Chapter Ten: Loneliness

Arthur woke to silence. The bed next to him was cold and empty. He and Gwen hadn't spent a night together since over a month earlier. A month in which he still had not become accustomed to waking to silence. In truth, he could have hired another servant, but how could anyone replace Merlin?

So every morning, he half expected it to be a dream, that Merlin would walk in and throw open the curtains in that infuriatingly energized motion of his and say one of those horribly, ridiculously cheerful morning greeting. He had no idea he would miss being woken up so much.

The silence was a reminder of what had happened. Merlin was a sorcerer. Merlin had betrayed him. But here in the early hours of morning, he didn't feel angry. He just felt sad, with a deep ache in his chest that was more painful than any battle wound he had ever sustained. It was as if a part of his heart was missing.

When he was with the council, or when he leaned over maps and planned battle strategies and defenses against magical attacks, he forced himself to feel angry, to feel betrayed. He took all his emotions brought about by Merlin's true nature and formed them into a potent anger that was his weapon against magic. However, when he was alone, like he was now, in the cover of darkness, all he felt was pain and loneliness.

He just wanted it to be like it was before, when he had never known he was being lied to, when he had never known that his absolute trust in his manservant was extremely misplaced.

He wanted Merlin back, Merlin as he was before. Not Merlin the sorcerer, but Merlin his friend.

Several days ride away, Merlin awoke feeling much the same, except the ache in his heart was rather out-weighed by the aches everywhere else in his body.

He groaned. He'd forgotten this particular downside to ageing spells. Maybe he should've done a glamour spell on himself as well as on Gwaine. He thought about sitting up for a moment, and then decided it wasn't worth it.

How does Gaius manage to get up earlier than me every morning if he feels like this? Merlin wondered.

He contemplated the sky, which was cloudless, for a few minutes, trying to convince his aged limbs that they had to get a move on. Then the sky was blocked out by an unfamiliar face, and he was on his feet faster than he thought he'd ever be able to move, bringing his magic to the surface as he went thought offensive spells in his memory.

"Woah!" The blonde man who had startled him held up his hands in a gesture of peace. "Merlin, it's me."

"Oh, God, Gwaine," Merlin gasped, dropping the wrinkled hand he'd raised towards the disguised knight and letting the golden glow fade from his eyes. "You scared me!"

The Knight crossed his arms across his chest and pouted a little. "It's not my fault that my normally inviting, stunning good looks have been ruined."

The more elderly of the two stretched, hearing his neck pop as he did so. Stupid, old, aching body, he thought bitterly. This had definitely not been one of his better ideas. "Stop sulking, Gwaine. It's only until we find the Druid camp."

If anything, Gwaine's lip extended in even more of a pout. "And how far away is this Druid camp? I've never seen any settlements at all in this part of Camelot."

Merlin rolled his eyes, which was a rather strange expression for an old man. "The Druids aren't stupid, Gwaine. They have wards around their camps that make most people stay away. Their settlements can't be seen, heard or sensed in any way, and I've been protecting you from their repellant spells for a while now. Without me with you, you would have a sudden urge to run away from here. Here, I'll show you."

His eyes glowed gold as he let go of the power he was holding in order to protect the Knight. Gwaine suddenly stared around at the forest as if it was haunted, taking a step towards the warlock as if he was looking for protection.

"There's… there's something out there. Something that doesn't want us here," he muttered, fingers wrapping around the hilt of his sword.

Merlin took hold of the magic again, and Gwaine relaxed.

"What was that?" he asked.

"Just a repellant spell. Creates a sense of foreboding and fear. Most patrols skirt this part of the forest. There's nothing important located there, so it was never much of an issue, since major roads run on both sides of the area. The Druids were smart to choose it as a settlement. And their wards are strong. You probably felt something when you patrolled the roads."

Gwaine seemed to consider it. "Yes, a faint sense of foreboding. We never camped along here." He contemplated the forest for a moment. "How did you know a Druid settlement was here?"

A sharp pain stabbed Merlin's heart, and he turned away from the Knight under the pretense of picking up his bedroll. It was really to hide the haze of tears spreading across his eyes. "I… loved a druid girl once. I made it my goal to learn as much about the druids as possible after she…" He couldn't finish the sentence.

The strangely blonde Gwaine put a hand on Merlin's shoulder. "What happened to her?"

His shoulders tensed. "Arthur killed her."

The Knight reeled back in shock. "What?"

"It wasn't Arthur's fault," the warlock quickly defended his King. "Freya was cursed. When the sun set, she became a monster that killed as soon as thought. It wasn't really her fault, what she became, but I can hardly blame him. He was just protecting the people of Camelot." His elderly hands trembled slightly, and Gwaine stepped forward to put his hands on the sorcerer's shoulders comfortingly.

The knight didn't say anything, there wasn't really anything he could, and Merlin got a hold of himself after a minute and pulled away to put his bedroll in the saddlebags.

"Come on," he said, voice gruffer than usual with withheld emotion. "We're nearly there. The sooner we get there the sooner you can have your good looks back."

It was proof of Gwaine's incredible vanity that they had eaten and were on their way before even a half-hour had passed.

After a few hours riding, Merlin tensed. Voices piled into his mind, many of them, all saying the same thing.

Emrys…Emrys…You have come… Emrys…We are expecting you…Emrys?

The warlock smiled to himself and sent a thought out ahead of him. These were his people, his kin, the ones who believed that he would fulfill his prophesied destiny despite what had happened. The people who still believed Arthur could rise up and become a stronger King than his father ever had been.

Yes, it is I.

Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin, so don't sue me. That would make me upset, and I'm pretty intimidating when I'm upset. Also, you might lose. I did take Law. ;)

Sorry I didn't post yesterday! You may have noticed, however, that I wrote a different Merlin and Arthur story, a one-shot called To Kiss a Frog. I needed a bit of a break from this one to figure out where I want to take the story. Don't worry, it'll be better for it! And you guys are the awesomest (it's a word. I say so). I have over a hundred followers! That's intense!

P.S. Finally got the image manager thing to work! Apparently you shouldn't try to upload pictures that are 17.5 MB. To explain this picture, it's a drawing I did of our beloved warlock. Yep, I'm definitely obsessed.