A/N: Holy bloody crap! I never believed that I would ever reach the 300 mark. Seriously, I'm shocked. When I was thinking about posting this I was gearing myself up thinking I'd get something like 50 reviews tops for the whole story. You guys should see the happy smile on my face right now :) So again, thank you guys so much!!
WARNINGS: Again with the warnings lol! Just warning for a dream sequance in this. It's the thing in italics if you want to skip it because it has mention of rape (hardly any detail) and some disturbing imagry. Just warning because it's better safe than sorry.
Chapter Ten
Sam looked up from his burger to his brother. Dean was sitting on the bed (his back against the wall) furthest from the door picking dejectedly at his fries. He had eaten half the burger that Sam had gotten him which was good. It was more than Sam had seen him eat in ages and he figured it had something to do with the trip from the hospital to the fast food joint to the motel in the Impala. His brother seemed to have picked up some since getting back into his 'baby'.
The younger hunter had chosen to stay at a motel for the night before they headed out to Missouri's house for one reason. He wanted Dean to himself. He needed some time with his brother and he wanted to have it alone. At the hospital there were always nurses and doctors or his father buzzing around and he had barely gotten any time with Dean alone. He truly believed that he might be able to get his brother to open up to him without the pressure of other people around. The doctors and pamphlets had both spoken about getting the person to open up and talk about their experience. It was apparently best if it was all out in the open. He couldn't see that happening with Dean the way he was acting at the moment but when his older brother was ready he would be there to listen.
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The drive to Missouri's house took just over five hours with gas breaks every now and then. After the first hour of silence in the car Sam remembered his brother telling him when they were on that plane that Metallica helped to clam him down. Even though Dean was more relaxed than Sam had seen him in ages he was still sitting up straight with his muscles half tensed like he expected another attack at any time but was also fighting the sedative effects of the pain meds that his doctors had given him.
"Hey Dean, how about a little Metallica? I wouldn't mind listening to the Black Album if you want to?" Sam asked his brother, taking his eyes off the road to see his brother's response.
A more pronounced nod of the head was his answer and Sam fought to keep his smile away. That was the most prominent answer he had gotten from his brother and in true Dean Winchester style it had been over listening to Metallica.
Sam kept the music at a just below normal level because he knew how his brother didn't like loud noises but when The Unforgiven came on Dean grabbed the volume knob and turned it up high. It was an almost normal trip back, him and Dean in the Impala with the Black Album playing at an earsplitting level.
By the time Sam pulled the heavy car into the psychic's driveway Dean was almost fully relaxed. He must have known that he was safe because he dropped his straight posture and slouched into a comfortable curve between the passenger seat and door. He even closed his eyes once or twice for more than five minutes. They would snap back open however when Sam drove over a pothole and the younger Winchester could almost hear his brother's yell of 'Shit Sammy, watch where you're bloody driving! If you hurt my car, I'll kill you.'
Sam cut the throaty engine and looked at his brother. Dean had pulled himself into a straight position again and was eyeing the house wearily.
"It's okay Dean, it's just Missouri's house. You remember Missouri yeah?" Sam asked feeling like an idiot. His brother wasn't stupid; he was just going through a rough patch. Which was perfectly understandable after being tortured, made to watch your brother be tortured and then raped. Besides Sam didn't think that someone like Missouri could be forgotten very easily.
"You're going to be okay Dean. We're just going to stay here awhile while you get better. And no one is going to hurt you okay. Dad and I won't let them. Hell I can even see Missouri wheedling that wooden spoon of hers for you as well. Everything's going to be just fine, I promise." Sam said, sounding more confident that he felt.
The Impala's door squeaked in its own unique way as Sam got out followed slowly by Dean. The front door to the house opened and Missouri came down the stairs followed closely by the boy's father.
"Hey Missouri, hey Dad." Sam greeted them receiving a hug and hello from both.
Dean stood with his back to the car as much as he could get it while still keeping an eye on the group. Missouri smiled at him and made her way over to the young man, mindful to keep her distance. John had told her of Dean's new traits and she knew to respect them. Her heart clenched when she picked up some vibes from the light haired Winchester. His pain, confusion and fear almost knocked her flat on her ass before she was able to bring up walls of defense from the onslaught of emotions. She was surprised that Sam hadn't picked up these vibes coming from his brother.
"Dean honey. Don't you worry, you're going to be just fine. How about you come inside? Sam and your Daddy will get the bags." She said kindly and gave a pointed look to the other Winchesters to let them know that what she had said about them getting the bags was not a suggestion.
The middle Winchester nodded his head and slowly followed her into her house, his hands kept securely in his pockets and throwing glances over his shoulder every few meters until he was safely inside and sitting on the psychic's comfy couch, his back still facing the corner of the room.
Sam followed John, the bags shared between them, into the guest room that he and Dean would be staying in.
"So how is he?" John asked as he put his load of bags down on the floor next to one of the beds.
