge of burn out and had decided that they needed to take a break from the cut throat nature of the city.

Of course, they still needed to make a living. Or to be more precise, they still wanted to make a living for themselves. It would have been pretty easy for them to live off of the Evans fortune, but that idea didn't appeal to either one of them. It all came down to pride. Kelsi didn't want to feel like she was taking advantage of her in-laws by living off their money, even though she knew that Vance and Derby loved her as if she was one of their own. For Ryan, it was more that he wanted to see if he could provide for his family on his own. So when Derby had called to inform them that one of the local theaters was in need of a new music director and choreographer, they'd jumped on the opportunity.

It seemed like an ideal situation. They could both still work in their chosen fields, but on a much less stressful level. It would also provide them with a steady income so they could support themselves and Daisy. Working in Albuquerque for the time being also meant that they got to spend more time with their families, something that had suddenly seemed more important at this particular time of their lives. What with Daisy slowly transitioning from toddler to little kid and having another baby on the way. They'd moved back to Albuquerque at the end of Kelsi's first trimester of pregnancy, wanting to be settled by the time the baby came in January. Living in Albuquerque ensured that they would have plenty of people to help out as Kelsi and Ryan figured out how to be parents to two young children. They would probably move back to New York once their second child was ready for elementary school, but for the next few years Albuquerque was home.

Yes, everything had been going almost perfectly, minus the normal ups and downs that everyone went through. It was a week before Christmas and the baby was due to arrive sometime in the beginning of January. Kelsi had managed to keep working at the theater until the beginning of December, opting to take the rest of her pregnancy off. The day had started off just like any other day. Ryan had left Kelsi and Daisy in the capable hands of her mother and Derby while he took care of some errands. It was getting harder and harder for Kelsi to get around and she couldn't stand to stay on her feet for terribly long, often needing to sit down and rest. Ryan had opted to take care of any shopping that needed to be done. Sometimes he'd bring Daisy with him, but sometimes it was easier to go along, particularly if he had a lot to get done. Today was one of those days, so he'd decided to leave Daisy with her mom and grandmothers, knowing they'd all enjoy their afternoon together.

It'd just been like any other day…but then he'd gotten the phone call. He'd been in the grocery store, filling up the cart with everything they needed when his phone rang. It had been Derby, sounding more frantic than he'd ever heard her. Apparently Kelsi had started having stomach cramps after he'd left, cramps that had quickly turned into shooting pains. They'd called 911 and in the time it took for the ambulance to arrive, Kelsi had begun to feel a strange wetness along with the pains. They'd all been horrified to realize that it was blood. Karen had gone in the ambulance with Kelsi and Derby had stayed behind to take care of Daisy, who Ryan had heard wailing in the background.

He'd made it to hospital in record time, amazed that he hadn't gotten into an accident on the way. Everything from that point on had seemed to happen in slow motion, at least as far as Ryan was concerned. He could vaguely remember finding a frantic Karen and Keith Nielson, along with Vance, in the waiting room. His memories of talking to the doctor were fuzzy at best, but now, as he sat down beside his father, the pieces were starting to come together.

Kelsi had suffered a placental abruption, the doctor had told them. That meant that the placenta had peeled away from the uterus, which was why Kelsi was bleeding so much. It also meant that the baby wasn't getting any oxygen. Ryan remembered having a piece of paper shoved at him that would give them permission to perform an emergency C-section. It was imperative that they get the baby out, the doctor explained. Ryan had signed without hesitation, though it was a wonder he'd been able to get his hand to stop shaking long enough to do it. They would do everything they could; the doctor had informed them before rushing back into the emergency room.

Ryan had no idea how much time had passed since then...he was too busy reminding himself to keep breathing. Both Kelsi and their second child were in danger and there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing, that is, except wait and pray that Kelsi and their baby survived. "Ryan!" He barely found the strength to lift his head at the sound of Sharpay's voice. "We just dropped Joey off at Troy and Gabriella's," she explained to the group at large. Joseph Baylor, more commonly known as Joey, was Sharpay and Zeke's two year old son. Sharpay sank down into the chair on Ryan's other side and it was at that point that Ryan realized that Zeke and Derby were with her. "How are they?"

"I don't know," Ryan mumbled. "They haven't said..."

"Kelsi had a placental abruption," Vance explained quietly, pausing when Sharpay and Zeke gasped. Derby, for her part, seemed frozen in fear. "They had to do an emergency C-section..." He shrugged helplessly. "We haven't heard anything else."

"What's taking them so long?" Karen demanded tearfully. "That's my baby in there."

"Are you okay, Ry?" Sharpay asked softly.

"My wife and baby are in there..." he managed. "I don't...I can't..." He shook his head as he lifted his eyes to meet Sharpay's. "What if I lose them, Shar?" he whispered.

"You won't," Sharpay said quickly.

"How do you know?" he asked.

