The cottage sat on a bluff overlooking the ocean. Emily could hear the waves crashing, even with the windows and doors closed. It was quaint and almost empty of any furniture. She quietly walked through the small space, trying to get control of her tears. Derek watched her, still silently crying, standing by the front door. The two small bedrooms were bare and looked finished. In the bathroom, there were a couple of towels folded on a shelf and the bare minimum in terms of toiletries. The kitchen had a single stool pulled up next to the counter, along with a ladder and the painting supplies. And in the living room, pushed up against the glass french doors that looked out over the bluff and into the night was a single bed and a small side table. Emily could see a crate with a few changes of clothes in it and a pair of running shoes on the floor next to the crate. There was something leaning against the lamp on the small table and Emily stepped forward to look.
It was wallet-size picture of a their family, taken the previous Christmas. The edges of the picture were very worn, like it had been held a lot. It was in Derek's wallet the day he left. He might have tossed away who he was that day, but he kept this picture. And sitting next to it was his wedding ring.
Emily's tears started again and she faced him. "So you haven't forgotten to remember us," she whispered.
Derek swallowed a few times. "Sometimes I tried to because it hurt so much to remember, but not thinking about you hurt worse."
Emily stared at him, her muscles physically aching with the tension created by holding herself back from touching him. She didn't know where to go from here, afraid to push a conversation and have him shut down on her. She just looked at him and waited.
"How are they?" he asked after a few seconds. Three words laden with so much fear and sadness.
Emily inhaled and exhaled a slow deep breath. This was it, or at least the beginning of it; her start of guiding him back home. She set the paintbrush down and took a few steps closer to him, stopping when she saw a bit of fear cross his face. "Caleb's doing okay. He misses you. I haven't read to him in weeks now; he only wants his Daddy Books. He doesn't understand where you are, but he's okay most of the time. Serena...Serena is not okay, Derek. She's worried about you. She's actually the reason I'm here. She told me that you'd want me to find you, even if you didn't think you did. She said I had to find you before you stopped remembering us. She loves you so much, and Caleb loves you. And I love you."
Derek crumbled to the floor on his knees, sobbing and covering his face with his hands. "I'm sorry, Em. I'm so sorry," he managed to get out around his sobs.
Emily stepped forward again and knelt in front of him, her heart breaking for this beautiful man who she loved so much. She reached one finger out and gently touched the back of his hand, where it covered his face. He startled just slightly and pulled his hands away to look at her.
Emily gave him a small smile, sad and hopeful at the same time. "I'm the warrior in search of the northern lights and you're the labradorite stone holding them inside you. I don't want you to feel like you have to tell me you're sorry about this ever again. I want you to let me in so I can help you release that light back out into the universe." She slowly reached up and placed her hand on his cheek, so gently she could barely feel his skin and beard under her hand. He didn't pull away. "You're still in there and I'm here to help you find yourself again," she whispered.
She could sense and see his arms moving and if she thought her heart was beating fast when she first saw him, it was nothing compared to the tempo it was beating now. She didn't know her heart could beat so fast. Derek's whole body trembled now, but he kept reaching until his arms were around her waist, pulling her to him. Emily leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, smiling and sobbing. She could feel his fear, but she also felt his love, solidly around her.
"I didn't fight him, Em," he whispered in her ear. "I was so afraid he was going to kill me and I would leave you, so I didn't fight him. And it didn't make any difference because he..." Derek stopped talking and took in a shuddering breath, his body starting to shake more.
She gently pulled away from Derek and placed both of her hands on his cheeks, looking him in the eye. And she finished his sentence for him. "He raped you and you had to leave us anyway. But you're not dead. You did fight him by staying alive. And you're still fighting him by trying to heal. You're so strong and you're still here and you're mine and I love you."
Derek stared at her for a few seconds before nodding his head slightly. "I love you, too, Em."
Emily reached her arms back around him and they cried together until they had no more tears left for the moment. Emily could sense when Derek was ready to pull away from her for awhile. For her, her heart was taking flight again. And for him, too, Emily could feel that. But she could also sense it made his heart heavy, too, and there wasn't a quick fix to how he felt about her and touch and home and she needed to follow his lead.
She released him and sat back away from him, wiping her face and looking around. "It doesn't look like there's much left to do around here."
