A/N - Sorry its taken me this long to post but i really had to get the last chapter of MHHT posted. I've been working on it everyday at every chance i got over the last few days so i could have it posted. There is still the epilogue which should be posted within the next two weeks and then this story will have updates about two to three times a week!!
Thank you so much to all my readers, you dont know how much i appreciate your kindness in your reviews and just how much you all seem to be loving this story, things haven't even begun so stay tuned! I'm 99 reviews already, one off from 100 and that makes me happy to no end so thankyou so much again. I try to reply to all the reviews, especially those of you who have questions.
Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight not me :(
EPOV
I sat in my car flexing my fist and wincing from the pain. It hurt quite a bit, it was covered in blood and I seemed to have a few cuts over it from Tyler's fucking teeth but it was nothing that a little iodine and ice couldn't take care of, so I wasn't complaining. I've also had a lot worse than a few cuts in the past. I've fractured my wrist and dislocated a finger before from a bad punch, so this was nothing in comparison. I turned the ignition and drove toward my house. I knew Carlisle had the evening shift so I was grateful I wouldn't have to deal with his ass about the state of my hand and have to fucking explain myself. Hey, even if I do get caught, beating Tyler's fucking ass would be so fucking worth any shit I'd be put through by Carlisle. Emmett will most likely chuck a fit about my irresponsibility but I was more nervous about facing Bella. I knew she would probably look down on me for bashing the crap out of Tyler but I had to do it, someone had to stand up to him and put him in his fucking place. It was going to be sooner or later that my patience for him was going to fucking crumble and I'd lose it.
I pulled up into our drive way and got out of the car. I clutched my fist, trying to relieve some of the pain with some pressure. I managed to open the front door and to my surprise I came face to face with Bella. Her eyes zoned in on my bloody fist and she gasped. She began to fuss over it, reaching out to grab my hand gently to get a closer look. I was taken aback by her sincere concern. My hand within hers, her soft and gentle touch cradling my hand felt so good, it felt like all the pain was being erased away.
Despite how good it felt, I quickly withdrew my hand not wanting to make a big deal over it. I assured them it was nothing knowing it looked worse than it actually was, mainly so I wouldn't have to deal with Emmett's lecture. But I was unlucky… but what's new?
I placed my hand under some cold running water, trying to wash off the dried blood and let the cool water relieve some pain. I had to warn Emmett not to say anything to Carlisle. I knew he would probably be so pissed at me he would rat me out. I turned the water off and looked around for a fucking tea towel to dry off. But before I could look too much Bella was at my side with some paper towels.
"Let me do that." She said softly as she cradled my hand within her tiny one again and began dabbing it dry, trying not to hurt me. My heart flipped at her incredibly kind gesture. This girl was seriously doing weird shit to my heart. Butterflies started up in my stomach just from her simple touch… fucking butterflies. Who in the fuck feels butterflies just from a simple touch? Her touch was so soft and loving I couldn't tear my eyes away from her face, enjoying the way she was taking care of me. No one takes care of me like this, it's been so fucking long since I felt cared for like this and it felt fucking good, it just made her that much more beautiful. She was a fucking goddess.
A princess.
My princess.
Mine
Then she looked up at me, her incredibly warm chocolate eyes locked with mine and I felt sucked in, my heart began to beat furiously against my chest that I felt like it was about to fucking explode. Her eyes did wonders to me, there was such depth to them that I found I couldn't draw my gaze away from them, they sent an overwhelming calm through me, made me forget about all the shit I have going on and I feel like it is just me and her. This was seriously scaring the shit out of me, I've never felt this, I've never felt connected to any one, never felt sucked in with so much force that everything else around me disappears except for the warmth radiating off of her. Doesn't this shit only happen in the movies?
It wasn't until Emmett cleared his throat that I snapped out of it and actually remembered that we weren't alone. I snapped my gaze away from hers and focused back on my hand that was now clean of blood but had a few cuts on it and was swelling up slightly.
"I... I need to get some antiseptic on this." Bella said, her voice a little shaky. She must have felt it too, she had to. I can't be imagining this shit.
"I'll get you the first aid kit." Emmett offered walking off.