"Because Kelsi's strong," Zeke answered for her. "Kelsi's strong and she won't give up without a fight. And that baby of yours is an Evans." He gave them a sad smile. "And we all know how strong they tend to be."

"It's a girl," Ryan announced, though his voice was somber. "We found out a while ago, but we wanted it to be a surprise...We were going to tell you all on Christmas..." he trailed off as his voice broke. "It's another girl..." Ryan looked up at his mother as something occurred to him. "Daisy...where's Daisy?" he asked. He had just remembered that Derby had been staying with Daisy when she'd called, but now his mother had come with Zeke and Sharpay and Daisy was nowhere to be found.

"We dropped her off at Troy and Gabriella's with Joey," Derby answered.

"Is she okay?" Ryan asked.

"She's..." Derby trailed off, glancing at Zeke.

"Zeke?" Ryan asked, working his way to his feet as a new wave of concern washed over him. "How's Daisy?"

"She was asleep when we dropped her off," Zeke told him. "She...she's been very upset ever since Kelsi had to go to the hospital..."

"I got her out of the room," Derby interjected. "When Kelsi started having pains...I had one of the maids stay with her so she wouldn't have to see Kelsi suffering so much, but...well..."

"We couldn't get her out right away," Karen said softly. "Kelsi tried so hard to keep her pain from her, but...but Daisy knew something was wrong. She probably heard Kelsi screaming...she tried so hard not too...but the pain got to bad, she couldn't..." she trailed off, hating the fresh pain on her son-in-law's face.

"You heard her when I called," Derby continued sadly. "She was screaming and crying for you and Kelsi and eventually cried herself to sleep..."

"But she's in good hands," Sharpay cut in. "Troy and Gabriella will take great care of her."

"Dammit." Ryan stormed a few steps away from the group and kicked at an empty chair without warning, making most of them jump. "Dammit!" he yelled, not caring about the odd looks he was getting from other people in the waiting room. There were so many intense emotions swirling around inside Ryan's body that he could hardly think. Right now, anger seemed like the safest, so he went with it, kicking the chair once more. "Kelsi had a placental abruption and lost who knows how much blood. They had to do an emergency C-section to save our baby's life. We have no idea how either of them or doing and now Daisy..." His face twisted in agony as he continued. "Daisy is upset and scared and confused...and there's nothing I can do for any of them! All of my girls need me and I can't help any of them. Dammit!"

"Ducky." Derby stepped over to him cautiously, gently lifting her hand to stroke his hair. That was the breaking point for Ryan. All of the anger melted off of him in droves, to be replaced by an incontrollable fear. He was a grown man with a family, but at that moment, he may as well of been about five years old. He let Derby pull him into her arms as he broke down. Vance joined them a few seconds later, wrapping an arm around each of them. Sharpay was next...followed by Karen...and Zeke...and Keith, all of them forming a protective circle around Ryan.

It was Keith who first spotted the doctor. He cleared his throat, nudging the people on either side of him and the group broke apart. "I'm sorry to interrupt," the doctor said, an apologetic look on his face.

"How are they?" Ryan asked, his voice ragged. He clutched onto his parents while the doctor told them that they had gotten and baby out and that she'd been taken to the neonatal intensive care unit for supervision. The doctor went on to say that she was four and half pounds, which was smaller than they liked. Kelsi had been in her thirty-sixth week of pregnancy and the doctor told them that that was a good thing – that meant that the odds were pretty good that their baby would survive. He assured them that the neonatal intensive care unit, or the NICU for short, was among the best in the state and that their baby would receive the best care possible.

Ryan took a moment to exhale in temporary relief. His daughter was by no means out of the woods yet, but the doctor seemed hopeful. For the moment, it was the best case scenario as far as Ryan was concerned, given the circumstances. The doctor proceeded to ask if they had a name picked out for her and Ryan barely managed to nod. "Yeah, um Kelsi..." Ryan's voice broke on his wife's name and he took a second to compose himself. "Kelsi wanted her to be named Lucy...so, yeah...her name's Lucy." He gave Derby a sad smile, his eyes shining with tears. "It means 'light'. Kelsi liked that..."

"Lucy Evans," Derby nodded, her own eyes shimmering with fresh tears. "It's beautiful."

"What...what about my wife?" Ryan managed. His grip on his parents tightened as the doctor's tone changed, going from mostly hopeful to solemn. Kelsi had lost a lot of blood, the doctor explained. So much so that they'd needed to give her an emergency blood transfusion. Ryan nodded...he vaguely remembered signing some sort of consent form about that when he'd signed the one about the C-section. Kelsi's condition was critical, the doctor informed them, due to the fact that she'd lost so much blood. She had been moved to the intensive care unit and the next couple of days were crucial. Ryan tightened his grip on his parents to the point of pain, struggling to keep standing while the doctor finished. His head was swimming as the doctor finally walked away to give them some privacy. He lifted his gaze to meet his father's.

