Link: Now, you two are ok now?
MissNavi and Navi: Yes...
Link: Say sorry...
MissNavi and Navi: Sorry...
Link: Ok, no more cat fights.. I wish Zelda and Saria had a cat fight.. Over me.. In a mud pit.. Ohhh yeah!
MissNavi: Navi and I are ok, but you... I'm not so sure about!
Navi: Ew Link, you're the most disgusting and perverted male I have ever met!
Link: What?! It's not my fault they're so hot and can't resist me! Hottness is attracted to hotter hottness, which would be me!
-MissNavi and Navi nod head (or body of light) in agreement-
-MissNavi and Navi chase Link down and lock him in a cage-
Navi: THERE! Now THAT is where you belong!
Link: Hey! Let me out! Now!
MissNavi: Not until you stop being so perverted and sexist..
Link: Sorry Babe, I can't help it.. It's who I am.
MissNavi: Did he just call me... Uck, I think I just threw up a little..
Link: HEY!! Well, you don't KNOW hottness!
MissNavi: I do, and it's not you!
Link: Well, I'm hottness with a side of spicy!
Navi: Umm let's see... You're a disgusting... thing, with a side of pervertedness!
MissNavi: TELL IT SISTA!
-MissNavi and Navi high five each other-
Link: Ummm... When am I getting out?
MissNavi: When I get more reviews..
Link: OH MAN!! I'M GONNA BE IN HEAR FOREVER!!
MissNavi: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
Link: Oh nothing...
MissNavi: I can do things to you Link..
Link: What are these things exactly? And can I do them with Zelda instead?
MissNavi: WTF! NO YOU PERVERTED ASS! Do you even know what happened to you in the last chapter?
Link: Oh hell no... Please no... Don't do anything you're going to regret later!
MissNavi: Oh, I won't regret anything! Now.. -Glares angrily at Link- Let's start Chapter 10, which completes my first 10 chapters! Yay! Now.. Here we go!
The Legend of Zelda: The Age of Animals
Chapter 10
"I'm a... I'm a..."
"HAHAHAHAHA!! SO MUCH FOR YOUR HOTTNESS NOW!! GORON!!"
"NOOOOOOOOO!!! WHY MUST EVERYTHING SO HOT, GO SOOO COLD!!!"
"You're a Goron, you're a goron! Nananana NAAA NAAA!"
"I suddenly feel... -loud yawn- sleepy..."
"WOAH! Link! Warn me next time you yawn like that! It looked like a massive earthquake was coming!" Before Navi was even able to get her message through, she heard a loud THUD! and turned to see Link, rolled up in a ball, asleep on the ground.
"Link the Goron! He's a moron! Because he's a Goron! And just a plain moron! And nothing can ever, and will never, change that!" Navi sang mockingly. Link was pissed as it was, but now he could roll around the city, and get places faster and easier than before. Link attempted to walk, but it only ended in failure.
"OH MY GOD!! These Gorons pull a lot of weight around here!"
"Yes Link, they have to do a lot! This is why you should appreciate them more!"
"No! I mean they pull a lot of WEIGHT around here! I can't even stand up! My legs aren't strong enough!"
"Well, you always did have the muscle of a kumquat.."
"Kumquat? Where did THAT come from?"
"Nevermind, just roll.." Link rolled out of Goron City, while Navi kept mocking him..
"Heads will roll!! HAHAHA!" Link just wished Navi would shut up. He was in enough pain as it was.. He rolled onto a little side path, and found a goron rolled into a ball, laying in the sun.
"I'm standing here to shade the Bomb Flowers from the sun. Do you have a question for me?"
"Uh, no... -Gulp- Brother..."
"Ok, bye!" Link picked up the bomb plant, with his newly tattoed and muscular arms, and threw it down to the ground to blow up the boulder. After he blew up the boulder, he rolled down the mountain into Dodongo's Cavern. When he entered, he heard loud flapping noises, and saw a rock door. On the sides of the room, he saw bomb flowers, which he used to open the door. Link rolled into the next room, which was at least ten times larger than the first one, in both length, width, and height.
"HEY! LINK! LISTEN! It looks like there are many lava pits around here, so watch your step! But wait, you can't step!! HAHAHA!! So.. watch where you roll!! HAHAHA!!"
"Oh no, you're starting to sound like that obnoxious Soldier.."
