Hey guys. Your comments made me laugh so hard because I can picture you perfectly in my head how you're reading this and yelling at Clarke the same time. I was doing it myself during the writing. This chapter was harder to write. I had to re-write it once (add and change a few things) and I really like the outcome. I hope you guys won't hate me too much. Try to enjoy the following words, it's going to be hard and tell me what you think. I always appreciate your comments. So here is the showdown part one :D Also thanks goes to my beta pandorathefirst!

THE PAIN

She shouldn't have kissed him. Gosh, she should have talked to him about Meadow! She should have cut him off when he was telling her all these sweet things and told that he was Meadow's father. That she had come down here to tell him and then she got scared when he asked her that one morning and that she made it more complicated by keeping her mouth shut instead of facing her fears and telling him the truth! He needed to know. He had every right to know. She felt bad, pathetic and like a coward. She could still hear his promises and wishes, still feel his lips and soft touch on her when she went to bed. But not without getting one of the sweetest goodnight kisses she ever got. Bellamy had brought her upstairs and wished her goodnight by nosing her cheek and let his lips touched her temple a few seconds before letting her slip into the guest room.

He had to know and she would tell him – tomorrow! After breakfast. She would clear things up, no matter how hard it would be. She would tell him tomorrow morning … she didn't. At least not in the morning. She really wanted to, but again everything went the opposite to what she has planned.

The breakfast was nice and comfortable. She talked with Harper a lot and while Octavia and Raven took care of Meadow, helping her with the bread, Bellamy sat right next to Clarke, talking with his colleagues. At the same time he had searched for her thigh and put his left hand onto her knee, caressing it. Clarke laced their fingers together under the table and they both tried not to be too obvious. From time to time they glanced and smiled at each other. Even when her heartbeat sped up because the voice in her head got louder and louder, telling her that she had to tell him. She got nervous but did her best to hide it.

After the breakfast almost everyone left the kitchen. Everyone except for Bellamy and her. They both had been deep in conversation when they realized that even O, who eyed them closely during the breakfast, had given them some space.

They both were holding their coffee mugs in the one hand. Clarke was deep in her thoughts, shifting in her seat and didn't notice how Bellamy's fingers played gently with hers at first. When she did, Clarke swallowed. Okay, now or never. But her lips stayed sealed. She wanted to tell him right away but somehow her body didn't want to follow her orders. So it was Bellamy who spoke first.

"So, I have been thinking about this–" he interlaced their playing fingers together and looked straight into her eyes. Her heartbeat started to speed up, "- and maybe you don't agree but I thought that it would be a good start if we try to see each other on a regular basis. If this is what you want."

He sounded nervous. Clarke bit her bottom lip – she needed to tell him. Like right now! It was a strange feeling to know that Bellamy was really into this, a good strange feeling. She hoped that he would be still into this when he knew the truth. "Uhm", she started and swallowed. She saw Bellamy shifting in his seat, unsecure and her stomach clenched. "I, Bellamy, I have, I mean I-"

"I mean, we don't have to. I just thought that it would be nice to see you on a regular basis and maybe I can stop by next month for a few days and then you can come down here … or I will visit you again if it's easier for you two," he added hastily and while her heart jumped into the sky, her stomach dropped to the bottom of the ocean.

Clarke sighed, breaking their joined hands apart and she could see the fear in Bellamy's eyes when she pulled away. She rubbed her forehead, licking her lips and looked into Bellamy's worried face. She tried to smile at him, but she knew that she totally failed. "I think you are right. It would be a good start-", he relaxed immediately, "-but there is something I have to tell you first and I don't really know how to do it without blowing everything up. It's well…" She bit her bottom lip. Her eyes flickered over Bellamy's face. She saw his jaw clenching and how his whole body started to stiffened. He swallowed hard and somehow Clarke got the impression that he already knew. That Bellamy knew that she had something important to say and that he probably won't like it but he told her anyway, "Whatever is going on in your mind, you should tell me. I, I want to do it right this time okay? I want to give us a real chance and, just say it."