"How am I going to get through this, Dad?" Ryan's voice was laced with an almost crippling pain as he asked. Vance didn't respond right away, working to clear away the lump in his throat so he could speak.

"One step at a time, Son," Vance replied finally. "One step at a time."

Ryan took a deep breath as he stepped into the NICU. His eyes widened as he looked around, looking from one incubator to another. There were all sorts of machines and babies of varying sizes. He stepped aside to make room for another parent, watching as they headed over to a sink to wash their hands before going to one of the incubators. Ryan followed suit and washed his hands, willing himself to keep it together as he finished and slowly turned around. He was just wondering if he should start making his way around the NICU when a voice coming from beside him made him jump.

"You look like a deer caught in headlights," the voice said. "I know this must be a little overwhelming for you, but there's nothing to be afraid of." Ryan looked over to see an older slightly overweight woman with light brown skin smiling at him. She had a motherly vibe about her that made him feel more comfortable, though he wasn't sure why.

"I've...I've never been in here before," he admitted. "It's...it's a lot to take in and it's...it's been a rough day. My wife had a placental abruption and they had to do an emergency C-section..."

"Ah," she nodded, a knowing look on her face. "You must be Lucy's father. Lucy Evans."

"Yes," Ryan confirmed. "I'm Ryan Evans."

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Evans," she smiled.

"Ryan...please call me Ryan," he said politely. "Mr. Evans makes me think of my dad."

"Okay, then," she agreed. "Ryan it is. I'm Tess and I'm Lucy's primary nurse. Would you like to meet your daughter?"

"Y-yes," he managed, feeling his throat suddenly go dry.

"Right this way," she instructed. He gulped as he followed her to one of the incubators on the far end of the room. He could read his daughter's name before he could see her and now his steps slowed. "Hi Lucy." He jumped as Tess spoke, cooing to the baby he still couldn't see. "Guess what? Your daddy has come to meet you." At that she looked up at Ryan, giving him an encouraging smile as he inched his way forward. He peered into the incubator, swallowing a mouthful of air as he took in the site of his baby...looking so small and so completely helpless. She was hooked up to all sorts of monitors and Ryan found himself blinking back tears. Once again, he was reminded of the fact that his baby was in jeopardy and there was nothing he could do about it.

"You'll have to wait a little while before you can hold her," Tess said softly. "But you can touch her." She gestured to some holes in the plastic of the incubator.

"She's so small," he whispered. "And fragile..."

"She is small," Tess agreed. "And she does look fragile, but you know what I think? I think she's a lot stronger than she looks. Don't be scared of her...she needs you."

"What can I do?" he asked brokenly. "I feel so helpless."

"Feeling helpless isn't the same thing as being helpless," she said wisely. "There's a lot you can do for her. You can talk to her and let her know that her daddy is here for her. You can tell her how much you love her."

"I don't know where to start," he admitted.

"You start by saying hello and then you go wherever your heart tells you to," Tess advised. "Go on...introduce yourself."

"H-hi Lucy," Ryan said quietly, forcing himself to step closer. "It's Daddy...I...it's nice to meet you...I wish it wasn't like this, but..." he trailed off. "I want you to know something...your mommy and I..." Ryan broke off again, struggling to continue. "Your mommy and I love you very, very much. Now...Mommy won't be able to come see you for a while, but...but I'm here. Sometimes...sometimes I might have to leave to go see Mommy and to let you get some rest, but...but I won't be too far from you and I'll come see you whenever I can..." He hesitantly stuck his hands into the holes, pausing for a moment before he began stroking her, keeping his touch whisper soft in fear of hurting her.

"There you go." Tess gave him a nod of approval. "You're doing great."

"Now, listen...this is really important," he continued, working to keep his voice as soothing as possible. "I want you to do something for me...for me and for Mommy and for your big sister, Daisy, and for everyone else who loves you...I want you to fight. I k-know you're small and...and I know it won't be easy for you, but...I want you to fight. Okay, little one? Can...can you do that for Daddy?" He gently stroked one of her tiny hands and felt his breath catch as she grasped onto one of his fingers. He pulled his other hand out of the incubator to bring it to his face, using his fist to swipe away his tears. It may have been a coincidence that she would manage to grab onto one of his fingers right after he'd asked if she could fight for him, but Ryan preferred to believe that his little daughter had heard his request and was letting him know that she would, indeed, fight. He closed his eyes and prayed that it might be so.

Ryan couldn't help feeling as if he'd suddenly aged ten years when he walked out on to NICU. He'd stayed in there for a while, talking to Lucy and talking to Tess about Lucy. He hadn't wanted to leave his baby, but Tess had assured him that she would take good care of her. Something about the way she'd said it made him believe that he could trust her to do just that. Being able to trust her was a good thing, he decided, especially considering that it'd given him the confidence to leave. He needed to check in with his family and see if any of them could advise him on how he should proceed.

