Deadpool's POV
"Fight me," Harley had said, which completely threw me for a whirl, considering I thought we were getting ready to do the nasty and I had to shake my head in disbelief, staring at her from behind my mask.
"Wait, I'm sorry…what was that?" I asked, thinking that I had clearly not heard her correctly.
Harley's hands moved from my shoulders to lace into the bottom portion of my mask as she slowly started to roll it up. My hands hesitantly started to move towards her own in an attempt to stop her from removing my mask completely, because, well…I'd be lying if I said I kinda wanted the sex first, before she realized how revolting I was and wanted nothing to do with me. She stopped once she had my whole mouth revealed however, so I didn't see any reason to stop her.
"I want ya…to fight me, Pooley," she said as her lips suddenly crushed against my own and my eyebrows shot skyward from behind my mask. The kiss was deep, ravenous, and completely all over the place, as if the two of us had been celibate for a fucking lifetime.
%Squeeee I can't believe this is actually happening!%
I moved my arms to wrap around her amazing tight-ass body as she continued to ravish me with her mouth and then suddenly, she pulled away. My lips continued to make the motions of kissing as I flittered my eyes open in confusion as to why we were stopping. Suddenly, a fist collided straight into my face and a girly giggle escaped from Harley as she bit her lower lip, clearly aroused by this action. She stepped forward and suddenly took my entire man package in her hand with a bit of force as I grunted, a sense of pain and lust overwhelming me. She leaned forward, licking her lips seductively as she tilted her head at me, beginning to massage my naughty bits as she did so, which made me whimper.
"Pooley, I want ya….to fight me. Pweeeeeease?" she whined as she batted her eyelashes several times at me.
{This chick is batshit crazy.}
%I know isn't it amaaaaaaaazing?!%
Okay, I'd play her game….she could take it, and I had to admit, fighting for foreplay was a fucking hot as hell idea. I tilted my head at her before beginning this sexy showdown.
"Just so you know…my name is Wade. You'll need to know that when you're screaming it later," I stated simply as I watched Harley's face light up and she continued to bite at her lip. My hands shoved roughly into her shoulders, sending her tripping over her own feet backwards. At first, she looked surprised and then her new look explained it all: it was on like Donkey Kong. She grabbed for her mallet and had the most, maniacal, sexy, fucking grin I have ever seen in my life spread across her face. I held my hands out to either side, waiting for her next move, expecting her to swing the mallet at me, but instead she launched the entire thing at me at such a quick speed I hadn't time to dodge.
"Fuck!" I bellowed as the mallet collided into my stomach and sent me launching half way across the warehouse into a nearby wall. My body slumped to the ground and I left out a groan, pulling myself to my feet.
{Lest we forget…she's super strong.}
A hole was suddenly formed in the wooden beam inches from where my head was; a bullet hole to be exact. My eyes widened behind my mask as my head darted over in her direction. I thought this was about fist fighting, I hadn't expected her to bring out the heavy artillery. I stood straight up and threw my hand out in reference to her pistol.
"Where did that even fucking come from?!" I asked sincerely.
%Heehee this just keeps getting better and better!%
Harley's eyebrows rose to the skies in answer before she shot another round between my legs only inches below my third katana. I looked down with a whimper and then shot my head back up, narrowing my eyes as I drew both my pistols. Two could play this game. I started firing round after round at Harley as she dipped, dodged, flipped and slid across the ground in avoidance.
%Man, do I wish I was the one with the BODY!%
Harley left out a high-pitched squeal followed by a giggle as I popped the magazines out of each of my pistols, replacing them with fresh ones, the hard-on in my pants getting fucking firm as concrete. My head was down for but a moment as I did this action before, suddenly my body was shoved into a nearby wall, my back pressed against it, and Harley's boobs pressed into my chest as she kissed me again…hard. The tip of her pistol dragged its way up my side until it was pointed straight under my chin. I heard the trigger *click* as no round escaped. Harley slowly pulled away, my bottom lip caught between her teeth as she stretched it as far as it would go without ripping it from my fucking skull, a bit of blood escaping. She grinned at me.
