I dreamed a dream
Chapter 9
"So this is the famous Ennis del Mar, huh?" the gravelly, frosty voice hung in the air.
"Yes, sir. This is Ennis del Mar." confirmed Jack, discomfort overtaken by a desire to defend Ennis from his father's cold jibes.
"Well, boy, don' expect me to throw him a welcoming party." John answered, baiting Jack once more, "How long you intend to stay, huh?"
"We… we thought that we could stay through the winter, lick the ranch into shape… and come early spring we'll go to a place of our own." Jack laid out their plans feeling like a kid being tested by a particularly mean-spirited teacher.
"Hmm… well, we'll see what you can do, though I ain't ever seen you keep a promise well, boy." he turned to Ennis "And how 'bout you? You a decent worker, huh?"
"I always work hard, sir. Never had no complaints." answered Ennis, a quiet strength in his words that impressed John Twist. Here was a tough one, no mistake.
"And ain't you married?" he asked, trying to rattle the unruffled cowboy.
"No sir, got a divorce a while back." Ennis said, not a hint of discomfort in his voice.
"And I suppose you finally split from you wife, boy?" John directed the question at Jack, knowing that he never failed to flinch at his coarse remarks.
"Yes, dad, I did. And it went quite well." Jack answered without hesitation, feeling stronger now that Ennis had withstood his father's questions.
John Twist was rather taken aback. There was something different about Jack… and he was sure he didn't like it.
The awkward cross-examination was interrupted by the soft voice of Jack's mother.
"Why don't you boys go upstairs and put your things in Jack's room, and I'll put dinner on the table?" she said, putting her hand on Jack's arm. "And we'll have some cherry cake for dessert."
"Yes, momma. Thank you." answered Jack, squeezing her hand.
They went outside to the truck, took out their bags and climbed the rickety stairs to Jack's room.
Once inside, Ennis put the bags down and looked around, seeing the room Jack had as a little boy. The small bed, the wooden figure of a cowboy riding a horse, the faded picture of a movie star… the window looking out to the desolate landscape. He went towards it, opened it and put the little wooden board to keep it open. He was suddenly transported to the past, he imagined he could see Jack as the little boy he was, lush black hair, bright blue eyes and cowboy boots, sitting exactly where he was sitting, looking out into the plains and desperate to get out, go somewhere else. Anywhere, anywhere, but please, far away.
With the same sudden force, he imagined a future, where he hadn't called Jack and Jack had died, where the tire irons had gotten to him and Ennis hadn't been there… he imagined visiting his parents and being in this same room, this same place… the grief that overtook him at the mere thought took his breath away.
He tore himself away from his reflections, away from the window and turned to drink in the sight of Jack, alive and well, standing in the middle of the room looking at him with quizzical eyes. He was already crushing him in his arms before he realized he had moved.
Jack embraced Ennis back with equal force, barely able to breath but not complaining. Ennis' hands roamed through all of Jack, caressing his strong arms, his back, his ass, garnering a moaning response from Jack. Roaming hands stopping in his face, no longer pressing and desperate but soft… so gentle. Gentle fingers touching Jack's face like a blind man reading Braille, going through the cheeks, the nose, eyelids, ears, taking time in the angular jaw and pausing in the lips. Those soft lips. Ennis was teasing them, touching them, until Jack, desperate, took Ennis' hand, kissed it and then went for Ennis' own lips. The kiss was fierce, passionate, drawing blood. They were both fighting for control, though in this particular endeavor there were no losers. They pressed their bodies together, wanting to vanish into the other.
They had to part to take a few gasping breaths, foreheads touching, bodies tingling with sensation. Eyes meeting, honey lust and darkened cerulean.
"Get your ass down for dinner, boy!" John Twist's voice rang up from downstairs, jolting Ennis and Jack away from each other.
"I've never liked my old man, but I tell you I've never hated him until right now… meddling bastard." said Jack, chuckling. But also very desperately hoping Ennis would not freak out and decide they could never again engage in such 'exertions' in his father's house.
Thankfully, Ennis took it in stride, punching Jack in the shoulder and smiling slightly.
"Horny rodeo…"
"Me horny? Who jumped who right now?" shot back Jack with mock offense.
"You hush now." said Ennis, coloring slightly. What that man made him do… still, he had to remember to be careful in the future, 'cause Jack's dad sure as hell needed no more reasons to despise his son.
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Time passed slowly, Jack and Ennis sharing Jack's room, taking turns in sleeping in the bed or in a sleeping bag on the floor. Their couplings were as intense as ever, though they had to be careful of being quieter than they were used to. The whole thing made them feel like newlyweds staying at their parents house, Jack having occasional giggling fits because the thought of having sex with the man he loved, in his room, in his father's house sometimes seemed like something too surreal… Ennis would try to quiet Jack down, but would eventually feel himself giving in and chuckling as well. The only effective way to shut Jack up, of course, was to kiss the breath out of him, and Ennis wasn't at all troubled by having to do so.