He had put his hands gently over hers, thumbs stroking carefully over her skin and Clarke wished he hadn't said anything at all because his words made her only feel worse. They only made it harder for her. They made her realized once more how much she screwed this up.

Clarke looked silently at Bellamy for quite some time before she nodded. "Okay, well, I shouldn't have waited this long to tell you but –"

His phone started to buzz and her heart dropped again. No! No, no, no. Not now! Not when she wanted to tell him! But of course Bellamy had to pick up, it was his work cell phone and with an apologetic look he answered the call.

She didn't know who was on the other end but Bellamy's expression turned serious. He nodded and agreed to be there in a moment. So even before he disconnected to call she knew that he had to leave, that she couldn't tell him.

"I'm sorry," started Bellamy with a hoarse voice, "but this was Murphy and –"

"No, no it's okay. Your work comes first."

He eyed her intensively, licking his lips and nodding shortly. "Yeah, but it isn't the most important thing to me at the moment."

She blushed under his gaze, at his soft voice. Her stomach dropped and the heat waved through her body. Her lips curled into a shy but also uneasy smile, while she pushed a strand back behind her ear.

"I know that you want to tell me something big but, well I really have to go. So, uhm, I am sorry. But we will talk later, okay?" He stood up, grabbing his hat and placed it.

Clarke nodded, ignoring her beating heart which went crazy at the sight of Bellamy wearing this stupid cowboy hat, "Yeah, no problem."

"Great. See you later." He bent down and kissed her cheek before rushing out of the kitchen. Leaving Clarke with a bad, bad feeling behind.

xxx

It had been a little before lunch when Octavia knocked at the bed room door.

"Clarke?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm in the bathroom. You can come in."

The brunette peeked into the bathroom where Clarke was bathing her daughter. A smile spread over Octavia's face immediately. She stepped in and the smile disappeared when she faced her.

"There, uhm, there is someone for you downstairs."

Clarke blinked in confusion, stopping playing with the doll in her hand. "What?"

Octavia nodded awkwardly. "Yeah … I told him to walk away but –"

"Him?"

Octavia sighed loudly, clearly feeling uncomfortable. "Yes, him. It's, it's Finn."

Her heart skipped a couple of beats. Her stomach dropped and a cold shiver ran down her spine. Had Octavia really said that her ex-boyfriend, whom she hadn't seen in years waited downstairs for her?!

"You are kidding me," Clarke whispered shocked, even when she knew that Octavia was serious.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Clarke got on her feet, anger pulsing through her veins. "How did he know I am here? What the –" She had to stop herself from cursing. She looked at Meadow who was playing with her toys they bought in the horrible store in town.

Clarke rubbed her forehead. Her mind running, then she asked Octavia to stay with Meadow. "And whatever you hear, do not come downstairs with her, okay?" Her heart dropped, her stomach tightened. She felt like she was going to pass out as she stepped down the stairs and eyed Finn who was looking around in the entrance.

He hadn't seen her, so she stood on the last step when she said something, getting his attention.

"What the hell are you doing here Finn?"

Finn turned around, a mixture of joy and anger on his face. "Clarke. Wow, hey." She felt him scanning her with his eyes and she crossed her arms above her chest like she wanted to protect herself.

"What are you doing here? How did you know I am here?"

"I talked to Lexa. She told me."

Clarke groaned. Of course he did. He couldn't accept that he wasn't Meadow's father and that Clarke didn't want to see him. That she was done with him.

"I want to see her Clarke."

"What? Finn, I have told you hundreds of times, that–"

"I know she is my daughter." He cut her off strictly and Clarke snorted disgusted.

"You have to be kidding me! Why can't you just accept that she isn't? That you have no reason to be here or being in my life at all. You and I, this will never happen again. So why are you trying to –"

"I want a paternity test." Said Finn angrily and took a step closer but Clarke didn't move. She wouldn't back away. Not from this. Not this time. It was the first time she spoke more than three words with him and the anger about everything that had happened, happened because of him and his stupid dick, boiled inside her.

