Caution - Tissue warning. Things don't always work out the way we want them to.

Chapter 10

When Jarrod returned to San Francisco again, Olivia was into her eighth month, and she had taken to her bed. It broke his heart to hear that from Mrs. Tate, but he felt a little better when he went to Olivia's room and saw her. She was comfortably in bed, smiling, full of color, and she said, "Well, I made it farther than I thought I would."

Jarrod came close and sat down in a chair beside the bed. He took her hand. "How are you feeling?"

"Better, actually, since I got off my feet. You can't tell with all the covers but I'm as big as a house now and it was getting hard to haul myself around. I think the doctor's been off on his prediction a bit. I think I'm closer to delivering than he thinks."

"As long as you're comfortable," Jarrod said.

"They're taking good care of me. I want to thank you for bringing me here, Jarrod. Your money is definitely not misplaced. These are good people and they're doing fine work here. I couldn't have made it this far on my own."

"I know," Jarrod nodded. "Now, what can I do for you today?"

"I don't really need anything. I have books I can read. I have all the help I need just by ringing my little bell here." She pointed to a small handbell on the nightstand next to the bed.

"Would you like me to read to you for a bit?"

"That would be wonderful, but first, I want to talk to you about something else. I want to make out my will."

Jarrod raised an eyebrow. "Your will? I didn't know you didn't have one."

"And you call yourself a lawyer," she teased. "No, I don't have one. I want to leave everything I own to my child, and if for some reason this doesn't work out and I lose this child – " Her voice closed up, but she swallowed and went on. "I want to leave everything I own to this place, this home. I want to help them to keep doing their work. Will you write up a will for me?"

"Of course. I'll do it today and bring it by tomorrow."

"What else do I need to be thinking about, Jarrod?"

"Well, we have a job lined up for you when you get back to Stockton. My mother is already getting into a shopping mood, so you'll have everything you need for the baby. Of course, Dr. Merar knows about your pregnancy, since he saw you before you came here, and he'll be ready to keep an eye on both you and the baby. I have your rent paid through a few more months and your place is fine – I've checked on it. I think we've gotten things lined up pretty well."

Olivia smiled and squeezed his hand. "You've been wonderful through this. I can't thank you enough."

"Just seeing you look so well and comfortable is thanks enough. You know you and Amanda are in my prayers every day."

Olivia smiled. "What if it's David and not Amanda?"

"Well, I sneak him into my prayers, too."

Olivia leaned her head back a little. "Just think. Another month or so and Amanda or David will be here. Oh, Jarrod, I'm so excited sometimes I can't stand it – and so scared."

"Of course you're excited and scared. You're doing the scariest thing a woman can do – have a first baby. But you and your baby are going to be fine, and I will be there to make sure you are. I won't run out on you, Olivia."

"Even if you find someone and marry again?" Olivia asked, very seriously. "You should do that, you know. You shouldn't let me and Amanda keep you from doing that."

Jarrod smiled a little wistfully. "If something is keeping me from doing that, it's not you and Amanda, believe me. So don't give that concern another moment of attention. If I should marry again – my wife will know that you're as dear to me as a sister and Amanda is as dear to me as a niece. It will work out fine."

Olivia smiled and rested her head back again. "One more month. Oh, I wish it would hurry up and pass so I can hold my baby in my arms – and see my feet again."

Jarrod laughed.

XXXXX

Jarrod almost hated to return to Stockton, but a few days later he had to. He had a difficult case coming up in court – a challenge to a will he had written for a man who had left everything he owned to the orphanage, disowning his adult children who were livid. It was not a big estate but not a small one either. Jarrod was executor, but probate was on hold until the challenge was heard and resolved.