It felt like an impossible situation, he decided as he made his way back to the waiting room. He had his baby in the NICU and his wife in the ICU and both of them needed him. There was also Daisy to attend to, he realized. He felt like he had to stay at the hospital with Kelsi and Lucy, but he didn't want Daisy in this kind of environment. It was better that she stay with Troy and Gabriella for now, in his opinion. Daisy had been traumatized enough as it was. He winced as he recalled the way he'd heard Daisy wailing in the background before. Out of the four members of their family, it was quite possible that Daisy would end up suffering the most, he thought sadly. She was old enough to know that something bad had happened, but too young to be able to understand any of it.

He opened the doors to the waiting room and felt his eyes widen in surprise. He'd expected to see his parents and Zeke and Sharpay waiting for him, but he hadn't expected to see most of the other former Wildcats – all but Troy and Gabriella, but he knew that was only because they were taking care of Daisy. Keith and Karen weren't anywhere to be found and Ryan could only assume that they were with Kelsi. He felt himself choke up as he made his way closer to the group, touched that they'd all shown up.

"Ryan." Martha was the first to speak, quickly getting to her feet and walking over to give him a hug. "How are you holding up?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I'm feeling a little overwhelmed." He cleared his throat as he looked at the rest of the group. "I...I can't believe you all came." He paused as he thought about it, his eyes moving from one face to the next. "Actually...on second thought...no I'm not."

"Of course not." Chad gave him a small smile. "We Wildcats gotta stick together, ya know?"

"Yeah," Ryan nodded. "I, uh...I really appreciate..." He broke off, unable to finish. He shook his head, tears flowing freely down his face as they all got up and formed a circle around him.

"How's...how's my niece?" Sharpay asked, her voice teary.

"Small...small and fragile and...and beautiful..." Ryan said quietly. "She's beautiful, Shar...I know that may be an odd thing to say given the circumstances, but..."

"She's your little girl," Sharpay interrupted. "Yours and Kelsi's...of course she's beautiful."

"Any update on Kelsi?" Ryan asked, though he couldn't help feeling like the worst husband in the world for not knowing the answer himself.

"There hasn't been any change," Vance answered.

"So...she's not any better," Ryan sighed.

"She's not any worse either," Taylor pointed out. "That's a good thing...I mean, I know it doesn't feel that way, but at least she's stable..."

"Yeah...that's true," Ryan nodded. "Okay...okay..." He looked up at his parents and his friends. "I...I need help...I don't...I don't know what I'm supposed to do...all of my girls need me and I just...I need to see Kelsi, but Daisy..."

"Call and check up on Daisy first," Taylor suggested. "Then go see Kelsi. This way, you definitely get to talk to Daisy and then you can spend as much time with Kelsi as you want without worrying about it. Otherwise, you might lose track of time and risk having Daisy be asleep by the time you call."

"That...makes sense," Ryan nodded slowly. "I'm gonna call her...are you guys..." he trailed off, unsure how to finish the question.

"None of us are going anywhere anytime soon," Zeke informed him. "Go call your daughter."

"Okay," he nodded again. "I think I'm going to go outside to call...get some fresh air..." He gave them a small, weak smile before easing his way away from them to head outside. The cold air was a much needed jolt to his system, he was surprised to find out. It made him feel significantly more alert. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and thumbed through his list of contacts until he got to Troy and Gabriella. He held his breath as the phone rang, hoping he'd be able to come up with the right words when he talked to his little girl. Troy answered the phone and they chatted for a couple of minutes. Troy asked how everyone was doing and told him how worried he and Gabriella were about all of them. Ryan answered the questions as well as he could, thanking Troy for watching Daisy.

Ryan found himself holding his breath again as Troy had Gabriella bring Daisy to the phone. "Daddy?" Ryan closed his eyes at the sound of his precious little girl's voice, instantly feeling the sting of fresh tears. She sounded so scared and worried that it just about broke his heart.

"Hi sweetheart, yes, it's Daddy," he replied softly, struggling to keep his voice calm so as not to alarm his daughter any further.

"Daddy!" she exclaimed before he could continue. "Daddy, where are you?" she demanded, her voice teary now. "Where's Mommy? When are you coming to get me?" Each question hit him like a dagger straight to the heart and it only got worse. He tried to explain what was going on in a way she'd understand and that wouldn't make her more scared. But she'd just grown more and more upset, her tears falling faster and harder as she begged him to come get her.

"Honey...sweetheart, listen to me...please...please calm down and listen to me. I...I need you to be a big girl for me, okay? I need you to be a good girl for Uncle Troy and Aunt Gabriella...I wish I could come get you, sweetheart, I really, really, do, but...but Mommy needs me," he tried, though he couldn't help feeling like the worst father in the world in the process.

"I want to go home!" she wailed, effectively cutting him off while pounding his heart into little, tiny pieces at the same time. "I want you and Mommy to come get me!"