Outside of Jack's room, things were somewhat strange. While Jack's father continued to be as mean as always to his son, he had acquired a grudging respect for Ennis' quiet ways and hard work. And he was finding less and less to criticize Jack with, because the boys were indeed licking the ranch into shape, slowly but surely.
Many things had needed repair, from a new coat of paint to plain rebuilding, but Ennis was very good with his hands, and Jack, who had become unused to such work in his years working for Newsome Farm Equipment, soon got back his rhythm, and lost a few pounds.
Ennis wanted to repair the ranch at least well enough that it could be sold, figuring that John Twist wouldn't be able to keep it going by himself after they left or that any hands he hired would put up with his bitching for very long. And he seemed rather ill, so who knew when he might conk out. He had always liked ranch work and working alongside Jack everyday made him remember the days up in Brokeback, the disbelieving joy of waking up next to the black-haired cowboy, no hazy apparition produced by endless longing, but a solid, warm body, all his. He usually woke up a bit earlier than Jack, and he loved to just stare at him until it was time to kick him out of bed.
He was thus entertained one very early morning, when his eyes were met by blinking, sleep-hazed cobalt.
"What're you lookin' at, cowboy?" asked Jack, voice quiet and clogged.
Ennis smiled.
"You." he then proceeded to kiss Jack good morning, a gesture that was received with much pleasure by the now very awake man.
Jack felt that it was all coming together, at last. Being under his father's disapproving gaze every day was hard, but he felt that with Ennis by his side and with everything he had been through, he was a stronger man. He was no longer the little boy being beaten senseless not just by blows and belt buckles, but by scorn and derision. It had taken him time, but he was on the way to living his dream at last, and that certainty made him feel stronger than he ever had. Strong enough to look at his dad dead in the eye without flinching at his contemptuous remarks, strong enough to let them slide and throw himself to the work in the ranch, who cares what the old man spits out if Ennis is here with me.
Jack's mother saw it all, taking in her boy's happiness, taking in the love she could read in his eyes for Ennis. She had always been afraid for Jack's heart… he was such a sensitive boy, such a dreamer. He wanted so much out of life, he wanted to love and be loved so desperately, that she had always feared her boy might get a good trampling by life. She remembered when, twenty years ago, he had come to stay with them for a while after working up in Brokeback Mountain during the summer… she didn't need to see the slight fading bruise on his face or the slump of his shoulder, all she had to do was look into her boy's eyes and she knew that he had finally found love… and that love had taken a good beating at him. Of course, it hadn't taken her very long to figure out who it was Jack loved, the slight hitch in his voice whenever he mentioned his fishing buddy Ennis was all she needed. The fact that her boy loved a man, she had taken in with a mother's all-accepting love, though it saddened her to realize that it was even harder now for him to ever be happy. So when she had received Jack's call, when she had seen the two figures getting out of the truck, she hadn't been able to keep back a prayer of thanks. Perhaps life was through trampling her boy after all.
Jack and his father had gone to town one day, to see about some cattle or other they needed to buy and for Jack to charm some clientele for the ranch.
Ennis was having some coffee and reading a paper, when Jack's mother joined him.
"Good morning, ma'am." he greeted her.
"Good morning Ennis. I hope you don't mind me joining you for a little while?" she asked.
"Not at all, ma'am." he answered.
He truly liked Jack's momma. He had occasionally wondered why she had let his dad be so hard of him, but remembering his own father and his failed marriage with Alma, he realized that women more often than not put up with a lot of crap from their husbands. Jack's mother was quiet and soft, certainly, but he sensed some hidden strength in her, some stand against her husband that was evidenced in her kind and accepting love of Jack, in her fussing over Ennis, in her cherry cake.
"You and Jack are doing a good job here. Working very hard." she commented, eyes on the view visible from the kitchen window. "And Jack is happy. I can see that." she continued, eyes now fixing on Ennis.
"Yes, ma'am. We're sure doin' our best… and Jack is happy. So am I." Ennis said, not for the first time wondering just how much those kind eyes saw.
"You make him happy, Ennis. I've known that from the first time he said your name, many years ago. And, I wanted to say thank you, for deciding to come with him. It was his greatest dream." she told him, taking his hand in hers.
Ennis was choked with emotion. The soft touch reminded him of his own mother's embrace… which took him to that dozy embrace so long ago up in Brokeback, which took him, like always, to Jack.
"No, ma'am… I'm the one that has to thank Jack. If it weren't for him… for him never giving up on me… he makes me… complete." the words were tripping over themselves, Ennis finding it near impossible to put into a simple word what Jack made him feel.
But Jack's momma understood. So she only smiled, and squeezed his hand.
Author's note: well, hope you guys liked this one! I hope to update next one soon, but school has an annoying way of getting in the way of writing… grrr.
Please review, your comments mean so much!