She let go of my hand as if Emmett's voice had snapped her out of some little daze she was in. My eyes focused back on hers, admiring her beauty, her ivory porcelain skin that was so clear and translucent it looked like it was fucking glowing. Her eyes… I could go on and on about her eyes and never have enough words to describe the shit they arise in me. My eyes found her lips, her pink plump lips and I found I involuntarily licked my own. There was nothing more I wanted than to feel her lips against mine, to have them mould against mine. I wanted to taste her, I wanted to see if she tasted as fucking good as she smelt.
She seemed to be avoiding eye contact with me when she spoke, her eyes fixated on my hands.
"This is going to need some ice once I have the cuts cleaned. Are you going to tell me what happened?" she asked snapping me out of my ogling. Her eyes finally looked up at me and I met them once again, feeling so much emotion radiating off them, my heart was going into fucking overdrive.
"I don't think I can." I answered quietly. I didn't want her to see me as more of an aggressive animal than I already was. I didn't want to disgust her. Luckily Emmett walked back in with the first aid kit, ending that conversation for the time being.
Bella opened the kit and wet a cotton ball with some alcohol and lifted my injured hand back into hers. That current shot through me once again but this time I didn't fight it or question it, I just reveled in it. She began dabbing my cuts clean, once again with her tender soft touch, obviously trying not to hurt me.
"You don't have to do this you know." I said not wanting her to feel obligated to care for me. I should be the one caring for her. I wanted to care for her, to be the one to take any worries she might have away. I wanted to be with her, I wanted to be good enough for her.
She looked up at me as soon as the words left my mouth and her gaze was as gentle and soft as her touch. "I… I want to." she said looking away again. I felt like I got cut whenever she looked away, like when we looked at each other there was a current pulsing through us just through our eyes.
She finished and walked over to the trash to throw away the soiled cotton ball. And for the life of me I couldn't tear my eyes away from her, away from the beauty she radiated. Away from her sexy as fuck body. I had to admit she was a little thin but she was in proportion to her height I guess, and her ass looked tight and small, my hands twitched to cup each mound within my palms and give them a light squeeze.
Once she had the cuts covered with band aids, she walked over to the freezer and grabbed an ice pack and wrapped it in a tea towel and walked back over to me, placing it over my knuckles. She ordered me to hold the icepack over my hand till the swelling died down and I couldn't help the dirty thoughts that overcame me when she ordered me around like that. I wonder if she would ever be up for a game of doctors and nurses. Although I would gladly be her patient where she can do whatever the fuck she wants to me. I'd want her prancing around in a really short tight white dress with a red cross over her the side of her chest, her cleavage straining over the material in around her chest, her hair out in all its wavy mahogany glory, cascading down her shoulders.
Fuck! My dick was suddenly hard as a fucking rock, straining against my fucking denim.
"What?" She asked me after noticing I was eyeing the fuck out of her.
"Nothing." I answered quickly looking away and turning so she wouldn't notice the straining bulge in my crotch and took a deep breath. I offered to watch some TV, hoping to clear my mind and kill my erection.
She happily agreed and we sat down on the couch and I sat quite close to her even though I was trying to kill my erection. I felt like I couldn't bear to be too far away from her, I wanted to smell her, I wanted to feel the beauty she radiated around her.
After a few minutes of channel flicking she asked me if I was ready to tell her what happened. I contemplated just how much I wanted to tell her. I trusted her not to tell anyone, I just didn't want her to look down upon me. So I told her I wasn't sure I really wanted to tell her.
Then she fucking comes out and says that she won't judge me and that she thought we established that the day before in the meadow. How do I fucking not tell her then, after saying she won't judge me? I really didn't deserve her understanding. She was too fucking nice to me. I smiled crookedly at her, just beaming on the inside at her understanding.
"Well… let's just say that Tyler won't be fucking with me anytime soon." I answered with a smirk.
"You…you hit him?" She asked in disbelief. I felt my chest tighten at the fact she seemed disgusted with me but I tried to keep my tone light when I answered her.
I explained that Tyler had it coming with his arrogance and fucking attitude. I explained what happened in gym and how that was my last fucking straw and I was determined to put him in his fucking place.