"Kinda the same. He's a bit better today. He relaxed into the car, it's almost like that thing has healing powers over him. That and the Black Album." Sam smirked and put his finger in his ear to prove his point.
John smiled. That sounded more like his eldest. Hell he had bought Dean that Metallica tape when he was a teen. He was surprised the car hadn't eaten the damn thing by now, "He's still not talking?"
Sam shook his head, "He's eating more since we got out of the hospital. He ate almost a whole burger last night for dinner and he nearly got down a whole packet of chips for lunch today." He paused, "Still not enough but at least he's eating."
"Yeah, he has looked better." John sighed referring to his son's general appearance at the moment. Dean had looked better. He was still doted with bruises, some yellow and green and he had lost a lot of weight since this whole thing started.
"We'll get him better Dad." Sam said firmly. It wasn't a question. They had to get him better, for all their sakes. Because Dean was the glue that held their small dysfunctional family together and if he was taken away then the others would crumble without him.
John nodded and signaled Sam to follow him out into the main part of the house. Sam was assaulted with the smell of homemade chicken soup. Mouth watering Sam followed his father into the lounge room where Dean was sitting stiffly in the corner keeping his eyes wearily on everyone else.
Missouri called to John from the kitchen to help her with the soup and barely five minutes later they were all seated around Missouri's coffee table eating the tasty soup. That is with the exception of Dean who stayed where he was and made no attempt to move or eat any of Missouri's soup.
After ignoring the psychic's 'subtle' encouragement to at least try the soup Dean leaned back into the couch more and folded his arms lightly over his chest. The move could be seen as either defiant or making as Dean making himself comfortable, either way it was appreciated by the other two Winchesters just the same as Dean hadn't been moving around much by himself without instruction.
Sam, John and Missouri all made small talk while eating the soup until Missouri suggested that the brothers turn in for awhile and try to get some rest. Seeing as how Dean's eyes kept dropping every now and then before snapping back open, this seemed to be a good idea.
John and Missouri moved to let the boys past so neither would be behind Dean and the brothers made their way into the guest room. To the left side of the room was a double bed which was placed up against a wall. It would become Dean's while they stayed there and on the right side of the room was a cot for Sam. Missouri had apologized but that was the best she could fit in the small room without the brothers sleeping together which was not going to happen on account of Dean's no touch rule.
The younger hunter shifted through his duffle bag until he found Dean's medication. Extracting the normal adult dosage of his brother's pills Sam put them on Dean's bedside table with a glass of water.
"You have to take them bro. Doctor's orders." Sam said and watched closely to make sure his brother took the medication. Sam had actually slipped in two Vicodin pills into the small pile his brother took as well. He could see that the way Dean was holding himself that he was in pain so he figured not only would it ease the pain but it would help Dean sleep as well. He needed to have a good first sleep here so that he might wake up feeling better and maybe if they were lucky, safe.
It didn't take long before the medications kicked in and Dean fell asleep, his back pressed up against the wall. Sam lay on the cot and watched the slow rise and fall of his brother's chest, unconsciously timing his own breathing by it. Not too long after Dean drifted off, his little brother followed him.
He was back in that room. Sam could feel the cold metal binding his wrists and ankles. He could smell the sweat and blood from countless hours of torture. He could hear grunting and groaning. Lifting his way to heavy head and peeling open his eyelids the young hunter gasped at the image before him.
Dean was on his knees, forehead against the unforgiving ground, barely conscious while their captor raped him viciously from behind. It's a dream Sam. Wake up, just wake the fuck up! He couldn't wake though. Couldn't get out of his horrible memory.
Their captor came quickly and collapsed on his brother. Sam tried to see his brother's eyes, he tried to get Dean to make eye contact with him but to no avail. The evil man stood up and winked at Sam and god, how the hell could such a normally innocent gesture look like it was going to release all the demons from fucking hell?!
Sam ignored the bastard and kept his eyes on his brother. He couldn't see Dean's chest rising or falling. Nonono Dean wasn't breathing.
"Just to make sure. Besides It's your turn Sammy boy." His captor said as he moved back to Dean, a knife in hand. Placing one hand on Dean's forehead he pulled Dean's head back and put the knife against his throat with the other. Sam tried to scream out to stop him but his voice caught silently in his throat and he could make no noise as their captor pulled the knife across his older brother's throat causing his life giving bloody to fall from the open wound and pool on the floor around him.
The dream changed and Sam on his knees, face planted in his brother's blood and staring into Dean's empty dead eyes as their captor raped him. The pain, even though he knew it was a dream, was excruciating. His eyes burned with tears and he choked out silent sobs.
Sam snapped upright on his cot, grasping his sweat covered sheets. He ran a hand shakily across his face and tried to calm his rapid breathing. He could feel the tears in his eyes and stubbornly wiped them away.