Clarke gasped at him. "How dare you to demand me on doing a paternity test, when I've already told you that she isn't yours!"

Finn snorted. "Just because you tell me it doesn't mean it's true. I don't believe you. You are just using this Bellamy guy as an excuse because you don't want me in your life anymore. How many times do I have to tell you that I am sorry for the things I did to you?" His voice got louder, fiercer.

"No, because it' the fucking truth Finn!" Returned Clarke loudly and her voice got mad as well. "You should just accept it and go-away!"

"Like hell I will Clarke! You can't make Meadow pay the price just because you don't want to see me anymore. She has every right to have a father and-"

"Who isn't you for God's sake, Finn!" Yelled Clarke.

"How often do I have to tell you this?" Her voice got louder. The anger grew with every second she looked into the traitor's face. He had cheated on her. With her best friend! How could he have done that to her?

"I've told you Clarke, I won't believe until you can prove it that I'm not. Can you prove it?"

"I, I don't have to prove anything to you Finn," answered Clarke angry but with that she made it even worse.

"So you can't," Finn took another step closer. "So I'm the father or do you want to tell me that you slept around like a fucking whore and got yourself pregnant at the very first opportunity?"

Finn hadn't even finished when Clarke's hand met his cheek. "How dare you!" She yelled and the anger took control over her body, over her mind. "How dare you say that I was sleeping around like a whore when you were the one who cheated on me! It's none of your business what I did after we broke up."

"We didn't Clarke!" Yelled Finn angrily back. "We didn't break up Clarke. You ran away and ignored me. I –"

"Walking in on you fucking my best friend doesn't scream: "We broke up" to you? What did you expect me to do? To tell you that I'm breaking up with you? I mean, did you think that I would forgive you for this? That I would be okay with it? We broke up the moment I saw you together Finn. So when I slept with Bellamy that night we weren't together anymore. And all this is on you! Not on me, on you Finn!"

She poked her finger into the man's chest, sending deathly glares up at him, moving forward so he had stepped back towards the front door.

Then a sound out of the back made her stop. A door was opened up, footsteps got closer and fear that Octavia would come down with Meadow in her arms, streamed through Clarke's body. She turned her face over the shoulder and her heart dropped to her stomach because it was the other Blake who appeared out of the kitchen, probably coming from the backyard, into the entrance and stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted the situation.

He frowned and got closer, while Clarke stepped back from Finn, still glaring angrily at him.

"Is everything alright Princess?" Bellamy asked worried and put his hand on the small of her back, looking from her towards Finn and Clarke wished he wouldn't have called her this. She wished he wouldn't touch her this gently and that his voice wouldn't give him away that he cared about her.

Clarke swallowed. Her heartbeat sped up and she opened her mouth to answer but Finn snorted in disbelief.

"I just can't fucking believe it."

Clarke's body stiffened. She looked at Finn, telling him silently that he wouldn't dare to say anything but of course she only made it worse. Bellamy still looked confused. "Clarke," he said softly but again it was Finn's voice that filled the room.

"You are such a frigging –"

"Hey!" Bellowed Bellamy and cut Finn off because they all knew what Finn wanted to call her.

"Who the hell are you? And what are you doing here?"

"I'm-"

"He is no one Bellamy. And he was just about to leave." Cut Clarke in, growling at Finn but instead of going away a smug grin appeared on his lips. He looked at her, calculating and then he turned towards Bellamy. Clarke swallowed. She had an uneasy feeling about what would come next and panic rose inside of her.

"So you are Bellamy? Bellamy Blake?"

Clarke closed her eyes. No, no, no, no. No! She swallowed hard and exhaled shakily as Bellamy nodded. "Yeah, I am. And you are?"

But once again he ignored Bellamy's question and talked to Clarke, clearly pissed at her. "So he is the father?"

She felt Bellamy's confused gaze,"What?"

"You should go Finn." Demanded Clarke firmly and she could see Bellamy stiffened next to her.

"Finn? You, is he, the Finn? Meadow's father?" Asked Bellamy quietly and vivid.

"Yeah Clarke, tell us!"