"So? You're an obnoxious... GORON!! WHAHAH---"
"Navi... No... That laugh... I LOST HER!!"
"WHAHAHAHAH--- Oh no, you are right.. Oh my god, I never thought I would use those 3 words in a sentence when talking to you... Maybe I AM losing it.. I'll stop.."
"Good.. We're done now??"
"Yes.." Navi replied in a monotonous tone.
"Ok, now let's roll!" Link shouted enthusiastically. Navi snickered at Link's pun.
"Haha.. ROLL.. I get it, because Link's a goron, so he ROLLS.. HAHA!" Navi began softly singing Chamillionaire's song, 'Ridin'.'
"They see me rollin'. They hatin'. Patrollin' and tryin' to catch me riiidin' dirty!"
"Navi... What the hell are you doing?!"
"Uhhh... Nevermind that.. Please continue, 'rollin.'"
"Navi is such an idiot.."
"Link is such a moron.. And moron rhymes with goron.. He's a moron, he's a goron... HE'S A MORONIC GORON!!" Navi bursted out laughing, but Link ignored it and continued to 'roll.' Link stood up on his weak back legs, and picked up a bomb from a bomb plant..
"Wow, now I know why these gorons always ro--" Link had fallen down from the lack of support, and the bomb flew out of his hands. The bomb had convieniently fallen in front of a strange, yellow colored robot. The body waws exploded by the bomb and the head, which also exploded, blasted the rock that was blocking the door. He entered the area that was just blasted, grinning at his 'smartness.'
"I am sooo smart! I figured that out all by myself! YES!! That was AAAAAAAAALL ME RIGHT THERE!! YUH HUH!! ALL THIS HOTTNESS, RIGHT THERE BABY!"
"Link!! Snap out of it! Open the treasure chest!" Link rolled into the chest, and with the help of his new found strength, it opened.. He got the dungeon map! Whoopee!
"A dungeon map? A DUNGEON MAP?! They made it all sparkly ---SPARKLY--- and shiny ---SHINY--- just for a stupid map?! I never use these things anyway!! What's the point?! Besides, how can something THIS HOT get lost?! I mean, come on!" Link launched himself from the platforms to get across the lava. He blew up the other strange yellow things. Link thought it was fun blowing things up. He found another door that needed to be blasted, so the head of the yellow thing blasted it open for him. Being that he was a goron, he was getting too lazy to do it himself. He entered, well rolled, into the next room. There were baby dodongos everywhere; popping out of the ground and attacking Link. Link rolled over them. He realized that they blow up, so he got out of there as quickly as possible. He had a bit of trouble climbing over the ledge though, so he rolled over a dodongo and sat on it. It blew him up and over the ledge. He didn't even lose a heart, due to his hard, rock exterior.
"WOW! THAT WAS FUN!"
"Ugh.. Let's go now.." Link saw two statues, and rolled into them to push them. He moved it over the button, and used another dodongo to blast himself up onto the ledge. He walked through the previously barred door. The room he was in had two keese inside.
"What is it with the number 2? Two statues, two keese... Before you know it, it will be two lizard thi--" Before Link could even finish his thought, he walked into a room with.. Two lizard things.. He continued to roll into the two girl-like screaming lizards until they swapped. Eventually, they were both defeated, and the barred doors opened; allowing Link to roll through. Link entered a room with a bunch of adult dodongos. He kept throwing bombs at their tails until they blew up. He rolled into a new pathway, and sat on a button. A door on the other side had opened up, but the yellow things were back.
"OH MY GOD!! I THOUGHT I KILLED THOSE THINGS!! This is messed up, dude.." But before he left for the door, he bombed another slab of rock. On the other side, was none other than a gossip stone..
"YAY!! MUST... KNOW... TIME!!!!" Link looked at Navi with a baby goron face, as if he thought he looked cute.
"... Fine, fine!! GO AHEAD!!" Navi 'sympathetically' agreed.
"SKLEE!!" Link rolled into the stone, and it told the time.
"Man, I never get tired of that.."
"APPARENTLY!!" Navi shouted. Link rolled over to the next door, and entered. There was a rock wall, surrounded by bombs. Link set off the bombs, and they collasped the stairs.
"EXPLOSION!!! WEEEE!!" He had also spotted another door parallel to the stairs. He blew up the rock slab, to reveal another door. He rolled through and found 3 statues.. This couldn't be good.
