Functional

Chapter 10: After

"I'm very sorry for your loss."

The amount of times Kyle had heard that during his mother's wake was really starting to piss him off, anyone who said it was only saying it to feel better about themselves.

Kyle had sat on the front row with Gerald and Ike during the funeral whilst Stan had sat with the kids a few rows back. Gerald had been inconsolable before the funeral had even started and Ike hadn't been much better, Kyle had tried to keep it together around them but he eventually fell apart as well and the three of them had just held onto each other and sobbed. Being 'very sorry for their loss' wasn't exactly helping.

Stan was being silent, just holding the now only sniffling Kyle in his lap, his cheek laid on Kyle's head. Ethan and Jake were with Sharon because Ethan was asking too many questions.

Kyle's phone went off and he groaned as he checked it.

"My boss is telling me not to go back into work for a week, he's giving me paid leave."

"Isn't that good?" Stan asked, not moving from his position.

"I couldn't deal with it, I didn't have any operations but I had a few appointments to discuss some. They'll be transferred to someone else."

Stan nodded.

"I still want to go in," Kyle admitted, "So I can have some normality in my life."

"Just take the week to relax," Stan said, "Get everything out of your system and then go back to work on next Monday."

Kyle considered it before replying, "That's actually a good idea."

"So sleep in tomorrow and then we can decide what to do."

Kyle was silent for a while and Stan just held him, knowing that when Kyle was in a fragile state, one wrong sound could set him off. He was normally good at saying or doing the correct thing, he just didn't want to chance it.

"I haven't felt this upset since Chef died," Kyle frowned.

"Chef dying was one of the worst things to ever happen to this town," Stan said, "I still can't get that image out of my head."

"Yeah," Kyle agreed, his tone clearly showed that he didn't want to discuss it further.

"Let's hope Ethan and Jake don't have to see half the shit that we did."

"I doubt that, we've probably passed our trouble attraction genes onto them. Even if trouble doesn't look for them it'll come for us."

"At least they'll have some competent adults."

Kyle snorted and gave a small smile, "Not many of us."

They sat in silence again.

"Remember when I moved in with you because I had a fight with my mom?" Kyle asked.

Stan nodded.

"I feel worse about that now than I ever have."

Stan hummed in acknowledgement.

"It's just, there was time there I could have spent with her. Instead we were pissed off with each other."

"When you repaired that relationship, you still lived with us."

"Because living away from you physically hurt," Kyle replied softly, "I'd miss you so much that my chest would actually be painful."

Stan kissed Kyle's temple softly, "When you decided to stay with us, I wanted to scream to the heavens that Kyle Isaiah Broflovski chose to live with me."

"And now Kyle Isaiah Marsh lives with you."

Stan was now wearing a grin far too big for the occasion, "I still remember how we decided that. We were at that barbecue my dad organised and your mom asked us how we were going to do the last name."

"So we flipped a coin in front of everybody," Kyle continued, "Ma was so pissed off at me."

"Not me?"

"You made her 'little bubbelah' happy, she could never be mad at you."

Stan chuckled, "Everyone says about they hate in-laws, I get along really well with your family."

"That's what happens when you have the 'meeting the parents' stage at age minus-however-many-years-it-was."

"I remember when my dad told me to stop hanging out with you so much, he said people would think we were 'funny'."

"Turns out we were 'funny'."

"I remember, not long after I moved out, I had my day with Ike and my dad came with us."

Stan motioned for him to continue.

"Dad said that he was glad that I went out with you over anyone else. Because he knew you'd never deliberately hurt me. Ike then said that if he was gay he'd 'tap that'."

"I'm not quite sure how to react with that."

"Ike flew in just two nights ago with his pregnant girlfriend and immediately he's at his mom's funeral. I feel really bad for him."

"Who is his girlfriend?"

"You'll never believe it," Kyle shook his head.

"Who?" Stan's curiosity had been piqued.

"Karen McCormick."

Stan lifted his head from on top of Kyle's for the first time in their whole conversation, "Really?"

Kyle nodded, "So now I have to protect Ike from a pissed off hoodrat."

"It's a bit harsh to call Kenny a hoodrat," Stan said, "He's not like that anymore. He has his kids to worry about."

"What got him his kids?"

Stan fell silent, Kyle had a point.

"Hopefully Karen can talk him down."

"How is she reacting?" Stan asked.

"She's really excited, Ike's scared out of his wits about it."

"So were you."

Kyle shot Stan a glare and he returned it with a sheepish smile.

"You were though."

"Can you blame me?"

"No."

Kyle looked smug.

"Maybe he'll be like you were."

"How was I?" Kyle asked.

Stan smiled fondly, "As soon as you saw Ethan's eyes, you completely adored him. You told me that you'd found the second love of your life."

Kyle smiled and looked over to where Ethan was looking bored at a table with Sharon, "He shares his eyes with my favourite person in the world."

"That's like you and Jake."

"Ethan's like a miniature clone of you, he shares all of your features."

"I hope that's like you and Jake, he has your eyes and hair. He's too young to tell."

Kyle hummed in agreement.

"The grandparents adored them," Stan said.

"Ma did," Kyle replied, "She always wanted grandkids to spoil."

"Spoil is an understatement."

"My grandma never spoiled me," Kyle said.

"Neither did mine," Stan agreed, "My aunt did."

"But she got you a demonic fish that killed her."

"Yeah."

Stan lay his head back on top of Kyle's as they fell back into silence.

"My ma asked me to wear my hat to her funeral when she was still alive," Kyle said softly, "She said that because I always wore it, she couldn't imagine me without it."

"You still always wear it," Stan replied, "It's a part of you now, whenever someone thinks of Kyle, they think of a lime-green ushanka hiding a ginger Jew-fro."

