Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.
Chapter X: A Quick Decision
The sound was low, hardly audible. At first it seemed as if it was a beginning of yet another memory, another piece of her past. But as time passed and the sound remained same and no visible piece of memory appeared, she realized that the sound was not of her past - but one belonging to her present.
It was a low hum, continuous and whirring ever so gently. Then as time passes, more sounds were added to it, though her brain took a long time naming all of them.
The continuous hum - some machinery at work. The sharp, distinctly separated, gradually increasing and then decreasing - someone walking. A distant echoing sound - a door closing somewhere nearby. Low voices ranging quite independently in speed and frequency and pitch - someone talking - more than one person. Then it vanished. They were gone.
Where am I, was the first thought that occurred in her hazy mind, what happened to me, who am I? The questions racked her mind painfully. She tried to move her head, to see, to make some sense, but her whole body felt unable to obey her. Even the unconscious movement of her arms was impossible now that her brain was gaining consciousness. But she could feel, in a limited way, without moving anything. Her whole body was inclined against something soft - am I lying on a bed? There was coolness around her due to air conditioner. Despite her growing panic at constant inability of her body to cooperate with her mind, her breathing was casual, rhythmic.
Anybody here? she wanted to call out. Then she heard a gasp from somewhere close by. Mentally, she tensed. Physically, there was no change to hint at her surprise of feeling someone else's presence with her.
x-x-x
He stared at her sadly; her pale face, closed eyelids, still form. It has been so long, too long, and still she stays the same.
Come on, he whispered, why are you taking so long?
As if in reply to his question, her eyelids trembled. He became still, his eyes growing bigger. Her head moved slightly to the right. He leaned forward.
"Sora?" he called out.
Her eyes flew open, wide and fearful.
With a gasp Taichi woke up. He stared around in darkness, pitifully being lessened by a small low power bulb, trying to get his bearings.
He was not in his room that much was evident by the low hum resonating in the room. He stared ahead, his eyes adjusting to darkness, and realized where he was. He was in hospital, in Sora's room to be exact, and he must have dozed off sitting on a chair by her bed. He raised his head slowly, trying to separate the dream from reality. It was hard. The dream had felt so much real that . . .
He glanced sharply at Sora, fully expecting her staring at him, finally free of coma. To his heavy, most fiercely frustrating disappointment, she was still the same. His hands balled into fists over her bed sheet. He wanted to curse but then he remembered Sora can hear him now. He sighed and once again placed his forehead against her bed, near her hand.
Sora heard the sound of a sigh and tried to place it. Who is it? She tried to remember.
After a while, when he was sure his disappointment won't leak in his voice, he said, "I just saw a good dream, Sora." he said in a low voice, "I saw that you had opened your eyes. That you were awake. Isn't it great?"
When the person spoke, her mind tensed. The words didn't make sense at first, her brain still not completely able to comprehend. But slowly, processing each syllable long after it was spoken in her mind; she was able to make sense of it. And she was also able to realize who the person is. Taichi. The kid counting her bounces. The boy asking her something standing beside the sea. Her best friend. The realization calmed her down. Taichi is here with me. Wherever I am.
Now she concentrated on what he said. Something about a good dream. A dream of her opening her eyes. So does that mean I can't open my eyes? Is that why it is so dark? She wanted to ask Taichi, if only she could speak!
"I think it is a sign." Taichi was saying, "That you will wake up soon. You know what I think we should do after you wake up? We will go to Digital World! Not like we usually do. But on a long trip. Like old times."
Digital World? What's tha . . .? The scene of sea and of Taichi saying something passed in a flash. Oh! The Digital World! Her mind went blank to all sound around her as memories of Digital World came crashing down in her brain. She struggled in vain to organize them, to separate them. Vendamon attacking Birdamon. The summer camp. Her arms strapped to her sides as she stared at the fake Sora. Hurricane. Thousands of Pyokomon running down the mountain. Kuwagamon flying overhead. Angemon fighting Devimon. Running towards a tree. Her breath accelerated. Falling down the mountain. Mimi as a princess. Broken pieces of rocks falling down. Beds flying in the air. Yamato stopping her path. Taichi holding her hand as she hung over a dark opening. Her brain thrashed violently, clawed desperately at the memories to stop them. Jumping through the door taking them to their world. Shoving Takeru and Hikari to run. Yamato tied in Seadramon's tail. Moving strips of forest. A skeletal dinosaur. Cards on a stone table.
"Sora?" Taichi asked as he glanced nervously at her increased heart rate. He placed his hands on her arms which have started twitching unconsciously again.
Sora felt a new feeling on her arms and dragged herself away from the memories with enormous effort, putting distance between her present and past. She tried to reach back to that same moment, to the same low humming and to the softness of her bed. Concentrate, she told herself, hold your thoughts. Think about what's happening now. Think. Slowly the rush of memories calmed down and there were just small flashes of Digital world still going through her mind. Her breathing returned to normal gradually.
Taichi exhaled in relief as he watched her heart beat going back to normal. What triggered them, though? His mention of dream? Or of Digital World? He was at complete loss. His grip on Sora's arms tightened in desperation. He hated to not know what's bothering her. He hated to feel helpless when she is so vulnerable.