"Why are they all in a circle? And why--- oh my god.." "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" A statue had come to life and began to attack him. He used bombs to blow it up.
"Wow, that was easy!"
"Link, you're starting to sound like the Easy Button. Now available at Staples!!"
"And Navi, you're starting to sound like a COMMERCIAL!"
"Sorry.. Roll on.." Navi snickered, Link sighed. They moved on. Link found the compass in the treasure chest. Oh boy! They headed out of the room and walked up the stairs. Link had a little trouble. He kept rolling down the stairs from his weak legs. But he finally managed to get up.
"This is starting to look like the Deku Tree now.. WoOoOaAaAh..."
"Just go!!" Link rolled up the right staircase, but each led to the same place. He rolled into the web and knocked the spiders on the ground. He squashed them like the skull protected insects they are, and got some deku seeds and a skulltula token. He rolled into the door behind him to find statues. similar looking to the one that attacked him earlier, and two-- "THERE'S THE FREAKIN' 2 AGAIN!!" ---fire keese. He left the fire keese, being that they didn't effect him, and threw bombs at the statues. They attacked him, but to no avail. He threw more and more bombs. They kept attacking. Link later realized that if he just left them, they wouldn't attack.. Duh duh DUUUUH! Link stumbled onto a bridge, and rolled across. He came to a large gap, which he rolled across by rolling down the bridge at a high speed. He rolled into a room with strange spikey things on the floor. He simply avoided them, and he came across a block. He moved the block over to a platform, which had a treasure chest and a bomb plant. The chest contained a red rupee. Link threw the bomb plant at the rock slab door, and blew it up. Using his super goron strength, he pushed the block back in its place and climbed the ladder. He walked into a room with a fiery--- "FIRE!!" ---wall. He rolled through, knowing that fire didn't effect him, and he entered the next room. He fought the lizard things, and the door opened. He went in to find MORE fire walls. He proceeded to roll through the rooms, and came across a treasure chest. He opened it and found a bomb bag... Made from a dodongo's stomach.. Yay, how nice.. He rolled through and sat on a button which raised a platform. He also found a stone with writing engraved on it. It read, 'Giant dead Dodongo... when it sees red, a new way to go will be open."
"WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN?!"
"Don't ask me, YOU'RE the moro-- I mean goron.." Link shot down the two annoying, self resurrecting fire keese, and walked across the bridge. There were two--- "GRRR!!" ---openings in the bridge above the giant dodongo head. Link remembered the stone that he had read, and threw bombs into the eyes of the stone dodongo. After the bombs exploded in the eyes, the eyes turned red. The mouth opened, and Link rolled off of the bridge. He attempted to escape the Beamo's, uh, beam, but to no avail. He got hit in the butt once or twice. As Link rolled into the mouth, while rubbing his butt that had just gotten burnt.
"Yeah, I know I'm hot, but I didn't mean THIS hot!!" Link entered the next room. He banged into a ledge until it collapsed. He entered the next room, which had many blocks and some fire keese. How many fire keese? I'll give you one guess. Link rolled some of the blocks around until he was able to go in the next room. He reentered the room and rolled the block, as strange as that sounds, onto the switch in the middle of the room. The door opened.. The door, to King Dodongo.. Link rolled into the room and took the bombs from the treasure chest. He waited around for a while.
"Geez, when is this guy gonna show up?! I'm not gonna wait around forever just for some guy to come so I can kick his a--"
"Link, I think you need to bomb the floor."
"Oh, that would make sense." Link bombed the middle of the floor, and sure enough, it broke through.
"Well, we can always depend on Navi, now can't we?" Link said, sounding annoyed.
"SKLEE!" Navi cheered. Link bombed the brownish colored square in the center of the room. The floor fell beneath the bomb. Link rolled into the dungeon, and saw the great King Dodongo. Being a goron, Link couldn't throw bombs. So he rolled around the room, setting off all of the bombs. Eventually, the King gave in and rolled back into the lava, which had hardened over. Link rolled over to get the heart container. He glanced at the light.
"OoOoOoO!! MUST... HAVE... SHINY!!!!!!!!" Link idiotically ran into the blue light, which transported them back to the entrance of Dodongo's Cavern.
"LINK! YOU'RE BACK! YOU'RE NORMAL!!"
"REALLY?! OOOOOOH YEAH BABY! THE HOTTNESS IS BACK!!" As Link celebrated his transformation, Darunia had fallen from the sky.