"Did you know it was empty?" I asked quizzically, eyeing the gun still pointed at my cranium.
"Would it have mattahed?" she asked, tilting her head at me. It really wouldn't have considering I'd just heal, I guess.
"Well, no…but it is the principal behind the thing...I guess?" I answered and she left out a giggle again as her hands darted behind my head, grabbing both of my katanas from my sheath. She skipped a few feet in front of me and then tossed me one of the swords. I caught it with ease and tossed it around in my palm as I watched Harley start to move seductively, using my katana as an accomplice. She splayed the sword across her shoulders, sharp side up, as she spread her legs far apart and rotated her hips around in one circular motion, my head following every hill and curve as she did so. She then rose the sword vertical and proceeded to lick her tongue slowly up the dull edge of the blade and my jaw dropped behind my mask as a hand went to adjust my suit at the crotch.
Suddenly, things went back to fight mode as she slashed the sword toward me, my mind having been so fucked fogged from the phallic display Harley just gave, I almost didn't block the blow in time, but I'm motherfucking Deadpool after all! The two of us went into a katana slashing frenzy, blow for blow, slash for slash.
%I don't have the penis here but I'm pretty sure I just came.%
{Of all the voices in the world, how did I get stuck with you?}
%Ooooh you LOVE me!%
{Shut UP so we can enjoy this!}
I, of course, got the upper hand, knocking the sword from Harley's grasp as I backpedaled her into a nearby wall with my katana hesitating at her throat. My other hand wrapped around both of hers and I lifted them up and over her head. We both stood there staring at one another, panting like a couple of dogs in heat. She bit the air in front of me with a grin and then proceeded to lick her lips before tilting her head.
"Ya want some Harley Pie, baby?" she asked and I found myself just nodding slowly and then more vigorously in response as her knee began to raise between my legs, rubbing my no-no spot once it landed there.
"Then strip fer me!" she retorted and I continued to nod, not fully processing what she just said, before I shook my head rapidly.
"Wait- come again?" I asked, lowering my sword and returning both of them to the sheath at my back.
"Ya heard me…I want ya to strip fer me. Like yer Magic friggin' Mike," she answered as she skipped over to a nearby wooden crate and hopped up onto it, crossing her legs and leaning back on her hands. She rose her eyebrows at me. I rubbed the back of my masked head.
"You're serious?" I asked and she bounced one of her legs up and down with a wide grin.
"Deadly," she responded and I cleared my throat, taking a deep breath. Okay…we can do this. No problem, we've done crazier, right? I started to gyrate my hips, channeling my inner Channing Taint-um. I did a little twirl move and dropped down to the ground and proceeded to dry hump the floor as I continued to gyrate my hips. I imagined that song 'Pony' by Ginuwine and everything!
%Wait, have we done this before?%
{Have we imagined a song NOT from the 80s this entire story before?}
Harley seemed pleased as she clapped her hands enthusiastically and bounced up and down on the crate.
"Ow, ow! Whatta preview!" she shouted, smiling from ear to ear, which only encouraged me as I started to remove my gloves and sauntered my way over to her, masculine-like of course. I jumped up onto the crate and put a leg on either side of her as I slowly guided her to lie back on the crate and my hips continued to gyrate in front of her face before I spun and jumped off, my back turned to her. My hand lifted to the back zipper of my suit and I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing…fully prepared for her to run for the hills or vomit…or vomit WHILE running for the hills. I slowly unzipped the suit as I peeled it from my shoulders and stopped just above my ass.
"Take it ALL off, ya sexy mofo!" Harley bellowed, clearly not grossed out…yet. I swayed my hips a bit before pulling the suit down and off completely, struggling a bit as I got to my boots and tried my best not to look too much like an idiot as I kicked them off, and then I slowly turned around to face her, complete in birthday suit, minus my face.