"It's going to be okay, Sora. You are going to be okay." he said with gritted teeth.
It's going to be ok? Really? Sora thought dully, How? What happened to me? What is wrong with me? Why am I not okay? How did I get here? So many questions raged through her mind and she was unable to voice even one of them. The only calming thing was the presence of Taichi, the feel of his hands on hers, his voice telling her everything will be fine and she decided to wait. Patiently. Like she had a choice to wait otherwise. That's all she was capable of doing after all. Wait.
x-x-x
Yamato pulled open a drawer roughly, biting his lower lip anxiously.
It's got to be here. It's got to be here somewhere.
He emptied the contents on the carpet, his fingers spreading them apart as he tried to find something. It was not there. He pulled out another drawer, too. There, far at the back and under some flyers, was a CD.
"There you are." he said, a sudden grin lightening his face as he snatched it up. Leaving the contents of the drawers on the floor, he left the room in a hurry.
x-x-x
"Sora, this is me, Koushiro." Koushiro said as he took his seat beside Sora's bed on the chair.
It was Saturday morning and he wanted to help Sora by trying to see if she remembers everything. Jyou was not so optimistic about it so Koushiro decided to let Sora know what she is missing. Maybe that will help.
Sora listened to the new sound with some confusion. Since last night with Taichi, when she was finally able to hear everything, she had listened to many other voices. That of her mother and her father, two voices she didn't have any trouble recognizing, and that of several people doing some check up on her. But this was a new voice.
Koushiro? He sounds like I know him. But I don't . . .
"The computer kid, Sora. Remember? A laptop for a pet? Geeky complexion? Serious voice?" Taichi helped in his own way.
The computer kid? Laptop?
An image of a short boy with hair sticking up came to her mind. Clicking away on a laptop.
Oh! Koushiro! Right.
"Uh, thanks Taichi. Remember me, Sora? Remember how we used to play when we were kids?"
Yes, I remember you, Sora wanted to say, but not how we used to play or anything from that far-off.
"Now, do you know why you are here, Sora? Here is hospital. You are in a hospital." Koushiro said intently, frowning a little. Come on, Sora. Try to remember.
I am in a hospital? So I really am sick.
"You fell down the stairs of your apartment. You had a head injury."
But I don't remember any such thing happening. Fell down the stairs? How?
"You went into coma, Sora." Taichi placed a tense hand on Koushiro's shoulder, not sure if he should be telling all this now but Koushiro didn't relent. Sora has to know. She must remember.
"You have been in coma for more than four months now. Do you . . . do you remember all this?"
But Sora was once again deaf to all sounds around her as Koushiro's words sank in.
Four months! Months! Not days. Not weeks. Four months! I have been lying in this hospital for four months!
Desperation broke her. She wanted to cry, to wail, to shout in anger, to do something! But she could not even blink. The raging storm of emotions hurled through her mind, her body, trying to bring some sense to it, a tiny movement, maybe. It didn't work.
Tiredly, with the resignation of a defeated soldier, she once again tried to distance herself from her emotions. They were not helping her, anyway. She could actually feel the mossy, heavy presence of despair on her chest. Feel the damp feeling of frustration on her palms.
Koushiro shared a determined look with Taichi before going further, "At first, you would not do anything, would not give any response. For maybe four or five weeks. Then you started moving your arms."
Moving my arms? She perked up a little. She tried to move them at once. The movement was gone. She wanted to growl in frustration.
"Mimi came to visit you, then. Do you remember her, Sora?" Koushiro glanced at Taichi for one of his perky summaries of personalities.
"You know. Mimi? Pink hair? Princess attitude? Good voice? Used to black mail Digimons with it? Also used to be a whiner. She has gone to America, remember?"
Koushiro grinned at the description. Mimi might have some objections to this introduction. Well, a lot, actually.
Mimi? Pink hair? How can someone have their hair pink?
"Yeah, well, that Mimi. She came here to visit you. We have not told her that you can listen now, too. I will tell her today, maybe. If I went online. She would be excited."
"Be careful. She might actually turn into light in her excitement and travel through optical fiber to your laptop just to see Sora." Taichi warned mockingly. Koushiro laughed.
Now Sora remembered who Mimi is. The girl sleeping on a bed, wearing princess clothes. The girl wrapped in a towel beside her as they both ran from that ship's bathroom. The girl complaining about the sun and the heat and strange bananas. The girl insisting on making monuments for the dead Digimon. Right. That Mimi.
"And now you can hear us, too. This is great, Sora. We actually got the news two days ago. But you were only responding to sharp sounds, then. Taichi told us that you can hear everything now. It means you will be getting better soon." Koushiro tried to sound as optimistic as possible.
Oh the excitement, Sora thought sarcastically, for four months I have been paralyzed and they are happy I can hear. She was feeling suddenly very tired and irritated and sick of all this.
Why can't I just die and be done with it?
But immediately the faces of Taichi, Koushiro, Mimi and her parents swam in her memory. She gave a mental sigh. No, I can't. Not if they keep sounding so hopeful. Have they really been rooting for me for four months? I can't do this, then. I can't let go.