Her heart was racing. She closed her eyes and she started to shake. This wasn't the way she wanted Bellamy to find out. This wasn't planned. None of this was planned. Everything went down and as much as she wished she could avoid it, the hard and bitter truth, the knowing that she will break Bellamy's heart for good, she had no other choice. She couldn't hide herself any longer. Her heart beat like hell in its ribcage when she opened her eyes, looking right into Finn's eyes. The anger pulsed inside her. Her throat was glued with it and so she swallowed once again.

"No."

"No?" Repeated Bellamy confused but Clarke tried to ignore him. She was concentrating on Finn, whose jaw clenched.

"No what Clarke?" Pushed Finn and she hated him. She has never hated anyone like she hated him in this moment. Because she knew that he finally understood. She knew that everything Finn wanted to do was making things worse. He wanted to destroy everything that could have been. He wanted to finish Bellamy and her before they even really started. She hated him. Why couldn't he just leave?

Clarke was breathing, shaking again. She swallowed because she knew what was about to come. She couldn't look into Bellamy's eyes, when she talked again.

"No, she isn't your daughter Finn."

She could feel Bellamy tensing right next to her. Finn had a fucking smirk on his lips while Clarke's stomach dropped to the floor and she felt sick, so damn sick. She closed her eyes, praying that this was just a bad dream and not the reality. She didn't want it to happen like this. Not now! Not when Bellamy and her just had decided to make it work somehow.

She felt Bellamy shifting from one foot to another. And seconds later it happened. The worst of the worst. The words were only a whisper but it sounded like he was yelling at her.

"What do you mean, he isn't the father Clarke?"

Clarke swallowed down the lump in her throat. Her heart beat in her chest and her whole body started shaking while tears filled up her eyes.

She had no other choice then but to clear everything up. She had to be honest. It was a bombshell. A big, big bombshell and she really wished she could turn back time to make a change but she couldn't. Clarke opened her eyes and the second she locked her gaze with Bellamy, she knew that he knew. She knew that she screwed up. She could see the fear and the hurt and the anger in his eyes, while she stammered the truth.

"I … I never slept with Finn after you left. Meadow, she … you are, you are the -"

She couldn't say it. She just couldn't. And she didn't have to because Bellamy already knew. He swallowed hard and his voice was thick with hurt, "The father. I'm Meadow's father?!"

Clarke nodded almost harrowed and she could see how his heart broke into pieces. How he lost the grip underneath his feet. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. All Clarke could hear was her beating heart and the blood in her ears. Her stomach twisted, when Bellamy shook his head and stepped halfway back.

"Bellamy," started Clarke but in this second Finn spoke up, clearly talking to Bellamy.

"Well, looks like she has been fooling you as much as me. I mean, you didn't know right? She had been telling you that I am the father right? Guess what, she told me that you are the dad. Looks like we both have fucked over by a lying bitch."

Bellamy didn't take his gaze of Clarke while Finn was talking to him. She wished he would shut up for good, but of course he was doing this on purpose. He wanted to ruin everything and by the shattered look in Bellamy's eyes he already had. Clarke shook her head slowly, "Bellamy" It was a mumble, a whisper, a plea but the next second Kane and her mother stepped into the hallway.

"Finn?" Asked Abby surprised and looked from the man towards her daughter and then to the angry, petrified Bellamy.

"Hello Abby," greeted Finn the older woman nicely, just as if they have seen each other last Sunday for brunch.

"What the hell is going on?" Abby asked confused and again Finn was the one who answered.

"Oh nothing important," he declined, "Just clarifying who Meadow's father is."

Abby still looked confused. She frowned. "Who Meadow's father … Clarke, what is going on?"

The blonde didn't answer. She was still looking into Bellamy's eyes, trying to tell him that she was sorry and that she didn't want it to happen like this but all the anger on Bellamy's face made her feel paralyzed. At least until Finn said, almost casually, "Oh well, it looks like your little girl and this cowboy over there –"

"Just go Finn!" Screamed Clarke, turning her face towards her ex-boyfriend. He was still smirking like the devil, while tears were streaming down her face. "Go away!"