She asked about Tyler, sounding quite terrified. I assured her he was fine. Then she goes and tells me that she was glad I was ok. My heart skipped a fucking beat when I realized how genuine she was. She really did seem to care for me, even though I was the one causing the damage to the prick. This girl just kept sending me into a whirlwind of emotions. I was really falling for her. When I questioned her, she blushed the deepest shade of red, obviously realizing what she admitted. I explained that I got him to apologize for the cafeteria incident and she seemed surprised for some reason but thanked me anyway. I wasn't going to put up with a prick disrespecting her like that. I felt fucking protective over her, I felt like it was my job to make sure she was always safe and no one fucked with her.
We ended up heading upstairs to work on the assignment. She offered to do all the work but I wasn't going to allow that, she had already pretty much done more than half the work. She turned my computer on while I turned some music on. I internally smiled to myself as I realized this had become quite the routine, familiar, just hanging out in my room as friends. If that was all I could get from her, I would be more than happy.
I worked on the diagram as she typed up the assignment. We talked comfortably and I enjoyed the fact that she was a girl I could talk to. A girl I could have a proper conversation with that actually held some weight and depth, it was refreshing.
It was an hour and a half later that she decided to stop, rubbing her hands over her face, she looked really tired it was so fucking adorable I chuckled to myself, just enjoying her presence. She turned to me when she heard me with raised eyebrows, silently asking me what I found amusing.
"It's just… you look so adorable when you're tired like that."
She froze instantly, her reaction surprising me. I had just given her a compliment and judging by her reaction she hadn't taken it all too well. I meant it though. She was adorable, she was more than adorable she was absolutely beautiful, stunning, a goddess… there weren't enough words to describe just how perfect she was to me.
She continued to stare at me and I just stared back. I wasn't sure what to do. Do I deny it to avoid any awkwardness this might have caused? Or do I just pretend like it didn't happen? Going by her stunned expression I just decided to let it pass, pretend that I hadn't said anything, so I broke our eye contact and got up from my bed and walked over to my stereo and began scanning through some CDs, anything to keep me busy and stop me from looking at her.
I think I may have just made things worse…
After a few moments, I heard her finally get up and start shuffling around and then stated she was going to head home. I turned around, disappointed with myself for fucking up a good time. I didn't want her to go so I told her she didn't have to go.
Once she resumed packing her things and stating that she had to head home to make dinner, I could tell there was fucking tension in air, you could cut it with a knife. I realized ignoring it was just making it fucking worse, it was hanging in the air, waiting to be fucking acknowledged, so I did the next thing I thought that would erase my stupidity… apologize… well not technically but close enough. I was nervous at having to do it, at having to admit what I said, my hands were fucking raking through my hair like a guy with god damn knits… it was a nervous tick I had that I couldn't fucking help.
"Things aren't awkward. You didn't say anything wrong." She assured me. I wasn't sure whether she was just trying to make me feel better or not but either way she seemed to be ok about it.
I followed her down stairs and watched her get in her truck. I walked back into the house shaking my head at my stupidity. I tried not to think about it because I knew the more I thought about it the more tense I was going to get about it.
I went into the kitchen to fix myself something to eat. I opened up the fridge and scanned through it… I couldn't find anything that I felt like having so I shut it in frustration and walked into the pantry. I pulled out a pack of chips and opened that up. Just as I about to put my hand in to grab some it was snatched out of my hands.
"Fuck." I spun around and found Emmett who snickered as he shoved his hand in, pulling out a handful of chips and shoving them greedily into his mouth.
"That was mine fucker." I said snatching the bag back from him.
"I'm hungry." He whined as he walked over to the fridge and scanned through it just like I had done. "I might make some noodles."
"Make me some too then." I said sitting myself on a kitchen stool.
"Get fucked." He said as he disappeared into the walk in pantry.
"Fuck you Shrek, make me some."
"Shrek?" He asked walking back out of the pantry with raised eyebrows. He had two packs of noodles in his hands.
"Yes, Shrek. You're an ogre." I smirked. He shrugged his shoulders and then looked at me with a mischievous smile.
"I'll make you some noodles under one condition…" He offered as he ripped the packs open and threw the noodles cakes into the saucepan.