With this decision decided, she concentrated her remaining strength on holding on to every last thread of consciousness she could manage. Not so much for herself, as for those not giving up on her.
x-x-x
"May I ask what are you doing?" Taichi asked in a mockingly gentle tone.
"You may not." Yamato shot back as he placed the CD player on the table beside Sora's bed, "By the way Sora, hi. It's Yamato." he said busily as he searched through his backpack.
Surprisingly for Sora, she had no trouble at all with placing this voice with the voice of the boy reaching to her through darkness. I know you, Yamato. She felt a strange sort of happiness at the realization. A contentment of some sort. Either it was the quiet and easy manner with which he introduced himself or something her mind seemed to know long before she would, she was not sure.
"Are you gonna put some of your songs on?" Taichi asked irritatingly, "Because Sora is not really into music, you know."
That's not true, Sora wanted to scoff at Taichi, don't say wrong things about me.
"I know. Maybe you don't. Have you ever seen her music collection?" Yamato asked as he finally dug out the CD.
"She has a collection?" that was news for Taichi.
"Ha. So you have not." Yamato teased as he waved the CD in front of his face.
No, he hasn't. I only showed it to you, Yamato. Because you asked to see it. Her memories regarding such small events was coming back fast, though there were still huge gaping holes from her childhood.
"I think you are bluffing." Taichi scoffed.
"Just because she didn't show you . . ."
"If there is a collection, she would have showed me." Taichi insisted, "She tells me everything."
Uh, that's not true.
"Why? Are you, what? Encyclopedia de Sora?" Yamato grinned as he put the CD in.
Taichi went quiet, then. He tried to see where this sudden teasing, easy, mockingly superior attitude, in other words, exactly old Yamato came from. Certainly, it has to do with Sora's ability to hear. But it still seemed too optimistic for Ishida Yamato.
"Sora, you will like this song. It's one of my favorites." Yamato said as he sat beside her on bed. The room was filled with low music at once.
Do you wonder why you have to,
Feel the things that hurt you,
If there's a God who loves you,
Where is He now?
Sora tensed. Things that hurt me? She could remember a dozen things that had hurt her in her past but none as painful as this painless frozen present she was going through.
Maybe, there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday, somehow, you'll see, you'll see
A better future? How can coma bring a better future to me? If anything, it might ruin my future for good. If I never wake up, there is no future, thank you very much.
Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,
That you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
Can't compare to the joy that's coming
Sora felt a sudden lump in her throat. Dare I believe? Would there really be joy after this pain? I have passed through the worst, at least. I can hear now. I used to be a lot worse. Will I be able to wake up? Will there still be life after coma? Can I allow myself to believe in such dream?
So hold on, you got to wait for the light
Press on, just fight the good fight
Because the pain you've been feeling,
It's just the dark before the morning.
Dark before the morning? Dark like this coma? So dark. Will there be a morning? The emotions of hope and fear battled inside her, each trying to dominate her brain. There would be no morning, fear shouted, this is just one of those loser songs who always try to end every story with a "happily ever after". There is no such thing for you. You lived your whole life at the age of fourteen; fear remarked snidely, there is nothing else for you that your life can offer. Your story ends here. Soon you will be reduced to a faded memory, Sora. Just a memory.
Despair clutched her body in his bony hands, knotting her stomach tightly. Her breath felt suddenly constricted.
No more life for me? Is this the end? She thought desperately.
No, Sora! Hope whispered softly, this is not the end. This is just the dark before the morning. Like every other morning. You have wakened to thousands of such mornings before. You will wake to this one too. Just a little longer sleep. But you have to hang on. Use your strength. Your life was a lot more than this dark period of present. Your life will be even more than your past. Just hold on for the present.
"You have us, remember?" the smiling voice of Yamato broke through the fierce struggle, leaping over the boundaries of time and space, to once again release her from the jaws of desperation and dismay.
Relief, so strong that it brought tears to her eyes, washed over her. Before, however, she could realize what's happening, her tears slid down her face.
Yamato stared in horror at the streaks of clear water tracing a path down her face and stood up, "Sora! Sora, what's wrong? What happened?" he asked, his hands trembling. What have I done? He quickly switched off the song.
"What? Did you do something to her? Did this song?" Taichi panicked, "I better call the doctors." he stormed out the door, leaving Yamato staring helplessly at Sora.
"Sora, tell me please! What's wrong? Are you hurting somewhere? Did I say something? Was it this song?" Yamato shook her arm desperately.
Nothing. No movement, no response. Yamato's fingers hover inches away from Sora's face, wanting to wipe her tears but not having the appropriate courage to do so.
The thing was, Yamato had never touched Sora's face before. He knew Taichi would not have any second thoughts before wiping her tears but this was Yamato and despite being her best friend, he knew that there was a huge difference in her friendship with him and that with Taichi. A difference that seemed to swell in the space between his fingers and her face.
But it was even more agonizing to see Sora's tears going down and her disability to wipe them, her loss of her ability to hide them in the first place. He knew it must be humiliating to Sora. Even more humiliating must be the fact that he was standing there, simply watching her cry, capable of helping her but not doing so. Clenching his teeth, he finally moved his hand a little further and touched his fingers to her face.