But Finn didn't move an inch. He had his arms crossed over his chest, shaking his head. "Why? It's just getting interesting princess."

Clarke narrowed her eyes at Finn. He said the nickname in disgust and her stomach clenched. Her face hot and wet from the tears. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She asked hoarsely, desperate but before anyone could say anything Kane walked towards Finn, telling him to leave his property.

Clarke's eyes darted back towards Bellamy who still was in shock about the news he just found out, hearing Finn defending himself that he won't go anywhere.

"If I were you, I would leave son. Down here we don't hesitate to use the guns," explained Marcus in a quiet but dangerous voice.

Finn looked angrily from Kane towards Clarke and then to Bellamy. He snorted, "You are such a bitch Clarke!"

"Leave, now." Growled Kane dangerously low and Finn's jaw clenched. He shook his head but decided it would be better to listen to the man in front of him.

"Okay." Said Finn, but didn't go without addressing Bellamy and Clarke one more time.

"Well, being away the first three years of your daughter's life must suck Bellamy. Never took you for such a liar Clarke but well, everyone gets what they deserve right?"

Bellamy closed his eyes, clearly trying to block Finn's words and Clarke let out a shaky breath, while Kane threw Finn out and Abby gasped loudly. "What the…"

The tears were still running, her heart was still pounding and she needed a few seconds for herself before she devoted her energy to Bellamy.

"Bellamy," mumbled Clarke but again the cowboy shook his head. He licked his lips and let out a disgusted huff before he walked away. He rushed out of the hallway. Clarke ignored her mother who asked her what the hell just happened and without much thinking, Clarke ran after Bellamy.

"Bellamy!" Clarke grabbed his wrist to stop him rushing away from her. But she had barley closed her fingers when he pulled away, turning around on his own. His expression was furious and he told her in a dangerous and threatening voice, "You better not touch me right now Clarke!"

The blonde winced at the sound of his voice, the pain, the disappointment and the anger in his eyes.

This went so damn wrong!

She swallowed thickly. She wanted to explain, she wanted him to understand – she needed him to understand! Her eyes threatened to tear up again, so she took a deep and ragged breath. She licked her lips, swallowing again. Her eyes flickered over the mad man in front of her, when she started to talk.

It took her two times before she got her voice under control. She told him that she came down here in the first place to tell him. But then she panicked and lied. And to avoid a situation like this, she thought it would be better to keep her mouth shut. Her words were spoken hastily, her heartbeat sped up with every syllable.

"… but then I talked to Octavia and she –"

"Octavia knows about this?" Barked Bellamy in horror and Clarke winced because she realized that she shouldn't have brought up his sister. He would feel betrayed by her. Bellamy's words made her struggle. She needed a few seconds before she said quickly, hopefully to calm him down,

"Not the whole time Bellamy. She found out by accident two days ago and,she was the one who cleared my mind! She told me that I was wrong and that I should tell you. Even if I am scared and I was. I still am Bellamy! I wanted to –"

"So, this whole 'we will figure it out and give us a chance' was nothing but bullshit?!" His voice was rough and filled with hurt. It broke Clarke's heart into pieces.

"No! No, Bellamy!" Yelled Clarke and a scornful snort was heard.

"Oh please Clarke! You wanted to use me. You actually did, just like Finn said. Just like you did four years ago."

"No, that is not true! I-"

"Of course it's true! And I can't believe I've been this stupid! I tell you something Clarke – I'm not just some dummy you only call when you need him! I deserve better than that!"

"I know," yelled Clarke desperately and shook her head, tears blurring her gaze, "and this is not what I think of you."

"Really? Then please tell me, why the hell did you wait three fucking years to tell me about Meadow? Why didn't you call me to tell me that you were pregnant? What was going on in your bloody stupid mind that you were still lying to me, into my face? Even when you knew that I am the father? Even when you knew how … that I wanted to be the father?! Tell me Clarke! How could you do that? You are just using me when there is no other way for you. Do you find some kind of stupid pleasure in playing with me? And my feelings? Because if you haven't noticed Clarke, I have feelings. And I can't believe you were capable of playing such a stupid game. I … how can you even live with yourself?"