Harley's POV
I leaped right off that crate once the glory that was Deadpool's rock hard body stood in frontah me. Holy muscles! I'd been bangin' such a scrawny, skinny, chump fer so long; I'd forgotten how ripply dudes could be! I extended my mitts and ran mah fingers over his goodies. His abs, his forearms, and good GOD those shouldahs, mmmm! His entire body looked like it'd been burnt or somethin', but quite frankly, I didn't give a hoot! This guy was hot, swirlin' in a tub of butterscotch, and I wanted a taste, right meow! I grinned up at him as I continued to run my hands over any part I liked.
"Oooo, ribbed for her pleasure…I like it. Mask, now, come on, don't be shy," I cooed at him as he tilted his head, watchin' me. He turned his head away as he took off the mask, but when he turned back around, instead of his Deadpool mask, he had a unicorn mask on and I put my hands on my hips, although I actually kinda liked it. NO, no! I wanted to see the face of the man I planned to screw the brains out of, for a proposed long period of time!
"Imma take a rain check on that one, but I want to see YOU, Wade," I said sincerely and I watched as his shoulders slumped.
"You do realize that all of this…doesn't stop at my neckline, right?" he asked, referring to his scars in a muffled voice as the unicorn mask bobbed back and forth. I was gettin' impatient, and reached forward to yank the mask off and grinned at him. So, what if he was bald and wrinkly? I freakin' LOVED it, it was so different! I stepped forward and kissed him with all my might as he pushed me back slightly, breakin' the kiss. What the hell was he doin'?!
"This…really doesn't bother you?" he asked, raisin' his eyebrows, well, if he had any, as it was more like a raisin' of skin.
"Are you kiddin'? Ya did see my ex, right? Bleached skin, scarred on smile, bright-ass green hair?" I asked and he tilted his head back and forth.
"Well, good point, I ju-," he started to say and I slapped a hand over his mouth, lookin' up at him. If I didn't get his sausage in my cannoli soon…I was goin' to implode.
"Wade, just fer once in this story…shaddup," I said to him and I felt him smile behind my hand as I leaped up into his arms wrappin' my legs around his torso as he carried me over to that nearby crate, ploppin' me down.
Deadpool's POV
Holy shit, had this woman been hand sculpted and then given life or something?
{Pretty sure that was Wonder Woman.}
%Yeah that's a whole other story!%
Didn't matter if she was or wasn't, but this chick was a straight ass goddess in every sense of the word. We kissed ravenously as I slid her top from her taut bod and she shimmied off her little booty shorts. I sat up a moment to stare down at her bodacious fucking body, those perky plump boobs, that luscious clam just waiting for me to dive right into.
"Good God, you're gorgeous," I said down to her and then it turned into that scene from Top Gun, you know the one… 'Take my breath awaaaaay…' as I slowly lowered her head down to the non-existent pillow and I just as slowly moved my way atop her and we made sweet, sweet love, slowly ever so-hahaha I'm totally fucking with you. We're too crazy for that normal ass bullshit.
What really happened was: she smiled before reaching up to grab the back of my neck as she shoved my face right down to her pleasure mound with a giggle. Direct. I like that! I didn't hesitate to lap up her, 'Deadpool Lovin' Juice', my tongue flicking around every which way. Her hips kept repeatedly arching off the crate before her legs were suddenly wrapped around my neck and she twirled us both right off the crate and onto the floor. I landed on my back and Harley was on top of me, quick as a jackrabbit.
I held a hand out to either side of me as I landed with a grunt. I looked up at her as she landed on top of me; she took her nails and dragged them down the front of my chest, drawing blood and I growled. Is it that hard to believe that I'm a masochist? Nah, didn't think so. She smiled as she dipped her head down towards my boomstick and took it into her mouth, all the way to the back of her- oh god, I can't even think straight!