"Baby, Mommy's not feeling very well right now...She has to stay here so the doctors can make her better again," he tried again. "It's really, really important, sweetheart..."

"Then you come get me," she cried. "Please Daddy?"

"I'll come get you as soon as I can, I promise," he assured her. "I'll call you every day, okay, sweetheart? I'll call and check up on you a lot, but I really, really need you to be a big girl...please...can you do that for me? Please, baby?" It took every ounce of willpower he had not to hop in his car and go to her. "Mommy and I love you so, so, so much, sweetheart. You know that, right?"

"I miss you, Daddy," she sniffled in response.

"I miss you too, Daisy," he said softly, leaning back against the building and looking up at the sky. "Are you near a window, honey?" he asked, feeling oddly inspired.

"Y-yes," she answered.

"Okay...go to it and look outside," he instructed. "Look at the sky. Do you see the moon?" There was a pause, minus the sound of her sniffling. "Can you see it?" It was approaching dinnertime and it was all ready mostly dark outside.

"Y-yes," she repeated.

"I can see it too," he told her. "I know you're scared and don't understand what's going on right now. I know you want me and Mommy and I know you miss us. I know I'm missing you like crazy and I know that it's hard. But see? We might not be together, but we're looking at the same thing. I know it feels like I'm really far away from you, but it's not that far." He paused. "How about I call you every night we're here and we can look up at the moon at the same time, like we are now? So we can still do something together, even if we're not in the same place. Maybe it'll make it feel like we're closer. How does that sound?"

"G-good," she answered, tearfully.

"And anytime you're really missing me or want to talk to me, I want you to have Uncle Troy or Aunt Gabriella call me, okay?"

"O-okay, Daddy," she replied, tearfully.

"Can you be a big girl for me and be good for Uncle Troy and Aunt Gabriella?" he asked.

"Y-yes," she promised. "I'll be good."

"That's my girl. I love you, sweetheart. So, so, so very much. I can't even begin to tell you how much," he managed.

"I l-love you, too, Daddy," she said quietly, her tears seeming to gain in strength again as she must have realized that their call was wrapping up.

"I have to go see Mommy now, okay? I'll give her a kiss for you, okay, honey?" He paused, willing the words to come. "You know Mommy loves you too, right? Very, very, very much."

"Don't go," she pleaded and Ryan closed his eyes, wondering just how many times his heart would break before this ordeal was over.

"I'll call you tomorrow, bright and early, I promise. It's okay, sweetheart, everything is going to be okay, I promise. Okay? I love you, Daisy. Don't forget that...don't ever forget that," he said gently, struggling to find the strength to tell her to get Troy.

"Hey," Troy came back on the line a second later.

"Hey, um...do you...do you guys have any of the old Christmas shows on DVD?" Ryan asked, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand.

"Sure," Troy answered, sounding a little confused by the question.

"Do...do you have Frosty?" Ryan wanted to know. "It's...it's Daisy's favorite...maybe it'll help to put it on for her."

"Okay," Troy said softly. He must have been able to hear Ryan crying, but he didn't comment and for that Ryan was grateful.

"I really appreciate you guys watching her," Ryan managed.

"No problem," Troy said softly. "If there's anything else we can do, don't hesitate to call. I mean it."

"Thank you," Ryan replied. "Take good care of my little girl for me, okay?"

"We will," Troy promised. "Tell..." He broke off and Ryan was astonished to realize that he was struggling to speak. "Tell Playmaker we love her, okay?"

"I will," Ryan responded. He thanked Troy again, telling him that he'd call back with a number where he could be reached at the hospital in case Daisy needed him before wrapping up the call. Ryan took a few deep breaths. He had visited his baby and he'd called Daisy...now he had to go see his wife.

Ryan paused to speak to his friends briefly before heading to Kelsi's room, nearly running into Keith, who was on his way out. "How is she?" Ryan asked.

"The same," Keith answered sadly. "She needs you."

"I know..." Ryan sighed. "I had to see Lucy and I had to call Daisy..."

"I know," Keith cut in gently. "Listen Ryan, you have always taken wonderful care of my little girl and my granddaughter. Karen and I love you like you were our own son. You have a lot on your plate right now and I want you to know that you don't have to deal with it all by yourself. We're here to help. There's a lot of people here to help. I know you wish you could be in three places at once, but you can't. You can only take care of one of your girls at a time. But that's where we come in. You're not alone."

"Thank you," Ryan said softly. Keith have him an encouraging pat on the shoulder and then Ryan slowly entered the room. There was his wife, looking so small and helpless in her hospital bed...reminding him of their daughter lying in her incubator. Karen was sitting next to her, holding her hand and talking to her quietly. She looked up as Ryan entered and slowly got to her feet, pausing to kiss her daughter's forehead before walking to Ryan and giving him a hug.

"How are the girls?" Karen asked.

