*Next update, I have a surprise.

Disclaimer: Damn it, Jacob, I wish you were mine :/.

Crash

"The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams."

Oprah Winrey

Things were going to be okay. It was something I was convincing myself of. It really was going to turn out okay in the end, no matter how much things began to get bad. Jacob and Edward had decided that we would go to Romania to talk to the coven there. It seemed dangerous to not do that. And after the Volturi, I wasn't in the mood to mess around with more vampire royalty- or exroyalty.

We drove to their castle. Whereas it wasn't as fancy or bright as the Volturi's, the Romanian coven did manage to keep that creepy vibe turned way up. I even caught a few bats leaving the castle at night. The coven asked for us to stay a few days and it was something nobody was too psyched about, but in the end, we decided to stay anyway.

Edward thought something might work out if the Romanians fought the Volturi and Siobhan from the Irish coven wanted nothing more than that to happen. Everyone thought it'd work out and a frenzied air of excitement was always surrounding all of us.

And Tristan… Tristan was my everything. In the week that followed our meeting, we tried to spend every minute available together. His kisses were the highlights of my day. Holding his hand made me feel like I was floating. Nothing could bring me down from my high.

Until…he did.

On the night of the full moon, Tristan was taller and more muscled than I had ever seen him before- apparently it was a Child-of-Moon thing. The closer you got to the full moon, the stronger and more confident you became. And confident he certainly was.

He snuck into my room by scaling the wall of the castle (just before the full moon, Werewolves could do all sorts of freaky stuff) and I awoke to his hand pressed over my mouth. "Don't scream, Leah, it's me." I nodded and he let me go.

I turned in my bed to face him. "Hi," I whispered. "What're you doing here?"

His golden eyes glinted in the dim light from the moon. "I have maybe an hour left before I turn so I figured I could come in and we could get some things out of the way." My wolf vision was good enough for me to clearly make out his wink.

I laughed and kissed him, loving the way he tasted, loving that he had momentary trouble figuring out I was under the sheets and he was over them. Loving him. Finally he managed to get in the sheets with me and his hands found the waistband to my shorts.

As always, Tristan made me breathless and it was hard to think. So at first, I didn't say anything as he slid down my panties. He rolled above me and kissed my neck. My heart hammering, I realized he was completely naked above me. We had gone pretty far before, but having sex was still uncharted territory with us. Sam and Daniel were the only people I'd ever been with.

"Tristan?" I asked softly. He didn't hear me, or didn't bother responding. "Tristan- stop…"

His affectionate lips traced back up to my mouth, silencing me. But feeling him between my legs, I suddenly realized I couldn't let this happen- not this early anyway. I pushed him off me and sat up. "Tristan." I hissed.

He looked bewildered and hurt as he watched me. "What happened?"

"Nothing. I- I'm just not ready to go all the way."

"I thought I was your imprint," his voice took on a whining quality. And even though it would have annoyed me, shapeshifters just don't get upset with their imprints. Must be one of those things evolution decided so there wouldn't be fights between us.

I sighed and pushed him down, lying against his chest and listening to his heartbeat, not sure how to explain it to him. "Tristan, imprinting isn't the same thing as bonding. Bonding is all about a physical and temporary night- imprinting is a relationship forever and I just want to take it a little slower right now." His warm skin was comforting as I talked, telling him about the couples I knew, about imprinting working, about how we should work. "Its basically love." I finished.

Tristan was hushed, listening and absorbing the information I was telling him. "Okay, if that's how it works. I should leave now. I'd hate to turn in here with you." He kissed me once on the lips, then again on the forehead and rose from the bed. For a minute, I wondered what would happen if I phased and went after him. But I hadn't since that day of beimg kidnapped and I didn't want to.

He turned around at the window to look at me and I smiled gently. He started to smile, but then just faced the sky and fell out. All night, I thought about what he said, what I said, and what could have happened between us, but then I just fell asleep.

The next morning was cloudy. The vampires would be delighted, I knew. Alice would probably run off to shop. All of the Cullens had landed a few nights ago and I knew Emmett was teaching Bella how to fight. Carlisle and Jasper were rounding up more covens to prepare for the fight, although most of the vampires we knew were already here.

I dressed and made my way down the cold stone steps. About halfway down, I saw Tristan gazing out one of the windows. He turned and I flew forward to hug him. "Hey, how was last night?" I asked brightly, studying him. He didn't look so good. His skin was pale, washed out, wet hair hanging dully into dark, tawny eyes, bags under them. I also noticed that he was about my height now, although last night he was probably taller than Jake.

"It sucked. But at least I fed." He muttered. "Listen, Leah, we need to talk."

"Yeah, sure thing," I said, trying to ignore the slightly uncomfortable feeling that was in my stomach.