Derek sighed, relieved that she was changing the subject for the time being. "Just some painting and the baseboards in the kitchen and living room."
"Well, let's get to work. I'm going to go to the bathroom and wash my face and then I am your servant, my sweet man."
And he laughed. It was a small laugh, but it was a laugh. His eyes weren't shining yet, but his smile was there. And her smile broke through on her face as well and she knew her eyes were shining again at the sound of his laughter. "Sounds like a plan, Em," he said to her while standing up.
In the bathroom, Emily pulled her phone from her back pocket and sent JJ a text, thankful that she'd remembered to pick up a sim card at the airport. The signal wasn't great out here, but it was enough for a text message. She wanted to call, but it didn't feel right to call them and be joyful when there was still so much uncertainty, and she didn't want Derek to feel pressured.
"He's here. He's talking. It's going to be a few days probably. I don't know. But he's talking, Jayje. And he's beautiful and wonderful and here. I have faith that he's going to come home with me, but I need to give him some time. I'll keep you posted. Tell Serena, and tell her I love her. Tell her I will call her when I can, but it's not the right time yet. She'll understand. Tell Fran. Thank you, JJ."
She hit send and waited until that slow line moved across her phone and the message said "delivered." She put her phone on silent and put it back in her pocket. She washed her face and smiled at herself in the mirror. She couldn't believe it - couldn't believe she found him, couldn't believe he was talking, couldn't believe he'd hugged her like he did.
She emerged from the bathroom and went to the living room, tossing off the sweater that covered her t-shirt. She grabbed the paintbrush and joined Derek in the kitchen.
They painted. There were long stretches of silence and short minutes of conversation.
"Have you been here the whole time?" asked Emily.
"Yes. I knew I needed to go far if I didn't want Penelope to find me. I thought of this place and of those lights in the sky and ended up here. I stayed in a hotel in town the first night, but I saw the ad in the grocery store about a family looking for work on their home in exchange for a place to stay and I took the opportunity. It's the perfect place to see the lights, but it's been too cloudy. When it's been clear, there wasn't enough solar activity."
"I didn't dream far enough," replied Emily. "All of my dreams were of us in the United States. And I looked harder for you in significant places you and I had been. But it wasn't until Serena talked to me that I let in all of the possibilities and landed here."
They lapsed into silence again for several minutes.
"What name do you use? I'm assuming you found a contact in Chicago that hooked you up."
Derek nodded and went to one of the drawers in the kitchen, reached inside an placed a passport on the counter. There was a piece of paper sticking out of it.
Emily came over to look. "Christopher Elliot" was the name on the passport, but that wasn't what she was interested in. She grabbed the paper with her fingertips. It was a boarding pass for a flight from London bound for Dulles dated September 16, the day before Caleb's birthday. Her eyes filled with tears again and she looked at Derek.
"I tried," he said quietly. "But I was too afraid. In the end, I couldn't get on the plane."
She nodded and said, "I understand, Derek. I really do. I love you."
He gave her a small smile and resumed painting. They finished the kitchen around 4:30 in the morning. Emily went outside to grab her bag while Derek was in the shower. She also checked her phone and saw a text message from JJ.
"The spark's back in Serena's eyes, Em. And in mine. I love you. And I love him. Bring him home."
Emily laughed joyfully and took a deep breath, not wanting to cry again at the moment.
Derek emerged from the shower in sweatpants and a sweatshirt and Emily was thankful she'd packed her flannel pajamas. Skin was not on the agenda for their slumber, she knew. She showered quickly and put on her pajamas. He was sitting on the edge of the bed when she walked into the living room and she surveyed him.
"If you have some extra blankets, I could take the floor," she said.
He gave her that half smile again. "I've been thinking about it, and I think I'll be okay. Come to bed, Em."
She watched Derek get under the covers and scoot his body so that it was pressed up against the glass of the french doors, on his side, facing her. She gently laid herself down, leaving him the space she could in this small twin bed. She faced him and looked in his eyes.
"I love you, Emily," he whispered.
"I love you, too," she whispered back. And then she slowly reached her hand up and placed it on his chest, over his heart. He didn't pull away. He placed his hand over hers and Emily's heart did that fast dance again.
He smiled at her as dawn was breaking through the glass doors behind him. "Goodnight, Em."