The anger in his eyes and in his voice made Clarke shiver. Her stomach constricted heavily and she fought the urge to black-out. She could feel her heartbeat speeding up again, a shiver ran down her spine and the tears burned in her eyes but she refused to cry.

She almost cracked under his intensive glare. She stayed silent for a very long time, trying to get her own voice back. She swallowed, the fear raised her hackles. The fear and the undeniable knowledge that she ruined everything before it even had started. She wanted to deny it, she wanted to defend herself and tell him that he was wrong but her mind blanked out. She was just staring at him.

"So you did it just for fun?" Asked Bellamy after a while and pulled Clarke out of her trance. "You just –"

"Because I'm a coward, Bellamy! I did it because I am a coward." Yelled Clarke back, with the feeling that her throat was bursting. Tears were running down her face and the pain in her veins made her wince.

"I was a coward and I still am! I didn't want you to stay or feel responsible just because you got me pregnant Bellamy. I didn't want to punish you or make you regret your choice, your kindness to help me. I mean, we haven't seen each other in years but you came anyhow! I've called you and you didn't hesitate to help me Bellamy. I mean, you don't normally do that, so I –"

"And you've never thought for a second that I've felt something for you? You thought that I would regret my actions of flying across this fucking country to help you as soon as you tell me that you were pregnant?" Bellamy's eyes were filled with tears, his voice was husky and full of hurt.

"You, you –" Stumbled Clarke confused and her mind started spinning around. She swallowed. "You said it wasn't love!"

"No, no it wasn't," confirmed Bellamy and he crossed his arms over his chest. His jaw clenched. "But it was something, okay? I, I didn't know what it was but … I don't know. I thought you felt the same. I mean, there had always been something between us and –"

"So why did you never call?" Asked Clarke loudly, panic and anger echoed in her voice.

Bellamy opened his mouth, but Clarke cut him off, continuing the yelling. She was tired of being the one who was blamed for this situation. She wasn't the only one to blame, right?

"Tell me Bellamy, if you have really felt something for me, why did you leave? Why haven't you called? Not even once okay? I know that I made a mistake, but even before that night, all these years before, you never called. Never. You never texted me after you left."

"If I have called, would you have picked up? Would you havetold me that you were pregnant?" Asked Bellamy in return and the anger raised further in her body.

"I don't know!" Answered Clarke truthfully. "I don't know! But the fact that you didn't call made me think that you regretted our night together. That I am not worthy to stay in contact with you! That I am not important enough to you! So I decided to stay silent too, okay?"

For a second something like pity flared into Bellamy's eyes and it looked like he wanted to take a step towards her, to grab her hand but the next second it was gone and his hard voice filled the surrounding again.

"So this whole thing is my fault?" His voice was low and hard, his gaze cold, hurt.

Clarke bit her bottom lip, tears were still running over her cheeks and she shook her head absently.

"No," she whispered. Her hands were running through her blonde curls and over her face.

"No it wasn't! I should have told you, but I thought you didn't want all this and I didn't want to force you into anything you didn't want! And just like then I still don't know what this really is, but I want to give us a try, okay? I wish I could turn back the time but I can't. I … we can make it."

Her words were screaming with desperation and fear. Her whole body tensed up. She breathed heavily and her head started to hurt because of the tears.

She could see how Bellamy swallowed thickly, shaking his head slowly and rubbing his forehead before telling her,

"There is no we, Clarke. You made sure of that."

Her heart stopped beating. Everything inside her froze and she was in complete shock when she looked at Bellamy. Her throat tightened, while shaking her head in disbelief.

"No, no, no, no, no! No Bellamy, please! I know I made a mistake but we can do this – together. Meadow likes you. I like you."