Jarrod never liked family infighting, especially when it was over money. Tempers ran high and the family almost never could be repaired. This case was no different. Throughout testimony, there was a lot of yelling. The witnesses consistently blamed Jarrod, accusing him of browbeating their father into leaving them out of the will for the benefit of the orphanage where his sister Audra volunteered regularly. Jarrod ended up having to testify himself, highly unusual but necessary given the way the case was going. The trial went on for two grueling days before the judge ruled the will was valid, that Jarrod hadn't strongarmed anyone and probate should go forward. But Jarrod knew an appeal was coming. The estate was large enough to warrant one. This mess wasn't going to be over anytime soon.

Jarrod was scarcely through the front door after that last long, heavy day, when there came a knock. He wondered for a moment who it was and why he hadn't noticed anyone out there before he came in. "I got it," he said wearily before his mother could get up or Silas could get in from the dining room.

There was a young man, a stranger, at the door. He held an envelope out, saying, "This is for you, Mr. Barkley."

Jarrod gave him a tip, taking the envelope and saying, "Thank you," as the young man left.

Jarrod closed the door, tired and wishing this hadn't come in just now because whatever it was, it would require attention he didn't think he had the energy for. Wandering into the living room, he opened the envelope and read – and stopped.

His face went white as a sheet. His hands began to shake, then his whole being began to go limp. "No – " he said quietly. "Oh, no – "

Victoria got up and came to him. Nick and Heath were coming down the stairs and moved faster when they saw what was happening.

Jarrod was dissolving into tears as his mother reached him. "Jarrod, what is it?" Victoria asked, taking hold of his arm.

"Olivia – " Jarrod said as his brothers reached him. He read from the telegram. "'Sorry to inform you that Miss Emery's baby arrived this morning. The baby girl has survived but Miss Emery – '" Jarrod choked up completely and went straight to a numb shock, dropping the telegram onto the floor. "Olivia is dead," he said.

Victoria quickly guided him to his thinking chair and sat him down, as Nick and Heath looked at each other and didn't know what to do. Nick picked up the telegram, read it and handed it to Heath. Jarrod sat upright in the chair for a moment, then leaned forward with his face in his hands, but it wasn't ten seconds later he was up again and moving.

"I have to get to San Francisco," he said and headed for the front door.

"No, Jarrod, wait," Nick said, grabbing hold of him.

"I can catch the late train," Jarrod said. "I have to get there. Please – " He looked stunned. He could only whisper, "Olivia – oh, God, Olivia – "

Nick took a strong hold of him. Heath said, "I'll get a rig ready. Jarrod, I can go to San Francisco with you."

Jarrod got himself back together again. "No, I'm all right, I'll be all right. Just take me into town. I'll be all right."

"Jarrod, maybe you need someone – " Victoria started.

Jarrod shook his head, pulling himself together. "No, I'll be all right. I have to see to the baby. I have to see to Olivia's baby. I promised her."

"I'll get the rig and take you into town," Heath said and hurried outside.

"Pappy, maybe you ought to take Heath with you," Nick tried.

But Jarrod was more in control now. He said, "No. I'm all right. It's just – I know this happens to women all the time, and it's not like Olivia was having an easy time of it, but dear God, Olivia – "

He was regaining control now. There was no stunned silence that followed, no anger, nothing but control now. For Olivia, for her baby, he had to have control.

"I'll be all right," he reiterated. "I'll be all right."

Since he had a home in San Francisco, Jarrod never needed to pack anything so that thought wasn't cluttering his or anyone else's mind. All Victoria and Nick could do was look at him, and at each other.

Audra came in the door. "Heath told me – oh, Jarrod, oh, I'm so sorry." She took him by the arm.

Jarrod squeezed her hand. He looked at his mother. "I'll try to be back sometime tomorrow, but it might take me longer."

"Just look out for yourself, Pappy," Nick said.

Jarrod nodded and headed out the door.

"We should go with him," Nick said.

"No," Victoria said. "He needs to see to this on his own. He needs to be alone."

That was when Audra and Victoria began to cry, for Jarrod, for Olivia, for her baby. "Sometimes God seems so unavailable," Audra said quietly.

"Sometimes," Victoria said, even more quietly.