10. What we were, what we are

I was sixteen when suddenly
I wasn't that little girl you used to see
But your eyes still shined like pretty lights

I would always arrive early at school, but seek refuge on the field or the library and just enter the classroom when the class was about to start. I tried not to linger on the hallways, even more when they were crowded. I knew how to take care of myself if needed, I just didn't want to hear the mean things some kids could say.

Up to that moment I was able to become almost invisible, but I knew it wouldn't be long until I was recognized as a foster kid. I knew how foster kids were treated but more than that, I didn't want people to recognize me. I didn't want questions about my parents or my family, even if they were polite questions. I didn't want questions about why I had disappeared and what I had been doing. For my luck, one or other kid that I studied with before didn't come to talk to me about things. I was ok with that, them ignoring me was the best thing.

The only exception to the rule was Angela. She would usually sit down and talk to me after class, when I wanted to postpone the time to go home. She didn't know I was doing that, but she would stay with me for some time, sometimes sketching, sometimes just talking. Certain day she called me to sit with her and her friends at their table on lunch. It was so weird and uncomfortable that I thought it best for both of us that that didn't happen anymore.

Even if I repeated to myself that I didn't need friends at all, I was thankful to Angela for meeting me every day, and have a talk for half an hour. I would never confess that, but I knew that I needed that.

On that Thursday she was telling me about a party she went, with many excited squeaks and hand movements, when I heard someone calling my name.

"Hey, Brennan." I turned around to see Hodgins walking on my direction, some sheets of paper on his hands. "I'm glad I caught you, I left school earlier today and I thought I would miss you." he said, handing me the papers.

"Do you want me to fill it now?" I was left without an answer, so I tried again "Hodgins?"

"Sure, if you don't mind. Then I take it with me already." he said, finally stopping looking at Angela to answer me. I heard a giggle to my side.

I filled out the forms quickly, not wanting to think too much about the address or phone number. For a foolish second I began to write my old address down. When I remembered it had changed, I felt my stomach dropping.

I gave the paper back to him, that was leaning against a trash can. When he approached me to get the papers, the trash can turned with a lot of noise. He picked it up, clumsily, and a new round of laughter came from Angela. I looked from her to him not understanding. Hodgins quickly waved a goodbye, still smiling, and walked to a car on the other side of the street.

"Wow." said Angela, watching him turn the car on and leave. "Wow."

"What does that mean?" I asked, confused. Even I knew that 'wow' wasn't a word.

"You are telling me you don't find him cute?" Angela asked, the biggest smile on her face.

"Hodgins? I don't know, his face is too slim, I prefer a broaden bone structure."

"Sweetie, if you don't think so, just tell me." Angela said, laughing. "At least we won't fight over boys, your taste is different from mine. So, what's your type?"

I thought for a moment what would call my attention in a boy.

"Tall, well-built... expressive zygomatic bones..."

"I don't know what the zygomatic bones are, but let's see if I understood... Something like that blond boy?" she pointed to a sophomore that was going up the stairs.

"No... Something like..." I looked around the students that left the school. "That one!"

I pointed to a tall, dark-haired boy that was talking to another. His face was attractive to me and his physic structure was not totally developed, like most of us there, but I could see that he would be really well built when older. Then he raised his eyes and caught me staring at him.

I saw surprise coloring his chocolate brown eyes. I would recognize those bright eyes anywhere in the world. I stared at him, not believing I was seeing who I was seeing.

"Whoa, he is looking at you. What kind of magic is that?" I heard Angela whispering, but I only understood the meaning of the words seconds later. "Look, he is coming here!"

I saw when his friend was left behind, looking at him with a confused expression. He didn't break eye contact while he got closer, neither did I. When he was close enough, stopped in front of me and mumbled:

"Bones?"

The same as always.

"Booth."

"You are different... not a girl anymore."

"You are not a boy anymore either, Booth." That was obvious.

