AN; This chapter is kind of like an ending of the first part of the story and the setting of the stage for the second part.
AN2; Thank you for reading and reviewing and saying really really nice things about my writting.
Thank you, very much.
I do not own lost girl.
Tamsin had been slapped more times than she had been kissed in her life.
At some point, the sting of slaps stopped surprisingher and became kind of familiar, something she should bear with because she was Tamsin Sarksten, the mistake that had ruined Danielle Sarksten's entire life. And mistakes, mistakes deserved all the slaps in the world, she had been told that enough times for her to believe it.
For her to reconcile herself with it.
But for some reason Bo's slap surprised the fuck out of her.
Maybe it was because she had given up something that she hadn't even known was her's to give up in the first place for the brunette.
Maybe it was because she had been sitting here for hours, talking to herself like some insane person while slowly corroding whatever was left of her liver, giving herself liver freaking cirrhosis, thinking of Bo and Lauren getting together, leaving her to deal with heart break for the rest of eternity.
Most probably though, it was because a slap, after everything, was the last thing she expected from Bo.
"Why the fuck would you-"
"It's all your fault! All of it."
The brunette looked half crazy and if she hadn't just slapped her, maybe Tamsin would have given a fuck.
"Keep speaking in tounges Bo. Cause we both know I'm freaking psychic, I'll know exactly what the fuck you mean."
"Don't play dumb with me, Tamsin. Were you just laughing at me in that twisted mind of your's? Did you set me up knowing full well you'd already poisoned her mind towards me?"
What the-
"What the fuck are you talking about?!"
"Lauren! I'm talking about Lauren and how you've fucking ruined any chances I ever had of getting her back."
Tamsin narrowed her eyes at the brunette. This wasn't happening right now. Not after everything she had done for Bo. Not after she had been willling to let her own heart break just so Bo could get a chance.
Bo was not saying these things to her at this moment, Tamsin refused to believe it.
The brunette looked drunk, that must be it. Tamsin knew better than most what alcohol can make people do and say.
"You need to calm down." She said as calmly as she possibly could.
Bo scoffed, "what I need, is for you to leave Lauren the fuck alone. You don't deserve her."
Uh, okay. Forget being Bo being drunk, forget Tamsin being rational; that fucking hurt.
"And you do?" Tamsin asked with an arched brow.
She had verbally sparred with people enough times to know that if you want to maim them, you hit them where it hurts most, and she knew exactly where to hit Bo, "you've hurt the girl so much she can't even hear your name mentioned without flinching."
The livid look in Bo's eyes fell away and was replaced by hurt, she hardened her features, "you know nothing about that." She spat out
"And you know nothing about me. So don't go acting like you do." Tamsin said with just as much anger.
"I love her, Tamsin! Why won't you just understand that!"
"Of course I understand, I understand better than anyone what it means to love Lauren Lewis."
Immidiately the words left her mouth, both of them grew silent.
So silent you could hear them breathing.
How the hell had she not seen it? It was more obvious than day that she loved the girl.
The constant heart break at the thought of her being with anyone else, the excitement any time she spent time with her, the need to always make sure that things were fin between them.
God, she had even apologised to the girl, more than once. And Tamsin Sarksten just didn't do apologies.
"You're-" Bo broke the silence, her eyes glassy and blazing with more anger than Tamsin had ever seen in them, "you're in love with Lauren?"
"Bo-" shit, what the hell was she supposed to say? Before the words spewed out of her mouth even she hadn't known that she was in love with the girl her best friend was pinning over.
Bo backed a step and dug her fingers in her hair, "How could you?" She whispered.
How could you?
What, did she think that Tamsin had planned this? That she had even known that she was falling in love with Lauren?
"Bo it's not-"
"Anyone but her. I asked you to date anyone but her."
Uh, the fuck?
"I'm not your freaking puppet, Bo. I don't do or keep from doing things because you tell me to. And Lauren isn't your property."
"No, she's the girl I'm in love with and you're supposed to be my friend." She yelled pointing an accusing finger at the blond.
"I am, Bo. God if only you knew."
"Well, I don't know. All I know is that I trusted you, I believed in you and you threw it back in my face."
"Bo-" She started but the brunette put her palm,up signalling her to stop talking.
The tears she had been trying to hold were falling freely now.
"Don't even bother explaining. It won't matter what you say because I'm done with you, Tamsin. Totally done." She said with utter finallity in her voice.
Then she left.
...
Distraction, distraction distraction.
That was all that was running through Tamsin's mind as she walked into Vex's club.