%Uh, should we take over – he's not telling the readers anything anymore!%
{*ahem* Our flesh flute slid down the back of her throat as she took all of us in and- hell I can't do this either}
%Heehee, flesh flute?%
Harley was a blowjob badass, but considering how long it had been since 'ol Deadpool had seen some love action, if I wanted any chance of diving into that snatch, I was going to have to stop her-FUCK! I suddenly leapt to my feet to Harley's surprise as I snatched her up into my arms. She left out a shriek and then a giggle as I bent her over the wooden crate, and plunged my baloney-pony straight home. Harley left out a shriek as one of her fists slammed down onto the crate.
"Oh, Yahtzee!" she bellowed as I gripped onto her hips for dear life and started our trip to pound town, right then and there. I grabbed one of her pigtails and gave it a light tug as her head tilted upward to look over her shoulder at me with a grin. I leaned forward, continuing to thrust as I whispered in her ear.
"I wanted to bend you over and screw your brains out the moment I saw dat ass in the alleyway," I said and she smiled, turning her head to speak to me.
"Oh yah? I wanted to screw yer brains out the moment I saw ya decapitate that goon in the alleyway." I stopped my thrusting for but a moment as I furrowed my non-existent eyebrows at her.
"And you didn't say or do anything, this entire time?!" I asked…we could have been fucking like rabbits this entire story! She gave me a little pout.
"I know, I've been a naughty, naughty girl…maybe ya should spank me." I stood straight up and began to thrust again as I gave her rear a nice, crisp slap and she yelped in pleasure.
"I dunno, Pooley…I don't think I've quite yet understood the severity of my wrong-doin's, maybe ya should give it anothah go," Harley said to me and I couldn't help but smile as I repeatedly slapped dat ass and continued to thrust. I then slid out of her and grabbed onto her ribs, flipping her over to her back. She immediately raised her legs and wrapped them around me, pulling me towards her.
"Eager little minx, are we?" I said down to her and she bit at her knuckle.
"Well, with a custard launchah like that, can ya blame me?!" she answered as I grabbed onto her hips and shoved my heat-seeking-moisture-missile back into its sheath with a grunt. I wanted to see her face when she reached her crescendo and, well, truth be told, I wanted to see her boobies bounce as I fucked her too. After a few more thrusts, my prayers had been answered and Harley went into all out spasms beneath me.
"Gooooooooooal!" she bellowed as she came, and her clenching around my lap-rocket as she did so was enough to send me over my own edge, and I graciously did so! After the tremors had lapsed, I collapsed onto the crate beside Harley, both of us laying on our backs, staring up at the ceiling.
Harley's POV
That haddah been the most mind blowin' sex I've ever had in my life! Should I tell him that? Nah, not quite yet…make him work for it! One thing I do know, I am completely and utterly obsessed with this goober now. He's the pickle to my dill, the candy to my cotton, the- oh, like it really surprises ya that I, Harley Quinn, would be obsessed over someone! Suddenly, Wade turned onto his side to peer down at me, his face becoming completely serious. Here it comes, the moment where 'ol Harl gets the boot after the man got what he wanted. Why does he think I didn't say anything right away? Ugh.
"We live in a cynical world, a cynical world, and we work in a business of tough competitors. I love you. You…complete us. And I just had-," Wade said and I interrupted him just as I should, knowing my part in this and grinnin' from ear to ear at how silly this guy truly was.
"Shaddup. Just shaddup. Ya had me at decapitation. Ya had me at decapitation," I answered and then we kissed, and lived happily ever aftah, and all that jazz-a-molly!
Deadpool's POV
I broke from the kiss a moment as I turned my head to face the readers.
Wait, wait, while you're sitting there dabbing at your eyes with a Kleenex at the sheer beauty that is Harley and I's love, rest assured there will be one final bout of insanity for you to read in the Epilogue, so be sure to dazzle your senses with that piece of work. I know you just can't get enough of us!