"And what's that?" I asked sounding bored.
"What's going on with you and Isabella?"
"It's Bella." I corrected a little passionately.
"Bella? There you go, I got you right there. You have feelings for her." He stated not asking.
"What makes you say that?" I asked irritated as I grabbed another handful of chips and munched on them.
"Because you wouldn't have cared whether I called her Bella or Isabella. You never care about shit like that. I know you Edward… I'm your big bear brother remember? I know these kinds of shit."
"The only shit you should know at this fucking moment is how to make me some noodles."
"You still haven't answered me." He said pouring some hot water over them and turning the heat on.
"I have nothing to answer for. There is nothing going on. I have no fucking idea what the fuck you're going on about. Now if you don't mind I'm hungry so get cooking." I said before grabbing my chips and headed into the lounge and slumping myself on the couch in front of the TV.
Lucky for him, ten minutes later Emmett walked out with two bowls of noodles. I tried to look past the fact that his bowl was fuller than mine. His noodles were fucking almost overflowing while mine weren't, oh well, beggars can't be fucking choosers.
"So?" Emmett spoke after a long silence.
"So what?" I asked confused as I sat my empty bowl on the coffee table in front of me.
"Your hands?"
"They're fine." I answered with a shrug like it was no big deal. Well it wasn't. At least to me it wasn't… to Emmett, yes a very big deal.
"Like I said before and I'll say it again, I didn't fucking ask about the state of your hands, I'm fucking asking how they got that way. Now you either tell me what happened or I'm going to fucking yell it to Carlisle to make sure it is fucking ingrained into his head."
"Well, that would just make you a dick head of a brother." I retorted immaturely.
"Maybe because I am. Spill dickward."
"I fucking bashed the shit out of Crowley till he was a pulp of shit at my feet. Why did I do that I hear you silently asking me? Because he was annoying the fuck out of me. Why was he annoying the fuck out of me? Because he is a fucking dickhead who likes to push people to their fucking limits and thinks he can get away with it. Do I regret it? Not an ounce. Did I enjoy it? Fuck yeah. Now if you'll excuse me, my bedroom is calling me." I replied in almost one fucking breath hoping that answered all the questions that were floating around in that hollow head of his.
I got up from the couch and took my bowl to the sink and washed it as best I could, because to be honest, there was nothing more I hated than washing dishes. It was one bowl, big deal but I hated it that shit, so the job never got more pleasant.
Once I placed it in the dish rack, I turned and almost ran into Emmett who was standing right behind me, with his arms crossed over his chest that he had puffed out so that he looked intimidating. It wasn't working. He may have a little more muscle than me but we were the same height so his 'towering' effect that he thinks he has just doesn't work on me.
"Where did you beat him up?" He asked.
"When did you become the fucking interrogator?" I asked in annoyance as I pushed past him. He followed me upstairs.
"Since I became your big brother. Hey, you know I don't appreciate you doing the shit you did considering the last thing I want is for you to move to Chicago but I have to admit that shit head had it coming." I turned around to eye him with narrowed eyes but found him grinning. He meant every word. I smirked at him.
"It felt fucking good too."
"I bet… but don't do it again." He said, his face going all serious on me again.
"Want a blunt?"
"Always." He grinned again, his dimples in his cheeks overpowering the 'intimidating' effect he tries to work for.
I got into school the next day desperate to see Bella again. She was becoming an addiction, I felt like a fucking alcoholic who needed their fix of the finest alcohol there was. The girl was trapped in my mind. She was all I could think about, all I could see whenever I closed my eyes. That's why the first thing I did when I entered the parking lot was scan for her big red truck, it was never hard to find. I found her truck parked in its usual place and I couldn't help the smile that made its way over my features. I quickly pulled my car into park, not really caring how it was parked, I was just anxious to see my girl. I jumped out of my car, grabbed my book bag and slammed the door shut. I locked it with my remote as I began heading toward her truck and that was when I noticed Lauren's car parked beside hers. I internally groaned for two fucking reasons. First, I was over Lauren and her whining bull shit and really wasn't in the mood to deal with her shit. And second, I knew if they were talking to each other it wouldn't be anything pleasant. Lauren could be a fucking nasty bitch to Bella and Bella wasn't the type to handle that kind of treatment well. I hurried my steps to get to them quicker and as I got closer I noticed Bella looked visibly upset, my heart sank. Lauren was really going to hear it from me.