The touch sent a jolt through Sora's mind. Where, a moment ago she was wishing no one had noticed her tears, then when Yamato exclaimed, she was stubbornly trying to distance herself from the person crying so helplessly, hating Yamato for seeing her crying, now she was shocked to thoughtlessness by the touch of his fingers on her face.
Is he going to wipe my tears? She had no problem in that moment to recombine herself with the body she was so eager to disregard a moment ago.
Yamato's finger tips were unmoving on her face for a while, making no movement but just giving them an opportunity to recover from the shock of that first touch. Slowly, though, his finger tips traced the path left by her tears down her face and Sora was able to feel his calloused fingers, left rough by his bass strings. Yet, somehow, they were also soft, gently wiping away any signs of her emotional conflicts.
"Please, Sora." he whispered hoarsely, his voice torn between regret and compassion, "It's going to be fine. Just wait and see. You will soon be just like you were before. Please, until then, just please hold on."
I will, she wanted to whisper the promise, I am doing all I can, Yamato, and I'll just keep trying. At that instant, she really did try to open her eyes with all her might, gathering all her will power to force her eyes open.
Just then a doctor appeared with Taichi and Mrs. Takenouchi close on his heels. He asked about when did the tears appear and what was going on then. Yamato and Taichi explained and the doctor smiled, "There is no need to worry. Many comatose patients often express their emotions with tears and it's just another development of her brain. Her brain is harmonizing with her body reactions."
They all breathed a sigh of relief.
"And you said she doesn't like music." Yamato teased, recovering from the fear that gripped him ever since he saw her crying.
"Well, what the heck. Sora never told me." Taichi exclaimed and they all laughed.
So it's good, Sora thought, it's good that I can cry. What an irony. It's not a bad news after all. Except that I can't wipe them myself. And except nobody is gonna know what I am crying for.
x-x-x
"Sora can hear now?" Yuki was astonished.
"Yup." Taichi nodded, shoving some more food on his plate as they moved along with the line in cafeteria, Yuki on his heels, "So we all are trying to be real optimistic and sunny bright around her. You know, like nothing can go wrong, etc. etc. Except, I know Sora and I think she is smart enough to not to care about this crap. She is gonna decide for herself whether she wants to wake up or not."
Yuki shook her head, "I don't have any doubt about Sora's smartness but I think this is actually a pretty good idea. Encouraging words always have positivity about them."
"Whatever." Taichi rolled his eyes. Inwardly, though, he was glad and somewhat relieved. Glad that Yuki finally feels relaxed enough around them to voice her own opinion. Relieved that his efforts had not gone to waste. She was now fairly adjusting with all the other chosen. But there are few exceptions, of course. Well, exception, really. Yamato.
As they walked towards the chosen corner, Yuki's smile faltered as she saw Yamato approaching from the other side. He dragged a chair out and fell on it in an exhausted manner. She noticed how his gaze went to the empty chair and something close to a sigh escaped his lips.
"Tough day?" Koushiro inquired sympathetically.
"Kinda. What about you?" he asked tiredly.
Koushiro looked a little taken back but replied nonetheless, "The same."
Yamato was at once reminded of his various such exchange with Mrs. Takenouchi and realized that he was picking some of her traits subconsciously. The revelation amused him.
It must be all that time in hospital, he thought.
"Um . . . Hi, Yamato." Yuki's voice interrupted his thoughts.
He suppressed a scowl as he nodded towards her, apparently indifferent, "Hi."
Yuki took a deep breath as she sat down. Yamato's behavior was almost the same as it was the day of Taichi's semi final. Maybe even drier after Sora got ill. Sometimes, to Yuki, it felt as if Sora was the only one who could force out a slightly amiable attitude from Yamato towards strangers.
Yamato glanced at Yuki as she pulled a chair beside him. The same chair Sora pulled out for her on her first day at their table.
Sora.
He remembered tears slipping down her face. What was hurting her, he wondered as he started eating. What made her feel so helpless? If only he could know.
He had seen Sora crying exactly once before; when she thought no one loves her. Even then, there was a defiant edge to her tears. Not helplessness. Not like yesterday.
He closed his eyes briefly as he once again relived the memory of her tears. What made her so sad? She couldn't . . . She wouldn't imagine that nobody cares for her, would she? Not after hearing all of them by her side.
"You could have at least treated her like a guest. My guest. Was it too much to ask?"
He opened his eyes and glance sideways at Yuki. She was busy eating and sometimes taking a little part in Taichi's conversation with Koushiro.
"I think she will be good for you, Yamato. She is . . . different."
Yamato sighed. Is there really something he could do to make her feel cared? But what would it cost him? Yuki was not bad or irritating, that much Yamato had come to know about her in past few months. She certainly liked him but didn't try to go out of her way to tell him. But she still was not a girl he would have liked to hang out with, not the type of girl he would have considered for a relationship. Maybe just as distant friends. Nothing more than that. And if he does what Sora wanted him to, will Yuki still be the same? He didn't know her well enough to be sure of that. In fact, the only people he felt sure about were Taichi and Sora. Two people, he knew, would always remain same. And he felt safe with them. No one else could be like they were to him.