"Lucy's...small, but...but I think she's strong..." He nodded to Kelsi. "Like her mother and Daisy..." His face twisted in pain. "Daisy's having a really hard time with this. I tried to help, but..." He broke off for a moment. "Troy and Gabriella will take good care of her."

"I'm sure they will," Karen nodded, giving him a sad smile. "Well...I'll give you some privacy. I know it looks bad," she began, looking back at her daughter, "but Kelsi's in there somewhere. Just talk to her. It'll help." Ryan nodded, letting her pass before making his way to the side of Kelsi's bed. "You know, for someone who hates being the center of attention, you're sure putting on quite a show," he quipped lamely, struggling to sound normal for her and knowing he was failing miserably.

Ryan gently grabbed her hand with one of his and lifted his other hand to her forehead, smoothing her hair away from her face like he did so often. "You should see our baby, Kelsi. She reminds me of you...she's...she's..." Ryan paused, only halfway surprised to feel his eyes sting with fresh tears. He didn't think he had ever cried so much in his life. He'd thought that talking to Daisy had dried him out, so to speak, for the moment, but apparently he'd been wrong. "Dammit, Kelsi, it wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. Now you're in danger and our baby is in danger and our sweet little Daisy is terrified and missing us like crazy...I don't know what to do. I just...don't know what to do."

"I'm trying so hard to be strong for all of you, but I don't know how long I'll be able to keep it up," he admitted. "I'll try...I'll try for all of you, but you need to pull your weight here. I want you to fight. Are you listening to me, Kelsi?" he asked, ignoring the tears streaming down his face. "I want you to fight as hard as you can and I want you to come back to me...come back to me and our girls. We need you, Kelsi...we need you so much. So come on, fight for us." He leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead. "Come back to me, baby," he pleaded, his voice breaking. "I can't do this without you. Come back to me..."

Five days later...two days before Christmas...

Ryan was beginning to feel more like a machine than a man. It was almost as if he was just going through the motions as opposed to really and truly living. He had practically moved into the hospital, using the uncomfortable recliner in Kelsi's room for the few hours in which he tried to sleep. Tried being the operative word. He didn't think he'd gotten any real sleep since this whole nightmare had started. Sure, he'd doze off for a couple of hours every night, but it wasn't the same. The chair was partly to blame, but he doubted he'd be able to sleep even if he'd been in his own comfortable bed. He had too much to worry about, after all.

First there was his wife, whose condition had only improved ever so slightly. She'd improved to the point that the doctors decided she could move from the ICU to a regular hospital room, but she was still in a coma. The doctors thought it was possible that she'd make a full recovery...assuming she ever woke up. That was the main concern there. Ryan grew more worried with every day that passed where she didn't wake up, knowing that the longer she stayed in her coma, the worse her outlook was. But at least she wasn't getting any worse. It was a small victory, but Ryan had learned not to take any victories for granted, however small they may be.

There'd been a few scares with Lucy, but Tess had told him that that was actually normal with premature babies. It wasn't the most comforting thought in the world, especially considering that any one of those scares could end a baby's life. But Tess had reminded him that the important thing to remember was that Lucy had managed to pull through each of them. Ryan had formed a sort of kinship with Tess, finding himself leaning on her for support whenever he felt like he was on the verge of breaking down in the NICU. It only made sense that he'd form a bond with her, he thought. There was a whole team of doctors that looked after his daughter, but Tess was the one that had the most contact with her. She was the first person he'd look for whenever he wanted an update on Lucy's condition.

And the good news was that, other than those few scares, Lucy was actually doing quite well. Tess never wavered in her belief that Lucy would make it and that gave Ryan hope. His daughter seemed a little bit stronger with every day that passed. She'd even improved to the point where Ryan could actually hold her...of course; he'd been utterly terrified that first time. She was still so small and fragile looking – not to mention the fact that she remained hooked up to all those machines. Ryan had been so worried that he'd hurt her in some way, almost scared to breathe in fear that he'd jostle her somehow. But he'd had Derby and Tess with him, talking him through it, and everything had been fine.

He'd held his baby a number of times in the past couple of days and every time it got a little easier. Holding her made him feel like he was genuinely bonding with her, something he hadn't really felt beforehand. It'd been so hard before...sure, he'd talk to her and touch her through the holes in the incubator, but it'd felt like there'd been a wall between them. Not just in regards to the plastic he had to stick his hands through, but emotionally speaking as well. Since he'd begun to hold her, she was finally starting to feel less like a stranger and more like his daughter. Another victory, though he considered this to be a pretty big one.

It had been difficult, but he'd begun to form a routine at the hospital, balancing his time between Kelsi and Lucy as well as he could. He didn't want to spend so much time with one that he neglected the other and the routine helped keep him on track. Being with them made him feel like he was actually doing something and that was a big help. The problem was Daisy...his beautiful little Daisy who hadn't seen either of her parents for days. He was too scared to leave the hospital in case there was an emergency with either Kelsi or Lucy, but that meant that he'd been neglecting Daisy. He'd scheduled in calls to Daisy in his routine, calling her several times a day, but he knew it wasn't the same as being there.