"Lauren." I said coldly once I was within hearing distance, although my eyes were fixed on the beautiful princess in front of me, she looked upset and I felt like torturing Lauren for causing Bella to feel like that.
"Eddie, baby." Lauren exclaimed as she ran up to me and threw herself in my arms. I tried pushing her away because I seriously wasn't in the mood for her. Bella avoided looking at me as she rushed past me, walking off.
"Bella." I called her as I pulled myself out of Lauren's grip. But she kept walking, she seemed to hesitate slightly but she kept going. I ran my hands through my hair, tugging the ends in anger. I couldn't lose it, not now, not here.
I spun back around to Lauren, glaring at her. "What the fuck did you say to her?" I asked through clenched teeth.
"Nothing, she is an oversensitive bitch that's all." Lauren laughed as she walked back up to me. "Now, I can see you're a little upset, why don't we go and help release that pent up frustration, hmm?" She suggested seductively.
I took a step back away from her, "First of all, don't you ever fucking call her a bitch because to be quite honest the only fucking bitch in this situation is standing in front of me thinking she is some big shit." I said, my tone cold and hard. I had to fight back a smirk as her face contorted in a mix of anger, hurt and rejection.
"You're being a real jerk you know that?" She asked with a glare. I smirked at her this time.
"That's me… Edward fucking Cullen, I can be a real jerk at times." Her facial expression was priceless. I leaned up to her, till my lips were at her ear, "And this is one of those times. Unfortunately for you, you may have sucked my cock, but you won't ever get the fucking privilege of riding it."
I smirked to myself as I pulled back and brushed past her. I only made it a few steps before she snapped out of her stunned stupor and called out to me.
"Are you breaking up with me?" She asked in disbelief like that was the most impossible thing. I halted my steps and turned back to her.
"Well, for me to be breaking up with you, I would have had to been dating you, and if I think correctly, we weren't dating. You were just sucking me off." Without waiting for her to answer or to see her reaction, I spun back around and headed off to class feeling relieved and quite happy with how that went.
My first half of the day went by fine and uneventful. I noticed Tyler wasn't at school. I obviously fucked him up more than I thought but I was fine with that, he got every fucking punch he deserved. Lunch rolled around and I still hadn't seen Bella and I was concerned about her after this morning. I wanted to see if she was ok so I decided I would best catch her at her locker.
As soon as she appeared I fucking felt my heart fucking speed up like there was a fucking race going on within it. I tried to keep my composure as my mouth threatened to curl up into a grin. She was so fucking beautiful it was painful. Her hair made her look like a goddess. Her long waves that she let cascade down her shoulders were fucking sexy as hell. I couldn't wait to see her hair like that around her bare shoulders. I instantly felt my dick waking up and I had to push away any more thoughts of Bella nude out of my sex crazed mind. But that was fucking useless because just her presence and her scent… her fucking strawberries and vanilla, that made her smell all sweet and fluffy like a cupcake was enough to get my dick stirring within my pants.
After confronting her about his morning she tried to play if off like it was no big deal as apparently Lauren's hostility toward her wasn't anything foreign which I was well aware of but I hated the fact that it didn't bother her. What seemed to put a shit eating grin on her face which by the way she failed miserably at hiding was the fact that I broke up with Lauren. I hadn't expected that kind of reaction from her and I actually found it quite amusing.
We made our way to the cafeteria side by side and to our table where I saw Jacob and Seth were the only ones there. Jacob glared at me and I swear I wait for it each time since he does it every single time he lays his eyes on me. I almost count it down in my head, 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . and cue the mother fucking glare.
What happened next definitely was not something that I had expected.
"Why don't you just pull them out and get it over with." I heard Bella mutter under her breath. I stood frozen in shock as I would have never expected her to be so blunt and say something like that. I wasn't even sure if she meant for us to hear it considering she murmured it but obviously it came out loud enough for all of us to hear.
Before I could think much of it though, Jacob snapped at her, "What the fuck did you just say?"