Sora, he thought miserably, I really want to do what you want but I just can't.
"What do you think, Yamato?" Taichi asked suddenly.
"What?" he stared at him blankly.
Taichi made a tutting sound, exasperated with his absentmindedness, "Why don't you try to pay attention when you are with us, Yamato? Anyway, as Yuki said we should keep encouraging Sora, so Koushiro thinks it would be even better if we make her feel um . . . what?"
"Wanted?" Yuki suggested timidly.
"You make her sound like a criminal." Taichi said smirking, "Well, wanted or whatever, by doing some things she wanted from us-"
"Like she wanted me not to spend too much time with my laptop." Koushiro interjected.
"And um me to be a part of uh chosen children." Yuki added.
"- then she might feel encouraged." Taichi continued, "I was actually thinking of smuggling Piyomon in hospital as stuffed toy. She was her digimon. Sora would definitely improve. Besides, Piyomon is worried as hell about her."
"That's a good idea." Yamato said, smiling a little. Inwardly, he was somewhat horrified.
If only they have some idea what she wants from me, he thought depressingly, it's not as simple as a laptop or Piyomon. Oh, hell.
x-x-x
"- and then I told him that Karen could not care less about these small things. But you know how boys can be so stubborn? You have spent quite a lot of time with those two pig heads. That's just what he did. And believe me, Sora, I was getting really irritated by that whole drama and -"
"Still going on, Mimi?" Taichi teased as he entered the room.
"Get out, Taichi." Mimi protested, "Sora and I are having some quality girl time and you are not invited."
It was Wednesday afternoon, almost six months from when Sora went in coma. As it had become a routine, Mimi would spend at least an hour with Sora over video chat on Mrs. Takenouchi's laptop. Like all others, Mimi too tries to pretend that Sora isn't ill and kept asking her opinion on her teen troubles.
"Pfft, like I would want to be on the receiving end of such continuous chatter. No thanks, I'm good."
"Look who's talking!" Hikari commented as she entered the room. She placed a rose bouquet in the vase on the table besides Sora's bed and kissed her forehead.
"You have to admit, Hikari! I talk less than Mimi."
You two are a tie, Sora thought amusedly.
"You two are a tie." Takeru concluded the same, "Hi, Mimi!" he added leaning in front of the laptop on Sora's bed.
"Hey, Takeru. Still growing? At this rate you will soon be the tallest person of the world - oh hey Yamato!"
"Hi, Mimi." he replied as he gave a gentle squeeze to Sora's hand before going to stand by the window.
Hi, Yamato, Sora tried to say.
"Trust me, Mimi! Your days of chatter without interference are numbered. You have eaten her ears enough. As soon as Sora wakes up - Sora? Give her hell!"
Ugh Taichi, you are really asking for it! Sora thought exasperatedly.
"Let me tell you," Mimi began haughtily, "Sora likes to hear me more than she -"
"Guys, cut it out." Jyou sighed, "Mimi, you should know better than take everything Taichi says seriously."
Thanks Jyou, Sora thought gratefully, and hi.
Just then Sora heard a faint movement from somewhere a little farther. Who is it? Koushiro?
"Uh . . . right." Taichi suddenly spoke, his voice excited.
"What is it?" Mimi became suspicious.
"Sora, we have a surprise for you. You will love it." Takeru said, his voice shaking with suppressed eagerness.
"Come on in, Koushiro." Taichi beckoned him in who was holding a huge sack in his hands, "They allowed it?"
"Almost didn't." Koushiro panted as he placed the sack down.
Sora strained to open her eyes with all her strength. Her ears tried to hear every little sound. What surprise? The desparation hit her badly again, leaving her cold in its wake.
"Ta-daaa!" Taichi announced triumphantly, "Guess who it is, Sora?"
"Sora!" a high pitched voice sounded near Sora, making her flinch mentally.
"Piyomon!" Mimi exclaimed.
"Thanks for nothing, Mimi." Taichi said sourly, "Sora was supposed to guess the person, not you."
"Oops." Mimi giggled sheepishly.
Piyomon? Someone close and loved by her. Someone by her side all the time. Sora stopped thinking about everything else as she tried to place the new person.
The image of a pink bird letting out spiral of magical fire erupted in her mind. Piyomon! I know you! And Birdamon! Garudamon! Pheonixmon! You were there to protect me!
"Sora? Sora! It's me. Do you remember? Are you ok?" Piyomon asked anxiously.
Yes I remember. I can't forget you, can I? We have been together for so long. Oh Piyomon! I wish I could hug you!
Everyone watched in depressed silence as the tears once again make their way down Sora's face.
"She remembers you, Piyomon." Hikari said gently.
Piyomon looked horrified. Takeru gently wiped Sora's tears, "It's going to be alright, Sora. We will stay with you always. We are here as long as you need us." his voice went damp with sorrow, "We all miss you, though. Too much." he added miserably.
In a few moments the environment of room went from excited to sad and miserable as they all tried to think of a way to make Sora happy.
"Um, hi guys." a new voice spoke from the doorway and they all turned around. It was Yuki. Piyomon at once went stiff, as was usual for them to act whenever there are humans other than chosen children.