His little girl was heartbroken, he'd realized the day before, the realization breaking his one heart once more. His parents and in-laws, along with all of his friends, had all been making a point to spend time with Daisy, but as much as she loved them, they weren't who she wanted. She wanted her Mommy and Daddy. Ryan often questioned his desire to stay at the hospital, wondering if his fears of an emergency were worth what his being gone was doing to Daisy. She felt abandoned by the two people who claimed to love her more than anything else in the world and Ryan was starting to wonder if she still believed him when he told her he loved her.

Ryan sighed as he hung up the phone after his latest conversation with Daisy, once more feeling as if he was the worst father in the world. He headed to Kelsi's room, a weary smile appearing on his face as he saw that she was not alone. Sharpay, Taylor and Martha were all positioned around the bed, chattering on to each other and Kelsi about who knew what. Sharpay looked up as Ryan yawned, a sympathetic look on her face. "How's Daisy?"

"Am I a bad father?" Ryan asked in response, causing Sharpay to lift her eyebrows in surprise.

"Are you serious?" she asked. "You're a terrific father."

"Am I?" he countered. "To Lucy, maybe I'm a good dad. I go in and check on her all the time...I'm doing my best. But what about Daisy?"

"I think we should continue this conversation outside," Sharpay decided, nodding to Taylor and Martha as she got to her feet. She grabbed Ryan's hand and tugged him out of the room. "Now...to reiterate - you're a terrific father. To both of your daughters."

"Really, Shar?" He let out a humorless chuckle. "You've been around Daisy these past couple of days. You've seen her burst into tears and scream for me and Kelsi." He jerked his thumb towards Kelsi's room. "Kelsi has a good excuse. She's been in a coma all week. But what about me? Huh? I'm not in a coma...my car's still here. There's nothing stopping me from leaving to check on Daisy," he huffed. "Nothing except for myself. What does that say about me, huh?"

"That you love Kelsi and Lucy and want to be here for them," Sharpay answered, alarmed by the look on his face. "This is an impossible situation, Ryan. You've said so yourself. All your girls need you and you're doing the best you can."

"You know what Daisy asked me just now?" Ryan asked. "She asked me why I didn't want to be with her. My little girl, my precious little flower, a child I love more than life itself asked me why I don't want to be with her anymore." Ryan's chin quivered. "Sure, I tried to tell her that that wasn't true. That I do want to be with her, but I can't right now." He shook his head, furious at himself. "How lame is that? Yeah, sure, I love you, sweetheart, but I can't be with you right now. Yes, Daisy, of course I love you, but apparently I love your mommy and sister more because I won't leave them to see you."

"Ryan," Sharpay began.

"Yes, sweetheart, I know it's almost Christmas and I know how much you miss me, but no, I can't come get you. Yes, I know you need me and I'm sorry about that, but Mommy and Lucy need me too," he ranted, hating himself more with every word he spoke.

"Ryan, stop it," Sharpay pleaded, grabbing his shoulders. "Don't do this to yourself."

"It should be me in there," Ryan hissed, nodding to Kelsi's hospital room again. "I should be the one in a coma fighting to wake up, not Kelsi." He swiped his fist across his now wet cheeks. "I wish I could trade places with her. I'd do it in a second. She'd handle this so much better than me. She'd find a way to be there for all of us, including Daisy. No way would she let days go by without seeing her. No way."

"Ryan, come on. You're being way too hard on yourself," she said gently. "Kelsi and Lucy are both fighting for their lives. Of course you want to stay here with them. It doesn't mean you don't love Daisy enough and it doesn't mean you're a bad father. I know Daisy's hurting right now and it breaks my heart because I love that little niece of mine," she continued. "I know it has to be about a million times worse for you because she's your little girl, but I refuse to let you keep doing this to yourself."

"I abandoned my baby," he said quietly. "I haven't seen her since I dropped her and Kelsi off to go shopping. If you ask me, I'm not being hard enough on myself."

"You have not abandoned her," Sharpay argued, sounding like she was on the verge of tears. "You haven't seen her, true, but you also haven't missed a phone call. I've seen you drop everything else you were doing when it's been time for you to call her. You refuse to miss even one of those calls because your baby means that much to you. I know how hard they are for you. I know what it does to you when you hear your little girl crying for you. But you keep calling and you know why? It's because you love Daisy so much." She reached up to smooth out his uncharacteristically messy hair; he hadn't been wearing any hats for the past couple of days, since he'd developed the nervous habit of running his hands through his hair. "It's because you're a good father. You can't do this to yourself, Ryan. You have enough to worry about."