"It's me, Darunia! Well done!" Darunia gave Link a pat on the back, which made Link fall to the ground being that he was no longer a strong goron.
"Thanks to you, we can once again eat the delicious rocks from the Dodongo's Cavern until our stomachs burst!"
"From the way it looks, that won't be too long from now.. And I tried those rocks.. Never again.. They were.. Uvuvuguh.. YUCK! It was like eating.. Well, eating rocks!"
"What a wild adventure! It will make an incredible story..."
"Yeah! How the Hot Hero saved the day! Hmm.. Hot Hero.. I like that.. It's the only title that's hot enough for me.. Yep, that's good."
"I can't believe that the Dodongos suddenly appeared in such great numbers!"
"Ummm.. Dude? There were 3, which was about the only thing that wasn't two.. Then, there was a giant one that equaled about 5.."
"... Right... And that big rock blocking the cave..."
"Oh yeah, blame the rock now!!"
"All this trouble must have been caused by that Gerudo thief, Ganondorf!"
"AH! Noooo! Correction! It is Ganondork I believe."
"He said, 'Give me the Spiritual Stone! Only then will I open the cave for you!"
"Well see, that's the NEGATIVE way of opening the cave.. You know, the LOSER way.. I use to polite and hot way. I got the ladies fallin' for me left and right! Yep! I'm so hot, they just be burnin' to have me!!"
"You, on the other hand, risked your life for us..."
"WHAT?!?! I COULD'VE DIED?!?!?!?! YOU SENT ME IN THERE AND I COULD'VE DIED?!?!?! Oy vey.."
"Kid, I like you!"
"I... like you, too?"
"How's about you and I become Sworn Brothers?!"
"Woooooah dude! Something this hot can't be related to something that hideous!"
"No, there's no big ceremony involved! Just take this as a token of our friendship!" Link was given the Goron's Ruby.
"SHINY!! SPARKLY!! FIERY!! RED!! LEVITATING!!! OoOoOoO! Wait, I wonder what he means by 'Sworn Brothers.' I will never know.. Maybe I don't want to know.."
"Brother! You'll keep brushing up on your skills as you travel, won't you?"
"Si, senor."
"You should go see the Great Fairy on top of Death Mountain! She will power you up!"
"Power me up? Psh, I'm pumped already! LOOK AT THESE MUSCLES!!" Link flexed his 'muscles.'
"Hey, everybody! Let's see off our Brother!"
"Oh! Ok, adios everybody! Please, no autographs. I DO allow pictures though! Heyyy!" Link gave them a wink and a click with his tongue and began to walk off when.. Two other gorons fell from the sky.
"You saved us!"
"How about a big goron brother hug?" Link ran off screaming towards Kakariko village, when ANOTHER goron fell from the sky! They all started going after Link, looking like mindless zombies asking for hugs. Link ran up the hill towards Goron City, but he took a detour to Death Mountain. He blew up the boulders and climbed up the ledges, when he heard a mooing sound.
"THERE'S THAT FREAKIN' MOOING AGAIN!! GRRRR!! I SHALL GO SEE WHAT IT IS!!"
"Riiiiiight, you do that Link!!" Link blew up the boulder at the top of the hill to uncover a secret grotto. Link dropped down into the hole.
"Wow, it feels good to walk again! I mean really! Do you know how hard it is to carry all that weight around?!"
"... No comment..."
"I mean, it's not easy being THIS hot all the time! Seriously, it's like--- HOLY COW!! IT'S A COW!!" Link looked in front of him to see a giant cow, sitting in a grotto.
"Well, what else did you think was mooing? A Cucco?" Silence fell upon the grotto, and only a small chirping of crickets could be heard, and the pitter patter of the water leaking into the underground oasis. Link played Epona's Song for the cow. Shortly afterward...
"Moooooooooo! What a nice song... It reminds me of the pasture..."
"What pasture? YOU'RE UNDERGROUND FOR GOD'S SAKE!"
"That song makes me feel so good, I can produce a lot of milk!"
"Umm HELLO? TMI! Totally! That was like, TOO MUCH INFO!" Link commented very gayly.
"Uh, Link? SNAP OUT OF IT!" Navi smacked Link upside the head.