Yamato exhaled loudly as he turned his back on the room and stared out the window. Again something had made Sora desperate. Again she lost control of her tears. And he was nervous about how doing what she want would affect him. Is he the true bearer of crest of friendship or what?
"Come on in." Hikari said, smiling a little.
Who is it, now? Sora tried to remember from behind the haze of disappointment.
"Uh, am I disturbing something?" she asked timidly. Then her eyes fell on Piyomon, "Oh. Oh, is she -?"
"Yup," Taichi grinned faintly, "This is Piyomon, Sora's partner Digimon. Piyomon, this is Yuki. A digidestined from Egypt."
Yuki? From Egypt? What is she doing here, then?
"What?" Mimi squeeked, "I was not informed of a new digidestined!" she sounded revolted. Yuki immediately looked at the laptop, suddenly flustered to be in the presence of a new person.
"Yuki, this pink-haired girl who talks too much is Mimi. Mimi, this is your exact opposite, Yuki." Taichi introduced.
"I do not talk too much! If anything, it's you Taichi! You talks too much." Mimi huffed. Then she looked at Yuki and gave her the sweetest heart-touching smile, "Nice to meet you, Yuki. It would have been nice of them if they had told me about you earlier but this is not a bad surprise at all. A digidestined from another country is just so cool!"
Yuki blushed furiously under all the attention, "Um thanks, Mimi." she stared down at Piyomon again, then at Sora, "Piyomon is wonderful, Sora. I finally get to meet her." she said softly before looking at Piyomon again, "I am so glad to meet you Piyomon. Sora told me about you and you are just as I imagined you to be." her gentle, soft voice seemed to make all of them forget about their misery as they smiled at her awed expressions. In her own shy way, Yuki had pulled them out of despair.
"Sora is the best partner I can imagine. It's so nice to meet a new friend of Sora. She seldom makes new friend." Piyomon said pleasently.
Do I, Sora wondered, I guess I do. But I really don't feel the need of new friends when I have all my old ones.
Yamato observed the change in environment silently. Yuki certainly made a difference. At least Sora was not crying anymore. That's what counts. Anything or anyone who could make her feel less miserable is good enough for all of them. He looked out the window again, his mind a crowd of contradicting thoughts and ideas.
He took a deep breath; cast a long look at Sora before he finally came to a decision.
I am doing it for you, Sora, he thought dejectedly.
x-x-x
Mimi picked out turquoise colored nail paint from her dressing table to go with her dress next morning. She always makes sure to have her nails painted the same color as her outfit and that's why she had almost every shade of nail paint.
As she slowly started painting her nails, her mind went back to her conversation with her friends in Japan this afternoon. A small smile played on her lips as she remembered Taichi's teasing way, Hikari and Takeru's effort to tease him back, Jyou's exasperated smile, Koushiro's relieved face as he brought in Piyomon and Yamato's . . .
Her smile faltered and her hands slowed down as she tried to remember where Yamato was or what was he doing. Sure, he came in, said hello then went . . . where? Somewhere at the back of the room? So that explains why she didn't see him. But the more prominent source of confusion was she couldn't remember a single thing said by him after his greeting.
Did he not speak at all or am I losing my memory? She replayed every conversation, Yuki's arrival, her departure an hour later, Koushiro leaving a few minutes after that, then Jyou and then she signed out too. Yamato didn't speak even once? She remembered the time when she went to Japan for a small visit few months ago. Yamato hadn't spoken much then either. Her hands stopped as she pondered over his behavior.
Of course Yamato had always been the silent and isolated one in their group ever since their first adventure. But where the Digital World changed all of them, made them more mature and more grateful for their lives, it had changed Ishida Yamato even more. In more than one ways. He had became more in control of his emotions and his isolation was replaced by a warmer, more friendly attitude though it still was reserved for the chosen children and his band mates, only.
Yet, his recent behavior was one maybe only a few steps short of the old, cold Yamato who never liked to be a part of things.
Is it Sora's illness that changed him, Mimi wondered, her interest suddenly kindling, of course we all are affected by it but not up to such extent. Then why is Yamato?
She distinctly remembered how he squeezed her hand when he entered the room and realized that she had never seen him doing any such thing before. It could be a reassuring gesture since Sora need it a lot these days, or simply his way of announcing his arrival, but it still was new for Yamato Ishida.
Am I missing something crucial? Mimi thought with raging curiosity, a slow smile spreading on her lips.
x-x-x
It was Friday night and Yamato was willing to spend the night at the hospital. There was a lot he had to tell Sora before he takes any big step.
Ever since Sora had been able to hear, Yamato had decided not to keep her in dark about anything. He and Taichi would spend full evenings in the hospital, doing their homework and talking, trying to appear casual to Sora. Still, each day, he would seek an hour or a half alone with her, mostly late in the night when most of the others are gone, and would give her a detailed description of his day, his classes and his band practice including what little family time he had with either of his parents.