God he should have expected it. He had been having nightmares about what had happened to him and his brother in that room almost every night since it happened. That one however had been the worst by far. He stood on wobbly legs and walked quietly across the small room to the other bed. He let out a sigh or relief when he saw Dean just as he had left him, sleeping peacefully for once, even if it was a drugged sleep.
The young hunter let out a shaky breath and made his way to the kitchen. He wouldn't being going back to sleep that's for sure. He made himself a coffee then went and sat on the back steps of Missouri's house that looked over her plush garden.
Getting lost in his thoughts he didn't even hear Missouri approach. He started when she put a comforting hand on his shoulder. He sniffed then wiped at the tears that had stubbornly refused to leave his eyes since his nightmare. Damn it. Now was not a time to cry. He had to be strong. He had to be strong for Dean or his brother would never get better.
Missouri sat next to the young hunter and looked out at her garden. Vibrant colors decorated the flowered plants and bushes and bright greens made up her soft grass. It had a comforting effect, helped to relax the mind. She would often spend her time sitting on her back steps just gazing at the beauty that Mother Nature could provide.
The sat in silence for some time before Missouri spoke.
"You want to tell me what's going on in that head of yours?" she asked quietly. She could have read his mind but threw away the notion. These boys needed their privacy and she wouldn't be the one to take it away from them.
Sam was silent for awhile, mulling over whether or not he should confide in the psychic about what had been on his mind. He knew he needed to talk to someone about it all. He wasn't like his father and brother when it came to emotions. Whereas they could easily internalize theirs, he needed to get what he was feeling out in the open. He needed to talk about it to help make it go away. He couldn't confide in his father. As much as he loved the man, he wasn't exactly Doctor Phil and the person he would normally talk to was currently dealing with his own emotions and probably wouldn't even understand if he did tell Dean. Missouri seemed like a person he could trust, who wouldn't judge him. Besides he had no one else and that was the sad truth of it.
"I couldn't stop it. Dean got hurt because of me. It was me who insisted we take that damned job. It was my fault we were there and it's my fault he got hurt. I couldn't stop it." He whispered, his voice cracking from the damn lump in his throat.
He hadn't done anything to stop it. He spent the whole time tied up while Dean was beaten and raped in front of him. It was torture. His brother had sustained physical torture to the full but Sam had been mentally tortured. It wasn't easy seeing someone you loved and hero worshiped be broken in front of you.
Sometimes he wished he could have the kind of peace his brother had now. Well at least he hoped that Dean was in peace in his mind. He would hate to think that his brother was living the same nightmare over and over again. God listen to him. Wishing he could be like his older brother; broken. Who was he kidding? He just wanted his Dean back and he couldn't even make that happen. Failure.
Missouri put her arm around Sam's shoulders, relieved when he leaned into her rather than pull away.
"If Dad hadn't had shown up when he did Dean would be dead. We both would. God how could I be so stupid!" he choked out as the tears finally fell, "And now he's broken and I don't know how to help him."
The older psychic held the younger close. Replaying his words in her head she realized something, "Sam. Do you know how your father knew how to find you?" she asked. God if John hadn't told him then it was no wonder his youngest was suck a wreck.
Sam shook his head. He had been meaning to ask his father but never really got the chance because of everything that had been going on with Dean. All he cared about was that his father had found him and his brother and that they were alive because of that.
Missouri gave herself a mental reminder to slap John Winchester the next time she saw him, "Hunny it was you who saved you and your brother. You and your gift." She paused and moved him out to arms length so she could make eye contact with him, "You made contact with me Sam. Even though you didn't know it. You gave me what I needed to know so I could contact your father to come and get you. You saved your brother Sam. You did." She said sternly.
Sam looked at Missouri with wide eyes. He'd what?! He opened his mouth to say something but Missouri cut him off.
"As for your bother's condition now and how to help him. Sam hunny, you're doing all you can do. And you're doing the right thing. Just give him time. He'll come 'round." She patted Sam on the back and then stood, knees cracking, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend to." namely Jonathan Winchester she finished for herself.
Sam nodded his thanks to her and got lost back into his thoughts, staring out into the garden. Had he really connected with another psychic? It seemed far fetched but then how else would have their father known where to find them? Besides Missouri wouldn't have lied to him about something so important. He drunk the rest of his coffee and stood. Stretching his long limbs he put his feelings of being helpless aside. For now at least. Because he didn't have time for negative thoughts. Right now what was most important was getting his brother healthy again and by god, he was going to do it.
o.O So that's Chapter Ten. I have five more written and I can either slow down with the posts until I'm finished the Epilogue ooor I can keep posting at my happy go lucky current rate and there will probably be a larger wait for the Epilogue. If that makes any sense. Let me know. Please review and tell me what you thought of this chapter. The scene between Missouri and Sam almost killed me. I love her but she is so damned hard to write! But yes, I'll see you beautiful people on the next update ;)
Mishka xXx