"I don't know how much longer I can go on like this, Shar," he admitted. "It's so hard. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of a meltdown." He shook his head at her. "When's it gonna get better? Tell me it's going to get better, Shar, because I'm losing it."

"It will get better, Ryan," she said calmly. "And I'm not saying that because you're losing it. I'm saying it because I believe it. As far as when? I'm not sure, but...but maybe it'll be soon. Aren't you always the one saying that Christmas is a time for miracles?"

"It's easier to say that when nothing's going horribly wrong," he pointed out. "But lately...everything seems so bad. It's hard for me to believe in miracles now. I'm not so sure they exist anymore."

"What?" she gaped at him. "Are you kidding? There's miracles all around you. Lucy and Kelsi could've died before the ambulance got to the hospital, but they didn't. Kelsi could've had her abruption earlier in the pregnancy, which would've cut Lucy's odds of survival, but she didn't. The doctors may not have been able to get Lucy out of Kelsi's stomach in time, but they did. Kelsi could've died on the table if they hadn't of given her that emergency blood transfusion, but they did. Lucy's gone through some rough patches since she was born, but she's still fighting and so is Kelsi. So, how can you stand there and tell me that you're not sure that miracles exist? I just listed off a few of them. And whose to say that there's not more of them in store?"

"Maybe you're right," he conceded.

"You can't lose hope, Ry. If you do, they will," Sharpay said gently, nodding towards Kelsi room. She studied him for a moment. "You know what you need? A break. Why don't you go take a walk or something? All your girls are covered for the moment. So, why don't you take a little break? I think it'd do you a lot of good."

"When did you get to be so smart?" he asked.

"Oh please," she rolled her eyes playfully, determined to lighten to mood a little. "I've always been this smart. You just haven't been paying attention."

"I've been a little busy lately," he pointed out, though he gave her a small smile. "Thank you for being here, Sharpay. It really means a lot to me."

"Oh, come here," she said, sounding slightly teary as she pulled him in for a hug. "I love you, little brother."

"I love you too, Shar," he replied.

"Okay...enough sappy stuff." She let out a weak chuckle. "Go take a walk."

"Okay," he nodded. "I'll be back soon."

Ryan stopped by the NICU to check on Lucy, relieved when Tess told him that she was doing just fine. He promised he'd be back in a little while and she'd just smiled and told him that she had everything under control. It was bitterly cold that day...he'd discovered that during his last call to Daisy. So, he opted to walk around the hospital instead. Maybe not the most scenic walk in the world, but at least it'd give him some time alone to think. To breathe even. Sometimes being with Kelsi or Lucy or talking to Daisy hurt so much that he could barely breathe. Sometimes he had to keep reminding himself to. But now the air seemed to be flowing in and out of him much easier.

He wandered somewhat aimlessly, no specific destination in mind. He had enough to think about these days. As long as he could find his way back to his girls, he didn't care where he went. Or at least he'd thought so until he realized that his mindless wandering had led him to the hospital chapel. Maybe he did have a destination in mind, he thought to himself as he opened the door and slipped inside. It was strange...he had every reason to be mad at God, and a part of him was. He'd done his share of yelling at God, even if it was all in his head. But here...here in the chapel, he couldn't muster up any anger. Instead he found himself gazing up at the cross while tears streamed down his face.

"Are You still here?" he asked quietly. "Are You still with me? Because I don't feel Your presence if you are. I used to feel it...it used to be so easy for me. But then Kelsi had her abruption and...and I try to feel it, but I can't. So...are You still here?" He stepped a little closer to the cross as he spoke. "I can't do this anymore, God. I'm breaking down a little more every day. I feel so alone sometimes..." He trailed off for a moment, surprised that he'd said those words out loud. "Like late at night when I'm trying to sleep or right after I get off the phone with Daisy...when I'm making my way from one of my girls to another and there's no one walking with me...I feel so alone. Alone and useless and scared," he huffed. "I might as well be a little kid again, what with the way I'm feeling..."

"I don't know what to do anymore...I know that You exist and I know that are miracles are real, but...it's so hard. I just...I need a sign. Something to show me that You're still here and that You still care about me and my family. I need a sign...please...I can't do this on my own. I need Your help, so please...if You're listening...send me a sign so I know. Please." His voice was whisper soft as he finished. "Please." He closed his eyes, letting his emotions have free reign for the moment, unable to control them and not wanting to.

"Hello Ryan." His eyes opened at the sound of a lilting Irish voice. A voice that he'd first heard on that cold, rainy night a few Christmases ago. A voice that he had never forgotten, no matter how much time had passed. A voice that belonged to a woman that Ryan and Kelsi believed to be an angel. Ryan gulped as he turned around, feeling his eyes widen at the sight of her. "It's nice to see you again," she smiled at him warmly, though he could see a trace of sadness in her eyes. "I do wish it was under better circumstances, but it's nice to see you all the same."

"Monica," he whispered.