"OWW!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"
"STOP BEING A LITTLE HAPPY, GAY BOY AND LET'S GO!!"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING GAY?! I'M NOT THE FAIRY, NOW AM I?!"
"I HAVE NO CHOICE, I WAS BORN THIS WAY!"
"YUH HUH, SO WHAT'S MY EXCUSE!"
"YOU'RE ARGUING WITH YOURSELF NOW DAMMIT!"
"OH YEAH?! WELL WHO SAYS THAT NOW?!"
"YOU DID!! YOU JUST--- Oh just forget it!"
"Mooo? Hello? Did you guys forget about little ol' me? Now, have some of my refreshing and nutritious milk!" The cow gave Link some milk, and they were on their way. On there way, to Death Mountain..
"DEATH!"
MissNavi: Sooo... I GOT TWILIGHT PRINCESS! YAY ME!
Link: I heard I'm really hot in that game!
Navi: I heard I'm not in it..
Link: Wow, really?
Navi: Yep..
Link: That game just keeps getting better and better!
Navi: HEY! WHAT'S SO BAD ABOUT ME!
Link: 1. YOU'RE A PEST! 2. YOU NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE! AND YOU JUST MADE ME DO A 'TWO' COMBINATION!
Navi: Then why did you let me come with you?! AND THAT'S THREE NOW, DUMB BUTT!
Link: I thought you would help, but that was my mistake!!
Navi: YOU JUST INSULTED YOURSELF AGAIN!
Link: Navi, I'm not stupid! If I insulted myself, I WOULD KNOW! I'm not THAT stupid!
Navi: YOU DID IT AGAIN! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THA--- OH NEVERMIND!
Link: Thank you! See, I'm smart.
-Link taps himself on the head with his finger to symbolize 'smartness' and accidentally taps to hard and hurts his head in the process-
Link: Ow!
Navi: Yeah Link. REEEEAL smart. Now, this is a tip to all of the readers out there. I am writing a guide book, called 'Navi's Guide To Link.'
Tip #1: Do not, under any circumstances, argue with an idiot. First, they bring you down to their level, then they beat you with experience!
Tip #2: Get to know the person before you go on a long, life-changing, world-saving journey with them. Especially if they think they're hot and want to get all the 'girlies.'
Link: WHAT?! They're hot! Oh, and that Ilia in Twilight Princess? DAMN, SHE IS FIIINE! I would like her with a side of champane, you know how frisky the ladies get. I like 'em frisky, risky, and fighting in a mud pit! RAAR! Heheheh..
Navi: EWWW!! WHAT THE HELL!! YOU ARE DISGUSTING, YOU ARE PERVERTED, YOU ARE---
Link: Hot?
Navi: NOOOO!!
Link: Well, you know I am. You know you want me. I am H to the O-T! HOT BABY!
MissNavi: Umm.. I'm just going to ignore him.
Link: You can't ignore me, because you want me.
-Link makes an egotistical you-wanna-kiss-me face-
MissNavi: Haven't you realized that everytime that you get this way, we lock you up?
Link: OoOoO! Lock me up, eh? Will it hur---
Navi: If you say ONE MORE THING, I will WRING YOU OUT LIKE THE DIRTY PIECE OF WASTED FLESH YOU ARE!!
MissNavi: He's getting really weird. Let's NOT lock him up this time..
Link: Awww, but there was a fun game I wanted to play..
MissNavi: Ewww.. Actually, let's get Ganondorf to lock up Dodongo's Cavern.. with you in it!!
Navi: YEAH!! Let's see what you do with those Beamos, burnin' you're butt with their laser beam! HAHAHA!
Link: Noooo!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!! Noooo!! Noo! noo! no! no..
-Link attempted to make his voice echo.. He didn't do very well-
MissNavi: Ok... Link will be shipped off over there later, so when you review we'll let him out!
Navi: Please! DON'T REVIEW! IF YOU BELIEVE IN EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT IN THIS WORLD YOU WILL N--
MissNavi: NOOO!! NAVI WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
Navi: I'm sorry.. -cough don't review cough-
MissNavi: Please review! PLEASE! Don't listen to Navi, or else I won't continue the story! And I wrote a Twilight Princess one on my regular fan fiction.. The story's called The Legend of Zelda: Betrayers.
Navi: But.. But.. But I won't be in it.. :(
MissNavi: Miracles happen Navi..
Navi: Then why is Link still here?
MissNavi: ... Anyway.. Review!