He kept looking at me for some seconds and I compared the mental image I had from my friend with him. The same brown eyes, the same brightness, the same smile.

"I didn't believe that..." he started suddenly, like he had woken up from a dream. "I tried to call you many times to tell you I was coming back. I reached Russ once but he was in another city and sounded a little mad when talking to me..."

"I don't have contact with my brother anymore."

"What, you have a brother?" I heard Angela say, surprised.

Booth looked briefly at her then put his eyes back on me.

"What happened, Bones? Did he leave? Why did you guys move? I passed by your old house last week and..."

"Look, Booth, I need to go."

I started walking before he or Angela could reach me. When I got to the crossing looked back. The two of them were still frozen, watching as I left.

I knew I would face an interrogation from Angela. And I knew that now that Booth was back, he would find out my class, the time I arrived, how I came to school and any other extra detail. He was really good at finding out stuff. I also knew he would question me about what happened and even if I didn't want it, he would find everything out.

But I wasn't prepared for that yet, I wasn't prepared to show my vulnerability in front of him. That's why I went home. I could work in compartmentalize, build up my defenses, so I would be ready to face him on the next day.

I was so right, I thought as I passed through the doors of school on the next day and he was waiting for me.

"Hey, Bones! What's up with you running away from me? And what happened to Russ?"

That made me angry.

"Why do you want to know about my life? And what are you doing here at allein?" I saw some hurt in his eyes, but his answer was determined.

"I study here since the beginning of the semester. I told you, we came back from San Francisco and I looked for you everywhere. I want to know what is going on, Bones, I am worried with you."

"My life is my business only!"

He looked at wide-eyed, not prepared for that explosion.

"Bones, we are friends!"

"People like you don't walk with people like me. I get it, ok?" I answer, looking at his T-shirt, the basketball uniform. It was easy to see that he was a popular guy.

We were in the crowded hallway and a group of students with the football uniform stopped to ask Booth why he was talking to me. I took the opportunity to disappear, heading to the library.

A little before the bell rang I heard someone sitting by my side. I looked up angry, thinking Booth had found me, but it was Angela I saw.

"Hey, Brenn. You are the only person I know to be at the library before 9 am."

"What do you want?" I asked her, harsher than I intended.

"Why are you mad at me?"

I sighed. I had no right to direct my anger to Angela. Not to the first girl who made an effort to befriend me.

"I am sorry, it's not your fault."

"It has to do with that boy from yesterday, doesn't it? You need to tell me everything, there must be an amazing story behind it."

I was thinking about a way to avoid the subject when the bell rang, right on time.

"Come on Angela, we can't be late."

She smiled before following me out the library. When we reached the point where we would part ways, I heard her say:

"Do not think you got rid of it so easily."

Angela was persistent, just like Booth. I knew he wouldn't give up so easily. Some days later I was going back home, having walked some blocks already, when he surprised me.

"We will talk now, Bones"

"I don't know what you want to talk about. And why do you keep calling me Bones? It is a childish and stupid nickname!"

He held my arm, making me stop walking. For some seconds he looked into my eyes and I saw my buddy, my friend. But I didn't want to give in so I looked away.

"You've changed. You were not like that."

I yanked my arm back from his grasp.

"Why are you worried with me now, Booth? You are the one that went away."

He finally started to get angry.

"What was I supposed to do? I was thirteen, Bones! And you are the one who stopped calling me and sending news!"

I knew it wasn't his fault, it wasn't willingly that he moved away. And I knew it wasn't his fault that my parents had disappeared four years after he left. And then Russ. But at that moment, I almost fell good at directing my anger to another person.

"Booth, please, leave me alone..." I whispered, turning around and running away.

I didn't look back as I ran but I knew how his expression must be. The eyes dark, the brows furrowed, his typical hurt expression. And I was the one to hurt him. But I was surprised when I heard him yell:

"Alright, blame me! I thought our friendship was more important to you!"

I increased the speed, wanting to put as much distance as possible between us.