Slowly, over the months of silence from Sora and unacknowledged by Yamato himself, his description of his daily life started getting deeper and deeper and he started telling her things he would not imagine telling her otherwise if she was fine and replying him back. How a particular comment from his father affected him, how his music is slacking because his mind is totally blank regarding any new songs, how on Takeru's few visits to his house Yamato realized just how good it could have been if his parents were together. All his suppressed emotions and thoughts started surfacing after years of hiding without him actually knowing it. Sora's silence and stillness made him treat her, unconsciously, like a secret diary where he could express everything without the fear of the diary ever speaking to him. Though he dare not imagine any such thing about Sora but somewhere in his subconsciousness was the hope that she might not remember anything when she wakes up and he never realized just how much he was counting on it.
On that particular day, though, he was not sure how to start.
"Hey, Sora." he whispered tiredly as he settled down on the chair beside her bed, the exhaustion of the day weighing his shoulders down.
Sora felt a strange warmth at hearing his voice. Hi, Yamato.
"I am just so exhausted today." he began casually, "I had a freaking Math test I told you about."
Yeah, I remember.
"Well, it went well."
Good.
Sora could sense something suppressed in his speech even with her eyes closed and she was waiting for him to stop beating about the bush. She heard him sigh, then a little dragging of chair, then fingers drumming the arms of chair.
Just say it.
"Uh, you know how you used to tell me about Yuki?"
I used to? She was surprised.
"That she is good for me or I should give her a chance, etc. etc. Well, I was actually thinking . . ."
Oh, now I remember. The memory of him and Yamato arguing heatedly flashed in her mind. Yeah, I used to. I still think the same. Maybe.
"I was thinking if maybe you are not too wrong. I mean, I never really give anyone a chance, do I?"
No, you don't. A sadness seeped her consciousness.
"So I decided to uh take your advice and um . . . " he stopped. I am starting to talk like Yuki. Seriously.
And? Sora wanted to ask.
"And well, uh, take her out or something." he finished lamely, too embarrassed by the prospect.
Oh.
Sora was not speechless (as she already was) but rather thoughtless. She couldn't think of anything to think.
She hadn't confessed even to herself that last few months had changed her prospect of life drastically. Not only was she overpowered by the uncertainty of things (just because I was running fast on stairs landed me here for six months? Is that even fair?) but also by the realization of how much she actually needs her friends. She felt like she owed them a lifetime of gratitude for not giving up on her, for making her feel loved and cared for even when she is of no use to them. Each day she had to go through the humiliation of being a burden on everyone till she was surrounded by her friends and their chatter and all her worries seemed to vanish. Then, again, after they were gone, her helplessly dejected feelings will resurface and she would wish for death if getting life means stuck here like that.
But then there was Yamato and his quiet version of each and every event. Her life suddenly seemed not that bad after all.
It was when Yamato started telling her more through his point of view of things than the actual event that she realized she was getting something she could not have imagined getting otherwise.
Yamato Ishida was sharing himself with her.
Everything. His thoughts, his ideas, his interests, his longing for a complete family (something she thought he had gotten over) and how he missed her when Taichi's bluntness over sensitive matters got worse. She realized that even in such helplessness, she was able to help Yamato by listening to his years' worth of silent thoughts. The feeling erased some of her humiliation.
She was starting to know Yamato Ishida deeply, what she had been wanting for all those years, and she liked what she knows. For the most part she was glad to know that he was just as she imagined him to be. That she was almost right about how he thinks and sees things. The confirmation did strange things to her own mind. She started feeling somewhat "connected" to him. Though the part of acknowledging it herself had not come. Yet.
I am glad for Yuki, Sora thought a moment later, and for you too, Yamato. I hope it goes fine.
That was all she could think of the topic. A good luck wish.
Yet, as she was too proud to admit it to herself, there was a part of her that was still at loss about what to feel, that was giving her a reproachful look as it sulked. That was, also, very quiet. As quiet as death.
Yamato stared at her face, a raging desire to wake her up forcefully running in his veins. He was not sure how she was taking the news, what was she thinking, whether she was even listening to him or not.
Really, how would I know if she is awake or asleep? I never thought about it but it's actually a very good question. Does she actually sleep or is her mind awake all the time?
There were no answers for any of the questions. Yamato stared at her hands, punctured in places with several needles in the last few months. He gently stroked the fragile, ghostly pale skin of her hand, feeling small bumps. He looked up at her face, at her smoothly closed eyes. No flicker, not even the trembling of eyelashes or movement of eyeball.
I am fully capable of taking care of myself. Loud, bold claim once made by the same girl. Yamato closed his eyes as a lump formed in his throat.
Do you really think I can't protect myself?
Yamato leaned forward and gently stroke her hair, his hands no longer hesitant after the first touch. I may not be Taichi, but I am still her friend.
"Just . . . think about us someday and open your eyes." he whispered in a hurting voice.
He immediately felt ashamed of such implication. Of course, she was not where she was by her own desire. I should not have said that.
He turned to leave . . . but stopped. He realized how his words must have sounded to her and gritted his teeth. His mind took him to a memory millions of years ago where she was asking him anxiously if someone yet unreal would affect her friends. He remembered his reply then and the sadness of her eyes.
Her eyes.
How long it had been since he last saw her eyes? It felt like decades.
But being dragged back to that memory, he once again relived his regret of making her sad and how he attempted to make it right and the effect his words had on her. The abrupt change of sadness to disbelief to gratitude that staggered him too.