H was quiet. And then: "Leah, what would happen if Nessie left Jake?"

"He'd go after her."

"No, no, I mean what if Nessie left him. Abandoned him."

Frowning, I stymied the question, "She wouldn't do that, so whats the point in even asking?"

"You're not getting me, Leah. Okay- what would happen if Nessie died?"

I thought of the way Jacob took a protective stance around her, the way he met her eyes with nothing but worship, how he would give up everything he had, just to hold her. "If Nessie died, Jacob would die." I said simply.

The answer unsettled Tristan. He blew out a breath and turned to me, "Leah, this isn't right."

"What isn't?" I asked, trying to ignore the fact that my heart was drumming a beat louder, a notch faster than before.

"What happens if an imprint doesn't work out?"

I stared at him, a hollow numbing in my core, feeling cold. "Tristan…"

"Leah, what if I don't love you?" His eyes bore into mine, his hands clutching my shoulders, a desperate and final respite to everything I felt.

What if I don't love you?

What if…

"I hope you understand, Leah. I'm a Werewolf, it's hard for me to stay tied up with one person. That's not what we're made for. Didn't I tell you once before that I don't see the sense in building a relationship when it can just break easily? I hope this isn't too hard for you."

Was I in denial? I heard his words, but from a distance. As if I was drowning and he was still standing on dry shore, trying to teach me how to swim with his aloof instructions.

Somewhere even further off, a voice was calling, "Leah, where are you? Leah!"

"Shit, its your Alpha. Listen, I'll talk to you later, okay? I really need to get some sleep after last night." And then he was gone, swiftly disappearing up the flight of stairs while I stared out the window at nothing.

Jacob was behind me a moment later, "Hey, there you- Leah? Whats wrong?" His voice was suddenly low and he looked outside the window, trying to find whatever it was that had upset me. But it wasn't outside; it was inside, in me. "Leah?"

"Jake, would you come with me?" I whispered, barely able to get the words out.

"Of course- but what happened?"

What if I don't love you?

Ignoring the question, I began down the stairs and outside into the woods. At first I jogged and Jake easily kept pace with me, but then I was running, building up speed, echoes in my mind, and Jake was panting, "Leah- I'm not as fast as you, Leah!"

I don't love you.

And finally I phased. I lurched into my second form as awkwardly as a toddler takes its first steps. It was a minute before I felt Jacob's conscious brushing mine, and then reading everything, everything. Just as I was finally able to read everything in his mind. His love for Nessie, which made me hurt even more, the determination he had to make everything better for his pack, his distress for me. I was glad suddenly that the rest of our pack would be arriving much later today- I couldn't stand if anyone else had read me.

That son of a bitch, he broke up with you? Does he know imprints can't break up? Jacob sounded pissed off, even more than the night I had left with Tristan. I swear to God I'm going to kill that bastard, make him regret ever being alive. For fucking with you.

I didn't bother to reply, but Jake could clearly read in my head that I had imprinted on Tristan, and that was even stronger than loyalty to the pack. I would fight Jacob right now until we were both nothing but carcasses on the forest floor if I felt he was threatening the man I loved.

Leah, I'm so sorry. I didn't know this would happen.

Nobody did, Jacob. Except for him. I answered, though I didn't need to. He knew what I felt now, every nook and cranny of my mind.

Whimpering softly, he came forward and touched his muzzle under my throat, trying to convince me to look up. I couldn't. Leah, please don't do this again. There's nothing I can do about this- nothing we can do. I can ask the Romanians that they tell the Children of Moon to leave forever.

I felt tears, unshed, rising up in me. No, Jacob- I want something else from you, just one thing, a favor.

He read my mind again then, more carefully and specifically. No, Leah, that's not something I can do. I don't even know if it'll work.

You HAVE to do it, Jacob! There's no other way I can go on- and you know it.

Jacob whined. Leah, no…

JACOB! Jacob, please. For me.

Turning away from my eyes, Jacob howled softly at the sky. Fine, Leah. His voice echoing through my mind as that of the Alpha, Jacob gave the first order he had in his entire life as an Alpha. Leah, I command you as your leader to stop loving and thinking of Tristan, your imprint.

And that was honestly all it took for the memories of him and me, for the deep devotion of him inside me to be locked up and chained. Even though I was unhappy, I was no longer broken. When I saw him, I didn't find him irresistible anymore. I treated him normally.

I always felt a tug around him, but it was nothing more than a mild ache that went away if I fought with my pack hard enough, which I did much more often now that I phased all the time. Neither Quil, nor Embry, not even my little brother or Edward (thanks to the Werewolves proximity) could read any traces of what had happened in my mind.

A few times Tristan tried to approach me, but Jacob would chase him away or I would avoid any mention of the incident.

He might as well have not existed anymore.