"Stop it Clarke," yelled Bellamy and held up his hands in surrender. "Enough! I don't want to hear it okay? I am tired of listening to your words and looking into your promising smiles when they are nothing more but lies! I am tired of being your douchebag, the guy who would do anything for you. I'm tired of these weird and twisted feelings inside me when it comes to you Clarke! You have no idea how, what I was feeling – I, I can't just forgive and forget. This is so, so big and … you fucking used me! You lied to me! You were lying the whole time. I fucking missed three years of my daughter's life! Three years Clarke! Three fucking years which I won't get back. You have no idea what this feels like. You lied, you used me. You came down here to tell me that I am Meadow's father? Well, you should have told me the moment you found out you're pregnant. You should have talked to me and not tell everyone the father is out of the picture and making it looks like he didn't want Meadow! You, you – God Clarke!"

Bellamy ruffled his hair, shaking his head and growled angrily.

"I, I'm sorry Bellamy." Cracked Clarke desperately. "I never wanted it to happen like this. I, I'm so, so sorry."

"It's a little too late for that," grumbled Bellamy and sighed loudly before he gazed back at her. The blonde swallowed, her breathing was fast, shallow while her throat was glued together. She swallowed and looked at Bellamy. His words had hurt her, even when she knew that they were the truth. She knew that he had every right to be angry but still – this wasn't what she wanted.

"Bellamy, please."

She could see him swallow thickly, he licked his lips and was still shaking his head slightly when he told her,

"No Clarke. I don't want to hear any of this. Your sorrys won't undo it. You, you can't just expect me to pretend that nothing of this had happened. That nothing of this had hurt. You betrayed my trust Clarke. You shut me out of three years of Meadow's life. THREE YEARS CLARKE!" His angry voice bellowed through the air, making her cringe.

"If I could turn back time I would, okay?" Yelled Clarke back but she knew that it wouldn't help. She knew that she had lost Bellamy the moment he realized that she had been lying to him the whole time.

"But I can't. So, so please just let's talk about it and-"

"Why do you get to decide that it's time to talk, huh? You let past three years, decided not to tell me about Meadow, decided to raise her by yourself and now that you can't handle it anymore or it got out of your control, now you want to talk?"

"I-I…", started Clarke but she didn't know what to say. Her heart bumped in its ribcage and her legs got weaker the longer he yelled at her.

Bellamy shook his head in disgust, his jaw clenched hard. He was still looking at her but she wished he wouldn't. His gaze was full of hurt, disappointment – it was so broken.

An odd feeling stretched out between them. A deep silence fell over the two of them and with every breath Clarke took, it was getting harder to breathe at all.

She swallowed, her eyes locking with Bellamy's and she shivered. Her voice broke as she asked him a question. A question that was running the whole time in her head. The question she was too scared to get an answer to. Especially because she already knew it.

"W-what does this mean for, for us?" She asked, dreading the answer.

Bellamy closed his eyes, took a deep breath and just like her, he felt the pain. She could see it on his face, hear it in his voice. It was low, rusty, broken.

"That we can't be in each other's lives anymore."

Her heart stopped beating the second he finished. Panic and fear overran her. She shook her head in denial. "No, no please Bellamy."

"Clarke!" Growled Bellamy and she could hear, she could see, that he was as broken as she was. But the anger inside him was still in control. "Just, just take your things and go."

"You can't just-"

"Like hell I can Clarke! Don't make me the bad guy in here. You did this, okay? You, you, you – go away. Go away, screw yourself and don't you dare to call me ever again."

"No Bellamy! You can't just run away from being Meadow's father!"

"You never wanted me to be her father Clarke! Otherwise you would have told me sooner. Otherwise you wouldn't have lied to me when I asked you about it! You never wanted me to be in her life!"

Clarke opened her mouth to reject, telling him that he was wrong but then the realization hid her out of nowhere. She stumbled half a way back.

He, was he right about that? Clarke swallowed. Didn't she tell him in the first place because she never really wanted him to be the father? No, no she didn't want to push him into anything. So again she shook her head.

"No Bellamy. I didn't want to-"

"I don't want to hear it Clarke. I don't need this crap, okay? Just … leave!" With that he turned around and rushed away, leaving a speechless Clarke behind.