Did he make the same mistake again? Could he make it right? Did his words hold the same effect? How would he know? How could he judge without seeing her eyes and the emotions crossing them?
He glanced back at Sora and was struck by her vulnerability. She looked so frail . . . so defenseless. Yamato felt like giving her some form of reassurance, that he believed her, that he trusted her. Without thinking he leaned forward and gently kissed her forehead, something he had observed Taichi and Hikari doing countless times and wondered if they experience the same effect as he was feeling now.
"I'm sorry. Good night, Sora."
He went to lie down on the couch.
x-x-x
Yuki sat on the bleachers, panting. She took a long swig of water and felt the water trickling down her dry throat. She sighed, her breathing slowing down a little.
"Yuki!" a girl shouted from across the field, "You want another go?"
Yuki shook her head, "No. I'm done for today." she called back.
The girl was about to say something when her attention was diverted somewhere at the top of the bleachers. Yuki followed her gaze.
Yamato.
Yuki felt her breath hitch slightly. What was he doing here? He only used to come when Sora played. Ever since her coma, he never stood there, overlooking the field for too long. She was not sure whether to approach him or not. Better leave him alone. He doesn't want to see me.
She picked up her bag and racket, fatigue slowing her down. It was time to go, anyway. Pushing her long hair back from her shoulder, she started climbing the stairs, her heart suddenly beating fast. I will just walk straight ahead. No need to welcome his anger by forcing her company.
"Hi, Yamato." she whispered simultaneously as she approached him. Idiot, idiot, idiot! What happened to walking straight ahead?
"Uh- hi." he said absentmindedly, his eyes wandering across the tennis field.
"Um do you, uh, want something?" she prodded. Move on! Move on!
"No er . . . well actually yes." he looked down at his feet, adjusted his bass strap, "I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Me?" the shock made her sound high-pitched, "About what?" Me? He wants to talk to me? A mixture of expectation and wariness stirred in her.
"I just . . ." he squinted at the sun, "I just want to ask if . . . uh, it's okay with you if you have dinner with me tonight." As soon as the words were out, he regretted them. No, this is a bad idea. A very bad idea. I should have known this from the beginning. Why did I even consider?
"But I can understand if you don't want to -" he began quickly before his prior words set in.
"No, uh - um, it's okay with me. I just . . . er, wasn't expecting this. Are you . . ." she gulped, "- sure?" Strangely, she was neither excited at the prospect nor triumphant. Not for a moment did she indulge herself in the fantasy that Yamato was doing this willingly. There was a forced motive behind this. She knew it. What she couldn't understand was how can Yamato Ishida, the decision maker, could felt forced. She wanted to find out and the best way to do so was by accepting his invitation.
"Uh, yeah. Sure." he said dejectedly.
Yuki looked at him with confused anxiety, "Okay."
"I will uh pick you up?"
"Do you know my address?" she was perplexed.
"No." he said matter-of-factly.
Yuki took a deep breath. Right now he was even more nervous that her. That realization calmed her down.
"Just tell me the place. I will come on time."
Yamato named a restaurant not far from her house but quite far from his.
"Okay. Around seven?"
"Sure."
Yuki stood there awkwardly, looking at everything but him. Yamato took a step back.
"Well, I should go now."
She nodded, "Uh, sure. Bye."
"Bye." Yamato quickly turned around and walked away. Yuki stared at his back thoughtfully.
Just because you want me to do this, Sora, Yamato thought furiously, a defeated person, just because I want you to open your eyes.
x-x-x
A/N: Ah, yes. You must be thinking why do you get an update with my exams still going? Well, for two reasons:
1- Quite a lot of it was already written and thought of before the exams.
2- My cell phone; which allows me to write the story in small pieces, paragraph by paragraph so that I only write when I am fed up with studying for hours and would need a rest of few minutes.
That's why you are getting this chapter. Hope you will appreciate my loyalty to you guys! The song is Before the morning by John Wilson.
This chapter was actually intended to have more story but due to my pathetic "on the spur" decisions to add "just another scene" this got quite long and so I decided to stop the chapter here. But in the next chapter there's a lot to happen (as you might have guessed) and it might take a long time to perfect it. The story is finally headed to a definite ending.
Sadly, the amount of reviews is still very limited and it makes me feel quite down. This is the tenth chapter and there are less than thirty reviews. Not even three reviews per chapter! Enough to make me put my head in hands and think what's wrong with this story? I think the reason is, the new readers of this story had simply reviewed about the story up till then in the last chapter they read instead of reviewing separately on each chapter. That reduced the overall review margin drastically. If you are a new reader of this story, please take two minutes to review each chapter separately. I will be grateful.
But! Thanks to all the old and gold reviewers! Your reviews are appreciated and read over and over again. Oh and I would specially like to thank Kitsune who liked all my stories and subscribed to them and reviewed to one of them, thus making me shocked to see the long list of mails from because I don't get many mails due to lack of response. Thanks Kitsune. That was very nice of you. I hope you like this chapter too. And just now alijamzz liked my profile and stories too. Thank you very much!
In the end, three words for my readers, Reviews! Reviews! Reviews!