The talk with France

Time was passing. Soon came New Year and through whole January, February and March I tried to live normally, even if my dizziness began to be more troublesome. It happened many times that I felt it during walking on the street, preparing dinner or during World Meetings, which was – of course – quite visible to other countries. From time to time someone (generally Japan or Italy) was asking me, if I'm alright. I was always saying that I'm totally fine. In fact, only Ukraine, Belarus, Liet and Hungary knew, it was caused by overworking. The good thing was that I didn't faint even once.

As for this thing with Ela, I didn't say to her anything. This feelings, I've had to my dearest friend was making being near her harder with each day, especially since she decided to nursing me, if I'll feel dizzy again. So she was driving me home after every World Meeting, helping me with my paperwork, when it was too much; preparing me dinner or cleaning my house, so I could rest peacefully. It all was very sweet and I really was grateful for that. Still every time, when I looked at her, I was wondering if I consider her only as a friend or maybe someone more. Sometimes I was catching myself on weird fantasies about her lips or cheek. But I tried to push it out form my head. And it was making me even more confused. I wanted her to leave, but when she finally left, I missed her.

I didn't do anything for her during Valentine's Day, because I didn't want to uncover myself. Still that day seemed to be more depressing, than in previous years. Only in the Women's Day[1] I've bought Hungary a carnation as I was doing from the times, when we both were communist states.

I needed an advice. An Advice from someone, who was good at those man-woman things. I was thinking about it a lot. Finally, when I've realized that I have no other choice, I decided to go to France. He was pervert, but he knew about love enough to be good adviser. Still having on my mind last time, when Francis tried to help me, I was feeling a bit nervous, but I knew, I have to ask him.

So I phoned to him that I will visit him to talk about "really sensitive matter". I think he already realized what kind of problem was coming with. Anyway, I've arrived to his place at late afternoon in secret from Elizaveta. He welcomed me in his living room, sitting comfortably on his armchair, holding glass of wine in his left hand.

"Bonjour, Pologne" He greeted me, standing up. Then he pointed with open hand free armchair next to his and said: "Please, sit with me."

"Thank you." I answered.

When I took the place, there was a silence between two of us for about half minute. I was too nervous to start and Francis, probably, didn't want to rush me. Finally he asked:

"So what led you here, mon ami?"

"Well…" I rolled my gaze down, then took deep breath and said: "There is, like, one person…"

"Oui?" France rose his eyebrow.

"That person is my friend. One of my oldest and dearest friends. But lately a lot happened and I… I totally don't know what to think now."

"Do this person is hanging around someone else and you feel jealous?"

"No!" I laughed, but then became once again serious. "In fact that person, like, kissed me under mistletoe."

"Oh, I see." France smiled and nodded with consideration.

"Now, I don't know if I consider this person as my friend or maybe I also love her." I looked at France. "I came to you, because I need good advice."

"And you expect from me to tell you what it is, what you feel?"

"Yeah. And if it's love, could you tell me what to do? I don't want to lose this friendship, but hiding my feelings also is a torture."

"You sound like you already know that you're in love, Pologne. First tell big brother France, what is exactly, what you feel?"

I took another deep breath and I started to rubbing my hands nervously.

"Well, when she's near me I began to feel nervous. I'm sweating and my heart is beating faster. I'm hot, when I'm, like, sitting next to her and since she's lately coming to me more I want her to go home quickly, so I won't be feeling that way. But when she finally leaves my place, I'm, like, longing to see her again. Besides, every time, when I see her, I want to kiss or touch her…"

"Oh, that's interesting." Francis smirked.

"It's not what you think. I only want to rub her cheek to find out how her skin feels like."

"Hm… Well, it looks like a love to me." Francis finally said.

I only looked at him. He took a sip of wine, then put the glass on the table and stood up. He came behind my chair and leaned his arms on the back of it. I titled my head and gazed at him from down. There was an expression of concern in his face, soon deep sigh escaped his lips.

"I've had this weird feeling that this Polish-Hungarian Brotherhood will evaluate to something deeper."

