Two years and countless newly watched shows and movies, I have returned. Sorry for the wait, everyone! So here's an insertion into one of my new favorite animes. Kamisama Kiss.

Cast

Nanami - Jade (Like any good romance anime, we need a cheerful and spunky protagonist, who isn't afraid to beat a bitch back in line)

Tomoe - Karkat (Now with fox ears! But with the same bad attitude)

Kurama - Dave (A pop star crow winged Dave(sprite?) who wears lip gloss. I think we have a winner, ladies)

Mikage - John (A God of the wind, and he gets chased into a tree. Read it, it's glorious)

Here we go!

Jade was, unfortunately, stuck outside yet again. As it turned out, not many abandoned buildings were in the area, and those that were there were boarded up tight. Oh well. At the very least, it wasn't raining outside. That would have been a more than shitty way to start off the story.

Now as we all know, since this chapter is based off a romance anime, the main protagonist (our dearest little Jade Harley here) has a bit of a tragic backstory to her, poor thing. Her Grandfather had unfortunately died when she was very young, and her mother was an avid gambler. A year ago, her mother was far into debt, and then two months back she left Jade alone altogether. Unable to get a job and juggle school at the same time, she unfortunately had her house foreclosed and was forced away on the streets (because apparently Japan or America or whatever ambiguous place this is doesn't have anything resembling a youth housing network). Jade has survived, of course, due to her quick wits and adaptive nature.

All was going swimmingly that night, when from somewhere close by, Jade heard a scream. She wasn't about to leave some poor person to fend for themselves this late at night! So she ran to get to the place, only to see a boy about her own age, clinging to the branch of a tree for dear life and screaming about the 'beast' after him.

The beast was a poodle.

And the blue eyed teen in the tree was yelling at the top of his lungs, "Oh GODS GET THIS HELL DEMON AWAY!"

Jade just sort of walked up to the dog and shooed it away, watching them scamper away. She watched the fluffy white furred tail wag as it ran off, disappearing into the bushes, most likely happy about having served its purpose as a plot device/antagonist. Jade looked up at the teen in the tree and informed him that the poodle was gone. "You can come down now!"

So that's what the teen did, sighing in relief. He dusted off his pants (which were blue, like the rest of his outfit, which admittedly looked really stupid with the hood), and looked to Jade, smiling widely. "Hey, thanks! So I'm John, and well, what's got you out here so late at night?"

Jade could be asking the same question to him, but instead she just led him to a park bench and sat, explaining her entire tragic backstory like any anime protagonist is wont to do after it is proven that this may be an important plot point that will ultimately change their lives in the wackiest ways possible. John nodded after this telling before grinning widely. "Well, I have a solution for you!" He dug around in his pocket and pulled out a scrap of paper and a pencil. He wrote an address on it and handed it to Jade.

"This is your new home! Take good care of it."

Then he stood, and only left after leaning down and kissing Jade's forehead.

And thus we leave our anime protagonist, confused and blushing faintly as she watches John meander away.

=Kisses drive everything in this world!=

Jade could only muster up the energy to look offended when she reached the address. "Are you kidding me? He gives me the address to a rundown shrine, of all things! Ugh, must have been a prankster or something like that... Well, at least I'll have a place to sleep. Yeah, that sounds good..." So she picked up her bag and started to walk up the steps to the shrine that apparently was in this city.

Then she shrieked as two small forms flew out the front door of the temple and tackled her.

There were two little... whatever the hell they were circling around her, singing about how 'Master John' had returned to them. One was a little blue woman in a clown hat, with the tail of a ghost, and the other was seemingly a tiny fairy girl with a wide red smile.

Nope. Jade was not dealing with this.

She picked up her bags and turned to leave, and then the steps in front of her suddenly caught on fucking fire.

"OH HELL NO, JOHN, YOU AREN'T GETTING OFF THAT EASY."

She turned and there was some midget in a really outdated kimono (so is this Japan?) and... really fluffy fox ears on his head, what the fuck was going on here, what the fuck. And this midget was getting closer, scowling. "You LEAVE for TWENTY FUCKING YEARS with NO SAY on where the HELL you're going? You LEFT ME TO TAKE CARE OF THIS SHRINE FOR TWENTY YEARS, YOU ASSHOLE."