"I really miss her."

Stan pulled him closer, if that was possible, "I know."

Kyle was silent, but Stan could tell that he was holding in sobs.

"Let it out."

Kyle turned his face into Stan's chest and started to cry, even though he thought that he'd cried himself out.

"I never even got to say goodbye," Kyle sniffed.

"It's not your fault."

"I know, it's just that I feel like it is."

"Your eulogy more than made up for it, I was sad but I wasn't crying, your eulogy started me off."

"I wrote it in advance when I found out about her cancer," Kyle admitted, "I feel ashamed for doing it, but she said she wouldn't survive and…"

Stan pressed a finger to Kyle's lips, cutting his rant short.

"You could never have written it last night. You knew she was going to pass away so you prepared for it in advance, that's fine. It isn't an insult or anything to be ashamed of. You did it to give your mother, the woman who brought you into this world, a proper send-off. Your mom would be and was honoured to have a son like you who did this for her."

Kyle glanced up at Stan with puffy eyes, "Really?"

Stan nodded, "She thought the world of you. You're her only biological son, which means something no matter how insignificant it was made to seem because of how much you all loved Ike. She was so proud of you, you're a highly effective surgeon and you're the one who provides for his family."

Kyle gave Stan a soft peck.

"You're amazing, and if you were my son you'd be the first thing I bring up in conversation. That's what your mom thought."

"You already bring me up first in conversation as your husband."

"Because I'm proud to say 'I married Kyle Broflovski', I'm proud to say that you took my name. I'm proud to say that I love you so much that a world without you seems bleak."

Kyle moved in to give Stan another kiss, but this time he made it deep and loving but his tongue remained in his mouth.

"I'm pretty your mom was proud to say 'Kyle Broflovski/Marsh is my son', she was proud to say that she spent more time protesting than necessary for you. She was proud to say that she loved you so much that a world without seemed bleak. She and I agreed on that even if we never spoke about it or even if we love you for different reasons. So don't be ashamed about anything you did for her."

Kyle nuzzled Stan's chest, "I needed to hear that."

Stan chuckled, but it was felt more in his chest than audible.

"Thanks Stan."

"It's kind of my job."

Kyle laughed, "How are you so empathetic?"

"It's a talent I guess."

"You've always been good with it."

Stan hummed in acknowledgement before looking up, "The soon-to-be weds are on their way over."

Kyle wiped his eyes quickly.

"Hey Kyle," Cartman said quietly, "How're you holding up?"

"Better than before," Kyle sighed.

"I guess I have to retire the song."

Kyle gave a small smile, "Yeah."

"If you guys need someone to look after the kids later or something," Wendy said, "Please don't hesitate to ask."

"Okay," Stan nodded, "We'll keep that in mind, thanks."

Three days later Stan was putting Ethan to bed when Kyle got a text from Cartman.

Can you guys come and meet me at Skeeter's?

Kyle was downstairs and he looked over to Stan when he came down the stairs.

"Cartman wants us to meet him at Skeeter's," Kyle informed him.

"You go," Stan said, "I'll stay with the kids, it's too short notice to get someone over."

"Okay," Kyle nodded as he got up to pull his trainers on, "See you later."

Stan stood and pulled his husband into a kiss, "See you."

Kyle didn't plan on drinking so he drove to Skeeter's, he could see Cartman sitting alone in the booth he normally sat in with Stan and Kenny.

"Hey," He greeted the overweight man, "Stan had to stay with the kids."

"Thanks for coming out on such short notice," Cartman smiled, "I'm buying."

"I'll just have a Diet Coke," Kyle replied, "I'm driving."

Cartman got up and returned with the drink, he still had half a glass of beer left next to three empty glasses.

"So what's up?" Kyle asked after taking a sip of his drink.

"Wendy wants kids."

"Okay."

"I don't," Cartman sighed, "Or rather I don't know."

"So you want to tell you what being a dad is like."

Cartman nodded, "I just don't want to deal with all the mess and all the noise."

Kyle nodded in understanding, "Parenting isn't for everyone."

"What's it like, being a dad?"

"It's the hardest thing you'll ever do, trust me."

"Not winning me over."

"It's also the most rewarding thing you'll ever do. My kids are on the same level as Stan in terms of how much I love them."

"Sappy little shit."

"I'm serious," Kyle smiled with pride, "Seeing them grow up is amazing and so is teaching them everything I know. It feels awesome to know that there's a young human being who looks up to you and depends on you. It's hard to describe."

"I don't think I'm good father material," Cartman frowned.

"You shouldn't do it just because Wendy wants to," Kyle said, "You should only become a father if you're 100% sure you want to be."

Cartman nodded to show he was listening.

"When Bebe was pregnant with Ethan, we got her to stay with us. She was carrying our child, the least we could do was help her with the pregnancy. I was terrified of becoming a dad. I have a short temper, I'm foul-mouthed and I'm quick to start yelling and cursing at people. A kid could easily pick up those habits. When I saw Ethan for the first time, the feeling of dedication and love I felt for that little bundle was immeasurable and I swore to devote my life to making that child smile, no matter what. No matter how difficult times are for me, that child will be happy. That carried to Jake when he was born."

Cartman bit his lip, "Just from how much you were able to keep talking, I can tell how much you love them."

Kyle hummed in confirmation, "Being a dad is the hardest thing ever."

"You said that before."

"It's also the most enjoyable, especially if you're raising them with the one you love."

Cartman nodded, "Thanks for the advice."

Kyle smiled, "No problem. You get a cab here?"

Cartman nodded.

"I'll drive you home then, you bought my drink."

"Okay, thanks. At least I don't have to pay cab fare."

Kyle gave him a nod, "What do you expect? I'm Jewish."