I almost fucking lost it, "Hey! Watch how you fucking talk to her." I snapped. I could feel my blood boiling and it was taking everything in me not to punch the fucker straight into the nose because no one speaks to Bella like that. Some fucking friend he is.
But he had the decency to retort back, "Don't you fucking tell me what to do." He aggressively jumped out of his seat sending it flying backwards. I was going to wait for him to do it. Let him make the first move, any little sign that he might go for it I was going to let it all out, showing no fucking mercy because this dick head has been grating on my nerves since day one and all I needed was a little sign from him and he was a mother fucking goner.
"Well then maybe you should watch what comes out of your fucking mouth when you talk to a girl."
Seth got up to try and hold Jacob back but I wish he hadn't. I wanted Jacob to attempt a punch, he may be taller than me and fucking well built but I could take him, I wanted to take him. I wanted to see the blood pouring from his face as he cried out in agony.
Bella asked us to sit down but neither one of us even acknowledged her. It was just me and him, in a fucking staring match. My hands were clenched into fists by my sides just waiting for any indication to go flying for Jacob.
Jacob began inching closer toward me but I stayed where I was and I was beginning to think that if he just got close enough I wouldn't need any more encouragement… I would just go for it because to be honest, I was dying for it. I needed to punch the shit out of him and let out my frustrations at him.
Bella clutched onto my forearm and as soon as her hand made contact with my arm I felt a strong jolt of electricity shoot through me. She snapped her hand away and I assumed she must have felt it too. That was fucking weird. I looked down at her with a questioning stare but she looked just as confused as me.
"You know, you think you are some cool shit walking around like you fucking own the place. You're nothing but a rich arrogant ass hole that has no respect toward anybody. So why don't you just scurry off where the fuck you came from and do us all a fucking favor." Jake sneered snapping my attention back to him. I was about to throw a punch when Emmett's voice snapped me out of it.
"What's going on?" Emmett asked as he approached with Jasper, Alice and Rosalie.
"Stay out of it Emmett." I warned him. I didn't need him to constantly come to my rescue.
"Edward, why don't you come with me?" He tried again by grabbing onto my shoulder but I shrugged him off.
"I'm not going to touch him Emmett so calm the fuck down."
Bella went to stand beside Jacob and whispered something into his ear, I couldn't make out all the words and the only thing I could make out was, 'can you stop?'
He seemed pissed and asked her why and even asked if it was because she didn't want him to hurt me. I laughed out loud.
"You won't fucking hurt me."
"Edward." Emmett said sternly, pulling me by the arm again. I was about to snap at Emmett to leave me the fuck alone till Japer whispered into my ear.
"Drop it Edward, Bella is getting upset."
I looked over at Bella and realized he was right and that was the last thing I wanted. I had been so caught up in my own shit that I forgot she was probably finding this uncomfortable.
But before I could back down, Bella was finally able to pull Jake away and out of the cafeteria. He hesitated a little before he did, looking completely unimpressed but eventually scurried after her.
I ran my hands through my hair as I watched them walk off. I punched the table in front of me and kicked my chair out of the way.
"The fucking dick head is really grating on my nerves." I seethed.
"I know, just sit down and try to calm down." Emmett said as they all took their seats at the table. I could feel them all staring at me.
"Stop fucking staring." I snapped at them. Emmett glared at me and I assumed it was because I snapped at Rosalie and Alice. I couldn't really give a shit in that moment.
"I need a fucking smoke." I said raking my fingers through my hair anxiously.
"Just sit down will you?" Emmett said sounding aggravated suddenly.
"Stop telling me to sit down, I can't fucking sit down."
"He is just a little protective over her, you know?" Jasper offered.
"I didn't do anything. As soon as I walked into the cafeteria he fucking gave me the death glare. It wasn't until Bella commented about it that he snapped at her which caused me to snap at him, no one disrespects her." I said.
Everyone went quiet and I looked over at the four pairs of eyes as they all studied me closely. I realized that I sounded a little protective over Bella myself. I ignored their stares and finally sat down. They all began talking after a while and I didn't even bother listening to them. I kept my eyes on the doorway just waiting for Bella to walk back in but she didn't. I felt like going to look for her, but I knew if she was still with Jacob I definitely would lose it.