Then the guy stopped, and took a good look. Up to this point, he had focussed only on Jade's forehead, where the mark of John was found. Now that he got a good look at her, he scowled, reeling back. "Well shit, sorry. You bear the God's mark, so I mistook you for someone else."

Jade was confused beyond belief now, and angry as sin.

"EXCUSE YOU! I came here because some guy in A STUPID BLUE HOOD gave me the address and told me, 'Here, have this place!'" Her yelling was accentuated by a stupid imitation of John's voice, "So if you could please stop being an asshole, than maybe we could figure out what the hell's going on!"

"But isn't it obvious, Mistress?" The little red fairy spoke, smiling widely. "Because of the mark, that means you're our new Goddess!"

"What."

"WHAT."

=Hm, what should I write here?=

Jade was now running for her life from some demon who had wanted to eat her, the two sprites or spirits or whatever floating alongside her. After it had been discovered that she was a God, Karkat, as she learned the youkai's name was, had basically left the shrine, wanting no part in being her Familiar. Now that damnable asshole was watching from on top of a tree, smirking down at her, tauntingly calling, "Come on human, I'll save you! You just have to say that I'm better than you, and you fucking know it!"

Then, the little blue woman (who liked baking a lot for some reason) told Jade that she could still make Karkat her Familiar, and a God's Familiar had to follow every single order given, no matter what.

"All you have to do is kiss him!"

"WHAT."

Poor Jade.

=Hey, remember InuYasha?=

"LIKE HELL AM I DOING THAT."

"Karkat oh my fucking God. Just do this one little thing for me."

"JADE, NO. YOU AREN'T THE BOSS OF ME."

"Uh, yeah, I kind of am. I kissed you, so you're my Familiar now, so you do what I say."

"SO?"

"Karkat, I told you already! I just need you to go out and count the offerings while I answer this one prayer!"

"NO. THAT'S STUPID."

"KARKAT, YOU ARE GOING TO GO OUT AND COUNT THE DAMN OFFERINGS, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?"

To Jade's surprise, he actually shut up, ears lowering down as he glared. Then he went to do as told, which was the oddest fucking thing. But then, Nana made it all clearer. "Fantastic, you've learned to do your Sacred Word! If a Familiar hears a command, the more forcefully said the better, they have to follow it no matter what."

Jade then couldn't help but smile widely. "Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this..."

=We interrupt your regularly scheduled thing for Dave being a diva=

Dave looked back at the apparent new human God's Familiar, eyebrow raising high. "Heh, didn't think they employed murderous scumbags these days. What's wrong Kitkat, has John really tamed you that much?" So Dave liked to tease fox eared shortstacks. It was always a fun thing to do, especially in between trying to get to Jade to just have a little chat, maybe make out with her a bit.

Karkat, for once, didn't even answer. Dave's bewilderment soon became abject confusion when the fox eared youkai threw a leaf on his head. That confusion became complete and utter horror when the guy turned him into a fucking ostrich.

He ran away as fast as he could from Karkat and his claws, and God this was both the most ironic and humiliating thing he'd ever been through because come on, the sight of an ostrich wearing sunglasses and running through the school hallways, only to be chased after by a fox eared guy with claws, fangs, and fire must have looked both ridiculous and awful.

Jade soon noticed though, and the telltale sunglasses told all. When she found the two, Karkat had a hand around the Dave's neck, his shades thrown away. Jade looked to Karkat in disbelief as the asshole oh-so innocently said, "You know, I think we should have ostrich for dinner. I mean, nothing's too exotic, and nothing's too good for you, so..."

"Karkat, oh my God, change him back."

"But-"

"NOW."

Dave did get changed back, and Karkat let go of him, allowing him to fall back on his ass in a mass of skinny jeans and enormous black feathered wings. At the very least, he was back to his beautiful self, even if that asshole youkai was telling Jade all about his being a crow tengu. Oh well. You win some you lose some.

But he was even able to score a kiss on the cheek where Karkat had punched him earlier.

Motherfucking score.

I'm back, and I hope you enjoyed that! Now then, off we go to the next thing!