She hadn't been able to stay in the house after Bo left.
She was out of alcohol and there were too many things running in her mind all at the same time and she felt suffocated.
She felt like she was going crazy.
But most of all, she felt like an utter idiot.
Who the fuck cannot tell when they're falling in love with someone?
Seriously!
All the signs had been there. All of them.
God, she'd even drunk herself half to death when she'd thought of the girl not talking to her again.
"What can I get you hot stuff?"
The barman asked, pulling her from her mind.
She shed off her coat and drapped it on the back of her seat.
"Vodka on the rocks."
He nodded and got to work.
She turned to scan her eyes around the club.
Distraction, she needed a distraction, and tonight it had to be more than just alcohol.
She was going to fall out of love with Lauren Lewis.
She had to.
...
"Hi," She said in what she knew was her most seductive voice.
She was tipsy enough to be flirty and drunk enough not to give a fuck about much at that moment. And she had been eyeing the blond for good few minutes before approaching.
The girl was tall, with a head of nice golden hair and brown eyes.
They didn't twinkle and she did not smell of vanilla and honey and other things that made Tamsin lose most of ger senses but that was okay, she'll do.
"Hi." The girl smiled.
She had seen Tamsin watching her, she had been waiting for her to make a move.
Tamsin smiled like a hunter who'd just conered her prey.
"You want to get out of here?" Her voice oozed sex.
The girl bit her lip and nodded.
...
The washroom. How cliché´.
No matter though, she wasn't looking for romance.
She was looking for a bloody destraction. Something had to be good enough to remove the image of warm whisky eyes and soft smiles from her head.
"You're so hot." The girl (Dani,Sami?- who the fuck remembered)said while unbuttoning Tamsin's shirt.
Tamsin smirked, this was going to work, whatever her name was was going to distract her, she was going to help her forget.
If only for tonight.
"You're not so bad yourself."
The girl giggled and brought their lips together.
Then it happened; Absolutely nothing.
There was no floaty feeling, no feeling of complete safety, there wasn't that incredibly warm feeling in her belly that made her feel light haeded.
There was nothing.
Either whatever her name was was a really bad kisser or whatever Tamsin was doing was really wrong.
Either way, she knew she had to stop.
"I can't." She pulled back.
If the situation wasn't completely fucked up and if the girl before her wasn't looking at her with outmost confusion, Tamsin would have laughed at the irony of it all.
Hadn't she told Lauren the exact same thing after kissing her?
"I thought you-"
Tamsin shook her head and started buttoning her shirt back up, "not anymore."
She wasn't falling out of love with Lauren Lewis. Not tonight.
...
She still needed a freaking distraction, now more than ever.
"Scotch," she said hen she sat back down, "keep it coming."
The bar man did not dissapoint and neither did Tamsin.
Before ten she had drunk almost a whole bottle and was busy relating her troubles to the bar man, Frank.
Such a nice name, Frank.
Nice man too.
"And I sacrificed my happiness for her you know?"
Frank nodded.
"I-It's not like I planned on falling in love with the girl."
"Your best friend's girl, you mean."
"Shut up, Frank. No one asked for your opinion."
He laughed and picked another glass to wipe, "well if you would have asked, I would have told you to tell her."
"That I love her?" She asked incredulously.
"Yeah," he shrugged, "seems like the other chick already lost her chance and I kinda fear for your liver if you go on like this."
She laughed, "but my liver's loss is your gain, isn't it."
"That it is." He said before winking at her and leaving to go serve someone else. Leaving her to think about what he'd said.
...
She found herself in front of Lauren's door at ten thirty, Frank waving at her after he'd convienced to stop being such a wimp and a doormat and just go for it.
I'll even drive you after my shift.
And he had driven her. And given her his number to call him if things went to shit.
"Do it!"
He yelled while driving away.
She chuckled a bit and turned to the door.
She could do this. There was no reason she should lose both Bo and Lauren.
Bo was clearly done with her, her own words. And if everything Tamsin had done to keep their friendship wasn't enough.
If her knowing that Tamsin was in love with Lauren and had still stepped aside so she could get a chance wasn't enough, then nothing will ever be.
And she wasn't going to keep bending herself backwards trying to make things okay if Bo wasn't even going to appriciate her efforts.
What she was going to do though, was make things okay with Lauren.
She could do it, all she had to do was knock the door and say the right words.
She took in a breath and raised her knuckles.
Before she could knock though the door flew open and there stood Lauren, tears in her eyes.
And someone was standing beside her, "Bo?"