"Can I speak to you?" My head snapped up to find Lauren standing beside me, looking down at me with hopeful eyes.
"I'm not in the mood for any bullshit at the moment so-"
"Please?" She pleaded cutting me off.
"Go ahead."
"Alone." She pressed. I rolled my eyes before snapping out of my seat in frustration and headed for the exit. I walked through the hallways, not bothering to wait for her to catch up but the sound of her heels pattering along the floor close behind me was enough to acknowledge her presence. I kept walking till I reached the back of the school and out to the car park . . . I was fucking dying for a smoke.
I stepped outside into the cool air and waited for her to catch up. I began fiddling with my fingers impatiently, just needing my fucking nicotine fix to help calm the aggravation coursing through me. She stood in front of me, she was looking at me and I was looking behind her, I really didn't feel like looking at her.
I waited for her to speak first.
"You didn't mean what you said this morning right?" She asked sounding nervous. My eyes flitted to hers finally. Was she serious?
"What more do I need to say to convince you, if what I said this morning wasn't obviously convincing enough?"
"Why?"
"Why fucking what Lauren?"
"Is it because of Bella?"
"Lauren, let me get one thing into that thick small useless brain of yours, we were never together. You were never my girlfriend, I don't fucking have girlfriends, I've never had a girlfriend." She went silent as she digested my words . . . I really didn't have it in me to feel the slightest bit of guilt.
"Well, fuck you Edward Cullen." She spat.
"It's better than fucking you darling." I smirked before making my way back to the cafeteria, leaving her rejected ass behind.
I was hoping for her sake that was the last I was going to hear from her. She was nothing but a fuck . . . well considering I never actually did fuck her she wasn't even that.
The part of me that I had been trying to push down to a far away place never to be seen again was fighting to be acknowledged. I wanted Bella. There, I said it. And I'm not talking as friends. I wanted her. I wanted to kiss her, to touch her, to hug her and to fucking cherish her like she deserved to be cherished. I wanted her to be mine in every way. I'd been trying to avoid it for too long now, trying to deny what I felt for her because I knew I wasn't good enough for her and to be perfectly honest, I know I will fucking hurt her unintentionally. That's just who I am, it's engraved deep within me, its something I can't change even if I wanted to. But the fact of the matter is I fucking want Isabella Swan to be mine. I just had no fucking idea how I was going to go about doing it. I knew she found me attractive and to be honest without sounding arrogant even though I am, everyone fucking finds me attractive so I can't really base my judgments on her feelings for me through that. She has seen enough of my nasty side to want nothing to do with me emotionally.
Emotionally?
Really Edward?
Fuck yes, emotionally. I'm all about mother fucking emotions now. I haven't really let my emotions be the fore front of my decision making in the past couple of years because we all know once emotions get in the way, things can get painful to the point of no return. Everyone can fucking handle physical pain, some better than others. Physical pain is temporary. Physical pain wears off, dies off and diminishes after a set amount of time. Emotional pain is a lot harder. Once you allow yourself emotional attachment to something and then it is fucking destroyed or taken away from you, the pain that you feel seethes within your heart and within your mind and it is a mother fucking bitch. It can become unbearable. It eats you alive. It takes away your ability to live normally, to make decisions rationally, to continue living. Emotional pain disables you from life. You close yourself off and you become numb. Me out of all fucking people know this and I could write a god damn fucking essay on the shit and pass with flying colors.
So that's why I'm almost fucking terrified of trying to pursue Bella in a way I have never fucking pursued anyone before. I have never had a girlfriend and that is by choice. I've had fucks, some good and some bad and some average. I fuck and say good bye and the girls back in Seattle knew they were nothing but. I had an agreement with about three of them. They knew they were nothing more and they were happy to oblige. There was never touching, kissing, compliments. It was in and out and good bye. I had the occasional ones that I found attractive that I had to use my charm on. I didn't date them. I've never taken a girl on a date. I'd just compliment them like all fucking girls like to be complimented. You know, tell them they look sexy, they look hot, anything to boost their self confidence and to make me look sweet. Geez, that is so not me. Once I've gained a little trust I'd start by kissing them, letting them hand themselves over to me physically, slowly. And then before I know it, they would be screaming my name in fucking ecstasy. It was that fucking simple. So really, when it comes to trying to charm a girl to like you and not for the physical aspect of it but for the emotional aspect of it so I can date her, I was flying blind. I had no idea which was left or which was right.