So he knew, I was talking about Hungary. He was good. Other thing was that he confirmed my suppositions. Now I really knew, I was in love with Ela.

"Elizaveta is beautiful woman. I was wondering, when you will see it."

"I started thinking about her this way only after this Christmas kiss." My gaze once again rolled down. "But it's not that I want to screw her or something."

"I didn't say that. Sure there is some erotic tension in your desires, but your love has strong fundament – friendship. So your love is more platonic than erotic."

I quite don't know why, but I felt relief, hearing it. However, after that I looked at France with concern.

"So what should I do?" I asked him.

Francis returned to his armchair, sat there and leaned his back there comfortably. Then he took his glass, lifted it up and started to observe the liquid in it.

"You must be careful, Pologne." He finally spoke. "Before you will confess your feelings to Hungary, you have to find out, if she feels the same for you."

"She doesn't. I know it." I said. "I'm only a friend to her."

"Well, I don't want to give you fake hopes, mon ami, but you don't have access to her mind. Remember that her previous relationship was a disaster, even if she's in quite good relations with Austria. And she didn't have a boyfriend since then, so…" He didn't ended, but just looked really meaningful at me.

I remained silent. I bent my back and rubbed my face, then looked at him once again.

"When she'll find out about my feelings, she won't be looking at me the same way anymore. She may be afraid of it. She may separate from me. I can't lose her friendship. It's one of the most important things in my life."

"You're right. She won't be looking at you the same way. Personally, I think you and Elizaveta would be really nice couple. There is a way to find out for sure. You just need to leave it to brother France. I will be observing her carefully. Nothing will hide from me."

For some strange reason, I felt restless, when I've heard it. But the only thing I could say was:

"Sorry, but I have to, like, sort my thoughts out. I will call to you later."

"Fine, Pologne. Take your time. There is no rush in l'amour."

I stood up and directed myself to the hall, but I didn't get five steps, when I felt dizzy and lurched. Fortunately I leaned on the armchair, so I didn't fall on the floor. Francis rapidly came to me. I could see the worry in his eyes. He even took my arm, like I was some old man and he was going to lead me to his front door. The worst thing in this whole dizziness was that people around me always began to be so annoyingly protective towards me.

"Are you OK, Pologne?" He asked.

"Yeah, like totally OK." I said and freed my arm from his grip. "I'm just tired." I added and smiled lightly to soothe him. "I will, like, go home and take a nap."

"You can sleep here, mon ami."

"No, thanks. I've heard from Arthur that your couch is totally uncomfortable." I giggled.

I've managed to go out. Francis fallowed me through the all way from his living room to the front door. When I was on his porch, he had still the same worried expression on his face.

"I don't think you should drive, if you're tired, Pologne."

"I'll be fine, really."

He was staring at me for a moment.

"You're really pale, Pologne. Are you sure you don't want to…"

"Totally sure." I've said, angrier with every second of this circus. I sighed, looked at him and added: "Do widzenia.[2]"

I turned away from him, not waiting for his good-bye, and directed to my car. And that was the moment, when happened something we both didn't expected. Suddenly from tree that was outside Francis' possession popped out Ela. I stopped and stared at her with astonishment. The feeling of confusion mixed with shyness appeared in my heart, but I couldn't move.

"So there you are, Felek!" She finally spoke. There was weird smile of triumph on her face.

"Ela…" I yanked.

Dizziness hit me once again, but this time everything went black.

"Come on. I will drive." I've heard from Ela and right after she said it, I felt one her hand in mine hand and other on mine shoulder. She led me to the passenger side of my car. Maybe it was because of tiredness, but I didn't resist. I just let her do everything to me, from opening car doors to fest my seatbelt. Right after she turned on the engine everything went black and I fell asleep.

[1] Women's Day is a holiday, when men gives women (their mothers, girlfriends, sisters, schoolmates...) a carnation. It's celebrated in March 8th and since it have rooths fromtimes, when Poland was communist state, many people don't want to celebrate it.

[2] "Goodbye" in Polish.