Once the bell sounded I hurried inside to grab my shit for biology. I made it into biology and took my seat. Once Bella arrived and sat down I noticed she seemed a little upset and I was hoping it wasn't because of me. Well, I was sure I had some part to play in it but I was hoping she would understand I was just standing up for her, and I told her, saying I wasn't sorry and that Jacob was just fucking jealous of us hanging out. After claiming he was just being over protective I scoffed. He didn't fucking talk to her like someone who was overprotective.
I was hoping that we would get the chance to hang out and work on the assignment at my place but she didn't find the need for it as we had apparently pretty much finished it. So after school I met Jasper at my car and he agreed he would come by my place to hang out.
"You know I love her, she's my sister and I know she is a girl and has fucking needs but I really don't need to hear about it." Jasper said shaking his head in disgust. "Especially when she is dating my friend." He added. I snickered at his expression as Emmett smirked. Emmett had the tendency to give too much information about his bed room activities.
"I haven't slept with her yet if that's what you're worried about." Em defended.
"Keyword is yet Jazz. Keep that in mind." I laughed.
"Both of you shut up." He snapped. It was funny seeing Jazz get angry because in the almost three weeks I've known him, I've never seen him lose his cool. He is always so cool, calm and collected.
"Fine I'll shut it." Emmett said holding his hands up. He reached over to the coffee table and grabbed the bowl of chips he had put.
We heard the front door open and close quietly before Carlisle appeared in the door way. He must have just gotten back from work, dressed in his black slacks, white button down shirt and blue tie. He looked drained and tired. He had been working over time in the last few days.
"Good afternoon boys." He greeted, his voice drained too.
"I'm Jasper, nice to meet you." Jasper said standing up and holding his hand out for Carlisle. My eyebrows shot up at how gentlemanly Jasper could be.
"Nice to meet you too." Carlisle said taking his hand. "I have to head back into work in a few hours so you boys are going to have to fix yourselves dinner.
"Pizza it is." Emmett grinned.
"Well, I'll just be in my office." Carlisle nodded before retreating down the hall.
I began flicking through the channels trying to find something the least bit entertaining to watch.
"This your mother?" Jasper asked pointing to a frame sitting on a side table against the wall. My eyes snapped to the photo, lingering there for a moment too long before returning my attention back to the TV.
"Ah, yeah." Emmett replied cautiously. I could feel his eyes on me.
"Oh," Jasper must have noticed the tension as I could see him staring at me too. I huffed in frustration and stood up, walking outside to the yard needing to escape the sympathy. I lit up a cigarette and tried to fight back the anger boiling up inside of me.
I knew Jasper was just curious, it wasn't his fault but it was a topic that I don't like to talk about. Emmett knew that and that's why his response was cautious. It was cautious because of me, studying my reaction. And I hated it. I avoided the topic at all costs and that's why there aren't any pictures except the one of her in the house. It was too painful.
Once my drag was finished I headed back inside relieved to find Jasper and Emmett were on a more cheerful topic as they both were laughing about something. I slumped myself back on the couch and kicked my feet up onto the coffee table.
Jasper spent the rest of the evening at our place. We ordered some pizza and had a few beers while we lounged in front of the TV just hanging out and mucking around. Well, they had a few beers I needed something stronger so I just had my Stoli.
Jasper left for home just before eight to go visit Alice for a bit. Emmett disappeared, presumably to see Rosalie and I just spent the night in my room. I stayed up late, listening to music and working on the homework I had postponed from two days ago. By the time I went to sleep it was midnight.
That last thing I remember seeing was a pair of warm brown eyes.
Will try to have next chapter by sunday which is probably saturday for most of you if you live in the northern hemisphere :P
Any questions or comments...let me know.
Next chapter is really long. This one wasn't so much but you'll get the length in the next two chapters...: )